


Never far from home

by RedBatons



Series: Heart of the cards [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: And Cooper is awesome, Awesome Laura Barton, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Clint Barton is stupid sometimes, F/F, F/M, Feelings, Gen, Laura forgive him, Lila is adorable, Natasha Romanov Feels, Natasha Romanov Has Issues, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Natasha Romanov Needs a Hug, Natasha is crazy, Not Beta Read, Protective Laura Barton, Protective Pepper Potts, but its okay, like a lot of feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:55:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 112,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22882867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedBatons/pseuds/RedBatons
Summary: Clint is crazy. Laura already knew this. But this time, Clint was seriously out of his mind crazy. He had one job, to kill the deadliest assassin known to man. And then he decides to keep her like a lost puppy found on the streets. But Laura trusts Clint. The Black Widow, not so much. A story about Laura and Nat's friendship over the years.
Relationships: Clint Barton & Maria Hill, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton & Phil Coulson, Clint Barton/Laura Barton, Cooper Barton & Natasha Romanov, Laura Barton & Maria Hill, Laura Barton & Natasha Romanov, Laura Barton & Phil Coulson, Lila Barton & Natasha Romanov, Pepper Potts & Natasha Romanov, Pepper Potts/Natasha Romanov
Series: Heart of the cards [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1644847
Comments: 55
Kudos: 118





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Wiiii new platform (also posted on Ff.net) New chapter every few days. Or that's my plan at least. 
> 
> Guessing the kid's age is kinda impossible because I feel like it's not totally consistent/makes super much sense in the movies. I'm basing them on my own assumptions.
> 
> Copper, born 2005 – 10 in age of Ultron. January child.
> 
> Lila, born 2009 – 6 in age of Ultron. Summer child
> 
> Nathaniel, born 2015 – 0 in age of Ultron. October child.
> 
> I am guessing Age of Ultron events takes place in around February to late July ISH, and then Nate is born a few months after aka October.
> 
> S-B

Clint is crazy. Laura already knew this. But this time, Clint was seriously out of his mind crazy. He had one job, to exterminate, to kill, the deadliest assassin known to man. And then he decides to keep her like a lost puppy he found on the streets.

It had started out as a normal day. Laura was nursing her first child Cooper, who was only a few months old when she had gotten the phone call. The name on the screen was Phil Coulson. Every time Clint was out on a mission and Phil called her; her heart skipped a beat. This time, maybe more than one. Laura knew that this practical mission was even more dangerous than his usual missions. Not that his normal missions weren't bad enough.

She didn't know every single detail of the mission, but what she did know was that an assassin had gotten SHIELD's attention in a bad way. This person was dangerous, very dangerous. So, Clint was sent to kill her, as one does.

"Hello?" Laura tried to keep her voice as calm as possible, but she could tell she wasn't doing a good job.

"He is alive". Phil first words were really all she needed to hear. Still, she forced herself to calm down. Phil would never just call to tell her that her husband was alive and well. It was always more to it.

"But he didn't kill his target." Laura slowly put down Cooper in his crib as Phil was talking on the other end.

He didn't kill his target? What was that supposed to mean? Again, Laura wasn't supposed to know everything about SHIELD. And she had never gotten a call with updates from Phil where he told her Clint had failed. She was confused. Really confused.

"Clint chose not to kill his target, instead he spared her life. He was supposed to kill her before he moved over to Sokovia for another important mission. They met in Vienna where their missions collided. She was already weak and injured when he found her. Or that's what he told me. But no, he didn't kill her." Phil almost sounded mad. Or at least frustrated.

"And what do you think about this? As his operative, as his boss." Laura asked slowly as she walked out of the boy's nursery. She was still slightly confused by all this.

"I think that he has a good heart. But now Furry is pissed. We are talking about the deadliest assassin in the world. She has over 250 kills under her belt, in the last 3 years. She was right there already hurt, probably a target Clint could have killed with his eyes closed. But he didn't. And that pissed Furry off. " Laura felt a shiver down her spine. Some fast math told her that this woman has an average of killing one person every 4,3 days. That was insane. Still, she had to agree with Phil, Clint had a good heart. His heart was in the right place.

"We can't control Barton. And we can't pull him from his mission either. We need him." Phil explained. It made sense. Clint was one of the best agents SHIELD had at the moment. Pulling him from the field wouldn't only hurt him, but SHIELD too.

"So, what happens now?" Laura asked with a thoughtful tone.

"Well, we can't really do anything about it. Clint won't let us touch her without him being present. We know very little about her. She just turned up 3 years ago, and it was only recently we got a good look at her. They are now out in the field on Clint's mission in Sokovia. From his updates, she is experienced out there and makes a good partner. He wants us to evaluate her and consider making her a SHIELD agent." Laura stopped in the middle of the hallway, shocked about what Phil just told her. An assassin, working for SHIELD?

"We won't be able to do the evaluation in the near future. So, Laura. He will be bringing her home with him when the mission is complete."

Laura gulped.

"Do we have a name?" Laura almost whispered.

"No. We don't. But she is known as The Black Widow"

Clint is crazy. Laura already knew this. His craziness is a part of him. And she loves him for it. Laura trusts Clint. The Black Widow, not so much.

Phil hadn't lied. Only four days later Clint called and told her he would be coming home with Black Widow. Laura couldn't help but feel a bit nervous about the whole situation. Clint had told her not to worry and she was in reality, really nice. She was disciplined, but nice. He had even told her, her a name. Natalia Romanoff.

Laura trusted him. And just because she was a little… very… intimidated by this Black Widow Laura was going to try her best to show her hospitality. After all, Clint seemed to really care about her.

They came even earlier than expected. Laura had just put Cooper to bed when she heard a Quinjet. She felt her stomach twist but forced herself to calm down. She walked down the stairs just when Clint opened the door.

Laura could almost feel her mouth hit the floor. The Black Widow was nothing like what she had expected. She didn't know quite what to expect really, but definitely not this. The first thing Laura noticed was her size. She was pretty small, about her height. The woman had on a one-piece black suit with a belt with a red hourglass-shaped symbol holding it all together. The suit was a tight fit around her body, doing nothing but defining her very curvy and toned body. On her hips, she had a belt with two guns strapped around her thighs. Both were pistols, which made Laura wonder how someone chose to hold pistols as their main weapon instead of something with a bit more…power. But then again Clint used a bow and arrow, and he was really deadly so… Laura shook the thought away. She didn't need to know why or how deadly she or her weapons were.

Laura also noticed how young Natalia looked. With a reputation like hers, she expected someone a bit older, but his woman didn't look a day older than 22. She had red shoulder long hair, framing a young beautiful face, but her eyes. Her eyes were in a beautiful vibrant green, but there was no life in them. They were cold and lifeless. The young face was completely unreadable. Showing absolutely no signs of any feelings, emotions or really anything.

"This is Laura, and Laura this is-" Clint got cut off when a cry filled the house. Thanks, Cooper. Laura was about to turn around to check on the boy before Clint stopped her. He grabbed her arm and said, "I'll go." With a low voice. Laura realized he hadn't seen his son since he left for the mission almost two weeks ago, so of course, she let him. Clint looked at her before he kissed her on the cheek and whispered. "Take care of her. Okay." Before he slipped up the stairs.

So now it was only Laura and Natalia left in the hall. Laura hadn't thought about any injuries before she noticed Natalia shift with a slight hint of discomfort in her eyes. Natalia, unlike her husband, seemed to have taken quite the beating during the mission. She didn't know why Natalia seemed so much more hurt than Clint, usually, he came back with all sorts of injuries. Now he had seemed just fine. She decided not to ask. She just asked if Natalia could walk, which she could, before she guided the other woman upstairs and to the guestroom.

They slipped into the room and Laura told her to sit down on the bed before she closed the door. She walked into the bathroom and picked up the first-aid kit before she walked back to Natalia. She had the same cold distance look in her eyes.

"Can you take off the suit so I can look at you closer?" Laura asked slowly to make sure Natalia was listening to her. The woman only nodded before she started to undress. First, she took out the weapons before she slipped off the belt. Lastly, she unzipped the suit slowly revealing a battle-scarred body.

Laura chocked a gasp when the young woman revealed her body. She had scars all over her body. Laura recognized a lot of them as minor gunshot wounds, and a few knivesknife stabs and cuts. She had a big bruise under her rib, various cuts all over her arms and a blue and swollen right ankle. Laura knew she was a deadly assassin, but she couldn't help but wonder how anyone could ever hurt someone so young, and beautiful, as Natalia.

Natalia stripped until she was just in a black lace underwear and a black sports bra. She looked at her when she finished, and Laura only nodded before she slowly started to rinse the cuts.

"Thank you for taking care of Clint for me. I prefer him alive rather than dead" Laura said with a smile, trying to sound as normal as possible. Natalia didn't answer but Laura heard a small huff from her. Which was more than nothing?

"Your name is Natalia, right?" The girl tensed up and Laura was scared she had hurt the other girl. She looked up at the younger woman, and a for a microsecond Laura swore she could see some emotions flash in her eyes before they disappeared again.

"I don't like when anyone uses my name." For the first time, Laura heard Natalia's voice. Just like her eyes, it was emotionless and cold. But not in a mean way. Just…flat.

"What do Clint call you then?" Laura asked as casual as possible, even if her heart was racing a hundred miles per hour.

"He just uses Widow" Natalia answered shortly. Laura looked up at the girl before shaking her head.

"That might work out in the field, but this is my home. I don't like using codenames here." Laura tried to sound as calm as possible but realized she sounded a lot stricter than she wanted it to be originally. Natalia looked at her. She nodded slowly before she said.

"Then I'll change it. What would you like me to be called?" Laura's heart sank at Natalia's reply. She tilted her head down avoiding Laura's eyes. Her voice was slightly twisted, almost like shame, or pain.

"No, no. Honey, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that this isn't some strict SHIELD office or anything. Just a normal family home. We don't need any codenames here." Laura knelt down in front of Natalia and looked at her. The woman lifted her head and looked at Laura and nodded. "If you don't want me to use your real name, that's fine. I will respect that. Of course, "

"Oh," Natalia said low voice, and Laura noticed how she seemed a bit more relaxed. Clint had used the word disciplined, but this wasn't discipline. This was straight-up fear of disobeying any orders.

"We need a nickname," Laura said with a lighter tone before she finished up wrapping Natalia's leg in a bandage. She pushed the girl back into the bed and let her position herself correctly before Laura lifted her injured leg resting it on a pillow.

"Something nice." Laura continued as she placed an icepack on the bruised ankle.

"What about Talia? It's short, cute, and a slight resemblance to your real name. But only if you actually know that name." She looked at her for approval and Natalia nodded. And for the first time, she saw a small smile break through the stone-cold face.

Laura sat in the living room waiting for Clint. Natalia was probably asleep already. She had seemed pretty tired when Laura had left the room.

Laura had tons of questions about this new girl. Laura was all about being yourself and everything along those lines. But this almost seemed… she didn't want to say fake… more like forced? This girl showed no emotions, not before Laura had accidentally sounded like she had scolded her. But she hadn't sounded that strict? The second Laura had raised her voice Natalia had bowed her head for the other woman in shame, and it hurt Laura knowing she had already scared the other girl.

Clint walked into the living room with a smile, snapping Laura out of her thoughts.

"It's good to be home," He said before he moved over to her couch and kissed her swiftly.

"How long are you staying?" Laura said cuddling with her husband taking in every single second of this moment.

"Furry told us to come in tomorrow. But we'll probably be back in just a few days" Clint mumbled with his face against the top of her head. Kissing her between every word.

"Why?" Laura said looking at him. She had hoped they, he, would stay longer. Phil had said they probably wouldn't evaluate Natalia, Talia, yet anyways.

"Because when I told them what had happened, they changed their mind. They want her in SHIELD." Laura looked at him with big eyes holding her breath, waiting for what was coming next.

"Laura, she risked her own life to save mine."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quite a few time-jumps in this fanfic, try to keep up. 
> 
> S-B

Natalia and Clint were gone before Laura woke up the next day. She wasn't too happy about it, but that's what happens when you marry a SHIELD agent. Furry and Phil tried to send Clint on shorter missions and not as many as before he got Cooper. But Clint was still one of their better agents, and sometimes they just needed a Hawkeye. Still, it hurt every time he was gone, and Laura missed him dearly. But she was used to be a single parent and the days went past in a blur.

Five days later Laura found herself sipping on some coffee outside on the terrace while Cooper took his afternoon nap. It was only mid-April, but spring was already in full swing. She hadn't heard anything from Clint, but she tried not to worry too much.

She found herself deep in her own thoughts. What Clint had told her the night before he went back to SHIELD had made her wonder. Natalia, this young girl who she knew nothing about, had sacrificed her own life for her husband. Clint hadn't given her the exact details, but as she understood it, Natasha had seen a man with a suicide vest before Clint had registered, he was there. She had taken the fight away from Clint's team and into a separate room. She only made it out of the room the second the man blew himself up.

" _She got thrown into a wall by the explosion with a force that should have knocked her out. She knew locking herself into that room was basically asking for it. She shouldn't have made it out. We had no idea he was even there, so she pretty much saved all five of us. "_ That was Clint's exact words. In other words, Natalia had chosen to die if it meant saving Clint and his team.

Laura's thoughts were interrupted when she heard an engine above her head. It was no doubt it was a Quinjet, and she felt her heart started to speed up. Clint was back.

The jet landed softly on the outskirts of the forest before it took off again. Laura couldn't help but smile when she saw Clint walk towards the house. To her surprise, a certain redhead walked beside him. She looked mostly the same, but instead of the bodysuit, she had on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and a red leather jacket with a bag thrown over her shoulder. She felt her smile widen before she jogged down the stairs and ran into her husband's strong arms. It had only been five days, but it was five days to much.

"Hi love," Clint said with a low voice kissing her on the top of her head. She looked up at him smiling. She felt like a stupid teenager again. Every god damn time.

"I brought a guest if you don't mind. My new partner doesn't have a place to stay yet." Clint had a small mischievous look in his eyes when he said so, and Laura felt her mouth open.

"Really?! Already. Congratulations." Laura smiled at the young woman who nodded at her with a small, small smile.

"Yeah, it was surprisingly easy. Furry was skeptical, of course, but Pill insisted on at least let her have her evaluated. And I am telling you, this girl is a machine." Clint started as he walked towards the house with Laura and Natalia following close behind.

"Her performance was off the charts. Not only scoring a 98% score on the writing part of the evaluation. But scoring 98% on the physical and shooting part of the evaluation as well. That is one percent higher than Maria on shooting. Tied in the intelligent evaluation and passing Rumlow with 1,5 percent in the physical part. That makes her the highest scoring agent EVER!" Laura chuckled at how excited Clint was about all this. His voice was bursting with pride, just like when Cooper did really anything for the first time. Natalia, on the other hand, showed no sign of any emotion only nodding in confirmation. Clint dragged his new partner into a hug and Laura could see Natalia roll her eyes ever so slightly.

"Well, congratulation Talia. That is incredible." Laura said giving her a warm smile.

"Oh, and she is hereby, officially Natasha Romanoff," Clint said with yet another grin. Laura looked at him with a confused look.

"My suggestion. She, of course, agreed with me. But Natasha is now her new name. Not on paper, but you know what I mean" Laura looked between the two of them. Natasha shrugged. Laura was wondering if Natali - NatASHA, had agreed with the name because she liked it or if she had felt the pressure of having to agree.

Clint skipped into the living room still with a huge grin on his face. Laura rolled her eyes at him before she looked at Natasha and whispered. "I'll still call you Talia though" with a small wink before she followed her husband. To her surprise, Natasha smiled at Laura, and she couldn't help but wonder if the stone-cold Black Widow was finally getting the memo and loosen up a bit.

The next months were slow for Clint, and Laura could tell he was getting frustrated by it. He hadn't gotten any missions in a while, and he was driving everyone in the house insane. Every night he kept ranting about wanting to go out in the field again, especially with Natasha. Laura hadn't said anything, but she was happy they hadn't been sent on any missions.

Laura didn't doubt Clint for a second when he talked about how great Natasha was out there, she was probably amazing, that wasn't what concerned Laura. As a mother, she had a sixth sense when it came to reading people. Natasha was closed up and a private person, but she wasn't unreadable, and Laura could see Natasha's tired eyes.

Every day Natasha looked more drained than the day before. She was great at hiding it, looking just as put together as always, most of the time at least. She had even seemed to open up a bit more. And Laura had noticed her personality slowly start to show. But every time she thought nobody was looking Laura saw Natasha close her eyes and her posture falling. Lately, Natasha had also started to go to her room earlier in the evenings or curl up in a chair. Clint had obviously not noticed that his partner looked exhausted. But Clint had never been the best at reading body language.

It had been 3 months since Natasha had moved into the guest room and Laura was seriously starting to wonder if the woman had been sleeping at all. When they had passed two and a half months it almost seemed like she had stopped trying to hide at all. She was always curled up under a blanket in the chair closest to the fireplace. Her eyes were filled with exhaustion, losing all its life. Clint was just as oblivious as ever, and even when Laura asked if he had noticed anything different about Natasha, he had only brushed her off. Laura was thinking about confronting Natasha about it. Everyone needed rest and Laura could tell Natasha was not well. Laura never got so far before Clint announced that he was asked to go on a solo mission.

"In Ukraine?" Laura asked as Clint talked about the mission. He nodded.

"Yup, it seems pretty serious." He looked at Laura with a half-smile.

"That means you guys will be alone here. That's okay with both of you right?" Clint asked, and Laura saw some worry in his eyes. Laura and Natasha had never been alone together more than maybe five minutes since their first meeting. Natasha was mainly Clint's partner and friend, and Laura just happened to be his wife.

"Of course!" Laura exclaimed looking at the other woman. Clint also turned his attention to the younger woman. Natasha didn't seem to be paying attention at all, her eyes closed with her head slowly massaging the right side of her head.

"Nat?!" Clint said, snapping the woman out of her trance opening her eyes slowly.

"Hmm. Sorry." She answered with a distance voice. Clint looked at her with a raised eyebrow, and Natasha looked at him before she threw a glance at Laura. Laura only nodded slightly at Clint and Natasha stuttered.

"Umm… yeah, solo mission. Go for it." Natasha blurred out. Still looking a bit out of it.

"You sure?" Clint asked slowly, looking at her carefully.

"Yeah, an order is an order, right?" Natasha said, this time with a bit more confidence in her voice. Laura wanted to tell her that SHIELD never forced their agent to take any missions. If Natasha asked Clint to stay, he would. Laura didn't get the chance before Clint nodded and thanked her.

"So, when are you leaving?" Laura asked instead. She had a pretty good feeling about what the answer might be.

"As soon as possible," Clint answered short. So, she was right then.

After Clint put Cooper to bed for his 1 pm nap he kissed Laura goodbye and left. Laura looked after his car until she couldn't see it anymore.

Natasha hadn't come to say goodbye to him, in fact, Laura wasn't completely sure where she was. It was almost lunchtime, so Laura decided to go look for her. She had no idea how Natasha's sleeping pattern was, or if it was any at all, but she did have some control over the eating schedule in this house. And if she couldn't make her sleep, Laura was making sure Natasha was eating properly.

She walked into the living room finding it empty. Laura could tell she wasn't outside since her shoes were in the hall. Neatly placed on the rack left for the door so the only logical place was her room. Laura walked upstairs, surprised to discover Natasha's door slightly open.

"Nat, you in here?" Laura tried, opening the door before slipping inside the dark room. Her eyes were still adjusting to the dark when they fell on a shadow on the bed. Slowly walking towards the bed, the dark shadow turned into a person curled up. Laura could hear the fast breathing but couldn't see Natasha's face.

She walked around to the other side of the bed before kneeling beside it. "Natasha, are you okay?" Laura asked with a low voice moving her hand over to Natasha's forehead to move her hair away from her face. Natasha opened her eyes and Laura felt her heart sink when she saw Natasha's green eyes were filled with pain. The girl shook her head ever so slightly.

"What's wrong?" Laura tried again slowly slipping up into the bed beside Natasha. She watched as Natasha shifted to make space for her, but soon stopped letting out a small muffled cry.

"Head" Natasha's voice cracked when she talked only curling up even more. Laura let her hand slide over her head comforting the other girl.

"Have you been sleeping at all?" Laura asked slowly, moving her hand over Natasha's back, feeling the tense girl under her palm.

"Haven't been able too." Natasha's voice was filled with discomfort, and Laura could hear how Natasha was forcing herself to talk. She decided not to push her more so she didn't ask why.

Analyzing the was Natasha was moving, holding her hand over the right side of her head, and how she had massaged it earlier Laura concluded it had to be a migraine. She had seen the girl massage her temple earlier but hadn't thought it was more than maybe a small headache. Laura didn't have anything for migraines, but she did have some Tylenol and right now anything was better than nothing. Slipping out of the bed she walked fast over to her own bathroom grabbing the box and a glass of water before she walked back into Natasha's room.

"Natasha," Laura said nudging her carefully. Natasha looked at her with tired eyes and Laura lifted the glass of water. Natasha shifted and tried to sit up. Laura was by her side in seconds helping her. She could see in her eyes how much Natasha was struggling to keep herself together. Only by looking at her eyes Laura could tell the room was spinning for the other girl. Laura popped two 500mg pills giving them to Natasha. The girl didn't look at them for more than a second before she took them swallowing them while forcing herself to drink the whole glass of water.

Laura felt the girl sink in her arms the second she finished the glass. She curled up on Laura's lap, and Laura felt her heartache for the other girl.

Laura didn't know how to act. Natasha had shown no interest in her before other than acting polite. But being polite had nothing to do with actually _caring_ about another person, it was only a symptom of a well behaved and raised person. Laura had tried to get a few conversations going but Natasha had never kept them going for long. At the end of the day, Laura could not force a friendship. But now Natasha was lying in her lap letting all her walls she had previously kept so tall fall.

It was a slightly uncomfortable scenario because even though Laura wanted to care for the other girl Natasha had always shown discomfort when she got to close. She was wondering if she should move or stay. Her gut said to stay, but at the same time staying could make matters worse. She got her answer fairly quickly as Natasha stopped her when she shifted.

"Stay with me?" Natasha's voice was weak, and she looked at Laura with almost fear in her eyes. Laura thought about her sleeping child who was probably going to wake up in not too long. It was like Natasha read her mind because she quickly added. "Or at least until I fall asleep."

Laura looked at the younger woman and nodded slowly. Natasha closed her eyes and soon Laura heard her breathing evened out as she fell asleep.

Natasha walked into the living room 9 hours later with a pair of tired eyes. Laura looked at her for a second studying her.

"How are you feeling?" Laura asked putting away the book she was currently reading.

"Better," Natasha answered shortly while she walked into the kitchen. Laura followed and pushed her onto a chair by the table.

"Thank you for…" Natasha's voice trailed off and she turned away from Laura not wanting to look at her. Laura turned on the sink before grabbing a glass, filling it with some cold water. She handed it to Natasha. Natasha looked at her with two thoughtful eyes as she sipped on the water.

Laura decided not to push, instead, she tried to lighten the mood and asked.

"Hungry? I have some leftovers from dinner?" She didn't let Natasha answer as she started to heat up the leftover pasta from her dinner. She placed the plate in front of Natasha before she sat down on the opposing side of the table.

"Why?" Natasha said playing with the fork in her hand. Laura looked at her with a surprised look.

"Why what?" Laura replied, genuinely surprised by the question.

"Why do you care?" Natasha said carefully, looking at her with almost fear in her eyes as she continued.

"You have been nothing but kind. Taking care of my injuries when I came back from the first mission. Earlier today. And not to mention letting me stay in your home. Why?"

"Natasha! You are my husband's partner. And he cares very much about you. And so does I. I mean you live with me for God's sake. You are not only my husband's friend, but also mine. And I care about my friends. Now eat." Laura didn't think when she answered. But she meant it. She thought about Natasha as a friend.

Natasha moved her fork and slowly started eating. She still looked at Laura with a careful eye. It was almost like she didn't believe her.

" I just don't understand how you can even ask that question?" Laura said with a soft voice as she met Natasha's worried eyes. Natasha looked at her again before she lowered her head and answered.

"I'm just not used to anyone caring about me or how I am." Laura's heart shattered at Natasha's confession.

"Natasha" She whispered. Natasha looked up again and her eyes were sad.

"I was raised as an assassin. I'm not supposed to feel anything anyway, so nobody cared about me." Laura wanted to protest and tell her that's not any way to live. But she couldn't change the past. Natasha continues to talk with a low voice.

"You need to understand that I never got a choice. And I didn't know any other alternatives. Barton was the first one that ever showed me mercy and looked at me as anything else than the monster they made me." Natasha turned her head away to avoid Laura's eyes.

"Talia, you're not a monster," Laura whispered. She didn't know how to respond. She knew very little about Natasha's past. Only what Clint had told her plus a small folder he had given her with some very limited amount of information. All it said was that she was born in Stalingrad in 1984, it said no specific date. But now Laura at least knew her age, more or less. She was or were going to turn 21 years old this year, which was kinda absurd. She was so young, but her eyes seemed so much older. So wise. She had seen and lived thought so much already. In the file, it also said she went to something called "The red room" and had worked for something called "KGB" which Laura had no idea what was or meant.

"Can we talk about something else?" Natasha asked still not wanting to look Laura in the eyes. Laura only nodded before she started to talk about Cooper. Soon Laura saw Natasha relax and they fell into a comfortable conversation.

* * *

Laura was wondering whatever happened to that cold girl who had walked into her home months ago. The next day's Natasha seemed to be a lot more relaxed around her, even cracking a few jokes. Still, Laura could sense she was hiding something.

It was 6 in the morning. Cooper had woken up earlier than usual, forcing Laura to start her day a bit earlier than preferred. Natasha was already awake when Laura had walked down with Cooper in her arms. She was curled up in a chair reading on her phone. Laura had sat down Cooper on the floor and Natasha slipped beside him keeping a watchful eye on the child.

Laura walked over to the kitchen counter and got herself a cup of coffee. She looked at Natasha who seemed to have lost herself in her head again.

"Talia, are you okay?" Laura asked while she was cleaning up in the kitchen. Natasha who was playing with Cooper on the floor looked up at her. Natasha pushed down a few of the tangents on Cooper toy keyboard and Laura recognized them as Beethoven four seasons.

"Hmm, yes?" Natasha hummed back. She looked at her and if Laura hadn't been married to a spy and had a former master assassin as her roommate, she wouldn't have seen the slight worry lingering in her eyes. But she did, and it concerned her.

She decided not to push the cause any further. Natasha had seemed to relax more and while Laura still was quite sure Natasha wasn't sleeping very much, the girl seemed slightly less tired. She had caught her taking a few naps mid-day a few times, which she hadn't seen her do before her migraine episode.

"So, tell me, what does the mighty Natasha do when she has time to kill?" Laura said, breaking the silence.

"What do you mean?" Natasha said looking at Laura who walked over to them.

"Well, I was thinking maybe you and I could spend the day together. Just you and me. A neighbor has a kid just a few months older than Coop and offered to take him for a day if I ever wanted to take a day off." Laura said while playing with Cooper.

"Laura, you really don't have too." Natasha started but got interrupted by Laura.

"I want to. Plus, she is already on her way to pick him up. She is an elementary school teacher, so I have absolutely no problem sending him with her. Maybe he will even learn something." Laura winked. And Natasha smiled.

Just as planned Cooper got picked up a few hours later and Natasha and Laura were left alone.

"So, what do you want to do?" Natasha asked her. Her eyes were locked in Laura's and the look she gave her reminded her of a lost puppy waiting for a new command.

"I think you should decide," Laura replied with a small smile. Natasha's eyes almost fell out of her head in shock.

"Why?" Natasha sounded genuinely surprised, almost sounded stressed by the idea.

"I don't have any more rights to choose than you. It's not like I am the boss or anything" Laura looked at Natasha with a serious look. She meant what she said.

"But you live here. Own this house. I'm only a guest?" Laura looked at her. This girl had no idea how a normal life worked, did she? Laura was probably one of the least bossy people you would ever meet. She was strict if she wanted to. But most of the time she saw no use in being bossy.

"Nat. Nobody forces you to do anything. And you don't have to do anything you don't feel comfortable with. And that goes both here and in SHIELD. Now. What do you want to do?" Natasha smiled at her with a defeated smile. She closed her eyes to think for a bit before she said.

"I don't have too many clothes with me. Most of them are back in Russia. If you don't mind, I would like to go shopping." Natasha's voice was low, and Laura could tell she was still unsure about the whole "you chose idea". Laura smiled at her before she answered.

"Sounds perfect."

This was the first time Natasha had been to their small town. It was very minimal. It had an elementary and high school. A few restaurants and one mall.

They started in the shopping center making their way from one end to another in only two hours walking into pretty much every single store on their way. And between them, they had 7 shopping bags in total.

Natasha was efficient but also quite picky. Her style was classy and elegant yet practical. A lot of dark colours Laura noticed.

Laura was talking about Clint and Cooper when she noticed Natasha had her eyes glued to a window display. Laura didn't even know the store existed, but it was a small dance boutique. In the window laid a pair of pointe ballet shoes. They were white, unlike the usual pink. Natasha continued to walk but her eyes were still gazing that direction even when they walked past the store.

For someone who had done nothing but kills and train her whole life, Natasha was a really great cook. Natasha was an incredibly fast learner even if she didn't admit it. She just said it was easy since she had a recipe to follow. But that was bullshit. Nobody became a cook by reading a recipe.

Natasha was cutting some vegetables while Laura was making a salad. Natasha's was, to nobody's surprise, excellent with the kitchen knife. Working with insane precision and speed. She could probably dice an onion in half the time Laura could chop one half.

They had returned from their trip 30 minutes ago and were currently working on making some lunch. While they worked Natasha and Laura found themselves in a deep conversation about Clint.

"I got to ask. Because I've been wondering about it for quite some time. Why does he call you ma'am all the time?" Natasha looked up from the cutting board and at Laura. Laura wanted to tell Natasha to look back and keep her eyes on the knife this instant, but of course, Natasha could cut a tomato without looking. It was Natasha after all. Still, she felt her heart calm down when Natasha turned around again.

"Actually, he got the idea when we were at a wedding and this really tall rich guy was flirting with me. I mean I don't really know why he got so jealous. We were already married. I mean he even used Clint's surname. But even so, this dude kept calling me Madame B-" Laura got cut off by Natasha spinning around with her eyes flashing in panic. The big kitchen knife she had in her hand slammed into the counter side making a big deep cut into the wood before she dropped it on the floor.

"Talia?" Laura lowered her voice as she looked at Natasha's panic-filled eyes. Her green eyes were flying around in the room and the girl was backing up to the countertop. Laura moved slowly towards the girl. She felt her heart speeding up in her chest as Natasha desperately tried to back away from her.

"Please don't hurt me." Natasha's voice was only a whisper as she sank down the counter to try to get away from Laura. Her eyes were distance and they seemed to be moving around focusing on something that wasn't there.

"I haven't done anything wrong I promise." Natasha was shaking in fear.

"Talia." Natasha jumped back when she heard her name and Laura heard the back of her head slammed into the side of the stone countertop, but Natasha didn't seem to even notice.

"Natasha" Laura corrected.

"You're back in America. It's 2005. You're working for SHIELD. You're at Clint's farm. You're safe here. You're home" Laura moved slowly talking with a low voice.

"You're safe. I will never hurt you." Laura whispered. She was a few feet away before she kneeled down and stopped.

"Nat. Honey. It's me" Natasha looked at her with tears in her eyes still shaking in fear. "Natasha," Laura whispered again. Her eyes glued at Natasha.

"Laura?" Natasha gasped. Laura nodded slowly. She moved towards the girl but stopped the second Natasha started to curl up.

"You're safe her Natasha. You're at Clint's farm remember? See Cooper highchair to your right. And the toys on the floor. You're not back there." Laura said with a soft voice. She watched as Natasha slowly moved her head around to make sure she was really telling the truth.

"I… I am so sorry" she whispered. Her eyes fell on Laura's face and Laura watched as she slowly made her way back to the present. Laura reached out for her only a few inches away with her hand.

"Natasha, honey" she moved closer and was soon embraced by a crying Natasha. The girl was shaking uncontrollably gasping after air with her head buried into her chest.

"It's okay. It's okay. '' Laura whispered as she tried to calm the girl down. Natasha didn't look at her as she continued to cry.

Laura and Natasha sat on the floor for one and a half-hour before the girl finally started to calm down. She rested her head on Laura's chest as she forced herself to take deep breaths.

"Yes. That's right Nat" Laura praised as Natasha took a deep breath. She played with the girl's hair holding around her with a protective arm. Laura felt the weight on her got heavier, and scared that she would fall asleep on the floor she slowly shook the girl whispering.

"Bedroom?" Natasha only nodded before she slowly stood up. Laura watched as the girl stumbled a bit still very disoriented. She put a supporting hand on her shoulder before she slowly dragged her along upstairs.

Instead of taking her to the guest room she led her into the master bedroom pushing her carefully into the bed closing the door shut and turning off the lights on the way.

Natasha curled up in bed the second she hit the mattress. Laura could hear her still occasionally gasp after air.

"Sweetie. Stretch out your legs." She moved beside her and put a hand on one of her knees forcing her legs to stretch outwards. She knew Natasha would probably fight back but right now she was just blocking her airways.

To her surprise, Natasha let up the fight pretty easily letting Laura move her legs and instead of moving closer into the woman's embrace. Soon they both fell asleep, tired from the day's events.

Laura wasn't sure exactly why Natasha hadn't been able to sleep when she was at the farm. Of course, when she had asked Natasha had denied there ever was a sleeping problem in the first place. Of course, that wasn't true. Laura wasn't an idiot. But right now, Natasha was sleeping peacefully in her bed. She had just passed 8 hours which was honestly more than Laura thought she would sleep through. Kinda proved her point on how badly Natasha really needed sleep.

Cooper was back. He had come back around 5 pm, but now he was too in bed, sleeping. With both of them sleeping, the kitchen clean Laura felt her body relax for the first time as she slipped beside the sleeping girl.

Sadly, the peace was short-lived. Laura got ripped out of her sleep when she woke up by a high scream. Laura felt a sharp pain in her leg when Natasha kicked her at full force. Laura sat up fast turning on the nightlight beside her. Natasha was gasping and shaking as she defended herself from someone who wasn't there.

"Natasha" Laura tried. She didn't dare to touch the girl scared about how she would react when she woke up. The girl was throwing herself around in the bed and let out another pain-filled scream that made Laura sick.

Her panic got gradually worse and Laura was forced to rethink maybe waking her up was something she had to do. She caught Natasha's arms pinning them down to the mattress.

"Natasha!" She shook the girl forcefully hoping to god Natasha wouldn't end up killing her when she woke up.

Natasha threw herself up from the bed and Laura had no chance of holding her down. Natasha's eyes flew up and her body sank together as the girl got drowned in panic.

It took approximately five seconds before Natasha was full-on hyperventilating gasping and shaking uncontrollably. Laura grabbed her arms and pulled her up into a sitting position. She shifted so she ended up sitting on Natasha's legs to prevent her from moving them up to her chest before she hugged Natasha holding around her. The girl was still shaking with short gasps.

"Shhh, shhh," Laura said with a soft voice stroking her hair. Laura felt herself getting pulled down into the bed by Natasha and ended up getting hugged by the girl as she continued to shiver in panic.

Unlike last time Natasha didn't calm down in only a few hours. The girl was unresponsive and still on a panicked state five hours later making Laura really, really appreciate Cooper's heavy sleeping because if he had woken up Laura wouldn't know what to do.

She felt the girl in her arms struggle to keep her breathing under control and it didn't matter how many times Laura tried to mimic a deep breath to let her copy, or whisper into her ear, Natasha didn't calm down. She didn't respond and for the most part, didn't seem present at all.

Going into hour six Laura was exhausted feeling her body soon give in. Natasha's frantic cries had evolved into sobs mixed with a fast breathing and desperate gasps.

Laura had wondered why Natasha didn't sleep. Now she didn't wonder anymore. Natasha's nightmares and panic attacks were some of the worst Laura had ever seen. And having been married to Clint for many years she had seen a lot of nightmares in her times. Natasha couldn't even compare.

She had no idea when Clint came back home. But at one point she saw the door open and Clint's face popping into the room. He only looked at her for a second before he turned around closing the door carefully behind him. Natasha was still shivering, and Laura couldn't help but feel helpless as she felt her first own tears start to run down her face.

Laura woke up a few hours later opening her eyes to find herself wrapped around Natasha. Natasha had her head close to her chest, and while she couldn't see her face Laura heard a steady breath coming from the girl. She threw a glance at the clock on the wall 7.

Carefully not to wake Natasha she untangled herself and slipped out of bed. Of you didn't count Natasha's face, in the soft morning sun Natasha seemed peaceful and relaxed. But her face told another story. Natasha's face was filled with pain still pale from her crying.

Laura walked downstairs in hope to find Clint, which she thankfully did. She walked straight into his strong arms and felt her emotions take control. She started sobbing into his neck.

"She is in so much pain, Clint. I don't know what to do!" Laura didn't even mean to say it, it just slipped out. She felt Clint's hand run through her hair before he guided her to sit on the sofa.

"Just being with her helps more than you know" Clint answered looking at her with his wise kind eyes.

"But… But she is in so, so much pain." Laura looked at him with tearful eyes. She bit her lip as she listened to Clint talk.

"Laura. She has never said anything to me about his. I haven't seen her like it before last night either. If she didn't want you to know, she wouldn't have let you. But she did. She trusts you. She needs you." Clint answered still with a calm voice.

"She got a migraine the day you left. It knocked her out for almost 10 hours. The same night she also told me she was told she was a monster. And she really believes it. How can anyone be so cruel!" Laura whispered the last part. She had never understood how anyone could be so awful brainwashing young girls like that.

"I know" Clint only answered letting Laura talk.

"She got a smaller panic attack yesterday around lunch. I talked about Ferdinand and how he used to call me Madame Barton and you start to call me ma'am. But something triggered... something... and she panicked. But I don't know what triggered it." Laura looked up at her husband how only shaking his head indicating he had no idea either.

"What happened then?"

"I led her up to our bedroom and she woke up by a nightmare. I don't know how long she was awake after I shook her awake from the dream. She fell into a panic attack… and… and I couldn't calm her down" Laura whispered. Clint only nodded at her before he hugged her again. Laura felt safe in his arms and almost immediately felt herself calm down.

"Stay with her. I'll take care of Coop. Make sure she is safe. Okay?" Clint said whispering with a soft voice. She nodded but didn't let go quite yet.

Clint went to take Cooper out for a day outside while Laura made her way back into the bedroom. Natasha was still sleeping. But she was tossing around in the bed with a frown on her face.

"Shhhh. It's okay Talia" Laura whispered as she hugged around the smaller woman. She closed her eyes and felt the girl slowly calm down.

"It's okay. It's okay" Laura repeated herself over and over. She found herself in the biggest need to protect this woman. Never ever let anyone hurt her. This woman had scars and marks all over her body and Laura never wanted to see her in pain ever again.


	3. Chapter 3

Laura wanted to kill Nick Fury. Not literally, but close. After Clint came home from his first solo mission Natasha got sent on missions nonstop. Clint got his fair share as well, but because Fury and Coulson both knew he was a father their new go-to agent was Natasha. This frustrated Laura a-lot.

Only one day after Clint came home Natasha got her first mission. To everyone's surprise, Clint wasn't called to her partner. Instead, Maria Hill was the one who was going with her on her first mission. Natasha had almost fallen into another panic attack when Phil had asked her to go. But her panic-filled eyes got soon replaced with the same lifeless distance eyes she had worn the first day Laura met her. They were scary. No horrifying.

After the first mission, Natasha didn't even come home. She was almost immediately sent on another mission, thankfully with Clint this time. Laura didn't see the redhead in months. Every time Clint came back home, she was searching for the other girl hoping she was with him. It never happened. Clint would only shake his head indicating that Nat wasn't going to join them in a while.

Natasha was constantly on the move. But when she wasn't SHIELD decided it was better for her to stay near headquarters giving her an apartment in Washington to make sure she always was available and not too far out of reach.

It was only a few months between Natasha's last visit, but when the day came, and Natasha did come home, Laura almost didn't recognize her. She looked mostly the same the only difference was her hair which was a bit longer, dyed in a darker red. What really caught the mother's eyes was Natasha's fiery eyes. They were awake, alive, present, and filled with adrenaline and energy. In other words, they were downright terrifying. Her body was filled with cuts and scrapes, but she didn't seem to care as she walked towards the house with Clint.

Still, the second she stepped over the door frame Natasha's eyes melted into two soft loving eyes as she met Laura's eyes for the first time in months. Laura felt her body walk on autopilot wrapping her arms around the woman before she checked every inch of her body making sure she was real, and her eyes weren't playing games with her.

Laura loved having the girl back home. She seemed a lot more present and alive. A good change to say at least. But her eyes also told Laura she was still struggling with whatever was trying to control Natasha's mind. Not too different from her first visit Laura caught her awake most of the night.

Natasha was the perfect houseguest. Like always she was polite and helped around on the farm, but she was also their friend and could sit for hours just talking. Cooper was still very young, but he adored Natasha, who had gotten the title of Auntie Nat. Laura loved to watch Natasha interact with her son. She was always very careful with him, but it was no doubt Natasha loved him just or maybe more than he loved her.

Sadly, the happiness that was Natasha was short lasted, and Natasha was called for a mission only three days later. It was soon Christmas and Laura wanted Natasha there so badly. She felt selfish but she did. She really did want Natasha home with her and Clint, and not out in a random country in God knows where doing whatever scary work she was doing. The only thing that made Laura slightly more okay with the whole situation was Clint being with her 50% of the time. She knew Natasha didn't need Clint. In fact, most of the time it was Clint who needed her to save his dumb ass. But it still helped her poor heart to know they at least had each other's backs.

She wasn't expecting anyone when she heard an aggressive knock on her door. Why would she even expect anyone at this time of night? It was close to midnight and Natasha and Clint were out on a mission in Budapest, or at least that's what she thought.

Was it one thing both Natasha and Clint had said maybe five hundred times was it that she should never open the door if she didn't know who it was. Especially if she didn't expect anyone. Everyone at SHIELD knew better than just turn randomly up at her door and so did her neighbors.

Slowly she made her way over to the door grabbing one of the many guns Natasha had hidden around the house before she slowly unlocked the door. The door flew up and Laura jumped backward, pointing the gun in front of her. To her surprise, Natasha and Clint stood at the door in the dark. Natasha was hanging over Clint's shoulder both with dark circles under their eyes

"Wow, Laura. It's good that you were ready to protect yourself but at least take the safety off before you treat anyone with a gun" Natasha said with a mocking tone.

"Oh my god" Laura let out falling down on the staircase behind her in relief.

"What is wrong with you two. Key anyone?" Laura let out a loud breath dropping the gun to the floor.

"Clint lost his, and I didn't bring mine," Natasha said as Clint helped her inside. She was hanging over his left shoulder with a nasty cut on her left arm and swore lowly when she tripped on the doorstep with her leg relying entirely on Clint's strength to keep her on her feet.

"Upstairs?" Clint asked Natasha.

"Upstairs." She agreed as they made their way slowly up the staircase. With Clint more or less lifting her most of the way.

"You lost the key to your house? How does that happen then?" Laura sighed as she followed them upstairs grabbing a first aid kit on her the way.

"It's not that easy when you end up in a street with guns pointing at you from all directions. The only reason I didn't lose an arm, or a heart was because Nat was there" Clint mumbled as he helped Natasha into bed.

Laura looked at Clint carefully. He only had a few minor cuts and some dirt on him. Mostly intact. Was this another "Natasha saves Clint's sorry ass" episode again? Probably was.

"I think you woke up your son. Go say hi to him before he runs into Nat's room please." Laura said kissing Clint. He nodded before he walked out of the room leaving Natasha and Laura.

"So, what happened?" Laura asked as she slowly helped Natasha out of her dirty suit.

"Well like Clint said, we kinda messed up, so we ended up in a bloodbath. We weren't even the real targets it was more like a mosh pit with people all over the place." Natasha shrugged looking at Laura rolling her eyes.

"And let me guess, you somehow ended up between whatever tried to kill Clint and Clint?" Laura said as she slowly started to examine the big wound on Natasha's arm. It was a long deep cut. At least four inches.

"Something like that," Natasha said with a small smile. Somehow Laura always ended up with a beaten-up Natasha and a more or less okay Clint. While Clint was a great spy, he was better when he held his distance, using his bow from a longer distance than most people would be comfortable with. Natasha, on the other hand, was trained in martial arts as well as she was excellent at using both the gun and knives making her the natural front row of the two and somehow always the one ending up getting pinned between Clint and his enemies.

"I think you need stitches." Laura ran her hand down the wound.

"It's fine Laura. You don't have to do that. I'll fix it later Natasha said moving away from her. Laura only shook her head.

"I'm not letting you sew yourself. Are you crazy?" Laura said holding a firm hand on Natasha's arm.

"You're left-handed right?" Laura asked as she slowly prepared the needle and medical thread.

"I would prefer the term ambidextrous, but by birth, yes," Natasha said slowly turning her left side towards Laura.

"Exactly. One thing is wanting to do it yourself. But I'm not letting you try to stitch yourself with your off-hand."

Laura had never been the kind who was faced my blood or wounds. Obviously, she had seen a lot of them in her times. With a husband as a spy and a friend like Natasha blood was nothing she cared about.

Throughout the years she had learned to recognize different kinds of injuries and how they should be treated. Of course, when Clint and Natasha came home, they were never in a life-threatening state. If that was the case, they would always force each other to real medical attention, but both were stubborn and wasn't the kind who liked hospitals never going if it was absolutely necessary.

Clint walked into the room with Cooper in his arms when Laura was about to start.

"I'm going to bed. Coop wants company so I'm taking him to our bedroom okay? If you don't want to share with both of us, I'm sure Natasha won't mind" Clint said with a small smile looking at the child.

Cooper tended to get nightmares whenever Clint came home and slept in another room than Laura and him, so Laura only nodded at them.

She turned around to find Natasha lying on the bed almost sleeping.

"Talia. Come on" Laura said slowly trying to get her in a sitting position.

"Laura, please. I am just so tired." Natasha answered still not budging from the bed.

"Fine" Laura mumbled. She didn't care if Natasha was going to sleep through it, she was still going to make sure she wasn't going to bleed out.

She tried to work fast and 10 minutes later Natasha's arm was neatly wrapped in a bandage. Laura could tell by Natasha's streaky breath that she was already asleep. The second Laura let go of her arm Natasha curled up.

Laura let out a small sigh as she watched the girl. It was a typical move from Natasha whenever she was overworked or stressed. Sometimes it resulted in a migraine, sometimes it was nightmares. Sometimes it was just a 12 hours night sleep and then she shook it off.

"Talia?" Laura whispered as she moved into the bed and she covered both of them with the duvet before she too fell asleep.

Laura had almost forgotten her and Clint plans for Natasha but got quickly reminded when she and Natasha walked into the living room filled with balloons, a mini Christmas tree and a tall stack for pancakes the next day. Natasha had woken up around the same time as Laura and they had spent around 15 minutes just going over Natasha's injuries. She had a lightly sprained ankle and a few cuts that still needed attention. Other than that and the large cut in her arm she seemed more or less fine.

"Eh, guys?" Natasha said with a confused look. Cooper ran into his aunts' arms and she lifted him into her arms effortlessly.

"BIRTHDAY" Cooper squealed.

"Eh, what?" Natasha stopped looking at Clint with a confused look.

"We know you don't know your birthdate. And because you didn't get to celebrate Christmas, we decided to sorta combine." Clint had his normal mischievous look on his face and Natasha decided to turn to Laura instead.

"Why? You guys already celebrated Christmas. It's April."

"Well. You never got your Christmas present because you were off to the other side of the world. And we never got to celebrate your birthday because, well we don't know when it is. So, we decided to just do both. It's just an excuse to give you gifts but it's fine." Laura winked at her and she watched as Natasha looked surprised at the pile of gifts by the fireplace.

"Why now?" Natasha said with a low voice as she accepted the gift Cooper gave to her.

"What day is it Natasha?" Clint said softly before he scooped the pile of gifts closer to Natasha.

"April 10th?" Natasha answered carefully. Laura could see she was eyeing out the gifts. She wondered if she had ever been given a gift before, or if that was something the black widow just ignored completely.

"It's the day I day I brought you home to us for the very first time," Clint replied. His eyes were sparkling, and Natasha looked at him in disbelief.

"You guys remember the date?" Natasha whispered. She looked at Laura with teary eyes and Laura nodded at her before she sat down on the floor beside Natasha and gave her a hug from behind.

"Of course, we do, Talia" she whispered in her ear.

Natasha was surrounded by gifts. Laura's excuse for all the gift was to give her a gift for every year she had missed. In other words, 22. Which was kinda absurd, but it didn't matter. Most of the gifts were practically gifts. Because knowing Natasha she didn't want anything that didn't have a purpose. She had gotten a few new clothes, a bottle of wine and some pictures of the family and Cooper. Clint's gift to Natasha was a beautiful set of kitchen knives. Some of the sharpest knifes Laura had ever seen but they were breathtaking with a dark knife blade in a dark red shaft made out of some sort of wood.

Natasha put down the set carefully when Laura handed her the box she had wrapped. She was beyond excited to see Natasha open her gift. She had used longer than she should have to wrap the gift and Natasha looked at her taking the box slowly. She almost seemed hesitant.

"Just open it!" Laura blurted out too impatient to wait anymore. Natasha ripped the paper off and opened the box carefully almost dropping it when she peeked inside. She looked back and forth between the box and Laura multiple times before Clint cut her off.

"But for god's sake what is it?!" Natasha ignored him completely and just looked a Laura in disbelief.

"I can't accept this," Natasha said handing the box back. Laura only laughed at her and pushed the box back.

"Of course, you can. And I'm not going to return them either. You better just use them." Laura said with a smile. Natasha looked at her in disbelief before she slowly nodded before she dragged Laura into a big hug.

"Hey! Where is my hug" Clint whined before Natasha jumped into his arms, tackling him unto the floor. Laura watched as her son jumped on top of them and she let out a small laugh. It was good to have Natasha home.

Natasha was on a small break meaning she had a full week at the farm. Which made Laura very happy. They had spent the last few days just hanging out the four of them enjoying their company. It was nice.

Laura was just about to ask Natasha if she needed anything before, she went on a short shopping trip when she walked into her room finding the woman in the middle of the room with her new shoes on. Laura wasn't aware Natasha had already sewn on her ribbons on her shoes.

Laura stood in silence as she watched Natasha test out her shoes carefully before she made a small run and jumped into a leap. Laura bit her lip when she watched Natasha land on her injured leg making the girl stumble and she could hear her swear under her breath.

"How do they feel?" Natasha turned around when she heard Laura's voice. She looked at her with a thoughtful look before she answered.

"Fine. I think. It's just kinda new. It's been a few years." She looked down at her shoes with a small smile. Laura remembers very well when Natasha had originally stopped the white shoes the first time.

"I'm sure it will come back," Laura said as she sat down on the bed and watched Natasha untie the shoes.

"How are your leg?" Laura asked carefully as Natasha packed the shoes neatly into her bag.

"It could have been better. It could have been worse." Natasha shrugged before she picked up her bag and looked at Laura. She looked at Natasha for a long moment before she said.

"I'm going to run a few errands. I won't be long, but I was wondering if you need anything?" Laura asked with a small smile. She watched as Natasha stared out into nothing before answering.

"Can I join maybe?" Natasha was still looking at nothing and Laura was wondering what she was thinking about.

"What about your ankle?"

"It's fine."

"Natasha!"

"Please?"

"Fine…"

Laura was watching Natasha carefully she drove them to their small town. Natasha seemed to be in her own world just looking at nothing. They stopped at their local mall and walked inside both ignoring the fact they hadn't talked at all on their way here.

Laura had only a few things on her list. She wanted to buy a new book or two. They needed a few lightbulbs and she wanted to look at some new beds since Cooper was soon going to need a big boy's bed instead of his crib. As they were walking into the kids' store, she noticed Natasha look maybe a bit longer than needed on a small red crib.

"Have you ever thought about having kids?" Natasha shot her head up when she heard the question.

"I know you're only 22, but I mean you're great with cooper and I can see you be a great mo-"

"No" Natasha cut her off only looking at her for a second before she looked down at the crib again.

"I don't think I will ever be able to. I don't have the longest _life expectancy_ " She said with a small smile before. As much as Laura hated it, Natasha was right. She had countless of enemies out there. Both from her days from KGB and SHIELD.

"That's not true. And if you ever do get pregnant SHIELD will understand, I mean just look at Clint he is-" Laura tried but got yet again cut off. This time Natasha seemed slightly annoyed.

"Laura! Please, just don't." Laura only nodded slightly a bit thrown off by Natasha's strict voice. Natasha never raised her voice like that. Ever.

The continued to walk in silence as Laura tried to find a bed she liked. Which she eventually did. She knew Clint would probably get annoyed if she came home with a new bed, but she didn't care. Cooper needed a new one anyway.

"What about you?" Natasha asked carefully. Laura noticed how careful she was as she asked.

"About what." Laura hummed back as she signed a paper that said she would pick up the bed from the warehouse later.

"About another child," Natasha answered just as careful as previously. Laura only looked at her. She did not expect that at all.

" I haven't thought about it. But I've always wanted more than one child." She answered with a dreamy voice. Because she really had. She had always loved children and she loved Cooper more than anything. She knew Clint was on her side as well. Maybe they would try for more. She had to talk about it with Clint, but she was sure he would love another one.

Natasha and Laura spend longer than needed in town and were currently in a small restaurant to buy some lunch. Laura had brought five books and were scanning through them as they were waiting for their food. Natasha was looking at her phone, but Laura noticed how she threw a few glances at her books.

"See something you like?" Laura asked with a playful voice with a small wink. Natasha looked at her with a confused look before nodding slowly.

"I mean, I guess. I have never read poetry before." Natasha answered slowly before she pointed at one of her books. Laura tilted her head a bit. This woman was 22 and she had never seen a poem before?

"We were told at art was only a waste of time. It makes you feel feelings that won't ever be useful." Natasha's voice was empty and for the first time in a very long time, Laura noticed a small Russian accent. Almost like it was a lyric she had practiced in a particular voice.

"But dancing, ballet? That's an art form?" Laura looked at her and Natasha's empty eyes looked at her.

"It is, but that's not what we used it for. We learned ballet and I was taught piano, but both were only taught for future missions. They are beneficial. " Natasha looked at her with two hurt eyes.

"But you like dancing I saw you! Your eyes were just filled in happiness when you tried your shoes on!" Laura exclaimed as she looked at her. The woman looked like she was pretty much drowning in guilt at this point, not that she had done anything wrong right?

"Well yeah. But I shouldn't be loving it. But I do. I always did enjoy it." Natasha's voice trailed before she smiled sadly.

"But you are allowed now. And I think it's good for you." Laura said with a warm smile. Natasha nodded slowly.

They sat in silence for a while before their food came. Even when they ate it was minimal talking and Laura could see Natasha was hurting. Why she didn't know yet.

Laura and Natasha drove home in silence. While she had gotten everything on her list, including a ridiculous expensive bed for the kid Laura kept throwing glances at Natasha. She had seemed very out of it for the last couple of days.

As they walked into the house Laura watched as Natasha turned in and was on her way to go to her room.

"Erm Clint!" Laura called walking fast into the living room to find her husband and child. She shoved two shopping bags into Clint's arms before running after Natasha yelling back.

"More in the truck!" hurrying up the stairs.

"Talia!" Laura called gripping her wrist just before she closed the door.

"Nata… sha" She breathed out as she caught up. The redhead looked at her for a second before she nodded and led her into the room and closed the door behind her.

"Are you okay?" Laura let out a loud sigh, still a bit out of breath. Natasha bit her lip and looked at her with big eyes before she asked slowly.

"Do you…do you think it's okay if I tried to use the piano sometime?" Her voice was low, and Laura could sense the insecurities.

"Ehh yeah. Sure, go for it. Do you still remember how to play?" Laura said with a gentle voice. Not what she was expecting, actually better than she was expecting.

Their piano was old. It was not tuned, and they didn't have a real piano stool. Neither Laura nor Clint could really play it. Laura knew like maybe two songs and Clint only played the guitar. Or at least he did before. None of them could read sheet music, Clint could barely read which grip to play on the guitar, and that was only one letter. Still, Laura had always wanted to keep it. It had come with the house when they bought it, so they couldn't really throw it out. That would just be wrong.

Natasha spent most of her afternoon in her room thinking, and Laura let her. She had already pushed her luck enough today. Laura spent the rest of the day with Clint and Cooper and Clint had just walked upstairs to brush Cooper's teeth when Natasha walked down. She looked at Laura and then on the piano.

"Go ahead," Laura said with a small smile before she picked up her book and started reading from where she just left off.

Natasha spent a good one minute just looking at the piano and Laura couldn't help it when she looked over her book and at Natasha who was sitting in the corner. She had dragged a chair from the kitchen over to the piano and was currently hovering her hands over the keys without touching them.

Laura watched as she moved her hands over the keys very lightly probably going through a song in her head or something. Natasha pushed down a key ever so slightly followed by two more. Her hands were so careful pushing down every key making a small almost cheerful melody. Maybe cheerful wasn't the right word. But it was definitely on the happy spectrum rather than sad. It was certainly beautiful. Her eyes were locked on her hands for a moment before they softened and eventually, Natasha had closed her eyes.

When the song ended Natasha had a small smile on her face and Laura could feel her heart burst in pride. This woman was something else.

"Wow. That was beautiful Talia!" Laura said before she changed the seat to a closer chair.

"Thanks. It's the first piece I ever learned I think, it's also the first song we ever danced too. It's called Nocturne in E Flat Major Op. 9 No. 2. I don't really remember what that means, only the song " Natasha's voice trailed off, but unlike the other times she had brought up her past she almost seemed happy.

"Wow," Laura whispered again.

"Do you remember any other songs?" Laura asked out of curiosity. She had no idea if Natasha had even toughed a piano since her graduation three years ago. She seemed pretty proficient.

"Ehh I think so."

Natasha looked down at her hands and pushed a few notes on the piano while she wrinkled her nose, clearly unsure about the song.

The second song seemed sadder. It was pretty slow, but not so slow. If Laura had to describe it, she would have described it as the kind of song that was a perfect mixture dramatic, powerful and emotional. If she had to give it a color it would be a royal blue, and if she was to describe it as a season it would be the transition between winter and spring.

This song Natasha seems to have to concentrate on a lot more. The first one seemed to be almost part of her burnt into her memory. Still, she wasn't that distracted that she didn't notice Clint and Cooper standing in the door watching her.

"Damn, the widow can play piano as well. Who knew?" Clint laughed as he handed over Cooper who was desperately trying to get into his aunt's arms.

"I didn't know either so guess I surprised everyone," Natasha answered with a small laugh. Cooped was currently bashing on the keyboard pushing all kinds of keys down.

"Puff, Puff" He giggled earning a confused look from Natasha.

"He means the song. Clint sings it to him as a lullaby sometimes. It's called Puff the magic dragon" Laura answered before Natasha asked. "ohhh" Natasha only answered. She could already see her brain start to work up something in her head.

"How does that song go again?" Natasha asked with a flat stare in her eyes moving her hands over a few keys.

"You know. _Puff the magic dragon, lived by the sea. And frolicked in the autumn mist in a la-"_

"Yeah yeah, got it." Natasha cut him off and was moving her hand in the air like she was writing something.

"Hon-ah-le" Natasha mumbled as she again poked a few more keys. It was like you could see the wheels in her eyes turn.

"Okay, okay. Got it. You sing dad." Natasha said sending Clint a strict look. He nodded slightly clearly going through the lyrics in his head.

Laura had heard Clint sing a billion times before, and he really is great. But this time it was Natasha who caught her eyes. First of all, she seemed to love to play so much. But she to Laura's surprise had a great voice. It shouldn't have been a surprise. It was Natasha Romanoff she could do anything. Still, Laura was thrown off guard. Natasha seems to be made for music and Laura could not wrap her head around someone forcing children to believe that art wasn't important. Whoever it was that had destroyed Natasha's childhood was evil. And Laura couldn't be more grateful for Natasha.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda a mess of a chapter. Had to add a lot more than I thought. Just to make it longer. I mean I wanted to introduce Natasha's love for music and ballet soon anyway so it's fine but is still kinda like a filter chapter I guess. If anyone is wondering, yes both Jeremy and Scarlett sing in real life so like it's not completely out of the blue.
> 
> S-B.


	4. Chapter 4

Natasha spent noticeably more time in Washington and Laura found herself in the same situation every year where Clint was out on missions and Natasha never coming home. Thankfully Natasha was good at updating her on all of her adventures. They seemed to get longer and longer as time went on. On the good side, it meant that the few times she did get time off her mini holidays were longer than before, but they were still too short for Laura's liking.

Natasha was on average visiting 15 times a year. And yes, Laura was counting.

When Laura found out she was pregnant for the second time Natasha was in London. She remembered the day Natasha had walked into the house after her mission. Natasha had walked into the house but stopped the second she saw Laura. She was only on week 12 but a tiny bump had started to show, and no details went past Natasha.

Natasha had looked at her for ten long seconds. The cold stare had made Laura's heart skip a beat or two. Then she had looked at Clint for another two seconds before she had hit him really hard in the arm before she dragged Laura into a big hug.

Laura hadn't planned another pregnancy. Guess that's just what happens when Clint disappears for a longer time than usual.

Natasha had seemed happy at first. Then she had seemed a bit scared about the idea of a baby. And not before Laura had reminded her that when she met them Cooper was only a few months she had calmed down a bit.

Laura was very excited about the new addition. It was years since she and Natasha had talked about child number two, but Laura remembered the day Natasha had mentioned it very well.

"So, guys, what do you want to call the baby?" They were currently eating breakfast. The mood was a bit bittersweet. Natasha and Clint were going on a mission in a few hours and this was the last "family meal" in a while. Even 3-year-old Cooper seems to notice something was up.

"Nat. She is only 20 weeks in. It's like 20 left. We got more than enough time to figure out a name" Clint said with a small laugh. Laura smiled at Natasha and nodded.

"Oh, come on. It's no way you guys don't have any ideas. At least some names you like." Natasha said as she took another sip of her coffee.

"All I know is that I want it to start on the letter L," Clint said with a smile.

"Why?" Natasha asked again looking at her partner with a confused look.

"Just because." Clint winked at her and Laura could see the annoyed look on Natasha's eyes.

"Fine…" Natasha answered shortly. They sat in silence for a while watching Cooper play around on the floor. Laura hadn't thought about baby names at all. She knew a few moms who picked the baby's names even before they were pregnant, but she had never been like that. They didn't have any names passed down in any of their families and neither Clint nor Laura had any reason to rush the process.

"You know what a nice name would be?" Natasha said with a dreamy voice shaking Laura out of her thoughts.

"Lila." Natasha continued, earning a surprised look from the parents.

"I mean Clint's favourite colour is purple and Laura's favorite flower is the syringa, also known as the _Lilac,_ mostly common here with the colour…."

"Purple." Clint finished. Laura was stunned by that Natasha had just put down.

"Oh my god, that's perfect!" Clint laughed dragging Natasha into a hug. Laura was still silent.

"What do you think babe?" Clint said with a happy voice.

"It is. But we don't even know if it's a girl yet." Laura giggled at her husband how as almost jumping in excitement. They hadn't bothered to get an ultrasound to check the gender yet. They had one scheduled next week, which meant she would have to go alone without Clint.

"It is now. I just decided." Clint said into her stomach before he lifted her up from the floor and spun her around earning a small laugh from Laura.

Laura though a lot about the baby while Clint and Natasha were gone. It was her way of keeping her mind off her worries. She went shopping with Cooper and sorted through all of Cooper's baby stuff. Sometimes Natasha and Clint would send a few texts with suggestions and ideas for the preparation for the new addition. Natasha seemed especially curious about the whole thing.

She found that being pregnant, and of course having Cooper, helped when Clint and Natasha were away. She always had someone to talk care for. Cooper was getting older and he had more than enough energy to keep Laura going the whole day. When he finally drifted off to sleep Laura could sit and talk with "Lila" for hours before she finally went to bed.

The day she found out it was a girl Clint had called her and he had ranted for hours. He talked about how badass she was going to be and how awesome it would be to have a girl now that Natasha was such a big part of their family. By the time he hung up, he had already explained all his future plans for his daughter.

Of course, Laura missed Clint a lot, but being a single mom wasn't that bad. By day 12 Laura was well into a working routine with her and Cooper. Clint and Natasha were rarely gone for too long, but now Laura knew that if anything would happen, she could do it.

This wasn't the first time Laura thought about a life where Clint didn't come home after a mission. She knew it was awful to even think that, but in her life, that was something to take into account. Clint was a world-class spy. His work was dangerous, that was just how it was. If Clint died Laura would manage. Yes, it would be hard, but Clint had saved more than enough money from his work at SHIELD, she had some savings as well.

Laura hoped that would never be the case. Clint hadn't come home with even a scratch on him lately. Most of his solo missions were easy "babysitting jobs" as they called it. And if he ever got sent on a more dangerous mission Natasha would _always_ be with him. It was like Natasha was there purely to protect him. This both scared and comforted Laura. She was happy Natasha was there, but she was just as scared at losing her as Clint. Yes, she had only known her for a few years, but she was part of their family now.

Natasha had recently got the title of SHIELD's most efficient spy and was currently working closely with Maria and Phil to keep on improving her skillsets. This was something Laura was slightly concerned about. Because yes, she was happy Natasha was so successful at her job, but she was working a lot. And again, Laura was happy for her, but she was starting to think it was a small chance of a bit too much work.

Day 23 Natasha and Clint came home after what seemed to be a particularly long and hard mission. Laura wasn't used to Clint being gone for so long. Before they had Cooper he had missions go over weeks, maybe months, now they were traded for shorter missions, on max two weeks.

They had been in Sokovia again and had come home around 11 pm that same night. This was the third time they had been sent there, which seemed like a lot. Sokovia seemed to be unstable, and just like last time they had come home with countless bruises and cuts. Or at least Natasha.

Laura had spent a good hour trying to patch up the younger woman. She had seemed especially tired and had soon fallen asleep while Laura had worked. She hadn't meant to fall asleep in her room, but Clint had already gone to bed and soon Laura fell into a restless sleep beside Natasha.

Laura woke up at 6:30 in the morning after with Natasha still sleeping beside her. Just looking at her made Laura's heart sink. Natasha had always been excellent at hiding her feelings, but whenever she was sleeping all of her personas and facades fell. The woman looked tired even in her sleep. Her eyebrows with a slight frown and worried look. Laura couldn't quite explain it, she just seemed... vulnerable.

Have known her for three almost three and a half years Laura knew how much she needed the sleep and decided to let her sleep in. Natasha was covered in bandages from her last mission, and Laura had very clearly exclaimed her frustration when Natasha had walked into the house bleeding from literally everywhere the night before and still claimed she was "fine".

Laura walked downstairs to find Clint and Cooper both awake.

"Good morning," Clint said as she walked up to him and gave him a kiss.

"Morning," she said back smiling slightly. Cooper was eating from a bowl of watermelon slices and Clint was sipping on some coffee.

"How are you?" Laura asked carefully letting her fingers slide down Clint's arm feeling his strong arms under her fingertips.

"A bit sore but fine," Clint said with a small twisted smile. Laura knew that look.

"What are you thinking about?" Laura asked looking at her husband with a small worried look.

"I'm only thinking about Natasha. She somehow always ends up in the crossfire or have to protect me because I do something dumb. And I just feel… bad" Clint mumbled back. Laura only looked at him and nodded.

"It's not your fault though. You know Nat. She does whatever she can to protect her love once. You don't need to do something dumb to make her jump in front of you. Besides, you got her back. So as long as both of you are on the same page." Laura answered slowly.

"I guess. I just feel like she somehow always ends with all of it." While Laura had to agree she didn't want Clint to blame himself. Natasha would always be there, and she would always take the bullet if she could. It was just how she was.

Laura and Clint ended up taking a slow morning together. Taking their time with both eating breakfast and everything after. It had been a while since they had the opportunity to just enjoy each other's company.

She spent most of her morning reading while the boys caught up with lost time playing on the floor. Laura watched the two boys for a while but decided that she had to check up on Natasha soon. While she was all for her sleeping in, she wanted to make sure she was fine.

Laura made her way upstairs and slipped carefully into the room. Natasha was curled up with her back towards the door when Laura peeked inside. Her breathing was a bit faster than usual making Laura believe she was awake.

"Natasha?" Laura whispered as she made her way over to the bed. Natasha didn't answer, she didn't even move. Laura sank down beside Natasha and slowly let her hand glide over her forehead brushing away her red hair.

Natasha opened her eye under Laura's touch and looked at her for a few seconds before she closed them again. She didn't ask before she walked into Natasha's bathroom and looked through her cabinet. To Laura's frustration, Natasha had either emptied or brought with her most of her medication making a 500mg Tylenol the only thing she had left.

Making the best out of what she got she made her way back with the box and a small glass of water. "Talia "she whispered as Natasha slowly made her way up into a sitting position.

It felt like they had already done this a million times before. Every time it turned out just the same. Natasha would take whatever Laura gave her then she would lean on Laura, let out a sigh before Laura would play with her hair until the headache slowly passed.

Laura wished she could make the girl fall asleep just because she seemed to be in less pain when she was. Instead, Natasha was forced to be awake for hours. Every goddamn time. Natasha's breathing was heavy, and Laura could tell it was stronger than usual by the way Natasha seem to tense up even more.

"Shhh. Breath Natasha." Laura whispered as she felt the woman gasp after oxygen.

Throughout the years Laura had gotten to know Natasha better and better. Just by tone of voice, Laura could tell if she was tired, stressed or overworked. Natasha had constantly been on missions the last few months and she knew she would get a burnt-out Natasha in return.

Natasha would never admit that that was the case. She would never say: it's too much, or say she needed a break. She would always say yes to whatever Furry asked, but Laura knew. Even Coulson seems to get it as he seems to try to keep the missions more spaced out. Not that it mattered, Furry could overwrite whatever he said, and if he needed Natasha, he would ask Natasha. Nothing could quite compare to her skills, so he never hesitated to ask her. Because Natasha is comfortable with everything.

Every time Natasha came back home burnt out Laura was stuck with someone who seems to be almost drowning in exhaustion. She would sleep for hours only resulting in another headache. This could go on for hours, sometimes days. It was even times she had to watch Natasha force herself on a mission when she clearly wasn't close to ready. Always just falling into the same emotionless Natasha she had met years ago as she pushed through.

Natasha was leaning on her and seem to almost fall asleep when a sharp sound of a phone broke their comfortable silence making both Natasha and Laura jump. Natasha let out a loud groan massaging her temple. Laura slipped out of the bed in search of the spy's phone. She found it on the other side of the room beside a pile of Natasha's clothes she had so carelessly thrown away last night.

To Laura's surprise, it was Maria Hill who called. She threw a look at Natasha who had curled up again. She knew Natasha didn't mind her answering her phone, but it still made Laura's heart skip. She slipped out of the room before she answered the phone.

"Hello. This is Laura." Laura tried to keep her voice as calm as possible not doing a very good job of it.

" _Laura? Where is Roma-Natasha?"_ Laura could hear Maria's tense voice.

"Not in any state for a phone call, that's for sure" Laura regretted it the second she said it. "I mean, she is in bed. Migraine. Burnt out." Her voice softened and she could hear Maria let out a sight on the other end.

" _Oh. I should have figured. She has been working really hard lately."_ Maria's voice was softer now, she seemed calmer.

"How hard?" Laura wasn't sure if she wanted to know.

" _About 12 hours a day,"_ Maria said with a low voice.

"12 hours are you- what?!"

" _Furry seems to be working on something. His superhero plans or whatever."_ Maria mumbled back.

"Avengers initiative, right?" Laura finished earning an approving sight from the director.

" _Yes. I think part of Natasha's work hours with him basically him trying to test her, to see if she is a worthy candidate. The other half is him being lazy and not contacting anyone else when she is already there. And Colson and I have our hours as well."_ Maria said in a soft voice. Laura understood. She knew that Maria and Phil were working very hard with her and Nick Fury is, well he is Nick Fury.

"Can I ask you something?" Laura asked with a weak voice.

" _You are going to ask if I can give her some time off?"_ Maria finished. Laura knew she couldn't see her but nodded anyway.

"I know it's a long shot. But I would love to have at least one of them home when I am. You know…." Her voice trailed. This felt dumb. She was literally begging the Deputy Director of SHIELD not to use her best agent. This was dumb. Really dumb.

" _No, I get it. You're expecting another child."_ Maria said with an understanding voice. _"I can't promise them both to be home all the time, but what if I made sure at least one of them is at all times?"_

"Really?!" Laura answered in disbelief was she just going to give them up like that?

" _Yeah. I think it's good for the- Natasha. I think it's good for Natasha."_ Maria drifted off.

"Well thank you, Maria. If you ever need some time off, you're more than welcome." Was that a mistake? Inviting the director if SHIELD right and over to their home? Instead of blowing her off like Laura though Maria would she answered softly.

" _Maybe I will. Thank you. Laura."._

* * *

Laura was confused. She was happy but confused. Maria kept her promise and Natasha and Clint never got sent on any missions together. Of course, that came with a cost. All of the missions Clint and Natasha usually would take on together Natasha was either sent on alone or in the worst-case scenario, Maria herself had to move her schedule around and go with her.

For the next four months, Natasha kept on going back and forth between SHIELD and home. After every mission, she got sent home by Maria before Furry could say something stupid. Laura could tell some of the missions were really getting her, but of course, she didn't complain. She never complained.

Natasha was sitting in a chair by the fireplace sipping on some tea while Clint was playing with Laura's hair. Week 36 and Laura was not kidding when she said she was feeling like she was going to pop. It was 9-pm, and Cooper was in bed. They could all just go to bed, but this was the one time in the day where all of them were together not getting interrupted by a child needing something. It was nice just enjoying each other's company.

A knock on the door shattered the comfortable atmosphere making both Natasha and Clint shoot their head up and Laura jump in her seat. Natasha only nodded at the kitchen making Clint drag Laura with him into the kitchen. Laura watched as Natasha click off the safety of a Glock she kept under one of the shelves in the bookcase.

She moved slowly to the door and Laura saw her open the door carefully. To everyone's surprise, Maria Hill was standing at the door with a small bag in her hand. Laura felt her heart calm down in her chest as Natasha embraced the other woman.

"Maria. Please, you have all of our numbers what happened with giving us a heads up?" Natasha let out a sight clicking the safety on again before putting the gun away.

"Sorry, Natasha, Fury doesn't always give me room for that." Natasha only huffed in reply and Laura watched the small interaction before walking into the living room.

"Sorry, Laura," Maria said with a soft voice giving Clint and Laura a small hug.

"It's okay. What are you doing here?" Laura responded slumping down back into the couch. She watched Natasha walk into the kitchen while Clint put away his bow.

"Needed a break for one. But I need to talk to you guys-" Natasha interrupted the superior agent asking her.

"Want something Maria, coffee, tea, wine a beer?"

"Wouldn't complain about a beer."

"Yeah me neither" Clint replied dryly. Natasha nodded at the two before moving back to her chair handing them the bottles on the way.

"As I was saying. I need to talk to you guys. But I don't think we'll do that now. I was hoping tomorrow." Maria looked at Laura with a small smile before she picked up an orange highlighter and popped off the cap on the bottle. Laura nodded shortly before saying.

"Yes. You are more than welcome to stay for as long as you want." She smiled at her. Maria smiled back. Clint looked between the woman with an annoyed look while Natasha didn't seem to be quite following. Her eyes were tired, and she was slowly massaging her temple.

"Why can't we just do it now?" Clint asked. As always straight to the case.

"No. Like I said, tomorrow. I don't think Romanoff needs anything like this now." Maria's comment was final. The message was clear, and the discussion was over.

They all finished their beverages before Clint helped Maria with the guestroom downstairs while Natasha and Laura moved upstairs. Laura watched as Natasha stumbled into her room. She gave her one painfilled look before she closed the door to her room. Oh god. Laura was really hoping whatever Maria was going to talk about wasn't too heavy because like she said, Natasha wasn't in a state where she could handle that.

It was weird having someone new in their house. Cooper seemed way more thrilled over Maria than Maria was over him. Still, she tried to answer all of his questions about her work in the most kid-friendly way you could to a four-year-old. Natasha came downstairs around 10 in the morning and Laura could just tell the was going on only a few hours' sleep.

"Good, now that everyone is here, I need to talk to you about a mission." Laura turned her head slowly towards Maria. A mission? They never got their mission delivered like this. It was always a call or an mail.

"We need someone to escort a nuclear engineer." Maria continued. Clint looked at her with a confused look while Natasha's face had lost all its emotions and her agent Romanoff face was put on display instead.

"Okay? Why is this a big deal?" Clint asked looking at Maria for more information.

"Well, I need one of you to do it. I don't have time and we need a high-level agent on this. Preferable a spy." Maria looked between the three of them and Clint was fast to reply.

"I'll do it."

"No, no, no, no. hang on. We don't know what this mission is. I don't really think it's that easy. Is it, Maria? For example, where are we escorting said engineer?" Natasha was fast to cut Clint off giving Maria room to continue.

"From Tehran, Iran through Odessa to Munich, Germany… By car." Laura let out a small gasp.

"You gotta be shitting me, Maria?! That's like" Laura watched as Natasha's eyes moved around probably going through a few numbers in her head.

"That's like 3000 miles or something." Maria nodded in conformation.

"Yeah no, Clint, you are not doing this." Natasha looked at them and Maria nodded again.

"Yes. I agree, but I needed to talk to you because Colson and Nick wanted to send him instead." Laura was really, really happy Maria took the time to talk to the three of them, because what kind of mission was that. That seemed crazy, even for them.

"What why? I want to do it." Clint defended looking at Natasha with two hurt eyes.

"No," Natasha answered coldly.

"Nat you are being really unreasonable here." Clint stood up from the kitchen table.

"Don't," Natasha replied not even wanting to meet his eyes. She turned around towards Laura and Maria before she said with a softer voice.

"Give us a second here okay?" She smiled kindly at them and Laura nodded slowly before she picked up Cooper and they left the room.

"Well, that went smoothly," Maria said dryly as they walked out of the kitchen. Laura nodded. This was never going to end well.

"Thank you for coming to Maria, I really appreciate it," Laura said as she put down Cooper and watched him run over to some drawing equipment on the floor.

"Like I said. I get it." Maria replied.

 _"ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME CLINT?"_ Laura and Maria turned their heads when they heard Natasha's angry voice through the closed doors.

 _"NO CLINT. I WON'T LET YOU."_ Laura couldn't help herself when she slowly moved towards the door to hear better.

" _Natasha, I want this mission. Pluss you are tired. I saw you yesterday. I might not be as good as Laura to read body language but I'm not dumb. You need to rest."_

_"You idiot. If you want to take care of anyone stay with your wife. She is about to have a baby. You are not missing the birth of your daughter for this. Laura needs you, Clint."_

_"Nat… I…"_

_"No. I mean it, Clint. Maria came here because she knows this mission is more dangerous than Fury and Coulson it is making us believe. Nothing can happen to you, Clint. You need to stay here."_ Laura's heart sank. She hadn't quite understood why Maria was here before. But Natasha was right. Maria would never have confronted them if the mission had a low risk.

 _"But what about you?_ " Laura could hear Clint's worried voice.

 _"Nothing will happen to me, Clint, I mean I get most of my injuries when I'm saving your ass so…"_ Laura listened to Clint's soft laughter.

 _"Okay. I guess it's settled. You win Romanoff."_ Laura heard Natasha's fast movements over to the door and she moved backward to act less suspicious. Natasha opened the door and threw a fast look between the two of them before she nodded them into the room again.

"Natasha will go," Clint mumbled, still not happy about the whole thing. Maria nodded like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"So, what's the plan then?" Natasha said shortly. Laura could tell she wasn't talking to Natasha anymore; she was now full-on Agent Romanoff. Maria walked over to the small coffee table and put down a tablet whit a map on it.

"I am thinking you should go down to Tehran yourself. The engineer is aware we are sending someone down. He probably wants to talk to you about the route. All we known is that we need to go through Odessa" Maria pointed on the map Odessa wasn't even close to Iran.

"Any backup?" Natasha answered with her cold tone. Laura watched as she studied the map. Laura was guessing she already had a route in her head all planed out.

"Yes and no. We will always have a team behind you. A few miles not to make it any suspicions than it needs to. But because the route is long the team will be switched out through the route." Maria answered. Natasha nodded slowly still studying the map.

"Approximate time?" Clint asked looking between the two of them.

"Long enough," Natasha answered back shortly.

"Yes," Maria confirmed. "We are thinking about a month or so" Laura looked at Natasha who still hadn't moved her eyes from the map. A month. All Laura thought about was that that was past the baby's due date.

"It's a lot of doughy places we have to drive through," Natasha mumbled more to Maria than anyone else. Maria nodded again. It was no point of interfering with Natasha, her head had already left the family life.

"When are we leaving?" Laura knows Natasha didn't mean to sound so harsh, but her heart still felt a little heavy hearing the words slip out.

"Whenever you want," Maria replied with just as little emotions in her voice as Natasha.

Well fuck there she goes again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I think we all know what happens next am I right?
> 
> S-B


	5. Chapter 5

perfectly.

Life seemed to be more or less perfect. Or at least that's what Laura thought when she gave birth to Lila there days ago. Lila was perfect. Everything was perfect. Clint was there, Cooper was there. Life was great. They were in the hospital for three days before they went home that evening. Lila had slept almost the whole way home and when they were back home both Cooper and Lila had been so easy, and both went to sleep almost instantly.

Clint and Laura had cuddled up in bed with Lila sleeping on the other side of the room. They had, of course, a nursery for her, but the first days they preferred to have her close.

Laura was laying on Clint's shoulder and was almost drifting off when Clint's phone started vibrating and broke the silence.

"Mmmm. Probably nothing. Just ignore it." Clint mumbled into her hair. Laura would normally protest because it could be something urgent, but she was just so tired. That happened one more time, making Clint believe it was only one of those phone sellers because who else would call at this time of night two times in a row anyways. It wasn't before Laura's phone went off that the two of them decided to move.

Clint turned on the nightlight while Laura slowly slipped out of bed to get her phone. The second her eyes fell on the screen she could feel her heart speed up. Her hand was already shaking uncontrollably as she slowly picked up the phone. "Hello?" Laura whispered into the phone already bracing herself for what was going to happen.

" _Laura"_ Maria's voice was flustered and filled with stress and pain. Laura gulped slowly and was thankful when she felt Clint behind her, keeping her on her feet.

" _Natasha has been shot."_ The words echoed in her head long after Laura had dropped her phone. She felt her legs give up under her in shook.

Natasha had been shot. Was she alive? She had to be right? Was she hurt? Was it life-threatening? Did they know where she was? Did they know what had happened? What had happened? Where was she now?

Laura's head was spinning as her thoughts went on. Oh my god. Natasha had been shot!

* * *

It had been almost two weeks since they had gotten the call. They knew very little about the whole situation. Maria had told them that Natasha's car had been shot presumably making her lose control over the vehicle. They had found the car on the bottom of a cliff where they believed Natasha had pulled them out. Their theory was that Natasha had covered her engineer putting her between the shooter and her mission. The shooter had shot the engineer with one bullet. One clean shot straight _through_ Natasha killing him. The backup team had found her unconscious, and they described it as a miracle she was even alive.

Clint was currently talking with Maria on the phone phasing around in the room while Laura was on the floor with Cooper watching him carefully.

"Yes, thank you, Maria." Clint looked at Laura and Laura could already feel the lump in her stomach grow.

"She is stable. She had been for a while. She is going to be fine. But it will take time. Judging from Maria's tone of voice the medical team isn't doing Natasha any good. It stresses her and makes it worse. Maria wants to send her home." Laura felt like a big weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Natasha was coming back home?!

"When?" Laura asked weakly. She felt her heart race in her chest.

"She is aiming for later tonight. If all goes to plan, she is flying over with another pilot. She offered to stay a couple of days if we need help with Natasha and the kids. I know it's not the best time, but I said yes. I think- "Laura cut him off nodding.

"I agree, Clint. It's what's best for everyone. Including Natasha." Clint nodded and hugged Laura tightly. Feeling a little bit more safe in his arms. She knew they would get through. Together.

Nothing could prepare Laura for what she saw that night. Clint ran out to meet Maria and Natasha at the Quinjet. The sight in front of her shattered her heart to pieces. Clint had Natasha in his arms, carrying her carefully with Maria following closely behind.

Natasha was almost completely white with her eyes closed. Her arm was hanging limply from her body. She seemed completely unresponsive and unaware of everything and everyone around her. Her sweater was hanging loosely around her and Laura saw the big bandage which lashed around her whole stomach. Laura would see some sweat on her forehead and the poor girl looked completely knocked out.

Maria who was walking slowly behind didn't look any better. She was almost just as pale, and her eyes were tired. Clint had told her how much Maria and he had argued with the medical team to let her go.

As Clint passed her Laura tossed him a worried look. He only nodded before he continued into the house slowly carrying Natasha to her bedroom.

"Maria, thank you." Laura stopped the other woman in the hallway grabbing her arm. Maria looked at her and nodded with a small smile.

"I know she would have done the same for me. I owe her this much." Maria answered with a tired voice. Laura had no idea what that meant but she was okay with it anyway. All she really cared about was that Natasha was home.

Laura helped Maria settle into the guest room downstairs. As she was making the bed, she threw a few glances at the other woman who was resting in a chair.

"So, what now?" Laura asked carefully. Maria looked at her with a thoughtfully look.

"Natasha needs a long recovery. She was really lucky with that shot, an inch more to the left and she would have been killed. The medical team at SHIELD wanted to keep her at HQ, but she seems to get stressed by everyone around her. We don't know what happened exactly, but she doesn't trust anyone at SHIELD right now." Maria said with a sad voice. Laura nodded slowly.

"What about you?" She whispered, almost immediately regretting she even asked. Maria had closed her eyes and let her guard down completely, which was interesting because last time she was here she wasn't nearly as relaxed.

"I just need to make sure she is okay. She… she doesn't seem to trust me or Fury at the moment either. The only logical thing to do was to bring her here. I know she trusts both of you. It's safe. And I think she needs that." Maria paused for a second before she continued.

"Even if she doesn't trust me right now, I owe her to help. If she doesn't let me help her directly that's fine, but if I can help you at home or with Cooper or really anything." Laura nodded slowly. She didn't want to push Maria anymore. She was already so grateful for what she had done. The two of them got interrupted when Clint walked into the room.

"Laura, do me a favor and go upstairs to Natasha. She is stressed and I think she got a headache, and I can tell she doesn't want me there. I checked up on her wound and all the medical stuff, but I rather not get that glare again…." Clint said with a slightly scared voice. Jesus, Laura thought this woman was hurt, and here she is glaring making Clint all scared.

Maria nodded slowly. "I'm not surprised," she said with a half-hearted smile. Laura looked at the two of them before handing over the cover of the pillow she was currently trying to get on over to Clint. "She has been like that for the last two weeks. The first week she was more or less controllable, but I just had to pull her out at the end because it looked like she was going to kill some of the doctors." Maria let out a small chuckle. Guess that was a good sign. Sort of.

Laura nodded at Maria before she turned around and left the room. She jogged up the stairs and found that Clint hadn't even closed the door to her room. Slipping inside and closed the door before she turned around towards the bed. Natasha was lying on her right side probably to keep the wounded side away from any pressure. She looked at her with two awake tensed eyes.

"Hi" Laura whispered before she moved over to the bed sitting down close to Natasha's head. She brushed over her hair lightly letting Natasha rest her head in her lap.

"You okay?" Laura whispered. Of course, she knew the answer to that question. Why did she even ask that? Natasha shook her head slowly in her lap and Laura could tell she was in a lot of pain still.

Laura spent the whole night with Natasha whispering to her. They could hear Lila cry and wake up multiple times, but Clint never walked in to get Laura. Instead, he let her stay with the Agent. Natasha didn't fall asleep before 7 am the next morning and a few hours later Laura passed out beside her.

Natasha's recovery was long and painful. Maria left a week later when Fury had forced her back home. In the short week, she had been there she had helped the Barton's more than Laura could ever make up for. She had been a key part of making Natasha's first week not as hellish as it could have been.

The spy used close to a month before she had any energy to get out of bed without help. At 6 weeks Natasha had been able to go downstairs for the first time but she was tired and weak. Laura was wondering if it was all because of the gun wound or because of something else.

It was almost fall, and three months since the assassination of the engineer. Natasha was currently sitting outside on the porch while Clint was teaching Cooper to hit a ball with a bat. Laura walked down and outside joining Natasha in the small sitting area. Natasha had closed her eyes and was smiling at the warm summer sun.

"Lila asleep already?" Natasha hummed still with her eyes closed. Laura was happy to say that Natasha looked a lot better now finally seemed to get better after a rough first weeks

"Yup. She got that from her father" Laura said back, and she could hear Natasha softly laugh. A sound she didn't know she had missed so dearly before now. Natasha had not only had an awful long recovery from her injury, but her mentality had also, for some reason, gotten a serious hit. Laura didn't know what that made Natasha so shaken. Obviously, it had to be something about the whole almost killed episode, but they still didn't know exactly what had happened. SHIELD had no way of tracking the shooter. Apparently, it was a "slug with no rifling" which meant nothing to Laura because she had no idea what any of that means. The first weeks Natasha had curled back into her shell, similar to the woman Laura had met years ago. Cold, emotionless, stressed and a total wreck, but lately, she seems to slowly come back to life.

Both Laura and Natasha turned their heads when they heard an engine not far away. The sound of the engine was not to be mistaken; it was a Quinjet. Laura watched Clint lift his head before he picked up the ball and pushed Cooped inside just as the airplane landed softly on the outside of the lot. Laura watched as Natasha stood up and straightened up when the person walked out of the jet, and for some reason, Laura felt the need to do the same.

Natasha had obviously figured out who it was way before Laura. To her surprise, it was Phil Coulson who walked up to the house. Clint walked out the door just when Natasha walked down to greet the superior Agent.

"Coulson," Natasha said with a cold tone.

"Natasha, I think we are way past using our las- "A cold stair shut Phil and he mumbled low rolling his eyes ever so slightly. "Romanoff."

Laura was definitely past all the formalities giving Phil a small hug and a kind smile.

"Phil, what are you doing here?" Laura said with a soft voice letting the man into their home. Phil smiled at her and Clint before he led the way into the kitchen.

"As much as I would love to have a small holiday like Maria had a few months back…We need you back at SHIELD." Laura was sure he was talking about Clint, but instead of looking at Clint Phil was staring into Natasha's green eyes making the spy look just as uncomfortable as Laura. Of course, Natasha shook it off way quicker than her, answering shortly.

"Why?" Her voice was cold and emotionless, and Laura swore under her breath. She had spent so much time trying to get Natasha back to her normal self and now she had fallen back to her cold self again. Of course, Laura knew she had different personas for SHIELD and at home, and not to forget the Black Widow persona Laura, luckily hadn't needed to deal with yet. The problem right now was that Laura had a feeling Natasha couldn't distinguish the difference between them anymore.

"We need to track the shooter," Phil answered with the same cold voice trying to get Natasha to turn down the stubbornness. Natasha huffed before she fell down on a chair in the kitchen.

"Impossible. Maria told us it was "completely untraceable." Natasha looking straight into the man's eyes.

"It is, but you're not dumb. And neither are we." Phil looked back at her. When he did not get answered he rolled his eyes again before he turned towards Laura and Clint with a hopeless look in his eyes.

"It's soviet made." Laura watched Natasha tense up by his words and she could tell Natasha was really annoyed at this point.

"Okay and?" Natasha mumbled dryly. It was so obvious at this point. Laura could tell Natasha wasn't even trying to lie now. If she was, she would have succeeded. But she wasn't. Instead, she was really emphasizing the fact that she did not want to walk about it.

"Natasha. Come on. You weren't passed out for _that_ long; you have to have seen the shooter. Something." Clint was the one pushing her now with Phil nodding. When Natasha still didn't answerer Phil took a deep breath before saying.

"Natasha this is a master marksman close to your level. Almost as accurate as you, except I know you are better. He isn't a sharpshooter like you, but he is pretty damn accurate." Natasha still didn't react just staring down at the table.

"An assassin, a master marksman, completely untraceable. If I didn't know any better, I would have guessed it was you." Phil finished. Natasha huffed before she said. "I don't use guns like that."

"Natasha…" Clint warned. Natasha looked at him for a second with a glare that made Laura's heart stop. She took a deep breath before she opened her mouth.

"He is a ghost story. Most of Soviet doesn't believe he even exists. He is fast, strong, and got a metal arm. Not a prosthesis. This one is beyond anything else. I know because I have met him before. At the red room. We called him _The Winter soldier_ " Natasha's voice was deep and cold and her eyes were shining evilly, and Laura was seriously scared if this was going to be her first meeting with The Black Widow.

"The Winter Soldier? What does he do exactly?" Laura asked carefully, not sure if she wanted to know or not. Probably not.

"Exactly what he did to that engineer. He is an assassin and only that. He is credited around two dozen assassinations in the last fifty years." Natasha looked at them with two dark eyes and Laura shivered by the thought.

" I've never heard of him," Clint mumbled low looking at Natasha like he didn't believe her.

"Of course, you haven't. He isn't like the rest of us. Even part of the Soviet… I mean the Russian community doesn't believe he exists. Like I said he is credited with two dozen, but _only_ two dozen. Assassinations are _the only_ thing he does. It's a difference." Natasha said with an annoyed voice looking at Clint.

"SHIELD found you." Clint challenged.

"But I took other missions as well. I had _ten times_ the amount of kills he has in the last fifty years only I hit that number in less than three years. I was a killer. We are not the same." Natasha growled.

Laura looked at her with a small look. Natasha had never told her anything about her past, and Laura had never asked, she just knew it was bad. She never thought it was this bad. 240 kills under her belt.

"But you know him? Why?" Coulson asked in a lot calmer voice than Clint's.

"Because he helped Ma…- he helped the headmistress of the Red Room to break us in," Natasha mumbled low. She looked away from the three of them avoiding the curious eyes.

"He was our teacher for master seduction." Laura watched the woman in front of them look at them with to hurt eyes before she stood up in one rapid motion.

"I want to kill him. We are leaving. Now." Natasha walked out of the room and Laura heard her feet walk up the stairs. Phil looked at them for a second before he nodded and walked to the front door to wait for Natasha. Three minutes later Natasha was walking down the stairs again with a bag in her arm and dressed in her black suit. Her eyes were dark and filled with hate and anger. She didn't even look at Clint and Laura before she walked out of the house and slammed the door behind her.

Natasha was gone for almost 3 months before she contacted Laura for the first time. She sent one plain text.

_**Natasha:** _ _Not dead._

Laura had obviously replied without getting an answer. The next time she got a message was Christmas Eve just after Cooper and Lila had both fallen asleep.

_**Natasha:** _ _Take care of each other. Gifts in my office if Clint didn't find them already. He knows where._

Getting the texts from Natasha was probably one of the most frustrating things Laura had gone through in a while. When Natasha had just left without saying bye to any of them Laura had been more than just a little hurt. It was very unlike Natasha. Usually, she never left before giving them all a real explanation of what was going on and a real goodbye. It wasn't just Laura who had reacted badly on the way Natasha was acting. Clint was furious the first couple of days. He blamed himself for pushing her too much. Still, he came to peace with it faster than Laura. He knew this was what she was meant to do. Keeping her home for so long was like trying to contain a ticking bomb. It was only a matter of time before she had left anyways.

When Natasha finally called close to 5 months later Laura both angry and relieved at the same time. She was mad because Natasha hadn't called her earlier, but she was relieved when she finally did. At least she wasn't dead. Maybe a bit more worked up than usual because Clint had been gone for three weeks. While Natasha was technically back at work, she was working with something very classified outside of the normal mission meaning Clint had to take more missions. And with two young kids and only one parent required more energy than Laura had.

"Natasha, where are you?! I've called you like a hundred times!" Laura almost screamed into the phone when she picked up the phone forcing herself to lower her voice so she wouldn't wake up the kids.

" _Hi."_

"Natasha, seriously, I've been so worried. You just walked out of the house and Clint hasn't seen you at the Triskelion at all. What happened about you updating me once and a while?" Laura let out with an annoyed tone. She was so worked up she didn't notice how uncharacteristically quiet Natasha was on the other end.

"I wanted to invite you back home for Christmas, but you never answered, you didn't come for Cooper's birthday and now… now I just miss you, to be honest." Laura trailed off. She didn't mean to lash out on her like that, but she was more annoyed with the other woman than she thought.

"Natasha?" Laura asked carefully when she didn't get an answer.

" _I'm sorry"_ Her voice was so low Laura almost didn't hear her.

"Natasha are you okay? Where are you?" Laura whispered back.

" _Turn around."_ It was almost like a sob. Laura turned around slowly and dropped her phone when her eyes locked on the woman in the door. Natasha's eyes were dark and empty staring into the room. She had big dark circles under her eyes and her suit was practically falling apart around her. Even in the dimmed light, Laura could tell this was bad. Really bad.

"Oh my god, Natasha" Laura whispered low as she made her way over to Natasha and let the other woman fall around her neck. They stood in the living room just hugging for maybe two minutes before Laura pulled back and looked at Natasha. Natasha turned away from her not wanting to look at the other woman.

"Come on." Laura grabbed Natasha's arm and pulled her slowly upstairs and into her bathroom. Natasha trailed behind slowly and let Laura push her down on the toilet for an inspection. The woman just stared out into nothing with two empty eyes very similar to the look she had the first day Laura and Natasha had met. A bad sign to say at least.

"Help me get you out of the suit so I can clean the cuts, okay?" Laura said softly not touching the other woman before she nodded slowly. Laura gently pulled down the zipper before unclasping the belt letting it fall on the bathroom floor with a thud.

"Stand up," Laura whispered letting the spy get up on her feet. Natasha was still not moving much but she had closed her eyes and let Laura work without protesting too much. The suit was almost glued to her body with dried up blood and other sticky things Laura rather not wanted to know what was. Laura slowly peeled off the suit trying to be as careful as possible. She noticed how Natasha flinched when she had moved tried to get it off and down her shoulders.

Laura felt the anxiety rise as more of Natasha's body got exposed. _Okay, you can do this. Calm down._ Laura tried to calm herself as she watched Natasha step out of the suit carefully now standing in only her sports bra and black underwear. Her body was filled with dirt and soot and she had a long cut on the inside of her left thigh plus a deep cut just under her right collarbone. Laura could already tell this was pretty serious and she hadn't even looked at her back yet.

"Okay, Nat. Turn around please." Natasha nodded slowly before she turned around. Laura couldn't stop the gasp before she already had let it out. "Holy shit Natasha" Laura gasped again. Her whole back was blue and green from bruises and smaller cuts, but what was making Laura feel dizzy and twisted her stomach was the long deep tear from the spy's left shoulder blade to the bottom of her spine. Laura could already tell this was going to need stitches.

"We need to clean this Natasha. I need you to shower for me. Can you do that?" Laura asked softly letting to fingers glide along with the cut inspecting it carefully. Natasha nodded again before she stepped out of her underwear. She turned around and looked at Laura and her eyes flicked in worry as she looked down at her chest.

"I… I don't think I will be able to…" Natasha said anxiously nipping at her bra. Laura shook her head as her thought process was interrupted and she nodded.

"Yeah sorry," Laura answered before she opened a drawer and picked out a pair of scissors. Natasha watched carefully as Laura cut open her sports bra carefully trying to take it off without irritating the already nasty wound. Natasha was now standing in the middle of the room completely nude.

"Do you think you can shower on your own or do you want me to help?" Natasha's eyes looked at her with an empty look and Laura could see the fear in her eyes flicker. Okay, guess she was taking a shower then.

"I'm going to get two towels okay? I didn't restock your room since I didn't know when you would come home." Laura looked at Natasha who was still staring at nothing. She walked over to the shower and turned it on letting it get hot while she ran off to get the towels. As she walked back to the room, she picked up her phone she had thrown on Natasha's bed. It was 11 pm so it was kinda late sending texts now. Especially to a fellow mom, but Laura was hoping someone could watch the kids tomorrow. She had a feeling Natasha would need a day off from...everything.

_**Laura:** _ _I know it's late, but I was wondering if it is any possibility you and Kent could watch Cooper and Lila tomorrow. Emergency in the home._

To her surprise, she got an answer almost immediately.

_**Annie:** _ _Of course, think I owe you since you took Caspar and Lucie last month. I can pick them up at 8:30 am?_

_**Laura:** _ _Perfect_

Laura smiled at her phone. Thank goodness for nice neighbors. She hurried back to the bathroom to find Natasha standing on the same spot with her eyes closed almost like she was sleeping. Laura looked at her with a small worried look before she undressed until she was standing in just her underwear and bra. While she knew she would get wet her post-pregnant body wasn't quite ready to be nude in front of Natasha Romanoff yet.

"Nat?" Laura said carefully touching Natasha's arm. Natasha opened her eyes and looked at her. Laura nodded at the shower and opened the glass door and stepped into the small space letting Natasha follow her. Laura felt the warm water stream down her back while Natasha got into the shower.

"Okay I'm going to move, and you just stand still and let the water rinse your body okay?" Laura said softly. Natasha nodded in conformation and she moved slowly to the side letting Natasha get showered in water. Laura watched as Natasha flinched when the water hit but kept standing still letting the water slowly clean her body. While Natasha let her front get watched Laura took another look at Natasha's back. She was dreading turning Natasha around. It was going to hurt a lot. The cut was nasty and deep, but it needed to be cleaned. And not with just some wipes.

"Ready to turn around?" Laura asked and she could tell Natasha was hesitant. Instead of saying something she nodded and slowly turned around. Even with her ridiculous high pain tolerance, Natasha threw herself forward when the water hit her back, squeezing Laura up against the wall.

"Shh Natasha," Laura said before she forced Natasha to back up and into the water again. Natasha let out a twisted cry and Laura felt sick as she watched the water turn a dark red. Blood was streaming down both of them and Laura could feel Natasha hold around her as she was shaking.

Natasha exhaled loudly and Laura could feel her relax a little more in her arms. Seemed like it was getting better. Laura and Natasha stood in the shower until the water was clear from blood before Laura slowly guided her out of the shower. She wrapped Natasha in a big towel before she started to dry herself off. Natasha was still standing completely still, and Laura was seriously wondering if she had to dry her off too.

Deciding to give the other woman some space Laura walked into her own bedroom to get some new clothes checking up on both the kids in the process. Both Lila and Cooper were sleeping, and Laura was thankful they both were very good sleepers. No doubt they got that from their father.

Laura found two pairs of pajamas, one for Natasha and one for herself. She changed quickly before she walked back to Natasha's room. The spy sat on the bed on her towel mostly dried off.

"I didn't want to get blood on the sheets," Natasha said carefully referring to the towel she had placed on the bed. Laura rolled her eyes slightly before saying.

"You know that I don't care," Laura said with a soft voice. She grabbed the first aid kit Natasha had continently given her as a Christmas present last year placing it on the bed.

"Okay, what am I looking at?" Laura asked as she opened the kit and started to take out things, she had a feeling she would need.

"The back need stitches," Natasha said. Laura grimaced before laughing softly.

"I can tell. What about your thigh and collarbone?" Laura asked while she looked at her medical thread and needle.

"I think strips will do."

"Okay," Laura answered as she opened a box of medical strips. Natasha sat completely still as Laura slowly tried to close the cut with the strips. Natasha watched her work her way up from the thigh to the collarbone before she exhaled loudly.

"Turn around," Laura said moving to the stitching. Learning surgical suture wasn't exactly something Laura thought she would ever learn, but of course, marrying Clint meant that she pretty much had to become a nurse. Between Natasha and Clint, she had a feeling she had seen more injures and blood than most human beings, also resulting in Laura having to learn how to treat most non-life-threatening battle injures. Of course, she didn't really know when she would ever need to identify different kinds of gunshot wounds, but she guessed it was somewhat of a useful skill. Not that it mattered she had already learned it and have gotten explained it a million times. Plus, it was a pretty hard thing to un-learn.

"Feels okay?" Laura asked as she put down the needle and thread.

"Yeah" Natasha answered. She turned around and looked at Laura with two blank wet eyes. Laura handed her the pajamas before she cleaned up the first aid kit and threw Natasha's damp towel over a chair.

She looked at the spy with a small smile before she pushed Natasha slowly down on the bed and tucked her under the cover. The woman looked at her with big eyes before whispering.

"You won't leave?" Laura shook her head before crawling onto the bed and snuggled beside Natasha.

"Wouldn't dream of it, Talia.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crap tone of time jumps. As a reminder, Natasha's birthday is April 10th and Tony's is on the 29th of May.
> 
> Disclaimer I won't include Civil War events and everything after. The reason being I like the team as a team in this timeline. Don't get me wrong I LOVE Civil war, Infinity War and Endgame but for me, that part of the timeline will always be excluded in my fanfics.
> 
> S-B

Laura didn't sleep much that night. She couldn't help but think about Natasha. It was a lot of things that seemed off with her behavior. She had left them all without any clue of what was happening and what she was doing. Laura was very aware that SHIELD was working with classified information, but both Clint and Natasha both used to talk pretty openly about their missions.

Natasha was maybe trained and raised as a cold-hearted assassin, but she wasn't like that anymore. Laura knew Natasha was a caring, loving person. What Laura saw in Natasha's eyes was pain. The kind of pain she hadn't seen since she had met her for the first time. Whatever had happened the last few months had hurt her in ways Laura didn't know.

Laura was awake and feeding the kids at 6 in the morning the next day. She swore it was a completely sleepless night, which she wasn't too fond of. Still, Cooper and Lila were both in a happy mood and Laura found herself in a better mood than she expected. Which was a good thing for sure.

Annie was at her door precisely 8:30. Her kind smile warmed Laura's heart. Thank god for friendships.

"Ready for a fun day with Caspar and Lucie?" Annie kneeled down at Cooper's height and the boy laughed.

"Yes!" Cooper bounced up and down while Laura tried to get his jacket on. Which she soon just gave up on.

"Well, Kent is by the car outside," Annie said and almost before she had finished her sentence Cooper was out the door. Cooper was a pretty introverted child and he didn't have many friends at school, but Caspar was a good friend of his. Caspar was older than Cooper and was in theory supposed to be a grade higher than Cooper. But being the child of Laura and Clint none of them felt bad for letting him start a year early in elementary school. He had always been smart for his age.

"Everything okay Laura?" Annie asked softly while Laura handed her the diaper bag and a few extra bottles of pumped milk. Laura looked back at her hesitantly as Annie picked Lila up.

"I know you would have never asked me to watch your 8-month-old if it wasn't bad. What's up?" Annie pushed again making Laura's stomach twist.

"Stroller is in-"

"I know, Laura. Kent already got it. Tell me." Annie demanded, looking at her with a strict look.

"A close friend is hurt, and she came home last night. It just requires a lot of attention since Clint is gone." Laura said with a small halfhearted smile.

"Clint's job is something that's for sure..." Annie asked. For everyone else, Laura was just a wife to a military guy who happened to be sent on a lot of missions. Laura nodded before thanking her yet again for taking the children for the day. The plan was to drop them off around 6 pm after dinner so Laura didn't need to deal with that either. She had also updated Clint and he was on his way home as well. He probably wouldn't be home before after midnight, but at least she wasn't alone anymore right.

Laura closed the door behind Annie before she dragged herself upstairs. She was walking on autopilot as she crawled back into bed next to Natasha and before falling asleep.

Laura woke up by a piercing cry and shot up the exact same time Natasha threw herself up from the bed eyes wide open filled with panic.

"Natasha? Natasha!" Laura kicked her way out of the duvet and made her way over to the redhead. "Shh, Talia. It's okay." Laura wrapped her arms around her and let her head lean on the woman's right shoulder while locking her arms so she wouldn't throw them around in panic.

"It's okay," Laura whispered moving her thumb in circles on Natasha's shoulder. Natasha was shaking and breathing heavily but she didn't fight it and she could feel her slowly forcing herself to calm down. Laura pulled back and looked at Natasha. The green eyes locked with hers and Laura could see the pain in her eyes.

"He found me. And took me. Like he did when I was 16." Natasha's voice drifted as she looked at the mom. Laura pulled her into another hug before she whispered.

"Never. You are always safe here." She could feel Natasha nod slowly still hugging tightly around the older woman. Natasha hid her face in Laura's neck and Laura could tell she was stressed. Whatever had happened the last few months wasn't something to take lightly.

"Hungry?" Laura said with a soft voice as she pulled back. Natasha didn't have time to answer before her stomach let out a loud sound and Natasha hugged it with a small smile.

"I guess so."

Laura and Natasha worked around in the kitchen in silence. Laura watched Natasha flip a pancake effortlessly making it rotate at least twice in the air.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Laura asked causally not wanting to push Natasha too much. Natasha turned around and looked at her while she carefully slipped the pancake down on the plate.

"It's not much to talk about too be honest. I tried to go after him. I knew I wouldn't succeed. Of course, I wouldn't. I won't find him, but he won't find me either. We're both trained that way." Natasha let out a small sight before sat down by the table handing Laura a pancake.

"He is, again just like me, was trained, brainwashed, to do something against our nature. Me going after him was a dead end." Laura watched the other woman talk with caution. She seemed so defeated.

"I would have called, you know I would, but going after him lead me back… back to Russia. I don't trust anything there. Calling had a risk I wasn't willing to take." Natasha explained. Laura was passed needing an explanation at this point. She could tell Natasha felt realty bad and had already too much on her mind wearing her out.

"It's okay Talia. It was hard, and I missed you. But knowing you're safe now helps." Laura said with a small smile. The other woman looked at her and smiled softly.

"I need to go back soon Laura," Natasha said with her head down. Laura felt her heart sink. She knew Natasha had to. But she didn't want to believe it. She had just come home and boy how she wished she could stay.

But as always Laura's wishes didn't matter, and Natasha left the next day. She had already pulled a lot of stings coming home instead of going back to SHIELD right away. Maria had apparently a really important mission she wanted Natasha on sooner rather than later.

Laura was curious about this new mission and she hoped Natasha was going to update her on whatever this was. Even Natasha had seemed confused when she had read out the email for Laura. As much as she wanted to know Laura didn't have much time to wonder. Having Clint back home with both her kids took most of her time and energy, not that she was complaining. It was some well-needed family time for sure.

Clint was putting Cooper in bed and Laura had just finished the dishes when her phone rang.

"Natasha?" Laura said with a surprised tone as she picked up her phone. She did not expect a call this early on.

 _"Oh, THANK GOD. I just need to rant, and I need you to just shut up and listen to me because I need this_." Natasha started with a frustrated tone.

"Okay?" Laura answered slowly not quite sure where this conversation was going.

 _"I got asked to babysit TONY STARK!"_ Laura opened her mouth to say something but closed it fast when she remembered what Natasha had just said.

 _"They want me to look after him. As his personal assistant for an evaluation. I mean are you fucking you kidding me. He is like a baby, just in an adult body. With a huge metal armor around him. This is insane."_ Laura let out a small giggle listening to her master spy complain about this multi-billionaire.

 _"I just really don't want to do this"_ Natasha mumbled into the phone which a sight. _"I just want to come home"_ Laura smiled softly while listening to Natasha. God, she wanted her home as well.

"It's not that bad Natasha. You'll be able to walk around in Tony's mansions and probably drive one of his cars. It can't be that bad." Laura said with a soft voice. She knew Natasha probably preferred to be out in the field rather than being a millionaire's PA, but it just had to do.

"Promise me to update me?" Laura asked when Natasha told her she had to go.

 _"Oh, boy believe me. You're the first to know."_ She replied before she hung up. Laura smiled at her phone. She didn't want to say it to Natasha, but part of her was relieved she was sent somewhere partly safe instead of a warzone, even if that's what Natasha wanted.

This new mission was definitely something different that was for sure. While both Clint and Natasha had done babysitting missions before this one seemed weird. Natasha was somehow hired at Stark industries. Or Natalie was hired at Stark industries. Already on her first day, Tony had been attacked by this whip, lightning, electrical dude while almost killing himself in a car race at the same time. Natasha had been forced to only watch on the sideline to not blow her own cover.

Unlike her other missions, she could contact and call Laura and Clint as much as she wanted and soon Laura was bombarded with messages about how pathetic Tony was.

_**Laura sent a photo:** _

_**Laura:** _ _Cooper drew you this birthday card. Happy birthday Talia 3_

_**Natasha:** _ _Thank you, Laura. And Cooper! I got the gift yesterday. Whatever it is I hope you were the one picked out the gift. While I love Clint's knives, I rather not get yet_ _ another _ _set. Feel like the tree I already have is more I'll ever need…_

_**Laura:** _ _It was a collective decision. Wasn't my first pick but I think it's pretty nice._

_**Natash** _ _a: I'll open later. If ill survive the day that is. Did you know Tony installed a fountain that can also get set on fire at one of the floors in New York and a matching one back in California? This guy is crazy._

Laura chuckled lightly. Poor Natasha. Tony kinda seemed like the biggest pain.

Time went on and Clint and Laura continued to go on as usual. Clint was sent on fewer missions recently because of some new recruits who were out getting their asses beaten by Maria as he had so nicely described it all.

Laura had just walked into the house and was just about to walk up the stairs when Clint yelled after her. "Laur, you gotta see this" Laura walked into the living room to find Clint watching the news. It was a reportage from California. Tony Stark had lost one of his suits to a military guy of some sort. The film clip showed his mansions with blown-out windows and big bulges in the walls and a reporter from the studio was recapping the whole event.

"Well, I guess Nat got her work cut out for her," Laura mumbled under her breath. She knew very little about Tony, but he seemed… interesting to say at least. She fished up her phone from the pocket and sent a short message.

_**Laura** _ _: Just saw the news. This guy just blew up his own house. What a crazy man._

_**Natasha:** _ _Actually, he and his best friend blew up his house because he was drunk and peed himself. Like I said. He's a baby. I'll give you more details later but right now I need to stab him with a needle._

_**Laura:** _ _Don't kill him, Natasha._

Natasha called a couple of days later to update Laura just like she had promised. The girl sounded tired, but happy, which was a good sign.

"So, tell me everything" Laura demanded with a grin on her face. She had been looking forward to this for ages. Nothing was quite like listening to Clint and Natasha's stories.

_"Well, Tony just found out I am working for shield a few days ago. But he kept his mouth closed which I appreciate. Instead of being his PA I was offered. Or not offered, demanded to work with Stark industries new CEO's."_

"Pepper Potts, right?"

 _"Yup. She is a lot easier to work with. A bit tight up. But she is nice…"_ Laura noticed how Natasha's voice drifted off. She just had to ask.

"Just nice. Or something else."

 _"Maybe something else. I don't know. What do you want me to answer? I mean you've seen her on TV, it's not like she is bad looking."_ Laura giggled into the phone. She had to agree though. Pepper was a very good-looking woman.

"What about Tony?"

_"Well, my job is to gather classified information about him. Which I sorta already have."_

"So why aren't you home with us?"

_"Because Furry hasn't pulled me out yet. Guess he wants me to look after him a bit more. Not that I mind."_

"Why don't you mind? I mind?! I want you back?!" Laura didn't mean to sound so rude and selfish. But it was true. Clint and Laura always talked about Natasha. She wasn't selfish usually, but sometimes she just wanted both of them to be home. Was that really that much to ask? Plus, now that Cooper was getting older and had practically grown up with her in his life, he missed her just as much. He didn't know what a mission was, he just knew he loved his Auntie Nat and Laura didn't know how to explain spy missions to a child when even she didn't quite know what was going on.

 _"Laura. Calm down. I'll be home in a few days. I'm forcing Pepper to take a weekend off and so will I. You can scold me as much as you'd like then. Okay?"_ Natasha let out a soft laugh, but Laura only mumbled something back making her laugh even more.

 _"_ _ **What? Yeah, I'll be there in a moment, Miss Potts.**_ _I'll talk to you later. See you on Friday, Laura. Love you_ " and then she hung up. Damn it.

To add to Laura's frustration Natasha didn't come home that weekend. In fact, she didn't even call.

"Laura, calm down" Laura was walking back and forth in the living room while Clint was watching her phase.

"But what if something happened!" Laura snapped back. She looked at her phone. She had called Natasha maybe 10 times already and no answer. She was supposed to be here mid-Friday and now it was midnight to Sunday.

"Come on Laur. She is fine. It's Natasha. She got to be fine." Clint looked at her with a reassuring look. But Laura could tell he was starting to get anxious as well.

_**Laura** _ _: Natasha. Please call or text me!_

Laura threw her phone hard on the couch and watched it bounce down on the floor. She didn't bother to pick it up. Just plopped down in a chair with a loud sight.

Both of them jumped up when Laura's phone vibrated. Laura threw herself out of the chair and picked her phone up with a shaking hand. She looked at it for longer than needed. And Clint said.

"Is it her. If so, why didn't she call?" Laura looked at her with a worried look.

"No. It's Pepper Potts, from Nat's phone."

_**Natasha:** _ _This is Pepper Potts. Natalie's boss. She is okay now but is currently in my apartment after she had a small incident. If you need to contact me here is my number._

"That's what it says," Laura said as she threw her husband a small look.

"Seems like Natasha hasn't told Pepper yet," Clint said with a thoughtful look.

"What do you mean?"

"Just that Pepper wrote Natalie. Which is her alias for this mission."

"What do you think has happened?" Laura whispered.

"Probably nothing too bad. I mean she is in Pepper's apartment. If she was really hurt or something she wouldn't be there." Clint said thoughtfully. Clint had a point. Pepper was with her. Natasha was now in her apartment, probably, hopefully, sleeping. But still.

Laura couldn't help herself when she quickly added Peppers's number into her phone. She was careful not writing her full name when she sent her the first message. She also had to correct herself when she wrote Natasha and not Natalie.

_**Laura:** _ _Hi. This is Laura, Natalie's friend. I am so sorry; I know it's late. But I just need to know if she is okay._

_**Pepper Potts:** _ _Hi Laura. She is getting better. Thursday, day, Natalie stumbled, claiming she was just a bit dizzy. Stubborn as she is, she told me she was fine but after a long day of work, she couldn't keep herself on her feet. She fainted Friday evening and has pretty much been out of it since then. Dizzy and nauseous. But she seems to get better. I'm sorry I haven't contacted you earlier, Laura. You seem to care about her since you call at least 8 times the last hours. Considering how close you seem to be with her, I get your worries._

Laura looked at the last sentence a few times. It seemed odd, almost out of place.

_**Laura:** _ _thank you for updating us. My husband and I have been worried sick. She was supposed to visit us this weekend. Now we know why she didn't come. Thank you._

_**Pepper Potts:** _ _Oh. Okay_

"So. What did she say?" Clint asked when Laura walked into their bedroom.

"Natasha fainted yesterday. Claiming she was "dizzy". But I don't know, Clint. Dizzy. I've never heard her ever said she was dizzy before." Laura said before she laid down beside Clint.

"Yeah me neither. Didn't know a word like that even was in her vocabulary... But I am sure she's fine." Laura wanted to believe him. But she didn't. She knew Natasha could take care of herself. But that didn't mean she wouldn't worry. She could tell Clint was thinking the same. So that night both Clint and Laura kept their phone on and right by their side. Just in case.

Natasha came home three days later, late in the evening. Her eyes were tired, and she looked paler than usual. Still, she gave Cooper a big hug when she came home and put on a happy face just for him. She offered to put him to bed. But Laura and a feeling it was mainly because she wanted to avoid talking to Clint and her.

"Nat. Can I come in please?" Laura knocked softly on her door later that night. Natasha hadn't come downstairs after she put Cooper to bed and she just needed to be sure.

When she didn't get an answer, she slowly pushed the door open. Natasha sat by the window with her eyes closed and a book in her hand. She opened her eyes when Laura walked into the room.

"Hi," she said and turned around when Laura sat down on the end of her bed.

"You okay, Talia?" Laura looked at her with a serious face. She only nodded and hummed something that sounded like a yes.

"Natasha," Laura warned with a strict voice.

"I am fine, Laura. I was just tired. I..-" Laura cut her off, putting a hand up in the air.

"Natasha. I'm not doing this right now. Either you tell me the truth, or I'll leave. I don't want to waste my or your time by pretending I believe you when we both know I don't." Natasha only looked at her and Laura turned around before she walked towards the door.

"Laura" Laura stopped and turned around when Natasha called after her. Laura could already see the regret in her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I just don't know what happened. But I'm better now. I promise. Pepper took great care of me, Laur. I'm fine. You don't have to worry." Laura looked at Natasha. Her explanation was short. It didn't really say anything about what happened, and it was definitely not what Laura hoped for, but it was a start.

"And I am happy she took care of you. But I will always be worried about you. You are part of our family. We will always worry. But it's a good thing. You are such an important part of our life. A partner, an aunt, a friend. We need you. So, you just have to deal with us worrying. Okay?" Laura said as she dragged Natasha into a hug.

"Okay". Natasha whispered.

"Now tell me all about the life of Natalie Rushman?" Laura said with a small laugh dragging her onto the bed.

"I don't know where to start. Why don't you ask some more specific questions and I'll try to answer?" Natasha said with a warm smile.

"Do you have a nice office?"

"That's the first question?" Natasha laughed.

"Yes, now answer me," Laura said lightly hitting Natasha on the arm.

"Yes. But I spend most of my time in Pepper's office. She got a sitting area in the corner of her office. It's no point being in two different rooms when we need to talk to each other all the time anyway." Natasha shrugged but Laura noticed her small smirk.

"Tell me more about Pepper," Laura said leaning forward. She felt like a teenager again, trying to drag out information from her best friend.

"What do you want to know?" Natasha looked at her with a straight face, but Laura swore she could see the woman's eyes slightly more glossy and shiny than usual.

"Natasha you might be one of the best liars in the world. But you can never fool me. You know what." Laura said as she watched Natasha lean back falling softly down on the mattress.

"Poor kids who have you as a mom. If I can't hide my feelings from you now way, they will." Natasha said with a dreamy voice.

"Natasha!" Laura warned as she hit Natasha in the face with a pillow.

"She is nice. I… I mean she is Pepper Potts. She is…" Natasha's voice trailed, and Laura couldn't help but laugh at Natasha's helpless voice.

"Does Natasha Romanoff have a crush!" Laura gushed as she fell down beside Natasha who was desperately trying to get out of her gaze.

"No. Love is for children," Natasha said but Laura but even in the dark Laura saw her red cheeks.

"No. Love is awesome, and everyone deserves someone," Laura said looking into Natasha's green dreamy eyes.

"I guess…" Natasha said closing her eyes.

"You don't think you deserve it do you?" Laura asked softly. Natasha shook her head slowly.

"Why would I." Natasha opened her eyes and looked Laura dead in the eyes. Laura felt her small under her gaze having to collect herself before countering.

"That's not true. You are amazing Nat." Natasha looked at her, and Laura could see her debating with herself.

"Maybe," Natasha whispered.

"Definitely"

* * *

Laura was used to having Clint and Natasha all over the place. It was part of their life and Laura just had to deal with it. Still, Laura was always worried. Of course, she was. And a recent event proved why she was.

Laura almost jumped when her phone rang. It was almost 2 am and the only reason she was up was because Lila had the stomach flu and after a good two hours of her throwing up Laura needed some time on her own.

Laura could already feel her heart race when she looked at the display. _Fuck_

" _He is alive."_ Was the first thing Natasha said when she picked up her phone. Laura felt her legs give in and stumbled over to the couch before she lost all self-control.

"Where is he?" Laura's voice was shaking, and she could hear Natasha was debating how to tell whatever was on her chest.

" _I don't know,"_ Natasha whispered and Laura couldn't help herself when she yelled at her.

"NATASHA!"

" _Laura, please. We are doing our best. SHIELD is literally ordering everyone on this case. This… this is serious. Maria is in charge of the search."_ Natasha's voice was calm and collected and Laura was almost annoyed by how calm she was. She knew that was unfair. She knew Natasha was trained to show no emotions. She wasn't supposed to. And Laura had more than once witnessed the woman let her emotionless past being bought back up whenever she needed to focus.

"What about you?" Laura asked carefully.

" _I got my own orders. I am sorry Laura. I am doing what I can but even if I tried, I couldn't fight an order. You know I can't."_ Laura regretted her rage when she heard Natasha's confession. It was so unfair yelling at her like that. Laura knew first handed that Natasha couldn't disobey orders like that. Even if she wanted to Natasha's past had never mad room for her own decisions like that. A mission was a mission.

"What now?

" _We are looking for him. And we're doing everything. And I mean everything, in our powers to make this right. I promise."_

The next weeks were hell. Laura was stressed. She was beyond stressed. She walking back and forth in the hall trying to get control over her feelings which never seemed to be tamed. She had tried to keep herself as calm and collected as possible around the kids but whenever they were at school or in bed, she could feel the anxiety rise. She almost crashed into the wall when her phone finally rang after what seemed to be a hundred years.

" _I got him."_ Natasha was straight to the point as always. Not giving Laura any room for interruptions she continued.

" _We have a private cell he is working on trying to shake off whatever fuckery Loki put into his head_." Natasha sounded a lot more confident than last time she talked with her which was a good sign.

"Can I talk to him?" Laura whispered. She knew it was a longshot. But she just needed to know.

" _I don't think that's a good idea, Laura. I am sorry, but these things take time_." Natasha's voice was just as confident, and Laura was wondering if she put the brave face on just to calm her down.

The rest of the day the kids and Laura were glued to the TV. Correction Laura was glued to the TV with Lila playing on the floor and a Cooper cuddled up to her. Lila was still too young to understand, but Cooper seemed to understand partly what was happening on screen and even cheered Natasha on when they saw a small clip of her riding in one of those carriages.

Watching the news and reading the papers was a literal nightmare. She knew they had won. But Natasha and Clint still weren't home. She needed them home.

When they finally did come back home Laura could tell something was off.

They got dropped off on the outskirts of the field as always, but they stood there for a good minute. Natasha was talking to Clint and Laura could already feel the tension. She tried to ignore it. She threw herself around Clint's neck and she felt his strong arms around her. Finally, he was home. But she felt it. How stiff and tense he was. And she could feel how he moved his head and she saw Natasha look at them. Like she was in some kind of danger.

Laura felt his strong arms let go of her as they heard four legs running in the house. Laura watched him. As he picked both of them with ease and how he hugged and kissed them. She watched as his eyes flickered between loving and scared. How his gaze moved between Natasha and the kids.

"Daddy I missed you! But I saw you on TV. That was cool. And I saw Auntie Nat to!" Cooper said with an enthusiastic voice. The mention of Natasha made Lila wiggle out of her father's grip as she realized her favourite aunt was back.

"Hi, baby," Natasha said softly as Lila ran into her arms. It was probably one of Natasha's worse fake cover-up. She didn't even know if Natasha tried. Her voice was tense, and her full attention was on Clint. Still, Lila didn't mind.

"Shall we take this inside maybe?" Laura asked patiently as Lila and Cooper slowly settled down. Clint nodded and smiled at her. She was kinda expecting him to move towards the door, but he didn't. Instead, Laura was forced to lead the way and only when Natasha was by his side again, he started to move.

Having both of them home felt good. The three of them fell back into their normal routines and the natural flow was back. It was almost back to normal. Almost. Clint seemed to be fine most of the time, but he never let Natasha more than a few feet away, and even when Lila asked for help, he refused if Natasha wasn't in the room. Natasha on the other hand, pulled herself together and the tense agent Romanoff-cape she had on outside was long gone. She had the same kind smile she always had around the kids. Still, Laura saw her throw a few glances at Clint.

Their day went on as it always did, and Laura had just tucked Cooper into bed and was currently on the search for Clint to send him off to say goodnight to his son. She stopped in the hall when she heard Natasha raise her voice.

"Clint, stop. It is okay. I am right here. It's fine. Nothing has happened. Loki is off to hell. He isn't even on earth." They were standing in Natasha's room. The door was almost closed only a small gap between the door and the doorframe allowed Laura to peek inside.

"What if I didn't shake him off what if he still is controlling me. Just waiting for the right moment to-"

"Clint, I slammed your head into a metal railing and knocked you out. He is not in control anymore. You are. You need to trust yourself."

"But what if-"

"Clint seriously. I wouldn't have agreed to come back here if I thought you were a treat to anyone in this house. You know that. And if you ever did get out of control, we both know I have the upper hand. It is in no circumstance you can knock me out. And you know damn well that when I say know 6000 ways to kill you with things in just this room I am speaking the truth. Now I need you to calm down. It will be fine." Natasha finished her sentence before she threw one deadly look in Laura's direction. Crap. Laura hurried down into her own room.

Natasha was protecting Clint, but she didn't quite understand from what. When Clint walked into the bedroom his eyes were red a puffed almost like he had been crying.

"You okay?" Laura asked carefully.

"Yeah." Clint looked at her with two tired eyes before he slipped into bed.

"Want to walk about it?" Laura asked as she joined him cuddling up to him.

"Not now. Later." Clint whispered into her hair. She nodded slowly. It was good to have him home.


	7. Chapter 7

Of course, the night wasn't nightmare free, but honestly, it could have been a lot worse. He woke up about three times, but it was well under control. Now truth be told, between Clint and Natasha, Natasha always seemed to be worse in that department. It was probably one of the few things that Natasha was worse at than Clint. Not that it was anything to brag about.

Laura woke up at 6:30 and knew she wouldn't get any more sleep. Instead, she slipped out of bed, leaving Clint to sleep in a bit. She was surprised to find Natasha already awake reading on her iPad in the living room with a steaming hot cup of coffee beside her. Natasha looked up at her and nodded slightly at the counter indicating there was more coffee in the kitchen. Laura looked at the agent a few more seconds before she grabbed her own mug. Usually, they both preferred to sit outside if possible, but the cold October weather wasn't allowing that.

"Had fun eavesdropping yesterday?" Natasha said casually just as Laura sat down. Natasha didn't even look up from her tablet, still scanning over whatever she was looking at.

"Umm. I… Sorry." Laura mumbled embarrassed. Natasha looked up from the screen and her eyes were shining in a way that made Laura's heart sped up.

"Laura. I know this is hard. Clint is not in a great place right now." Natasha put down her tablet and leaned forward.

"I know. I just. Feel like he doesn't trust me." Laura trailed. Looking at Natasha with a sad look. The spy tilted her head before asking.

"What about tonight?"

"I mean a few nightmares, not as bad as yours…-"

"But he let you help?"

"Yes?" Natasha sipped her coffee and Laura saw her smile slightly around the rim of the mug.

"Good. I know it doesn't seem like it. But he needs you. He needs all of you. Yes, I can be his bodyguard. I already am, but that isn't what he needs. He needs the love of his family." Natasha looked up at her again. This time with a soft smile on her lips. Laura could only nod at the agent. She was probably right. And it was no use arguing with the agent anyways.

"So, how are you?" Laura asked carefully looking at Natasha.

"I've could have been better; I've could have been worse." Natasha shrugged but Laura could see her holding a tight grip around the mug. Laura didn't have the time to ask before Lila came running down the stairs throwing herself into Natasha's arms.

"Lila. Calm down." Natasha said with a soft smile hugging the smaller girl back.

"There is a new ice-cream store in town!" Lila giggled into her aunts' neck.

"Oh yeah? And let me guess you want ice-cream yeah?" Natasha laughed back

"YEAH!" Natasha laughed even more before hugging her again.

"Later Lil flower," Natasha whispered and Laura swore her heart grew like twice the size watching the two of them.

The morning went like normal. Clint was just like yesterday a bit tense but even after just a few hours, he seemed to calm down. Natasha was always around, but she too seemed to let her guard down just a bit. Cooper and Lila had always loved their aunt to pieces and watching them finally have some time with her without the fear of her leaving after a day was nice. Clint had gotten permission to get as much time as he needed off while Natasha as the faithful partner she had announced she would stay as long Clint wanted her to stay.

"Guys. I'm going to take the kids for ice-cream okay? Lila keeps asking me and I honestly think my ears might fall off." Natasha popped her head into the kitchen and Laura saw Clint throw her an uncomeatable look before he opened his mouth.

"But what if…" She only stared at him before she lifted her eyebrow at Laura and walked out of the room leaving no room for any discussions.

Laura and Clint heard the door close and the car engine start. Clint looked at her for a second before he smiled softly.

"I guess this is when I explain hu?" It was no hiding his tense voice and the slightly scared look in his eyes. He was tapping lightly on the table which I usually did when he was nervous. Laura nodded and reached out for him.

"Yes." She whispered.

"I don't know what to say. Having your brain taken out and someone else making all the decisions. It's horrifying. It wasn't my decision, but I was there, but it was my doing. I was the one that committed all the crimes. Natasha won't tell me anything. She still hasn't said anything really. She didn't even tell me Coulson died." Clint let out a small sigh.

"Coulson died?" Laura could feel the lump in her throat. Clint only nodded slowly.

"What happened. What Loki made me do. He made me want to kill her. All I could think about was wanting to see her die. Die a painful, gruesome death. In every way I know she fears." Clint let a tear fall and tightened the grip around his hand.

"But as she said. _I rather want you to go after me. Try to kill me, than ever watching you go after them_." Clint's voice cracked as he looked at Laura. Laura was stunned. What Loki had done was…was horrifying.

"I am glad she was there. God knows what would have happened if they sent anyone after you that wasn't her. Everyone but her or maybe Maria would probably have killed you on the spot." Laura said moving over behind Clint and hugged him tightly.

"Mhm. That woman is something else." Laura kissed him carefully looking at him with a small worried look.

"And, how is she?" she asked. He looked slightly surprised by the question but answered fairly quickly.

"I don't know. I think Loki did something, but I don't know what. She was so out there. She wanted to fight. No hiding in the shadows anymore. Like she had something to prove. Which she doesn't." Clint looked at her and she nodded. Even if there was a hard time ahead it was nice to sit down and just talk.

The next time Clint asked her to talk it took her by surprise. They had just hurled the kids to bed and Natasha looked like she was about to pass out on the couch when Clint asked to talk. To both of them. Natasha had seemed hesitant at first. It was fourteen days since they came home from their mission and Lila had been asking her to play with her none stop. And yet again Laura watched Natasha push herself way too far. But even with a tired Natasha Clint continued to push until she finally gave in.

"So, as you both know Fury gave me a good amount of time off." Clint started. Natasha looked at him with a small smile before cutting him off.

"As much as I love you. I really don't think this is worth my time. I can already feel a headache and honestly, I don't think I can do any sort of small talk Clint." Natasha was already on her feet just about to leave when Clint dropped the bomb

"I want to retire." Laura froze in shook. This was not what she was expecting that was for sure. She watched as Natasha slowly turn around.

"Excuse me?" Her eyes were locked at his.

"I want to retire. Maybe not for good but you know back off from the field. More office work and not as much life-threatening situations." Natasha's eyes were already in full fire and Laura was concerned she was going to jump him right there and then.

"So, you are seriously just going to ditch me?" Laura knew that wasn't what Clint was saying, of course, it wasn't. But she could understand what Natasha was thinking. Clint had been her partner her whole SHIELD carrier. He had been there when she was just a young woman without any idea what to do.

"Natasha, of course not. But Fury said it was a possibility and honestly this is what I want. He even said that now that Captain America is a part of SHIELD, he would need a partner. So, I just thought-" Clint was not making this any better.

"You talked to him before me?!" Natasha growled walking up to him only a few inches from his face.

"I mean, I guess. I just know I need this." Clint was rambling at his point trying to fix what he had no destroyed.

"And what if I need you?!"

"Natasha you said it yourself I need my family. I need to spend time with the people I really care about." The regret in his eyes was there immediately and Laura had never seen Natasha so hurt in her life. It was like she could hear her heart shatter into pieces.

"Ok." She only whispered before she silently left the room leaving a confused and devastated Laura and Clint Barton behind.

Clint was walking back and forth in the living room with his hands crossed. Yesterday was a disaster and it hadn't helped to find Natasha's room empty the next day. Even the kids had known she was gone before the grown-up had because of course the agent had snuck into their rooms and kissed them goodbye. She didn't even bother to write a note to the two of them

Clint was fuming. He knew he had messed up. The kids were off to school and kindergarten leaving the two of them alone. Laura had a lot of time to think about what had happened. She knew Clint never meant to say Natasha wasn't important to him, but she had to take Natasha's side on this one. The way he had expressed himself wasn't great. Of course, since Laura didn't leave him, he had time to explain everything to her. But Natasha wasn't here to hear his explanation.

"I really messed up didn't I. I mean I don't even know where she is anymore." Clint fell down on the sofa with a thud.

"Yes, you did. And now you need to fix it." Laura confirmed with a soft reencouraging smile.

"Suggestions?" Clint asked looking at her with a helpless look.

"Maybe call Maria. She might know where she is at least." Laura said as she slipped down next to him.

"Okay." Laura watched as he scrolled through his contacts and touched Maria's name. After a few seconds, Maria's face popped up on the screen.

"Barton it's been like one day into your official retirement," Maria said with a smirk. Clint smiled back before starting.

"Do you know where Natasha is?" Laura watched Maria move her nose ever so slightly before replying.

"Right now, she is out with Pepper Potts actually." Laura smiled at the mention of Pepper and Maria winked.

"Text me details later yeah?" Laura said with a small laugh.

"You bet." Maria smiled back before turning her attention back at Clint who looked confused between the two of them.

"Why do you need her? Can't say I expected you to ever ask that you are the one that had tabs on her before. I mean he pretty much lives in your house." Maria said with a small shrug.

"Not anymore…I said something really dumb. I told her I wanted to retire to stay with the people that I cared about. But obviously, I care about her. And I messed up. I need to make it up to her." Clint explained with a loud sigh. To both of their surprise, Maria let out a laugh getting a sharp look from both of them.

"Funny you would say that. That's kinda what she is doing right now. Anyways. She just needs you to prove you still care. I don't need to be a mother to tell she is frustrated already. She came running into my office and said she needed to spar someone that she wouldn't break under five seconds. She was not very fun to work with today I got to say." Maria said with a sarcastic voice.

"So, I'll just show up at the Triskelion and hope she doesn't kill me then?" Clint asked coldly.

"No, I would try Stark's tower in New York actually. First of all, you can't get killed there. Or at least she can't drag out a painful death in a big industrial building with cameras everywhere. But she also seems to spend an awful amount of time there now." Maria shrugged. Clint only mumbled back.

"Oh, I am sure she'll find a way. But thank you, Maria." One wink at Laura later and Maria ended the call. Clint looked at Laura for a second before mumbling.

"So, I guess I am going back to New York then?"

Even if what Maria was way out of Clint's comfort zone did as he was told. Laura had no idea was his plan was, but she hoped it would work because she didn't wasn't to have to explain to her kids that their favorite aunt wouldn't be around because their dad messed up. This whole situation reminded her of high school drama where the boy broke up with the girl but then is trying to win, he back. That pretty much explained Clint's situation right now. Clint spent a lot of time just walking back and forth in the living room planning out his speech for Natasha before he five days later decided to finally give it a try. Also known as Laura kicking him out of the house.

When Clint came home, he seemed fine which meant Natasha didn't try to kill him at least. He described her as someone in a ridicule's good mood. Talking to her had apparently been a breeze. And now that they were on good terms again, she just hoped Natasha would visit soon. She had a feeling she had she knew why Natasha was in such a good mood, but she wanted to hear it from her before Maria spilled it all.

* * *

Christmas was just around the corner and Laura was so happy because for the first time in three years Natasha was finally joining them again. She had forced her to take the day off threatening to call Nick Fury herself if she didn't. Clint was currently on a gift run before he was going to pick the kids up after their last day of school and kindergarten before the holidays. Laura was preparing dinner when the kids stormed the kitchen followed by their dad.

"When is Nat coming?"

"I am hungry!"

"When is dinner?!

Laura just laughed at her two kids as she watched them jump up and down.

"I don't know. She told me she had to fix something earlier today so hopefully before dinner which will be at 6 pm as always." Laura giggled when the two of them nodded and sprinted out of the room at the same pace they had arrived

"Hi. How was Christmas shopping?" Laura asked softly kissing Clint as he hugged her. He smiled at her before he showed her a bag from what looked like a very expensive store. She peeked into the bag and was surprised to see a small black velvet box. Since he showed her the gift it certainly wasn't for her and it was only one other woman in his life that important.

"Why do I feel like you spend more money and time on that necklace than my engagement ring?" Laura said with a playful voice when he picked up the box.

"Don't think I did, but it's pretty close." Clint hummed kissing her cheek lightly. "Take a look" Clint handed her the box and Laura let her finger glide over the soft fabric. She opened the box slowly revealing a small beautiful arrow necklace.

"Solid silver of course. Turn it around." Clint said still smiling at her with a soft smile. Laura turned it slowly to see a beautiful little diamond and 04.10.2005 engraved.

"It's lovely. I think she is going to love it." Laura said with a low voice.

"The only thing I was unsure about was the date," Clint said with a playful voice.

"Why? It's the day you brought her home, right?" Laura asked, closing the box carefully before handing it back to Clint.

"Eh, yeah, but she is Russian, they write 10.04 and not 04.10." Clint laughed softly. Laura smiled at him again.

"Doesn't matter. She is going to love it anyways.

The small family spent their afternoon playing around together in the living room talking about everything the kids wanted to do this holiday. But as the day went on Laura felt her stomach tighten as it continued to show no sign of a Natasha Romanoff anywhere. She wasn't the only one who noticed. Neither of her two kids wanted to do anything with their dinner because they couldn't eat before she was here. They just couldn't. In the end, Laura and Clint were forced to push the two kids up the stairs to bed even if it meant having to listen to Coopers complains about them promising she would be here and Lila's crying for not having her aunt braid her hair like apparently, she had promised.

Laura stood outside Cooper's room watching Clint read for the two of them with Lila cuddled up to her brother. Her eyes were red, and she could see she was still fighting the tears. Laura didn't feel any better than Lila looked. She missed Natasha as well. Even though Clint and Natasha made it up months ago Natasha was back into full work and got more missions than ever working with Captain Rogers day in and day out. Laura swore she hadn't seen the other woman in ages. And it hurt. Natasha was the single most important person in Laura's life of course not counting Clint and the kids.

Clint didn't come down again that evening. Meaning he either fell asleep in the kids' room or he went straight to bed. Either way, it gave Laura room to just be alone and think. She curled up in the chair wrapping herself in a soft blanket Natasha had left behind. _Fuck, of course,_ she was wrapped in Natasha's blanket. Laura was already annoyed and when her eyes felt on her tea, she felt yet another shot to her heart realizing it was the mug Natasha used to give her whenever she prepared Laura's favourite tea. Laura wanted to scream as she threw the book in her lap hard at the wall. An adoption of Natasha's favourite ballet, the nutcracker.

It was such childish behavior from her, but she just couldn't help it. Tomorrow, no a glance at the clock told her, _today_ was the day before Christmas. Natasha was supposed to be with her now, drinking tea with that smirky smile on her face after she had tricked Lila into bed and talked Cooper into a heavy sleep. Then Laura would wake up to a Natasha who had already been up hours calming she just was an early bird with a stack of pancakes on the table in front of her and a warm cup in her left hand. Then she would tease about Clint being a bad husband making her do all the work.

But none of that would happen because Natasha wasn't here and for the first time Laura realized Natasha might not make it to Christmas at all. She had sent her gifts with Clint weeks ago, but she hadn't thought about what that might mean before now. But Natasha had done it to at least make sure the gift arrived even if she didn't. Laura looked out the window seeing soft snowflakes slowly make their way down to the ground. At least they got a white Christmas right. One of the one things Natasha had so wished for this year. Laura was guessing it was because it reminded her of Russia in wintertime, but she didn't know that for sure.

A cold breeze caught her attention. Where did that come from? She turned around slowly. The house was quiet, no sign of anyone alive and awake beside her. She almost screamed when she felt a cold hand on her shoulder. No, she did scream. But her scream turned into a muff when yet another hand covered her mouth and two wide eyes looked at her with an eyebrow raised. Laura's heart was still pounding at lightning speed, but she slowly forced herself to calm down under Natasha's firm grip.

"What the hell was that!?" Natasha hissed looking at her still with wide eyes. "You almost woke the entire neighborhood!" Natasha'sNatasha green eyes were looking at her in disbelief.

"That's what happens when you just lurk up on me like that, Nat. And I should ask you the same." Laura said trying to look mad. Judging by Natasha's small laugh she wasn't doing a very good job.

"Sorry," Natasha mumbled hugging her from behind. Laura felt the weight on her and by the way, Natasha had looked at her and the tight hug she could sense something was wrong.

"Natasha…" Laura whispered turning slowly around to look at her. Natasha looked pale and tired. Her eyes were looking deep into Laura's own. "Hungry?" Laura continued after a long time of just staring at the other girl. Natasha nodded slowly following the other woman before falling onto a chair. Laura had more leftovers than she probably would ever eat. In her family, they had a tradition to make something small and easy as their "the night before the night before Christmas dinner" as her dad had called it. It was really just an excuse to make something simple before the big holiday meals started. Her dad favourite had always been her grandmother's traditional Italian spaghetti with anchovies and the recipe had been passed down to her the year she got pregnant with Cooper.

She warmed the food carefully while keeping a small eye on Natasha who was sitting in a chair with her eyes closed. The woman seemed tense still. Whatever had held her up had clearly been a lot of work.

"You okay Talia?" Laura asked carefully placing the plate in front of the woman handing her one of the two glasses of water. Natasha didn't answer at first, only sniffing the food looking at it with two hungry eyes. She smiled at Laura before taking a bite and Laura couldn't help but let out a small laugh when Natasha moaned softly after the first bite.

"When was the last time you ate?" Laura asked. Her voice was soft but had a demanding tone to it making no room for any dumb excuses.

"To be honest. I have no idea."

"Natasha!" Laura couldn't help herself looking at the other woman with two annoyed eyes.

"It's a lot of stuff happening at the triskelion right now. It's the sort of tension you notice but doesn't know what means or where it comes from. Fury was in a bad mood. And Maria came back from a rough mission and yeah everything is kinda a mess right now. Maria spent like 5 hours sparing with me just to get her anger out on something that wouldn't snap in one second before she shoved me into Fury's office." Natasha explained still not looking up from her plate.

"How did you get here then?" Laura asked slowly watching the woman in front of her.

"Pepper and Stark decided to celebrate Christmas back in California. They dropped me off on their way over here. Pep was caught up in some work as well, so they had to leave later than planned too." Laura couldn't help but notice the way Natasha called Pepper, _Pep_. Interesting.

Laura continued to look at the woman while thinking about what Natasha said. Tension back at SHIELD? Clint hadn't mentioned that once. Does he know? Or does he ignore it? Laura was lost in her thoughts when her eyes fell on Natasha's hand and her head snapped.

"Natasha are you okay?" Natasha looked up at her surprised, confused about where that question came from.

"I…? what?" Laura looked at her again before pointing at her right hand.

"Natasha you're eating with one fork. In your right hand. Are you hurt?" Laura asked again with a worried tone. It sounded insane out loud. Most people did usually move their fork to their right hand if they put down their knife. That is if they are right-handed. But Natasha was in theory lefthanded by trait. Both she and Clint were left-handed, and both were able to use their offhand as well as their dominant. But Natasha was steadier with her off-hand. She was one of the most ambidextrous people in the world. The only way you could tell she was a leftie was how she instinctively used her left but, unlike Clint, she could switch to her right at any point in any activity. She could even write with her right, both hands producing beautiful cursive handwriting.

But one thing Natasha never did was breaking any rules of the traditional etiquette. Her posture was flawless, and her manners were on point. Meaning she _always_ used both her fork and knife. Her using her right hand to use the fork was just not right.

"Why even bother to try," Natasha mumbled before she moved the sleeve up her arm and showed Laura her left hand. Laura let out a small sigh when she saw the bandage around her wrist and palm of her hand.

"What happened?" Laura asked slowly while investigating the hand further.

"Rumlow was almost mad for some reason. He threw a knife and I caught it by instinct. Kinda forgot his knife has a longer blade than mine…" Natasha sighed. Laura looked at her in disbelief. This god damn woman. What kinda person instinctively reaches out to catch a knife. Every saint person screams and jumps away.

"Do you need ay stitches or?" Laura asked letting go of Natasha's hand before she took her empty plate and placed it in the sink.

"No, I took care of it. A bed would be nice though." Natasha said softly. Laura nodded before she led her upstairs. Natasha's bed was of course already premade. She was more interested in her own bed and if it was filled with kids or not. One fast peek into the room and her answer was clear. Cooper was lying in her spot and Clint was sleeping with Lila practically on him.

"What the hell, Clint," Laura mumbled low before she closed the door slowly.

"To be fair I would probably have fallen asleep as well if I had to read the same book 500 times in a row," Natasha said with a low laugh. Laura let out an annoyed grunt in agreement.

"Come Laura. We're both too tired to make another bed." Natasha said simply leading her into her own room. Laura only nodded. She didn't fight it. She was too tired to do so. Natasha threw her a pair of pajamas before she crawled into bed Laura following close behind.

"I'm glad you came Natasha," Laura whispered as she drifted off.

"I'm glad I did too."

Natasha's sleep was restless Laura could tell. She could feel her move around beside her. Kicking the cover off and swinging her leg out of bed. She could tell she was pacing back and forth in the room even if she couldn't hear or see her. She could tell something was bothering her. But at the same time, she didn't know what. And the need for sleep was hard to fight. To the point where Laura wasn't sure she even was awake or imagining it anymore.

When she finally woke up the early sunrise was throwing a soft yellow hue in the room. Judging by the light it was probably close to 9 am which was really late. She expected a Lila to jump them around 6 am. She threw a glance at the door surprised to see Natasha's small traveling door lock on the doors. Because of the kid's age, they didn't have any keys in the door in case any of them locked any doors and lost the key. Of course, Clint could pick a lock but Laura couldn't and it wasn't any point in taking any chances. She rarely used it outside of missions. Only when she was really behind on her work desperate for some quiet time.

Laura turned around to find Natasha curled up with her back towards her.

"Nat?" Laura asked carefully slipping out of bed before moving to the other side. Natasha's eyes followed her until she sat down in front of her.

"When was the last time you slept?" Natasha closed her eyes and Laura watched her think.

"Nat, if you have to think about it that long it's been too long," Laura concluded waving at Natasha to make space for her. Natasha obeys letting Laura sit on the bed. Natasha moved her head to rest in Laura's lap.

"A good night's sleep is few and far between, you know this," Natasha mumbled.

"yes, but a night sleep doesn't need to be good it just needs to be something," Laura said softly. The two of them got interrupted when they heard a soft knock on the door.

"Breakfast guys. Also, welcome home Nat." Clint's voice was happy, and Laura couldn't help but smile at her husband who was so patient with them sometimes.

Of course, the first thing the kids did when they walked into the living room was to throw themselves around Natasha's neck. Laura threw Clint a worried look when Natasha stumbled backward struggling to keep herself up straight. Natasha never stumbled.

Clint took the hint calling the kids over to the table. Lila and Cooper untangled themselves from their aunt running over to the table. Laura didn't bother to correct them on the running inside instead she just sat down on her own chair watching Natasha take her seat beside Lila.

The kids were over the moon. Both of them had grown up with Natasha as a big role model and of course aunt, but holiday celebrations with Natasha were rear. Lila couldn't remember the last time Natasha was here for Christmas, she was only one back then. And Cooper was by now more used to the disappointment of his absent aunt than the enjoyment of her company at these family times. The conversations were all over the place talking about gifts, the holiday, New Year's, pancakes, get a dog apparently? _Wait excuse me a dog?!_ Laura had no idea what was going around the table, but she didn't care. All she cared about was the family finally getting to spend some real quality time together.

"Mom, can we go out and play in the snow?" Lila was bouncing in her chair as she gazed out the window.

"Yeah, please! We can all have a snowball fight or something." Cooper added on with a begging smile. Laura looked at the two adults. Natasha shrugged but smiled softly at the kids. Clint on the other hand almost looked just as excited as the kids and Laura couldn't help but laugh. Apparently, she had three children now and one wife.

Clint and Natasha held back helping Laura clean up in the kitchen after breakfast letting the kids run off to get dressed. Laura didn't even know if she had any appropriate winter clothing. Natasha was really the only one out of the five that was used to weather below 18 Fahrenheit. The snow wasn't unfamiliar to them but usually wasn't that cold outside even with the snow. And it was rarely enough snow to really make something out of it. This year it seemed the weather gods granted Natasha's wish for the white winter letting the temperature drop down to 10 degrees accommodated with 5 inches of snow which had to beat some sort of record.

Laura found a cold coat and that plus three other layers she was positive she wouldn't be freezing to death. At least not immediately. Natasha had given her and Clint two matching hats for Christmas a few years ago. It was 100% wool, and Laura was positive that was the only winter clothing that actually served its purpose and kept that body part warm.

The first thing Lila did when she ran outside was to faceplant down in the snow with Cooper close behind and the first thing Clint did was to shovel snow down their necks. Laura laughed before she joined them in the snow activities throwing a snowball loosely towards Clint. She didn't snap out of her play before Natasha joined them. She was only dressed in what seemed to be yoga pants a sweater and a west on top. She had a black headband and a pair of gloves.

"Natasha. Are you mad, you're going to freeze to death!" Laura exclaimed as she saw the other woman when she walked down to the kids.

"Laura you do realize that when I worked for Russia our headquarters was in northern Russia in the middle of nowhere. This is like a summer day." She joked softly.

"So, what are we doing kids?" She said as she watched Cooper and Lila trying to make snowballs.

"We're trying to see who can throw the furthest," Cooper said excitedly.

"The _farthest_." Natasha corrected softly before continuing. "So, we're just throwing then?" Cooper nodded again handing her a snowball.

The competition wasn't much of a competition. Lila was still young, so throwing wasn't her biggest strength. But Natasha still praised up to heaven telling her she was way better than others her age. But Laura was sure Natasha had probably beaten Lila's length when she was her age. Cooper was a pretty strong thrower according to his dad. Laura had nothing to measure up against. She had no idea how long an almost 9-year-old was supposed to throw anyways. Natasha and Clint were, of course, the best of them. Clint beat her by a few yards, but both Laura and Clint had a feeling it might have to do with the fact that she was using her right arm and not her left like him. Of course, his victory was short lasted before Natasha showed off with her incredible aim. Beating him at targets with a score almost putting Clint to shame.

"Can we build a snow horse now?" Lila was dragging her dad after her jumping up and down. "please, please, please"

"A horse?" Laura asked surprised looking at her begging child.

"Yes. Big enough for me to ride it." Lila said, still with the same enthusiasm.

"Okay then," Laura said looking at her husband how was already starting to gather some snow.

"Coop? Nat?" She said turning around to the two of them with a small questionable look.

"No thanks, mom. Natasha is showing me a few moves like she promised." Cooper answered. Laura nodded slowly. She was not surprised. Natasha was an excellent teacher. And while she hoped none of her kids would ever need to use any of their self-defense, she was happy Natasha was teaching them the basics.

While Cooper was working with Natasha Lila was "helping" Laura and Clint with the snow horse. The idea was to make three giant snowballs and connect them making the body before another big snowball as the head and neck. The theory was nice. In practice. Not so nice. Still, Laura was enjoying just playing again and soon enough they had sculpted something that if you squint you might see something that looked sorta like a horse.

Laura had no idea what was happening on the other side of the driveway when they heard a rather loud thump and a small squeal followed by a groan. She turned around to find Natasha on the ground with cooper on top of her and her eyes flicked in discomfort before she carefully pushed herself up from the snow.

"Are you two okay?" Both Clint and Laura jogged over to the two of them with Lila following close behind.

"Coop? You okay?" Laura could hear Natasha ask softly, ignoring the two parents. Cooper nodded slowly and Laura saw Natasha say something that looked like "good _"_ before she gave him a small hug.

"What happened?" Laura was by their side in an instant checking up on Cooper to make sure he was fine. She didn't think about the fact that the boy was literally sitting on Natasha's stomach before she answered.

"Good question. I think he fell and I think I grabbed him to softened the impact. But to be honest I don't even know." Clint scooped Cooper off her and dragged her on her feet.

"Well, I think that's enough training for you bud. But if you and your sister want, I can show you have to make these awesome snow lanterns Clint said with a happy tone to lighten the mood.

"YAY," Lila said running back towards the snow horse.

"I'm going to go inside," Natasha mumbled getting a small worried look from Laura. Natasha only smiled softly back. Nice try Natasha, Laura thought. She wasn't getting away this time.

"I'm going to check up on Nat before starting on some dinner. It's almost getting dark." Laura said with a low voice kissing Clint softly. He moaned into the kiss before nodding.

"okay. Can't believe it's so late already." Laura nodded in agreement. She had enjoyed the day ad time had just been flying. By the time she made it into the house, she could hear Natasha in the kitchen.

"Nat?" She asked softly when she finished undressing herself from the first three layers of her clothing.

"mhm?" Natasha answered popping her head out from behind the wall.

" Wanna explain why it's blood on my floor?" Laura asked half demanding walking toward the kitchen. The kitchen table looked like an operating table with blood and bandages everywhere. Natasha was looking down at her bloody hand with two concentrated eyes.

"Fall tore the stitches open," Natasha said before Laura had time to ask. She only nodded carefully before she walked up to her and grabbed the injured hand.

"Damn Nat. that had to be a really sharp knife." She said. The wound was deeper than expected. But it was a clean cut. So that was something she guessed.

"Let me just finish this before we'll start on dinner okay?" Natasha answered with a grimace before she looked down on her hand again. Whenever Natasha was in deep concentration she fell into an emotionless mode. Her eyes get darker and more distance. If you don't know her you would think she zoned out. But Natasha had explained to her before that the technique was a complicated and advanced skill they were taught in the red room. The goal was to be able to focus on your target while letting your subconscious work on the rest of the information around you, to sense changes and movements without actually taking away tour focus on your target.

Laura decided to let her work in peace and started on dinner. The day before Christmas was always ham. Christmas eve was turkey and Christmas day was beef. Everything after was whatever the kids wanted really because at that point both Laura and Clint were done with holiday dishes.

Laura let out a loud groan when she realized that one of her big pots were put away into the storage room.

"Hey, Nat? I need to grab a few things, but can you be a dear and throw on some water in the kettle I need some tea." Natasha nodded with a soft smile still concentrating on her hand.

Laura walked down the hall and looked through her storage room. She hated this room with a passion. They never sorted it and it was a mess all the time. The only good thing with the holiday was that they used most of the stuff in here to decorate so it only took her 10 minutes to find the dumb pot.

Laura stopped outside the living room when she heard Natasha's voice from the kitchen.

"Maria as much as I love hearing your demanding voice, I thought you would respect the holiday hours." Her voice was cold and partly distance making Laura believe she was still working on the cut.

" _You know we don't celebrate Christmas, Natasha. And neither do you"_

"Well I didn't but this year I do. And I am not going to hold Laura or Lila back if you pull me in now." Laura smiled. Yeah, that's damn right. Don't you dare take Natasha now.

" _I'm not. But I need you to do some research and work." Laura heard Natasha let out a small sigh before saying._

"Oh, do enlighten me, Ms. Hill."

" _A lot of assassins had been going down recently."_

"As always…"

" _Not like that Natasha. They are untraceable. Or they seem like it. Some of them are big politicians and or bright brains. Others seem more or less normal. Civilians"_

"Okay, but why me?"

" _Because most of them happened in Europe. Some in the states as well but a minority. And you know us Americans we know like two languages tops. You, on the other hand, know like 10."_

"18, but yeah go on."

" _We don't know much about the once behind. Might be one person or maybe more. But we need information. How much do you know about Scandinavia?"_

"Not a whole lot."

" _Any Scandinavian languages?"_

"They are pretty much the same language Maria."

" _Norwegian?"_

"Decent, but not without an accent."

" _Reading?"_

"Flawless."

" _Good"_

"Care for an explanation now?"

" _Do you know what recently happened in Norway?"_

"Depends what you're aiming for. Nobel prize was like 13 days ago and they got a new Prime minister?"

" _Exactly that."_

"Again, why?"

" _We are looking into a pattern her. We think Norway might be the next target."_

"Norway is a country, not a person…"

" _You know what I mean Romanoff. I just need you to look into this. We don't know if we want to send a strike team or not."_

"How long do I have?"

" _What about ten hours."_

"Maria…"

" _Okay, 24. Now get to work._

The conversation ended and silence fell over the house. The only sound you could hear was Lila's laugher and Clint's yelp from outside when Cooper and Lila drowned him in snow.

"Laura, I know you're there." Natasha's voice was calm, and Laura could feel her cheeks get warm when she realized she got caught.

"Sorry," Laura said with a soft smile.

"it's okay," Natasha said. She was slowly wrapping her hand in a new clean bandage.

"So the new mission thing?" Laura tried to hide how hurt and mad she was, but she knew Natasha. She could read her like a book. It was nothing she could hide from the spy.

"Yeah. I need to look into this. I…Fuck. I just really don't have the energy for this." Laura looked at the woman carefully. Natasha rarely admitted her lack of energy.

"You okay Natasha?" Laura asked before she placed the pot on the stove.

"Yeah. I just wished I didn't have to work." _Lie._

"But I'm fine" _Also lie_.

"Well, I guess you should start then. I'll finish dinner on my own. It's fine Natasha." Natasha only nodded before she slipped out of the room. Well fuck. Maria better not have ruined Christmas.

Dinner was on the table at 5 pm and the kids were currently talking about everything they hoped they would get for Christmas. Natasha had used Laura's study room to work and hadn't been able to rip herself away from the pc before Clint threatened with throwing her into a pile of snow.

"Auntie Nat?" Lila said with a happy voice.

"Mhm? What's up, flower." Natasha answered back, reflecting Lila's happy voice.

"We eat pork because that's mommy's family tradition and beef because of daddy. What did you eat for Christmas when you were a child?" Laura stopped eating and threw Clint a small look before turning her attention to Natasha who seemed just as thrown off by the question.

"I didn't," Natasha answered with a casual voice. It was so pain-free it almost surprised Laura even more.

"You didn't celebrate Christmas?!" It was Cooper's turn to talk now. The boy's voice was shocked and filled with disgust.

"No sweetheart. Christmas was banned in Soviet Russia."

"But what about present?" Lila's asked looking up at her aunt who only smiled softly.

"I never got presents either." She said with a calm voice. She seemed surprisingly calm about the situation.

"Never?" Lila whispered surprising Laura when she realized what her four-year-old was actually asking.

"No Lila. I never celebrated Christmas before I met your dad and mom. And I never celebrated my birthday either." Natasha said slowly cutting into her food still with an awfully relaxed face.

"But your birthday is April 10th?" Cooper asked confused looking at his parents for confirmation.

"No, Coop, it's not. It's just a date your dad made up as an excuse." She answered. Laura and Clint both sat in silence just watching the conversation in front of them.

"So, you have never gotten a gift before you met dad?" Cooper asked again.

"Not the kind of gift you think when you imagine a gift."

"What kind of gift then?" Lila asked. The girl almost looked like she was going to cry.

"Not anything child-friendly," Natasha said with an almost sad smile. Laura saw Clint lift his eyebrow and Natasha dropped her fork. And it was then she realized Natasha was signing. She only knew the absolute basics of ASL, but she knew what she was saying. _It was a gun._


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys don't know what the Barton house looks like just YouTube the scene from Age of Ultron. The kitchen and living room are an open concept. The piano is immediate to the right when you walk into the room. Then the living room part with a sitting area. Then the kitchen to the left. Behind the kitchen table, it's a door. (yes there is I promise you can see it behind Natasha, and no I am not talking about the door on the same wall that Tony leans on, it's like behind her, behind her back ) and I have made a blueprint of the house and that door I am pretty sure that door should lead to the hallway under the staircase ish. Or like further down. Now, this actually makes sense because the way the kitchen and living room are made it implies it was a wall dividing the two before somebody (Clint) knocked the wall down. And how did they get into the kitchen before that? Well through that door. Just trust okay.
> 
> S-B

Natasha disappeared into the study again after dinner and didn't come out before Lila started crying when Natasha wasn't there to braid her hair. That was when she finally made her way out of her lair. Currently, Natasha was curled up on the couch with Clint playing with her hair while she was reading on her tablet.

"Scandinavia is weird," Clint said slowly as Laura noticed him reading over Natasha's shoulder.

"You know Scandinavia isn't a country, right?" Natasha said still not looking up from her tablet.

"Yeah. Sure, but like… It's still weird." Laura let out a small laugh listening to Clint and Natasha's silly conversation.

"You have no idea what it says do you?" Natasha says giving him the tablet. Laura watches Clint scan over whatever Natasha handed him and he grimaced.

"Ha! No! Part of me wants to believe it's German but it's not. It's weirder." Natasha laughs loudly before taking back the iPad.

"I've told you a million times you should try learning a few more languages."

"I mean most of us normal Americans only knows English" Laura chimed in with a small laugh.

"Well yeah. But you know Italian and he knows… what languages do you actually speak Clint?" Natasha said putting her work down.

"I speak 6 languages at the C level. English, Spanish, German, Italian, French and Japanese." Clint answered with a small smile.

"Swear I have heard you talk more languages than that," Natasha mumbled.

"You probably have. It's called pretending. I don't know if you know this, but a lot of people pretend, and lie-"Natasha hit him softly on the arm with a playful look.

"Shut up old man."

They fall into a comfortable silence. Natasha was is still cuddled up to Clint. Laura was sure most women would have been drowning in jealousy watching a Natasha Romanoff cuddled up in their husband's arms. But it was absolutely no sexual feelings between the two. It never had been and never will. Natasha has even admitted that in missions where they have to pretend to be a couple, they always have to make alias with crazy backstories, so it never is too similar to their own life.

"It's getting late, you should go to bed." Natasha broke the silence and looked at Clint with a serious look.

"Come on Nat. Don't push us away like that when you need at least as much sleep as us." Clint was the first one to protest looking at Natasha with a serious look.

"I need to finish this. You know I do. And I am fine." Natasha looked at him with a serious look.

"Fine," Clint said slowly standing up. He looked at Laura with a small helpless look before saying.

"I'm going to take a shower. See you soon." He looked at her, and Laura knew what that look that was. It was the look he used when he was frustrated with the kids saying p _lease talk to her because I'm too mad right now._

Laura was left with Natasha who immediately picked up her iPad again. "Natasha please," Laura begged. Natasha already looked tired and staying up all night wouldn't help at all.

"Laur, I'm fine. And I just need to finish this before…" Natasha stopped when Laura moved over to her and dragged her into a hug.

"What is this for?" Natasha said leaning into the hug.

"Natasha. I know you. I've seen you at your best, and I've seen you at your worst. I just need you to take care of yourself. I saw you stumble earlier today. You seem tired and I don't want anything to happen. Please, Natasha. Please rest." Natasha looked at her with two almost sad eyes and Laura could feel her stomach clench.

"I'll think about it," Natasha whispered before she picked up her tablet and fell into a deep concentration again.

Laura was the first one to wake up the next morning. She didn't want to wake up this early, the sun hadn't even raised, but she really, really needed to pee. And already being awake and moving Laura decided it was no point of going back to bed. Instead, she slipped on an old hoodie before she walked downstairs. Laura's heart sank when she saw Natasha sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee in her hand and her eyes closed. Laura could already tell the woman was exhausted.

"Don't tell me," Laura said with an annoyed voice walking over to the counter to get a cup.

"Sorry," Natasha mumbled. She opened her eyes and her green eyes had lost all its usual fire and life.

"You okay?" Laura asked carefully. She looked at her from across the room. She seemed so small in the big hoodie she had on. It couldn't be hers, and it wasn't Clint's. Maybe it was Captain Rogers?

"I finished my work." Natasha ignored the question. Laura knew she did it on purpose and she wanted to know why.

"Okay. What did you find out?" Laura asked carefully moving over to the sitting area.

"Well, I don't know who is behind. Even if my one guess I correct I didn't bother to tell Maria. It's not important. My mission was to find out if it's necessary with a strike team in Norway. The answer is no. Maria didn't see any patterns in the targets so instead, she wanted to map out where the next move might be. But _where_ is not a _why_. And _why_ is where the answer lies. The strikes seem random. No pattern no way of guessing where he would strike next. I can understand why Maria was guessing Scandinavia. But if you looked closely at the targets there is a pattern. And geographically where doesn't matter. All of the targets were dreamers. Dreamers of something big in the future. With the possibility of making that dream a reality. Some of them were politicians. Some were scientists. Some were students with bright futures. As she said, some seem like civilians." Natasha took a long sip from her coffee before she looked at Laura again.

"The Nobel's winners could be a future target, but not now. It's too obvious. When the person strikes it's surprising. It seems random at the time. None of the targets were working on something big. They were simply enjoying their life. And the prime minister doesn't have any big plans for the future. But not worldwide. Norway is safe, for now." Natasha finished with a soft smile.

"So, SHIELD won't send a team then?" Laura said half relieved. If they didn't send a team neither Natasha nor Clint could be sent on said mission.

"Oh no, they probably will. I've told them they don't need to, but Fury likes to ignore me so they probably will anyway." Natasha said with a small laugh.

"When did you figure this all out?" Laura asked looking at the other woman.

"A few hours ago," Natasha answered calmly.

"Why aren't you sleeping then? It's still a few hours before the kids wake up and… and I think you need the sleep." Laura almost whispered the last part looking at Natasha with a worried look.

"I had… other things… on my mind." Natasha said with a small voice.

"I need some distraction and sleep is not the answer." She picks up a small thin leaflet handing it to Laura. It's old and dusty. She opens it and is surprised to find sheet music inside.

"I didn't even know we had this," Laura said with a surprised tone slowly browsing the pages. She didn't know how to read music. Or at least not well. Only the absolute basic.

"Yeah, I found it in one of your shelves in your study… and I just needed to distance myself a bit." Natasha's voice was weak, and Laura moved slowly over to her dragged her into her arms. She felt Natasha shift in her arms, and she wondered what made her so worked up.

Natasha didn't talk much after that. She spent most of the morning reading through the sheet music sometimes glancing at the piano. Sometimes she stopped and just looked out into nothing. Her eyes were heavy, and she would lose them and freeze for a second. What exactly was going on Laura didn't know. But it could not be a good sign. What really made Laura worry was when Natasha eventually gave up and laid down on the couch. She did say anything she just laid down with her hands covering her face.

Laura was just about to say something when she heard two pairs of feet running down the stairs. She didn't even have time to blink before Lila launched herself forward landing on top of Natasha making her yelp by the sudden weight.

"Oh my god, Lila," Natasha whined making both Lila and Laura stop in their tracks. "Sorry flower," Natasha whispered hugging Lila tightly.

Laura was still frozen when Cooper poked her side.

"Is Auntie Nat okay?" he whispered carefully watching his aunt. He had always been the more observing type, so Laura was not surprised her son picking up on her behavior.

"Natasha?" Natasha didn't look up she only hugged Lila with her eyes closed.

"Ookkaayy, I think we should start with breakfast now yeah? What do we want kids? Christmas eve breakfast is under your rule." Laura said desperate trying to change the attention to something else. Both of the kids were racing over to the kitchen followed by Laura.

"So dizzy…" Laura stopped and slowly turned around. Natasha was standing with her right hand resting on her forehead and the left supporting her on the wall.

"Clint. Honey!" Laura could hear herself yell after her husband while she slowly made her way over to Natasha, mumbling low to her.

"CLINT. Now please." Laura's eyes were still glued to the pale woman in front of her. She had no idea what was going on around her. She didn't know what Cooper was saying or Lila was doing. All she was focusing on was Natasha.

"Get them out of here, now!" Laura hadn't seen him enter the room, but she knew he was there. She knew was standing there looking at them before he hurried obeying his wife's orders.

"Natasha sweetie. Are you with me, Natasha?" Laura locked her eyes with Natasha trying to get her to look at her forcing her to focus on her. The woman's eyes rolled back into her head making her moan loudly.

"I…I" Natasha stuttered. Laura leaped forwards when Natasha stumbled grabbing her to make sure she didn't fall. The woman moaned loudly in clear visible discomfort.

"Sweetie, I need you to come and lay down on the sofa." Natasha continued to stay unresponsive instead just stumbling backward up against the wall.

"Natasha, I need you to- "

"No." Natasha interrupted closing her eyes throwing her head backward maybe a bit more forceful than planned slamming it into the wall. There was no way the spy did that on purpose. She didn't seem to be aware of her surroundings at all, yelping loudly when her head smashed the wall.

"Natasha I am serious I need you to please let me help you." Laura felt herself getting more and more frustrated. Natasha's head fell down on her shoulder and Laura could feel her struggle to stand up in her arms.

"Room." Natasha moaned low still leaning on Laura.

Laura had no idea how she was supposed to get the woman to her room. She could barely stand. She could call for Clint, but then the kids would be alone, and Clint might not even be able to help. "Okay" Laura only whispered back. Natasha looked at her with two blank eyes and Laura could tell how much she was struggling to focus on her.

Walking upstairs was a nightmare. Every step Natasha took Laura was sure she was going to faint right then and there. She could tell Natasha was screaming at herself to force herself to keep going. The spy let out a loud gasp the second they made it upstairs and Laura was thanking her past self for giving Natasha the room closest to the staircase.

The second Laura closed the door Natasha fell to the floor. She could hear herself scream as the woman in front of her fell with her eyes rolled up into her head. She was by her sides in seconds feeling her heart pumping wildly in her chest. The adrenalin in her body was eating her alive as fear mixed with all kinds of other emotions started to mix. This god damn woman had put away every warming her body had waved at her and Laura had to let her ignore all the red flags. And now the woman was unconscious on her floor.

The energy mixed with all her feelings and thoughts were overwhelming and Laura forced herself to start to count out loud to calm herself. A trick she used to tell the kids whenever they were worked up. "Natasha, sweetie," Laura whispered softly letting her hand glide over the pale face. She almost screamed again when Natasha let out a soft groan.

"Nat?" Laura said forcing herself to push away the worry in her voice.

"I…It's spinning." Natasha gasped again blinking while moving her head around desperately searching for Laura's face.

"Natasha, it's okay. I'm right here. I need you to take a deep breath okay. Listen to my voice." Laura mimicked the move inhaling loudly to let Natasha copy her before she exhaled. She listened to Natasha's shaky breath, but she reaped herself. Over and over.

Natasha was shaking violently gripping Laura's wrist squeezing it hard. Laura played lightly with her hair as the spy tried to calm down. Whatever was happening was not a good thing. This was not something she expected or something that had happened before. It threw them completely off-guard making Natasha pay the price.

This was one of the longest and worst days in Laura's life. Natasha showed no sign of getting better. If anything, it almost seemed to get worse. At one point it seemed to be better, only to make her run of the bathroom stumbling over the door frame and falling over the toilet leaving Laura to hold her hair and hug her from behind. It was painfully long minutes where everything the spy had previously eaten got forced out of her before she soon again fell to the floor again.

Laura didn't know how to treat her. She had no idea what this was or what caused it. She seemed disoriented and dizzy, falling in and out of unconsciousness. Sometimes it even seemed like she didn't even know where she was.

In between throwing up and fainting Laura had somehow gotten her onto the bed, and they were now lying on the bed where Natasha was resting in her lap. Laura had lost all track of time when Clint knocked softly on the door. Laura could feel the spy react to the sound, something she hadn't been able to do in a while. And she watched as Natasha turned her head carefully. Laura caught a glimpse of her glass-like eyes. They were filled with tears and an empty look making Laura's stomach twist.

"Hi," Clint said softly. He looked at Laura with a sad look waving her over. Laura slipped carefully out of bed leaving Natasha alone. Natasha's head fell on the matters, but the girl didn't even bother to move it, only lying there with an empty look.

Clint guided her out to the hall closing the door carefully behind them. Laura felt completely helpless, and when Clint hugged her, she felt her emotions take the wheel sobbing into his neck.

"Is Auntie Nat dying?" both Laura and Clint jumped away from each other surprised but the voice. Cooper and Lila looked at them with big eyes. Laura hadn't noticed or heard them. Guess their aunt and dad had taught them something.

"No, no, no." Clint shot in before Laura could, still shocked that her child even asked such a thing. "She is sick, but she'll get better," Clint said with a small sad smile. Still, he forced his voice to sound more confident than Laura knew he was.

"Why don't you take mommy downstairs, and after she eats something you guys can show her the gingerbreads we made?" Clint pushed her lightly. Laura wanted to protest. She wanted to go back to Natasha.

"Honey. It's almost 6 pm and you haven't eaten anything today. I know you want to stay with her, but you need to take care of yourself too. I'll watch her for a few hours okay?" Clint gave her a strict look. 6 pm. She had been with Natasha the whole day and she hadn't realized. Lila grabbed her hand and she only nodded before letting the kids drag her downstairs.

Clint had somehow made somewhat of a Christmas dinner. Surprisingly enough. The kids talked about the day they had with their dad making cookies and playing. Clint had done great keeping him and the kids mind off the obvious stress and tension from upstairs. Still, they seemed a little concerned about Natasha which didn't surprise her. They were allowed to care; she was happy they did. But right now, Natasha and she needed room without the kids hanging over them.

"I know this isn't what you guys imagined, but we're trying to make Christmas Day great as possible tomorrow right?" Laura said with a small smile looking at the kids. Cooper and Lila looked at each other for a second before Lila said.

"But what about auntie Nat?" Laura felt her heart sink. The kids were still young, but they weren't stupid.

"Natasha is sick, baby. She won't be able to celebrate just yet." Laura said with a soft voice. Her two kids looked at her again before Lila whispered.

"But I don't want to celebrate without Nat." Her eyes were teary, and Laura felt her heart ache for her two kids. This was not something she expected her little 4-year-old to say.

"Can't we wait. Wait to she gets better. It will only be a couple of days, right?" Cooper shot in looking at her with big eyes. Laura bit her lip unsure what to answer.

"Natasha hasn't celebrated Christmas ever with her family, I think we should wait." Cooper continued. With time with a lot more confidence in his voice. Laura was still shocked, but she nodded slowly. While she felt bad for not being able to give her kids the Christmas, they deserved she was incredibly proud of how mature they were.

The kids came to an agreement that they would wait to open their gifts until their aunt was feeling better. Both convinced it would only be a couple of days anyway.

"What did I miss?" Clint walked into the room and Laura shot around. Already she felt the anger and stress build up in her. How dare he leave Natasha. Okay she might be overreacting, and she might have some overworking hormones right now, but still, this felt incredibly wrong just leaving her.

"Guys go to the living room okay?" Laura said waving the two kids on their way. The second they slipped out the room Laura glared at Clint.

"What are you doing?!" She hissed. She was already more annoyed than she expected herself to be.

"She is asleep so I thought-" Clint started but she cut him off.

"Clint. She can't be without one of us there. If it gets any worse, we need to take her to the ER. She isn't able to stay away for longer than 5 minutes before she faints. Over and over again. What if she throws up and chokes on it? She threw up like 7 times." Laura's eyes teared up. Saying it out loud made it so real. How sick she really was. She could see Clint look at her biting his lower lip before nodding slowly.

"Okay. But I don't want to take her to the ER." Clint finally replied making Laura look at him before saying.

"Clint" in a warning tone.

"I know. But I don't think making her more stressed at the ER would help anybody. If it gets worse, we call after SHIELD or Maria. Okay?" Laura looked at him carefully before saying.

"Or Pepper!" She almost blurted out. The realization hit and she finally saw the two parallel lines.

"I'm going upstairs to her okay? Talk to the kids about Christmas morning. They don't want to celebrate without her, so I don't know what to do now." Laura didn't give him room to reply before she walked out of the room. She wasn't surprised when she found both Cooper and Lila in the hallway listening to the two of them talking. Instead of correcting them on eavesdropping she just looked at them before she continued upstairs.

Laura slipped the door open and her eyes immediately tried to find Natasha in the room. Her bed was empty, and Laura found herself half running over to the bathroom. Natasha was lying in the warm stone floor with her eyes closed and was breathing heavily.

"Nat?" Laura whispered sinking down beside the girl. Natasha opened her eyes slowly before she closed them again and only let out a small moan. She was completely unresponsive again, and Laura didn't know if it was because she was dizzy, disoriented or just too tired.

Knowing Natasha definitely wouldn't move now Laura turned around and walked into the bedroom again grabbing her phone from the nightstand. She walked slowly back into the bathroom while she scrolled through her contacts. It wasn't before she was back beside Natasha, she finally found the one she was looking for. Pepper Potts.

The sound of the phone call, waiting for it to be picked up was awful. It felt like a million years between she had tapped her screen till Pepper answered. In the meantime, Laura carefully played with Natasha's hair while she waited for the other woman to pick up. She had never talked to Pepper before. She didn't know anything about her other than what the news and the very few things Natasha had told her.

It felt like years before Pepper picked up. And when she finally did Laura didn't even know what to say.

"Hello? This is Pepper Potts." The voice on the other end was soft. She sounded nice but also a bit on the edge.

"Hi. This is Laura Barton. Natasha's…" Laura stopped. She had no idea what Natasha had said about her. Or if she even had told Pepper anything about her and her family. "Natasha's friend" Laura finally said.

 _"Oh yes, Laura. I've heard quite a lot about you."_ Pepper's voice was surprised but she seemed happy. Sort of.

"I am so sorry to call you now in the middle of Christmas, but I have a situation…" Laura bit her lip. She had no idea what to say or do.

 _"Is everything okay, Laura?"_ Pepper's happy voice got replaced with a worried tone and Laura could feel her stomach twist.

 _"Is she okay?"_ Laura almost broke down then and there. Looking at Natasha lying on the floor unconscious and white as snow. It was nothing about her that was okay. And now… Now Laura didn't even know what to say.

 _"Laura?"_ Laura got shaken out from her thoughts by Pepper's demanding and worried tone of voice.

"She fainted." Laura heard a small gasp from the other end of the phone but continued to stay silent.

"She told me she was dizzy. The second she got into her room upstairs she blacked out. Completely out of it. She had been on and off the whole day. Throwing up and struggling to breathe. And it just reminded me of the one time when she was at yours back a few years ago." Laura almost whispered. Her hand was still playing with Natasha's hair. It looked like she was just sleeping, but Laura knew that wasn't the case. It was so much pain behind what seemed to be just a peaceful sleep.

Pepper didn't say anything for a while, but Laura could hear her moving around. Heals walking on a hard floor. Then the sound of an elevator before Pepper said with a low voice. "Jarvis take me to my room please". Around 40 seconds later Laura heard a door close before Pepper finally said something.

 _"It does. It does sound like that."_ Pepper was stressed, Laura could tell even if she tried to hide it. It was filled with worry and Laura almost felt bad telling the other woman. It was no way Pepper could go back to whatever Christmas celebration she was at now. She didn't know if Natasha and Pepper was something official or what was going on between them. But Laura wasn't stupid. She had seen Natasha talk about the strawberry blond more than enough times to tell it was a lot of feelings between them. And Peppers tone only confirmed this suspicion.

 _"She did the exact same thing. She almost didn't make it into my apartment. And the second I closed the door behind me she fell together on the floor. I got her into my bedroom and the next time she moved she ran into the bathroom."_ Laura listened to the other woman. It was no doubt it was the same thing or whatever they could call it.

"Do you know what caused it? I mean right now she is just lying on my bathroom floor. And for the first time today I think she is sleeping." Laura said with a low voice.

"She seemed fine yesterday. Playing with the kids and everything." She added.

 _"No. She didn't really talk about it afterward. And even if she would have, I don't know if she knows the cause either."_ Pepper said. Her voice was low, and Laura could hear the pain in her voice.

"What happened afterward. How long did it last?"

_"Long enough. I took Monday off to take care of her, and well you saw her a few days late. She was exhausted."_

"And nothing similar has happened lately?"

 _"No. I mean she has been working a lot, but not really. She seems tired that's all."_ Laura could feel how much Pepper was worrying. Like she was beside the other woman looking at her she could feel the pain and stress. It almost made her relieved how much Pepper seemed to care. It meant Natasha had others that too cared about her.

"She is. Overworked I mean. She came to us in the middle of the night. And I could tell she was burnt out."

 _"That might be it then. When Natasha, or back then, Natalie, fainted we had just dealt with a lot of press for Stark Industries. She also mentioned she had been pulled out for a mission around the same time."_ Pepper stopped for a second before she continued very slowly.

 _"So, it might as well just be her body straight out dying or break down not being able to keep up."_ Laura stopped playing with Natasha's hair and just let it sink in. Natasha did get migraines when she was overworked, but she could never imagine her body do such a drastic and hurtful thing to stop her from whatever she was doing. It was clearly damaging.

 _"How is she now?"_ Pepper asked carefully. Laura explained everything and while she and Pepper talked, she felt Natasha's body relax in her lap. Pepper walked with her for close to two hours. They talked about Natasha, they talked about Toney, they talked about "Jarvis" interface computer system that sometimes interrupted their conversation.

Laura found a liking for Pepper and if it weren't for the circumstances, she would've loved to get to know her more. She seemed very down to earth, which made sense since she not only was dealing with Natasha's craziness, (which really wasn't bad, but you know superhero, spy, former assassin) and she was also Tony Stark's boss, sort off. She was running his company. She was running "the guy that decided to fly into space with a nuclear bomb into space's" company.

As much as she wanted to talk to the CEO the whole night just to keep something on her mind other than a very sick Natasha Romanoff, Laura ended the call at 9 pm. Natasha seemed somewhat better and hadn't woken up once since she fell asleep which was a significant improvement.

Laura could hear Clint fussing with the kids and around 30 minutes later he popped into the room. As much as both Clint and Laura wanted to say Natasha was better and just call it a day, they both knew that wasn't the case. Between the two of them, they were able to move her over to the bed after making the bed with a new pair of sheets and cover. Clint got a bucket in case she did throw up again, and Laura went down and made a thermos with boiling tea, which hopefully, would stay somewhat warm in case she woke up and needed something for her throat.

They didn't need to talk about how to arrange themselves. It was pretty obvious that Laura would stay with Natasha and Clint go back to the kids. They very rarely let them both sleep in their bed, but with Natasha so sick and Christmas somewhat ruined they let the two of them have a sleepover in their room if it meant two happy kids.

With Natasha curled up beside her and the kids' asleep Laura could only hope and pray that tomorrow would turn our better.

But of course, that was only a dream. Laura woke up with a whimpering Natasha and already Laura knew something was terribly wrong. Natasha never whimpered. She cursed and hit a wall if she was in any pain. And if that wasn't the case she just shut up and hid her pain.

"Nat?" Laura whispered. It was early in the morning, probably around 5 or 6 am and the sun hadn't even risen.

Natasha whimpered again and curled up while hiding her face in her hands. Laura already had a pretty solid guess on what was going on. If Natasha did have a migraine, she became incredibly light and sound sensitive and talking wouldn't help anyone. Still, Laura couldn't help herself when Natasha curled up in her arms.

"Jesus Natasha you're burning up!" Laura was almost a hundred percent sure Natasha had never had a fever or been sick as long as she had known her. Natasha has even said she "didn't have time for any of that nonsense, anyways." when Laura had mentioned it once.

Having a sick Natasha and two kids were more challenging than expected. Especially when school was out. Natasha didn't need 24/7 watching anymore, but they still needed to check up on her regularly. Unlike when she was bedbound when she got shot, Natasha now needed a lot more care. Whenever she was injured, she only needed one of them to patch her up. And when she got shot, she slept most of the day anyways. This time it was a lot more to it. Laura and Clint constantly needed to make sure she got food and water without throwing it up. They needed to help her if she needed to pee or in most cases throw up in the toilet and support her so she wouldn't fall. And more than once Laura found herself holding around a very stressed and upset Natasha, who for some reason, didn't seem to be able to control her feelings and emotions at all, which had to be the first time in like ever.

The kids needed just as much attention. While they held back on the Christmas day gift opening, they still wanted to celebrate somewhat like normal. The kids understandably wanted a Christmas dinner and they wanted both their parents to be there, and present. This meant both at dinner, and when they were roasting marshmallows in the fireplace.

Clint and Laura found themselves in a hard dilemma and by the third day of Christmas both of them were at a breaking point. Natasha didn't seem to get better and her fever had only gone up. She was completely out of it most of the day and she seemed to struggle even more to connect what was real and only in her head, being completely disoriented. Thankfully none of it seem to connect with her past, she was just confused about where and when. This still meant that Laura was spending more time in her room whenever she woke up.

Laura would never have called Maria if she didn't think this was an emergency and she was really, really, desperate. She knew Maria probably had a crap ton of work going on. She didn't celebrate Christmas, so she was probably working on something important. Still, she said yes to help, and Laura felt the relief just flood her when Maria walked up to the house mid-day.

"Oh my gosh thank you, Maria." Laura dragged the other woman into a hug. She could feel the other woman shift uncomfortably but she didn't care. Clint wasn't any better hugging her as well.

"Is she that unwell?" Maria's voice was low, and Clint nodded slowly.

"Well she isn't that bad, but she needs attention. And more than we can give with both the kids." Laura shot into the conversation. Maria nodded slowly putting down the rather big bag she had brought with her. It was clearly more than just clothes. Maybe she had brought some of her work with her.

"The kids need attention as well. And Laura spends most of her time just calming Natasha down. She is disorientated. It's like her head just stopped working. Like she doesn't know what to do with herself. It's nothing like I've seen her before. It's almost like she doesn't know who she is and where she is anymore. But then she comes back to herself before she either throws up or faints or something in between." Clint explained while leading the other woman into the living room.

"I see. That's not good. I think you did the right thing keeping her here and not moving her. She needs to stay calm; I think. Somewhere safe. Fury wasn't happy about me leaving, but it's either that or he loses two of his best agents." Clint lifted his eyebrows slowly.

"Come on Barton. It's not like you would have left her if Fury asked for you. You and she would be out of it and Fury would get mad. Think he rather wants me to stay for a short time than you guys being gone for months." Maria stopped for a second looking between them before she said. "Now I brought a few things for the kids" Laura watched as Maria picked up six gifts from her bag. She was not expecting her to bring any gifts. They were all neatly wrapped with a ribbon around each of them.

"They are all pretty cool, but also with the idea of keeping them occupied for a while," Maria said with a small smile. Laura couldn't do anything but nod. Clint walked slowly out of the room, just as hesitant as Laura. A minute later he came back with two very happy kids. She wasn't surprised when her kids started jumping around in excitement when they the pile of gifts in front of them. Still, both of them stopped pretty fast and Cooper looked at his dad and said.

"But we said no gifts before Nat was better?" The boy had big eyes and looked sadly at the six gifts.

"Don't worry Cooper. Natasha wants you to open them. She wants you guys to have fun this holiday even if she can't be there all the time." Maria said with a softer voice than Laura have ever heard her use. She handed the kids two similar gifts and said. "Opens these two now and I'll give the rest later okay?" The two kids nodded quickly before they both ripped the paper off, not caring about opening them carefully.

Laura almost dropped her jaw when two bows and quiver fell out of its wrapper. One of them was painted in a deep metallic blue and the other one in a darker pink-red vibe. They were both smaller than a regular bow, but she was pretty sure Clint could use both without any problems.

"WOOOOOW," Both of the kid said at the same time both with mouths wide open looking at each other with big eyes. Cooper had asked multiple times for a bow, and every time he got a no from both of them.

"Can we try them?!" Cooper was practically jumping up and down at this point looking at Maria with begging eyes.

"Yes, after you guys get dressed. I have the targets outside." Both kids dropped the bow and quiver before they disappeared out the room running around to get their winter gear.

"Don't worry Laura. They are special made. The point of the arrows are completely soft and can't harm them at all. They only harden if they are shot at the made targets and will only, exclusively, pierce the targets. Doesn't matter how hard you shoot the thing, even the arrow itself will soften if shot the other way. Not even Clint can make it stick to anywhere else than the targets. Still, they fly perfectly. Course I wouldn't use it in a mission as an actual weapon but it's perfect for practicing." Laura couldn't do other than to nod. She trusted Maria. Sure, Maria was a spy and a director of a secret world-class protection service thing that she didn't know what exactly did, but she trusted her. And honestly, she felt like Clint would have a higher risk of bringing something that was accidentally dangerous to the kids than Maria.

While the kids got ready to play outside with Maria and Clint Laura walked back to Natasha's room. To her relief, Natasha was still sleeping soundly. Her fever was still pretty high, but it seems to maybe have gone down. Laura curled up beside her resting her head against Natasha's back. She didn't care if she caught whatever was happening in Natasha's body if it meant Natasha getting better. Natasha didn't deserve this.

God Laura wanted her to get better so badly.

Maria was a genius. Like she really was. Obviously, she had to be somewhat of a smart woman to be the Deputy Director of SHIELD at such a young age, but still. Maria's gifts to the kids were just like she had described them, cool but also made to keep them occupied. And not only occupied but also working on improving skills. Of course, they got the bows which actually Lila used the most, which was a surprise. She was only four, but for some reason, this was something she enjoyed a lot. And was good at. Which was kinda scary if you asked Laura.

The next gift they got the same evening was designed to make them think. Or rather a recipe to make them think. To Lila, who as they all know adored everything Natasha did was a small pamphlet with pictures of how to play a very simplified version of one of Natasha's favourite songs on the piano. Which was somewhat annoying to listen to, but at the same time worked. But it was Cooper's second gift that really blew it out of the water. It was a book on coding and general I.T. Now Laura knew nothing about coding, or computers, or hacking, but apparently her boy enjoyed it. Maria gave him a tablet he could use and all he wanted to do was to work on whatever codes and tricks he could fine in said book.

The gift gave room to watch Natasha without the kids feeling completely left out. And with Maria there, she could help take care of Natasha when the two of them too tired or wanted to spend some time with the kids.

They sent the next few days playing with their gifts getting two gifts each day for the next two days. By the fourth day with Maria, the ultimate question finally came. It was the first day the hadn't gotten something new to occupy their brain with so naturally the thought of their aunt came floating back.

They were all currently in the living room. Natasha was asleep upstairs and they were all just fiddling with their own things. Lila was puzzling on a puzzle she wasn't able to finish the day before. Cooper was playing with a Rubik's cube which he had gotten two days ago and Clint and Maria were doing some light work.

It was Cooper who started it all. Laura noticed him staring at her when she realized the clicking from the cube stopped. She was reading when silence fell over the room. She looked up and two brown eyes looked at her. She wasn't the only one who had noticed. Both Maria and Clint looked up from the tablet they were looking at as well. Cooper looked between the three adults before he said with a low voice.

"Why isn't Natasha better yet? You said she wasn't dying?!" Cooper's voice almost cracked by the boy took himself in and looked at Laura with two almost strict eyes. Laura watched Lila lift her head from her puzzle as well and looks at her.

"She is not dying but she is very sick." Clint started with a calm voice. Cooper didn't give him much room to explain before he cut him off.

"But you haven't let us see her for days. You keep distracting us with gifts!" He looked down on his almost completed cube. He has never solved it before and his eyes lit up in realization. "AND IT'S WORKING!" He threw the cube with an incredible strength only giving Laura a second to move away before it hits the wall with a loud thud.

"Cooper Barton! We do not accept this kind of behavior in this house!" Laura was thrown out her trance and for the first time in a very long time, she finds herself raising her voice.

"She needs to rest, and we wanted to give you something to make you happy. Do you understand Cooper?" Clint looks at his son with two demanding eyes, but the boy only looks back at him with two mad eyes.

"ARRRGHHH!" Cooper was just about to storm out of the room before he walks straight into something. Both Cooper and Laura let out a small gasp when he walks into Natasha who is resting in the doorframe. The only one in the room that doesn't look like they are looking at a ghost is Maria who probably had noticed her in all the chaos.

"Excuse me, Cooper? What is this behavior?" Natasha's voice is deadly calm, and Cooper only looked at her with big eyes before he slowly backs up from the redhead. Natasha is pale in her skin with two glass-like eyes. Still, she has a strict frown on her face. With her arms crossed over her chest and she looks at him almost with an angry glare. Not even Lila moved, everyone, maybe except Maria, was stunned by the fact that the woman that fainted like five times yesterday was currently standing in front of them.

It wasn't before Natasha straightened up with a small stumble that the room came back to life with Clint breaking the silence.

"Okay, kids out." Clint stood up and started to push the kids towards the kitchen door and out towards the hallway. Both Cooper and Lila started to protest immediately but quickly stopped when Maria looked at them with two very, very cold eyes.

Clint and the kids hurry out of the room leaving the three women alone. Laura looked between Maria and Natasha who only stared at each other lifting an eyebrow now and again like they already are in full conversation. Neither of them had yet to move, they only look at each other before Natasha slowly turned and walked to the kitchen. The previous stumble shows no sign to return as she walks effortlessly to the kitchen. Laura notices Maria rolled her eyes before she walks after the other agent.

"I can't say I was expecting to see you, boss." Maria rolled her eyes again

"I'm not your boss." She only answers coldly. Laura sat down quietly by the table and only observe the interactions.

"Could have fooled me." Natasha doesn't even look at Maria. She turns on the tap and slowly fills up the glass with cold water.

"Nobody fools you, Natasha." Natasha turns around slowly and nods.

"True. But what are you doing here?" She looks at them for a second before she walks over to the kitchen table and slumps down on a chair on the opposing side of the table from Laura. Her voice is colder than what Laura is used to. She was guessing this was the kind of voice she used around at SHIELD.

"The way phrasing yourself makes me believe you have no idea what has happened, nor what we have been going through." Laura wasn't sure if she was expecting a reaction from Natasha or what, but Natasha looked calmer than ever.

"Guess you're right." Natasha only answered. It looked weirded Laura thought. Natasha was calm and very "Agent Romanoff" like, but the way she looked, so pale and… well weak almost… made it all so wrong. Something seemed off but she couldn't pinpoint what.

"I usually am," Maria said with a small smile. Natasha only nodded affirmatively. "When was the last time you looked in the mirror?" Maria continued not giving her any room to interrupt. Natasha stopped for a moment and tilted her head slightly obviously trying to think about it.

"Well, I can tell you it has to be at least 4 days because you haven't been able to walk the last few days." Natasha looked at her carefully. Her snappy comments were long gone. She looked at Laura and Laura only nodded slightly. She could see the panic and fear flashing in the two green eyes before they were pushed away.

"Natasha, you were very, very sick." Laura started. She wanted Natasha to say something. Anything. But she only looked at her with two almost scared eyes.

"How much do you remember?" It was a dumb question really. Clearly, the agent remembers nothing if she would've she wouldn't have looked as confused. Or?

"Nothing." Natasha only answered. Laura wanted a little bit more. Was she really that blank? Or was she lying? Natasha could be lying. Laura had no way of telling. Yes, she was good at reading the other woman, but Natasha had more than once lied right to her face effortlessly. Completely without any sign of any dishonesty.

"Natasha." Laura started carefully. Natasha only looked at her with two empty eyes. Laura recognized it as something Natasha did whenever she was lost inside her thoughts. Both Maria and Laura waited patiently for the other woman to land back on earth again.

"I don't know what you are talking about." Natasha's voice was to calm and hard to recognize. It was cold but calm. Almost dreamy. Careless.

"Natasha I am not doing this. I need you to talk to me. I need you to come back to us and focus because this is serious." It was Maria this time. Laura looked at the angry woman. She was surprised Maria was so annoyed, but she probably has more experience with this part of Natasha.

"I am." Natasha let a small smile show. But it wasn't her normal warm, heart racing smile she usually had. Not the smile that she gave the kids that made Laura's heart almost jump out of her chest. No, it was distance and unfamiliar.

"You're really not." Maria almost growled. She was clearly pissed at this point, looking like she was about to jump the other woman soon. Natasha, on the other hand, leaned back in the chair looking like she wasn't giving any cares in the world.

"You are the last person I would ever treat her handler this way. You were better disciplined." It was like Laura could hear the illusion in Natasha's head shatter. Her head snapped from its place and Natasha's launched herself at Maria. Maria was clearly expecting the attack from the other woman. The second Natasha laid her hands on her Natasha got thrown into the fridge with a loud thud, making Laura jump in her seat.

Natasha let out a loud groan and Laura watched her try to shake Maria off her.

"Really Natasha. I think we both can tell you're not in nearly good enough shape to take me on. And you got to admit something is off when you can't even push me off you." Maria let go of the other woman. Natasha doesn't punch back. She only looked at her coldly still not saying anything.

"Heck, you can take on Rogers if you wanted to." Natasha glance at her before she closed her eyes for a second.

"What do you want?" Her voice was so cold and emotionless, and again Laura felt the woman slowly creep into the old cold woman she met years ago.

"Why are we even having this conversation, Natasha? Like seriously do you understand that you were really sick. You fell together on the floor. You left us so worried. Laura, Clint, me, Pepper. Everyone. Now tell me why you can get it together and drop whatever fuckery you are doing right now." Laura noticed Natasha's eyes shoot up by the mention of Pepper. She bit her bottom lip and just looked at them.

"Drop whatever fuckery you are putting on and drop the personas. Just let me talk to the Natasha we know because this isn't you." Maria looked at her and Laura watched her eyes soften. Natasha still looked at her, but Laura swore she could see some pain linger in her eyes.

"I don't think I can." Natasha's voice slightly cracked, and she looked at them before she whispered. "I don't think I know who I am anymore."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter is intense. If you guys don't quite understand everything that's happening, I will explain later. Think as an endnote in the next chapter.
> 
> This is a bit longer than usual but that's fine I think.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to start proofreading my stuff, but I just can't be bothered. Lol. Anyways I hope you guys enjoyed the longer chapter last time. 
> 
> We're moving into the year 2013. (Christmas 2012-2013 currently).
> 
> S-B

aura wasn't sure what to think. She was confused. Maybe a bit mad? She was definitely sad. She had no idea what was going on with the redhead, but Natasha was all over the place. No, actually she wasn't, she just wasn't present. Or at least it didn't seem like it.

Laura didn't know how to explain it other than Natasha being somewhat distance. Or at least it felt like that. She seemed off. She was clearly walking on eggshells around the house. Moving away from everyone when she was even slightly in the way, and never doing anything that might have seemed inappropriate for a stranger to do. But like this was Natasha. She was practically living in this house at this point and Laura would never be upset with her if she grabbed something from the fridge without asking. But for some reason, Natasha seemed to think so now.

The only time she seems a bit more, normal? present? like she used to? Was when she was with the kids. They didn't seem to think anything was off. Or if they did, they probably connected it with her being sick for so long. Which was a valid point, but for sure wasn't the case. They hadn't seen her in the kitchen talking with Maria. They had no idea what she had said back then.

The words were still echoing in Lura's head. "I don't think I know who I am anymore." The way she said it, the way she looked. It was such a convincing act. But it had to be an act, right? Like she was Natasha Romanoff. She was excellent at lying and hiding everything from everyone. She didn't actually mean it? She couldn't. Laura refused to think that was even a problem. Of course, she knew the change from the red room, an assassin, to SHIELD and a spy had been a drastic one. But even then, it never seemed like an identification problem, it was only her and the people around her slowly unlocking her personality which the red room had forced away.

Natasha was currently sitting in the living room in a corner scanning a document in her hand. Maria and Clint were silently playing a card game which turned out to be more aggressive than anticipated. Occasionally, one of them would mumble something rather aggressive and both Natasha and Laura would lift their head to see what the commotion was about.

After a long week of staying up late and celebrating New Years, the kids were early in bed. While none of them had said anything both kept throwing glances at Natasha to see if the spy was going to mention the Christmas they never had. But she didn't. Natasha never seemed to get the thought in her head, ignoring the fact that they had many, many gifts piled and unopened in another room. It wasn't like Natasha would have forgotten. She never forgot such things. And while Laura still thought Natasha's behavior was odd, she knew Natasha's memory hadn't faded in the slightest.

With Maria still here Laura found herself with more free time than ever. Like most workplaces, SHIELD found themselves in a quiet period where nothing special happened. All three of them had close to zero work at the moment leaving them all with more time than they were able to use productively so now they were all just working around on the farm.

To Everyone's surprise, Maria and Clint spent quite a lot of time together. Natasha was more distance than ever, making Maria and Clint both back up and use their time together. Natasha would keep looking at them but never join whatever they were doing, keeping her distance far longer than normal. Her behavior was weird Laura thought. She seemed unsure of her place in the house. Which had never been a problem before, but because she was so reserved Laura never got a chance to ask her either.

This had to change. Laura needed it too because she was sick and tired of this, and quite frankly, she just wanted her best friend back.

"Hey, Tal…Nat. Nat, can you help me change the sheets on the beds upstairs? It's been like ages." Natasha looked up at her skeptically but nodded. Laura knew it was unfair of her to ask Natasha like that because she knew the redhead didn't have the balls or the heart to say no. So instead Natasha nodded before allowing her to lead her upstairs.

Natasha was like a shadow, just walking behind her following her every step. She, like always, did a perfect job, doing exactly what she was asked with such perfection it was almost scary. Natasha was naturally talented in every aspect. But even when changing the sheets, she seemed too eager to make it perfect. Which was ridiculous because again, it's the sheets on the bed. Like who cares.

By the time they had gotten to Natasha's room, Laura was sure the other woman was out of her mind. Laura watched the woman brush over a wrinkle for the sixth time before she broke.

"Natasha, what are you going?" Laura let out a sigh and Natasha turned her head with a surprised look.

"Doing what you told me right? Changing the sheets. I mean I can redo if you'd like?" Laura huffed before she walked over to the bed and plopped down on the bed harder than necessary messing up the bed. She watched an uncomfortable look flash over Natasha's eyes.

"See. Nobody cares about all the details and the wrinkle on the sheets. Natasha, what's up?" Natasha wrinkled her nose watching her.

"Hey! That's my bed!" She protested carefully.

"Yeah. The same way this is your home, but right now you certainly aren't acting like it. What's wrong?" Laura leaned back and looked at her the same way she corrected her kids. Laura and Natasha rarely raised their voices ever, and never to each other, but Laura could hear her voice turn more demanding by the second the same way Natasha seem to shrink down and get unsure of herself.

"I…I don't know. I just. It's complicated." Natasha let out a soft sigh looking at her, clearly wanting this conversation to end. Laura wasn't planning on giving in.

"I got time. The kids are in bed and your bed is really comfortable you know." Laura grimaced and for the first time in a long time, Natasha's face softened.

"Have you ever driven your car and just taken a turn without really thinking about it, just driving on autopilot?" Natasha said with a small low voice.

"Yeah sure. Why?"

"How does that make you feel when you realize?" Natasha asked carefully sitting down on the other end of the bed.

"Weird. It kinda scares me that I do things on instinct. Not me who controls me you know." Laura answered. She had no idea where she was going with this. This all seemed kinda random.

"What if that's the way I feel all the time. Like I work on autopilot and just do things without thinking. I lie and kill in the service of liars and killers." Natasha's voice turned deeper, and she looked at her with two big eyes.

"All I do is pretend and work, and kill, and do some more pretending. And I don't know what is true anymore. I don't know what me and what is just me on autopilot. What if I just fucked up. Because right now that's what it feels like." Natasha's confession stung. One because clearly, her best friend was having a real problem, but two because she didn't know how to respond.

"Natasha," Laura whispered opening her arms letting Natasha slowly move into her arms hugging her softly. After a minute Laura pulls back and Natasha looks at her with two intense eyes.

"Maybe you're right. Maybe you aren't yourself" Natasha yanks her head away from her looking at her with disbelief.

"But that doesn't mean you can't figure it out" Natasha's eyes soften slowly nodding.

"How?"

"I know you the red room tried it's best to wipe all the personality away from you. But just do what feels right. Don't overthink it like you are doing now. If your brain thinks it's right. Do it" Laura said straightening up trying to do her best sounding confident.

"I'm not good at making decisions." Natasha answers. While she still clearly is unsure, she sounded calmer.

"You don't have to make big decisions, but the smaller things."

"Who do you want me to be?" Natasha looked at her with a cation look in her eyes making Laura shake her head.

"That's not the point Natasha. Just do you." Natasha blinked tilting her head ever so slightly.

"But how about my best friend, and my kids' amazing aunt. I wouldn't complain about that." Laura said softly with a small laugh and Natasha nodded with a small smile. Maybe Laura did break through to her after all.

The next morning Laura woke to a warm nice smell of something home-baked. She had no idea where and what the wonderful smell was, but she was drawn to it. She turned to her right expecting Clint's side of the bed to be empty the same time he did the same.

"Guess you're not the one baking hu?" Laura nodded softly with a smile before sitting up.

"Maybe we should check it out to make sure it's not a child." Clint let out a groan before following her lead. None of them changed out of their sleepwear. Instead, Laura just dragged on one of Clint's hoodies on top of her t-shirt.

To her surprise she found Natasha standing in her kitchen. Laura swore she had never seen Natasha in an apron ever. Even when they baked before she always refused. But there she was with Laura's red apron on and her hair in a messy bun. Laura can spot som flour in the red hair giving an illusion of blond ends. She would look good blond.

Clint was the first one to move from the door frame and Laura watch him sneak up on Natasha the same way he always does when she bakes. Of course, the retired spy was unbelievably quiet making no sound as he slowly approached the woman.

"Clint if you even dare to touch my cookie you will get sliced in half. Got it" Natasha didn't even look away from whatever she is frosting, eyes still glued to the cookie in front of her.

"Oh buu, you are no fun" Clint pout. But he didn't move closer instead he slipped down on a chair.

"I'm not like your jumpy wife. I can sense you miles away" Natasha answered with a smirk.

"Ouch," Laura said out loud earning a small laugh from Natasha.

"What's going on here?" Laura couldn't help herself when she spun around in surprise making Natasha laugh even louder.

"Natasha is baking I don't know why," Clint says. He doesn't look at Maria as she walks over to them. His eyes are glued on another tray of cookies.

"What are these? -"

"CLINT BARTON- "Natasha spun around the same time Clint picks up a small white glazed cookie.

"Mmm, Nat. Damn" Natasha looks like she wants to kill him right there and then as he slowly tore off a piece handing it to Maria.

"Natasha. You could honestly just drop the spy act and start baking full time. This is very nice" Maria says laughing.

"Honey, right?" Natasha's expression softened looking at Maria. She nods conformingly.

"They are called Pryaniki. It's a Russian holiday cookie. I guess you can translate it to honey bread" Laura walked up to her looking over her shoulder and down on the cookies she was currently working with. It kinda looked like a gingerbread. But at the same time not quite. The one in front of them was shaped like a deer. Carefully lined with frosting and decorated with different colours.

"And if baking doesn't work out for you, art is apparently something you're good at too. What is this?"

"it's called a Kozulya. You can call them the Russian gingerbread. Except it doesn't have ginger. Families usually have a family recipe passed down in the family. I don't have that. Or not that I know of, that is. But I did see a recipe in Stalingr…. Erm. Volgograd once." Natasha explained as she continued to frost the cookie. Her eyebrows were moving up and down as she was clearly thinking while talking. Laura was guessing this wasn't a topic she talked about very often.

"So, any reason you are baking at 6:30 then?" Maria said with a curious voice as she poured herself some coffee before offering some to Laura. Laura didn't realize it was this early in the morning. It was a good point actually. It was at least two dozen of each type of cookie in front of them. It had to have taken hours to prepare.

"January 7th is traditionally the day you celebrate Christmas in Russia. We don't follow the same calendar when it comes to the Russian Christmas celebration. The government uses the Gregorian calendar but the Russian Orthodox Church follows the Julian calendar where December 25th lands on January 7th. I mean that's how I remember it being that one year I celebrated Christmas in Russia. Or was present a least." Natasha said with a low voice before she turned around and looked at them. She looked at all of them, but Laura swore her eyes lingered over hers a bit longer.

"And I thought the kids deserved somewhat of a celebration. It was just what felt right." It was like the kids knew because the second Natasha even finished her sentence the kids ran through the door.

Just the idea of having Natasha over for Christmas was a dream in itself. But Natasha just proved over and over why Laura cherished her so much. The fact that this girl was struggling with anything was just unfair. And that Natasha couldn't see how big her heart was and how amazing she was, was just a sin. The woman started them off by giving the kids some cookies before she swiftly prepared a big pancake breakfast. Laura thought the way she and Clint made pancake batter was pretty efficient already, but somehow Natasha managed to make the breakfast in half the time they did before she moved over to dinner. Because yes, she was going to make a big dinner. And Laura had no idea what half of what she was making was. She had no idea how Natasha knew how to make it either. And just in general she had no idea what was going on in her house.

Natasha was insanely speedy in the kitchen. The fact that this girl hadn't touched a knife or a rolling pin before she had met Laura was impossible to guess. She had no recipe, claiming she just had a recipe in her memory and was just "winging" it. But the smell in Laura's house disagreed with this theory. By the evening Natasha had finished multiple dishes that included some kind of dumpling looking things, beans with shredded potatoes and garlic, a soup and salads.

Laura was enjoying the view as Natasha giggled at Lila's joke. Natasha's eyes were soft and calm, filled with love and confidence. Laura had no idea what had happened over the night, but she was happy it did. She seemed completely different from the mess she was just 24 hours ago. Tense, jumpy, uncomfortable. Nothing of that sort was present in the woman in front of her.

"Auntie Nat?" Natasha hummed softly when Laila walked into the kitchen while the three ladies were cleaning up the dishes.

"You said you didn't celebrate Christmas, but this was a Russian kind of celebration, right?" Natasha smiled at the girl as she slowly dried off a plate handing it to Maria.

"Yes, it kinda was." Laura watched Lila look up at her role model and Cooper walking up to the kitchen to listen to the conversation. Natasha seemed surprisingly calm even if the conversation topic wasn't something she usually seemed comfortable with.

"So how did you know all of this then?" Lila climbed up on a chair and Natasha let out a small laugh.

"You want a story, don't you?" Natasha hummed, her eyes glittering ever so slightly.

"Mhm." Lila nodded.

"Well." Natasha's voice deepened slightly, and Laura recognized her storytelling voice resurfacing.

"At the school I went to every year started on January 1st. Instead of semesters starting in September we started on the first day in the new calendar year. And as you know we didn't celebrate birthdays instead everyone turned a year older night to January 1st.

My first and only real Christmas in Russia was the day I had turned 18. We graduate the year we turn 18 because that when you are legally an adult. After my graduation ceremony the day before, I was sent out in the real world. We lived at our school and through our school system we got our job. Through the same system I got sent to Volgograd to start my new career, but because it was just the start of a new year, I was left with a lot of spare time." Natasha looked at the two kids who both looked at their aunt as she was telling the story. The way she was storytelling was so lighthearted and easygoing.

Laura knew very minimal about Natasha's past. She had never forced her to talk about it and wasn't expecting to do so before she was comfortable. She knew she had grown up in the red room academy which was as far as her understanding went was an academy for young girls to shape and train Russia's most efficient and deadly assassins. She also knew that after the red room Natasha worked for something called KGB as one of the world's best assassins.

This version of Natasha's tale was nothing like the true dark past.

"I had never seen anything quite like it. Don't think I have still. It was so beautiful. For the first time in my life I saw a beautifully decorated town square. With fairy lights between stands and living lights lighting up every corner. Foods I have never seen in my life. It was all so much to take in." Laura watched Natasha's eyes spark and for a second Laura was wondering if Natasha was missing Russia before she remembered that wasn't the case.

"An old lady in a food stand explained to me how Christmas worked and gave me a small taste of the dumplings you guys just ate. It was her recipes, or what I can remember from that recipe I based my treats on today. Back then Russia's economy was very low, but I remember buying myself some chocolate cookies. It was my first real gift to myself. I had never seen any deserts or anything sweet in my life. And in some ways, I guess that's why I love chocolate as much as I do." Natasha smiled softly at the two kids in front of her. Both of them looked at their aunt with amazement.

Natasha's story made some clearly some impact on the two kids. Christmas was always something they had taken for granted. The food, the gifts and having friends and family around them all the time. Natasha had none of that at their age, and because of that she never made a tradition out of it in her adult life. Still, Laura could tell she was enjoying herself and she brushed the kids off whenever they tried to talk about Natasha's past and lack of previous Christmas careful not to break the nice mood and atmosphere.

Natasha seemed almost to calm about the whole thing. Laura swore Natasha was more protective over her past before. She might be wrong, but she didn't think so. Natasha did hold back when the kids tried to dig deeper into her red room time, but other than that she seemed surprisingly open about everything, and Laura wasn't sure that was a good thing.

Another thing Laura noticed was that Natasha was spoiling the kids to another dimension this year. Laura hadn't realized how many gifts she had brought before they were all opened. She was a hundred percent sure Natasha had bought everything on the wish list that Laura and Clint hadn't covered. It was to the point Laura felt genuinely bad about it, but the second she confronted Natasha she had only replied she had nothing else to spend money on anyways. This kinda pissed Laura off. The woman could always treat herself; she didn't have to treat her kids the way she did. She hadn't been to Natasha's apartment in Washington, but she was pretty sure it was very minimalistic. Every piece of expensive clothing Natasha owned was bought by SHIELD or bought because of a mission. The woman never spoiled herself.

For the kids, it was mostly toys, clothes, and other harmless stuff Natasha had bought them. But to Clint and Laura, the scale just quadrupled whatever she had done to the kids. Natasha got her payback to Clint when he opened a knife set. But unlike the once she had gotten, his was engraved and personalized with his own Hawkeye purple, and Laura only needed one small peek to tell that they were expensive. Of course, it didn't stop there. For the first time in like ever, Laura found her husband completely out of words when he unwrapped a new coat. It was long and made from a deep red fabric. It had some black thicker patches which Laura was guessing was fitted with a steadier and a more robust material to support and protect more if needed. It had a zipper that reached down to his waist before it opened on the bottom giving him the freedom to move around without getting restricted by the tight fit. It looked like something you wouldn't find anywhere in any stores, so Natasha had to have had it designed and custom made.

On Laura's part, she got a white fruit bowl. It seemed simple and minimalistic, but Laura reckoned it was real porcelain which made it quite the gift. And certainly not something she should've gotten a mom to two kids. Natasha also listened, or rather, observed when Laura had looked at a couch arm table a few months prior. She ended up not getting it, not wanting to spend that kind of money on something that "silly". But here they were.

Laura and Natasha had never discussed economy. Even she and Clint talked about it very minimally. Obviously, she was aware of Clint's very above-average income, but because most of that went to the house and the kids, she didn't actually have a number on his profit. His savings were quite high and that plus her own savings made room for Laura to stay at home if she wanted. Natasha had to have a ridiculous number by her name. They had a monthly payment at SHIELD to sustain everyone that wasn't a field agent, but every successful mission also earned them a bonus, and maybe a raise. Depending on what the mission involved the bonus fell and raised with the effort needed. Not only did Natasha take maybe twice the number of missions that Clint, but she also happens to have the more difficult once. Not to even mention her work at KGB where she had even more missions and was involved in the black market.

Laura was just about done with her when she walked into her bedroom hours later. The kids were sleeping after a long and exciting day. Natasha was downstairs with Maria taking a call they apparently had been putting off for quite some time, while Clint showered. This left Laura and her thought alone, and she had never experienced her brain jumping so much back and forth between emotions before when her eyes fell on the last gift of the day. She didn't need to ask who bought it; she knew Clint would never get her this one.

"NATASHA ROMANOFF" Laura was mad, happy, surprised, grateful and pissed off.

Natasha and Maria both came jogging into the room a few seconds later and Laura could hear Maria say "Yes Sir" just when they stepped into the room.

"What is this?!" Laura pointed at the white apple box on her bed. It was neatly wrapped with a red ribbon resting on the bed. Natasha smiled softly before grimacing saying.

"Laura, you aren't that old. You know what an iPad is." She didn't move from her spot only smiling at Laura who could feel herself getting more annoyed.

"Natasha, I refuse. No, I can't accept this."

"Of course, you can. And I'm not going to return it either. You better just use it." Laura recognized the words from when she had gifted Natasha the ballet shoes.

"I…I… I don't know what to say." Laura whispered. She didn't dare to touch it. She just stared at it.

"You don't have to say anything... But we kinda do." Laura watched Natasha bit her bottom lip looking at Maria with a small look.

"Fury asked us to come in." Laura was happy Maria was the one that said it, knowing it would've hurt even more if Natasha was the one who had announced it. Of course, she knew they would leave eventually, but she had hoped they would stay a bit longer. Especially considering how very sick Natasha had been a few weeks ago. But now she was almost back to normal so that was probably one of the main reasons.

Natasha had bounced from terribly ill to okay dangerously fast. Of course, they had the slight "I have no idea who I am" situation, but physically she had seemed to get better very fast. So fast it concerned Laura more than she dared to admit.

It helped that even long after they left they both continued to send them updates. I surprised Laura that Maria was so involved still. But she wasn't complaining, she liked Maria. She proved she really cared about Natasha, and now her kids, and it made Laura extremely happy. It made her even happier when Maria started updating her on Natasha and Pepper which she now had named BlackPepper.

Clint spent most of his time home which Laura loved. He wasn't fully retired. But something in between. He didn't get sent on any missions, or at least not any big ones. And the work he got was usually research and reading through mission reports. Laura was scared he would go crazy by the lack of things to do. But he didn't. Yes, he did have some excess energy, but as long as he could tear down a wall or three, he was good. Clint had even started to get more involved with the kids' activities, like Cooper baseball practice, and Lila's gymnastic, things he couldn't do when he was a full-time field agent for SHIELD.

Summer was just around the corner and Laura was sitting outside with a cup of iced tea when Clint walked up to her.

"Maria just texted me." He said with a calm voice. Laura turned around to look at him to see if this was like a good kind of text or something else.

"She warned saying I might have to chip in for a mission or three later this month. You don't mind right?" Clint asked looking at her with two loving eyes.

"Not really. It's up to you what you do really. You know I support you." Laura said with a soft smile, leaning in letting him kiss her on the forehead.

"As long as you don't leave me with half-finished house projects. That I do not support." Clint laughed into her neck and kissed her again before whispering.

"I won't" Laura chuckled back. Yeah right, Clint.

Laura soon found out Clint wasn't the only one that got a message from Maria. Two days later, Laura got a phone call from the agent, and knowing Maria, Laura could already feel her heart started to race in her chest.

" _I am kicking her out of the triskelion. I am grounding her."_ Was the first thing Laura heard when she picked up. Laura stopped in the middle of the hallway in her house, confused about what was going on.

" _Natasha, I am sending her home."_

"Ehh? Okay?" Laura answered, still no idea what she was responding to at the moment. "Is she okay?" She tried. More out of reflex than actually thinking about what she was asking.

" _Yeah. But I don't know how long she will. I am not taking any chances with her anymore."_ Maria sounded like she was in a hurry. Laura was not surprised. The woman always seemed to have one hundred things to do at the same time. Still, this seemed kinda odd.

" _I need her not to break, and so does Fury. But he doesn't know she can break in the first place, so I am just sending her on a few days off."_ Laura could hear fast footsteps on the other end and decided to just let Maria talk instead of trying to interrupt.

" _It's just like a couple of days or so. Honestly, you can decide how long you want to keep her and just tell me when you think she is good to go. Right now, I just need her to rest up."_ Laura listened to Maria's tense voice.

"Okay. But rest up? Anything particular reason?" Laura asked carefully.

" _It's just a lot of things happening, and Roger's might want in and I just need my left hand to work if I would ever need her. Anyways, she will probably arrive late tomorrow. Just text me okay."_ And then the conversation ended. Laura couldn't have explained what just happened even if she tried. She wanted to tell Clint, but she didn't know how. Instead, she just told him Natasha would come over and he just nodded. None of them needed the details, and frankly, none of them wanted to know every detail either.

Just like Maria said Natasha arrived late the next evening. Laura had decided not to tell any of the kids about the visitor hoping she wouldn't arrive before they both were in bed. While she knew they would be upset with her when they discovered she keeping Natasha's visit a secret she decided it would be for the better. She didn't know why Maria was so firm on sending her home, and she was not taking any chances if Natasha was sick or hurt. Two kids running around in a situation like that wouldn't help any of them.

It surprised Laura when Natasha walked into the house looking more or less fine. The only thing she noticed was Natasha's slightly hoarse voice.

"Kids in bed?" Natasha asked with a low voice as she hugged Laura tightly.

"Yes. They would never have gone if I told them you were coming." Natasha laughed softly as she stepped into the house. Laura followed her into the living room where she put down her small bag and looked around.

"Where is Clint?" She asked as she scanned the house for any changes.

"At a friend's house. Dad's poker night. Guessing he might spend the night." Laura answered with a small chuckle watching Natasha lift an eyebrow.

"Clint has friends? Damn." Laura laughed nodding.

"You'd be surprised how popular he is with the other dads." Natasha laughed with a gentle tone before turning her attention to Laura again.

"You hungry? Maybe you want some tea?" Natasha nodded before she started moving only to make Laura push her down on the couch.

"Nope. I asked I prepare. Sit." Laura watched Natasha open her mouth to protest, but closed it shortly just looking at her before nodding.

Laura kept a close eye on Natasha as she prepared what they had left of the food. As the garlic bread baked, she made sure to add a generous amount of honey to Natasha's tea. The spy had curled up on the couch scanning through something on her tablet. It didn't surprise Laura that Natasha was working even now. Natasha didn't look up before Laura walked up to her with a bowl of soup and garlic bread. The other woman moved to let Laura sit down in the corner before she took the bowl.

"What you are reading?" Laura asked curious sipping on her water.

"Nothing fun," Natasha answered with a small grimace. Laura didn't bother to push. If Natasha didn't want to share, she didn't need to know.

"What about you? Read or seen something fun lately?" Natasha asked as she took the first bite of her food. Laura and Natasha ended up talking about books and films as the spy ate. Even when Natasha worked, she always seemed to have time to read and scan through media for new movie reviews and such.

Laura was talking about her a book she just finished reading when she felt the weight on her shoulder. She wasn't very surprised when she saw Natasha had fallen asleep leaning on her side. She could wake her up, but Natasha looked so peaceful. It was 10:30 pm and at one point they had to move, but they didn't have to right now.

Laura had just finished her through train when she felt Natasha shift in her sleep followed by a small whimper. She just fell asleep like maybe five minutes ago? How did she already have a nightmare? Maybe she did underestimate the situation after all.

"Nat?" Laura shook the girl carefully and Natasha's eyes shot up, and in a quarter of a second, the spy had turned around and was only inches away from her face. It was in situations like these Laura was very thankful for how disciplined and controlled Natasha was. Every time Laura was forced to wake Natasha from a nightmare her eyes turned into eyes of a killer, and if Natasha for even one second lost herself, Laura would have been snapped in half, or best scenario, choked. But Natasha caught herself every time, always seconds before she let her Black Widow lose.

"Hi," Laura whispered as Natasha exhaled loudly. She could hear Natasha mumble something under her breath. Maybe something on Russian, she wasn't sure.

"Want to go upstairs and take a shower maybe?" Laura could hear the slight crack in her voice and her heart was still racing but she tried to push it away. It wasn't about her. It never was. Natasha looked at nothing for a second and Laura was wondering if she had to repeat herself to make sure the spy registered her.

"Yeah. Sure… But I didn't bring anything." Natasha mumbled looking at Laura. Her eyes were glossy, and Laura could tell she was thinking about something.

"That's fine. I'll fix you something."

Laura was walking around in her room trying to find something Natasha could sleep in while she was thinking about what just happened. Natasha didn't look like she had any lack of sleep. She had seen her sleep-deprived before. This wasn't it. Natasha actually seemed very well-rested, and that made Laura really confused. Her thoughts were abruptly interrupted when she heard two small explosions and a small squeal from Natasha's room. Laura stormed into the neighboring room to find Natasha yelling.

"Laura. Stop!" Laura stopped just inches away from a big shard of glass.

"Holy shit," Laura whispered looking around in the dark room. She could very faintly see Natasha's shadow in the bathroom door and pieces of glass around in the room.

"I think two of the lamps exploded." Natasha lowered her voice and Laura watched her step carefully around in the room. She had no idea how Natasha was seeing anything in the pitch-black room, but she made her way over to Laura somehow more elegant than Laura could in bright sunshine. She was just wrapped in a towel when she stepped out of the room and walked down to Laura's room. Laura didn't find words as she just followed Natasha feeling completely useless. Natasha closed the door behind them and rolled her eyes before saying.

"Well, that was fun. I think I have glass in my hair." The spy plopped down on Laura's bed and started to brush her hair with her hand. Laura was still stunned and watched as Natasha picked up a piece from the back of her head.

"Umm. You're bleeding." Laura whispered and Natasha laughed softly.

"Not surprised." Laura watched Natasha inspect herself. She had a few rifts and cuts but nothing too big.

"What happened exactly?" Laura finally found her voice and asked. Natasha looked at her before she shook her head.

"I would love to know that too I was just about to step into the shower when the lamp above the sink exploded and the one in the bedroom followed like a second later." Natasha smiled at her rolling her eyes again. "Have Clint been tinkering again?"

Laura thought about it for a second before nodding. "Actually yes. He was talking about some new light bulbs and stuff a few weeks ago." Natasha laughed again before answering.

"Yeah, that worked swell. Please say your shower doesn't explode on me." Laura shook her head again.

"Not that I know of." Natasha stood up and smiled.

"Well, then I am stealing that and your bed for the night. I am not sleeping in mine that's for sure."

Natasha walked out of the shower 30 minutes later wrapped in a towel and damp hair. She smiled softly at Laura who handed her a big t-shirt and some spare underwear.

"It's insane that the kids are still sleeping. They could sleep through an earthquake." Natasha said with a small huff as she slipped the shirt on.

"Yeah just like their dad." Laura laughed softly. She climbed into the bed after turning off the light in the room. She could hear Natasha move around in the room before she heard a pop from what sounded like a lid. Laura didn't have much time to question it before Natasha followed her and climbed into the bed with her.

"I am going to kill Clint tomorrow," Natasha mumbled low tired voice. Laura laughed softly at the spy. She was not going to stop her. She wasn't a big fan of this exploding lamp thing either. Thank god it was Natasha who was there when it happened and not any of the kids.

She was wondering how the spy was doing. They had both ignored the small incident earlier, and Laura would be lying if she said she wasn't scared Natasha would have another one now. Laura hated Natasha and Clint's nightmares, but she couldn't blame them. Only they and some of the other SHIELD agents could relate to them. They had seen things normal humans only could dream of, and not in a good way.

To Laura's surprise, she wasn't woken up by a screaming Natasha, but she was woken up by a screaming Lila. Laura opened her eyes just when her daughter jumped over her and into the bed landing on top of Natasha.

"Lila Barton?!" Laura slipped out looking at her daughter in disbelief who was currently curled up in Natasha's arms. Natasha laughed softly into the girl's neck hugging her back.

"Hello, flower." Natasha's voice was only a whisper and Laura noticed how Natasha was swallowing a few times.

"I saw your door was open, but since you wasn't here, I figured you was here." Lila giggled. Laura decided not to correct the girl's grammar instead she smiled at the girl.

"Well, she is. And I know you love her, but I would appreciate you not jumping into the bed like that next time okay Lila?" Lila looked at her with big eyes before she nodded.

"Please go and get dressed and we'll meet you downstairs. School starts soon remember." Lila pouted but didn't say anything just slipping out of bed before saying.

"It's glass in Nat's bed. It looks funny." Laura shook her head as she watched the girl walk out of the room again.

"You okay Talia?" Laura asked as she slipped out of the bed looking at the other woman. Natasha nodded bringing her hand to her throat.

"Fine." Her voice cracked and Laura could see Natasha move her eyebrows in discomfort.

"Your voice wasn't nearly as bad as this yesterday? Where were you before you came here?" Laura asked with a concerned look on her face.

"Iceland. The weather there is crazy. One second it's sunny and the next it's like Thor's powers just decided to unleash on top of your head." Natasha lowered her voice, but even as a whisper, it was rusty and hoarse.

"Better dress yourself warm and get some warm tea down your throat before your vocal cords decide to snap in half." Natasha purred before nodding and walked to the closet scanning through Laura's closet.

Two hours later and Natasha and Laura had just dropped off the kids and was on their way home. Natasha was leaning back in the car seat with her eyes half-closed. She was dressed in one of Laura's sweaters paired with military jacked she had arrived in.

"It's incredible that you haven't moved any of your clothes over to ours." Laura laughed softly as Natasha smuggled into her sweater.

"Mhm. I like to steal your guy's clothes. I'm fine." Natasha says hugging herself in the sweater winking at Laura.

"Sure, you do." Natasha hummed smiling at her. "You know what also is incredible. That we got the kids to school on time." Laura added smiling softly at Natasha who smiled smugly with her eyes closed. As Laura had suspected the kids refused to move even close to the door when they discovered Natasha. The idea of school was rarely appealing, and even less now that their aunt was back. The only way they had gotten them out the door was when Natasha had looked at them and whispered something in their ear that Laura hadn't been allowed to hear. After that, and Natasha joining them in the car, they had agreed to go to school.

"What did you say to them anyway?" Laura asked, allowing herself to look away from the road half a second to look at the younger woman. Natasha laughed before harking and saying.

"I told them I would stay at least out the week and if they behaved, I would even come to Coops game on Saturday." Laura took note of how Natasha's voice sounded even more hoarse now.

"Oh, really is that so. It's only Wednesday Nat. You sure you'll survive that long." Laura said jokingly. She was surprised. While she knew Natasha adored the kids, she also had a feeling a lot was happening back at SHIELD and she was surprised Natasha agreed to stay so long away from work.

"I mean Maria told me I wasn't allowed to go back before you let me, which is never so yeah." Natasha laughed back and Laura could see her look at her in the corner of her eye.

"I mean yeah, but I can't keep you forever. But I do appreciate you staying for more than two days." Laura's voice turned serious and she looked at Natasha. Natasha leaned back into the seat and closed her eyes again. It shocked Laura how tired Natasha seemed. She had slept the whole night. Maybe 7 hours, which she knew was quite a lot for the agent already.

Natasha was leaning at the window and her breath seemed to even out fast, indicating she was already asleep when they both jumped in surprise. Laura's eyes were moving around in the car trying to locate the ringing sound when Natasha fished her phone from her pressing a button before leaning back again.

"Hi. This is Romanoff." Natasha cough loudly making Laura throw a look at the woman who had closed her eyes already.

" _Natasha? Are you okay?"_ Laura was surprised to hear Pepper Potts's voice on the other end. She glanced at Natasha who just smiled slightly.

"Well hi to you too, Pepper. I was expecting a scolding Maria or something, but this is way better." Natasha's voice was playful, and Laura could practically see Pepper rolling her eyes.

" _I can definitely scold you. Maria told me you weren't in the office when I asked where you were. She told me she had sent you away, grounding you. You sound sick. Are you okay? I thought maybe you would be in New York, but your apartment was empty so- "Pepper's_ voice drifted off and Natasha hummed slightly. Laura was surprised when Pepper mentioned New York. She didn't even know Natasha had an apartment there.

"I am fine Pep. I promise. Just a cold from my last mission I guess." Natasha said with a calm voice, trying to calm the other woman down.

" _Yeah sure, Nat. Because the last time you were worn out and sick everything was totally fine."_ Laura almost laughed hearing Peppers tired and slightly annoyed voice.

"Christmas was 5 months ago." Natasha countered.

" _I wasn't talking about Christmas Nat."_ Laura looked at Natasha with a confused look, but the spy didn't look at her back, instead, she said.

"Was that all Ms. Potts" Natasha turned her voice to her professional voice only letting her voice crack once binging herself in very fast.

" _Yes. I guess that will be all. Thank you, Ms. Romanoff."_ Laura heard Natasha chuckled softly before hanging up.

"She really cares about you, Natasha," Laura said finally. Natasha exhaled loudly before saying.

"She really does." Natasha purred back.

The rest of the car ride was quiet, and Laura was yet again left with her thoughts. She was happy she was driving so she didn't have time to over-analyze everything Pepper had said. Still, she was surprised about some of it. She didn't know how close the two of them were, but she did get the illusion that they did indeed spend quite some time together.

Natasha and Laura stepped into the house 15 minutes later to find Clint sitting in the kitchen reading the newspaper. Laura couldn't help but notice the bag beside his chair.

"Wow, look who finally showed up." He stood up and hugged Natasha tightly.

"I was taking your kids to school. What is your excuse?" Natasha hit him lightly making him grimace. He handed her a mug with coffee and she accepted with a small smile.

"I have other friends than just you now. Who would have thought?" Natasha smiled around the mug and Laura giggled at the two of them. "I do have to leave you two soon though." Laura looked at him carefully. Was he serious? Natasha was yet again the first of the two to collect themselves and ask.

"Oh, is that so Barton. Where are we headed?" Natasha's voice was calm, and unlike Laura, she seemed to have expected this.

"Just to HQ to look at some mission reports and stuff. Won't actually be sent out on the field." Natasha nodded conformingly with a smile and Laura was wondering if she already knew this.

"How long then? I feel like we never get to spend time together. And what about the kids?" Laura finally said. Maria had already warned her, but she didn't like the sound of this.

"A couple of days. And the kids will be fine. They have Natasha. They don't care about me if they got her." Clint answered and again Natasha nodded conformingly.

"So, we got time after that. He will only have to look at some files we don't feel comfortable sending him. It's not that much, but kinda dense and heavy stuff not gonna lie. It took me two tries to get through it all so it will probably take Clint like seven." Natasha mocked making Clint stick his tongue out.

"If it took you two it will take him way more than seven Nat. You know this," Laura said with a small laugher making Clint gasp loudly.

"Wow, both my work wife and real wife teaming up against me. Sweet." Clint said with a small pout. Laura looked at Natasha and her eyes were shining mischievously making Laura wonder what the hell the girl was going to say now.

"Piff. If it was ever between you or Laura I would a hundred percent date her and not you." It was Laura's turn to gasp and Clint whined.

"OUCH Romanoff. That really stung you know." He said holding over his heart pretending to fall backward.

"You're welcome, Clint. But I am serious if you want to get through all those papers before the weekend I would leave now. It's a lot. It's also like five different languages sown into the mess and I don't know if you speak all of them so you're welcome." Natasha said with a more serious tone. Clint nodded saying.

"Yeah, they'll be here any minute now." kissing Laura before walking out the door. Five minutes later they could hear an engine outside and Natasha grimace.

"Wow, that's unfair. They didn't bother with a ride for me." Natasha looked out the window looking at whatever was picking Clin up.

"How did you get here?" Laura asked carefully watching Natasha sit down still with her eyes locked out the window.

"I rather not tell," Natasha said with a small wink and Laura nodded not sure if she wanted to know anymore. Instead, she asked casually.

"Do you want to do something before the kids come home or?" Laura asked moving over to the sitting area. Natasha shook her head and smiled softly.

"To be honest I'm kinda tired," Natasha answered looking at her. Laura nodded.

"That's fine, a nap won't hurt anyone."

"But if you want to do something that's fine too. I mean we don't see each other that often anymore and neve without the kids. If you want-. "Natasha was rambling and didn't stop before Laura lifted a hand and looked at her seriously.

"Nat, it's fine. I have a book to finish anyways so." Natasha nodded slowly before standing up getting her bag. Laura could see her looking at something in her bag thinking about something. She watched Natasha move her nose ever so slightly like she was debating between something before she dug deeper in the bag and popped something open. Laura didn't know what she was doing but Natasha's body language was clear that she didn't want her to ask so she decided to let the spy have this one.

Laura didn't actually have a book to finish. She had just lied so she wouldn't make Natasha feel bad. She concluded it was the right decision because she watched Natasha curl up on the couch before falling asleep minutes later.

Laura slowly shook the spy awake 3 hours later at 1:30 pm. The kids would be home soon enough, and she wanted to give Natasha some time to wake up before her two kids jumped on top of her again.

"Hi," Laura said softly as Natasha opened her eyes. Laura had known this woman for years, but Natasha's beauty was still something she never was going to be able to prosses. Even with two tired eyes her green eyes and soft relaxed face made Laura's heart expand. She could not believe this was a woman who had been a dangerous assassin. Someone she was genuinely afraid of before.

"Hi." Natasha answered coughing loudly as her voice broke. "errhm" Natasha tried again, trying to shake some life in her broken vocal cords. Laura's eyes soften looking at Natasha with a small smile. She left the girl on the sofa moving over to the kitchen pouring some hot water and plopping in a tea bag. Natasha accepted it with a half-smile before she sipped on it not letting it cool down first.

"Well, this is fun." Natasha tried for the third time this time her voice didn't crack immediately, but Laura could tell it was still bothersome.

"Rest your voice, Talia. I don't think Maria would ever forgive me if I return you with a destroyed throat." Natasha smiled but didn't laugh out loud. Instead, she nodded and lowered her voice to a whisper.

"Aren't you going to pick up the kids?" Laura shook her no.

"No, we have a carpool on the way home. Me and two others. It's nice. I could never have it too school though, I am always late." Natasha chucked again before nodding.

Laura wasn't the one to brag. She had never been, but she was a pretty bight woman. Sure, right now she was a stay at home mom, but she had already an impressive resume behind her. She had graduated high school early before getting a college degree in psychology. By the time she married Clint she had finished college, had a Ph.D., was the daily manager of a clinic specialized in humans brain and way of thoughts, _and_ had a best-selling short story in New York. She wasn't dumb. In fact, she was a really smart woman.

Clint wasn't bad either. While he didn't have a degree like Laura, he was an amazing human as well as a top tier agent at SHIELD. And SHIELD was not the one to hire a useless human. Both of them were multilingual. Laura was only fluent in Italian and English but had a good understanding of Spanish as well. Clint also covered German, Italian, French and Japanese. They were both really good at what they did, so how come her DNA mixed with his DNA end up making two kids that somehow didn't even know the difference between the left and right and somehow couldn't make the table?

"Cooper, fork on the left." Natasha tried again looking at the boy.

"No, the other left." Natasha shook her head in defeat as Cooper placed the fork on the right side of the place. Laura looked at Lila who somehow, again, placed the glass on the left side of the plate even when Natasha had already made one set she could just copy.

"Another thing they got from their dad is their enthusiasm for correct etiquette," Natasha mumbled taking the forks from Cooper to finish the miserably failed attempt.

Both Cooper and Lila either didn't hear her or ignored her as they plopped down on their seats. Laura smiled softly at Natasha who rolled her eyes. The two of them had skipped lunch all together making an early dinner. Pasta and meatballs were on the menu. Kids favourite, but also a mom's favourite because of the easy preparations.

To nobody's surprise, both kids were talking over each other babbling about their day not giving any room for the adult to respond to anything. Both Laura was trying her best to follow but she had no chance only getting maybe 40% of what came out of their mouths. She could tell Natasha was having the same problem.

Natasha was still a trooper playing with the kids after dinner and doing her best even if her voice was close to gone by 9 pm.

"Auntie Nat can you sing us a song." Lila was, of course, the one that was asking. She looked at her aunt with big eyes and it reminded Laura dangerously much of Clint begging Natasha to do something he didn't want to do.

"Lila, she can barely talk. She needs to rest her voice. Besides, you are supposed to go to bed now." Laura explained to her daughter, not that Lila cared very much. She still looked at Natasha with begging eyes making Natasha laugh softly.

"Hey flower, why don't I play on the piano instead yeah. And your mom and braid your hair before you go to bed?" Lila looked at her mother and Laura shrugs. If it would get her kid to bed, she wasn't going to complain.

Lila turned her back towards her mother and watched as Natasha took a seat by the piano. Laura looked at her and Natasha smirked at her before winking very fast to make sure Lila wouldn't pick up anything. Laura wasn't quite sure what Natasha was planning but she looked pretty sure of herself.

Laura soon found out that Natasha's plan was to play the girl to sleep and to her surprise it worked. Laura didn't know how, but 15 minutes later, after one braid and multiple songs, Lila had fallen asleep. Natasha smiled softly as she switched over to a new song, the first one Laura actually recognized.

"You played that one for me once, right?" Laura almost jumped when she heard Cooper's voice. Natasha turned her head and lifted her hand from the tangents.

"I did. But that was a very long time, I didn't think you would remember that." Natasha admitted with a soft whisper. She smiled at the boy with a soft smile and he shook his head.

"I didn't really, not before now. I think it was my favourite lullaby before, but after you sang it with dad, I didn't want him to sing it alone ever again." Laura looked at the boy and she could see some red forming in his cheeks.

"Well, remind me later and I might sing it for you. But Honahlee is waiting or you. Bed now." Natasha said. Even with a whisper and destroyed voice she somehow sounded strict. Cooper nodded and walked upstairs. Laura was just about to pick up Lila when Natasha stopped her grabbing her arm.

"I'll take them." Laura wanted to protest telling her she didn't need to. But something in Natasha's eyes told her she needed the time alone right now, so Laura just nodded watching Natasha carry the girl up with Cooper leading the way.

Laura spent the next hour cleaning up in the house while Natasha put the kids. Toys were everywhere and Laura couldn't help but let out a rather loud sigh when she found one of the toy cars in the kitchen sink. Natasha joined 70 minutes later. She smiled softly at Laura before she sat down on the sofa looking at her with a thoughtful look.

"What you are thinking about?" Laura asked as she was putting away the last toys.

"Mhm... Nothing special. Clint texted me just now about his work. So, I guess I was just thinking about that." Natasha's voice was distant and hard to read. The woman was staring out into nothing while she was fiddling with her hair making a messy bun on top of her head.

"Sounds like he is having a great time then," Laura answered with a soft laughter.

"Yeah if you count ripping his hair out in frustration a great time you are correct." Laura laughed again and Natasha smiled at her.

"Clint didn't fix my room while we were gone did he?" Natasha said still thoughtful coughing at the end of the sentence.

"He removed all of the glass but other than that no not really." Laura watched Natasha sigh closing her eyes to think.

"Why? I haven't made your bed, I was kinda just assuming we would share mine again. It's not like we have done that a hundred times already?" Laura felt weird having to defend herself. She had known Natasha for years and most of the time when Clint wasn't with them they had ended up sharing a bed. Either because they fell asleep talking or for other reasons like laziness not making another bed. This wasn't news and certainly not something Laura would expect Natasha to react on now.

"I don't know. I can always just throw on a duvet and just..." Natasha started making Laura's heart sink.

"Natasha are you serious right now?" Laura cut her off in disbelief looking at her with big eyes. Natasha shrunk under her eyes turning away.

"I really don't appreciate this dishonesty you're portraying right now." Laura's voice was firmer than intended making Natasha's head jump up meeting her eyes.

"Can we talk about it tomorrow?" Natasha asked looking at her with dark eyes.

"Okay. Tomorrow it is." Natasha half-smiled moving her eyes from Natasha's eyes before walking out the room with her head down.

Laura didn't want to push the other woman anymore. She let Natasha get the space she needed leaving her alone in their room as she showered and brushed her teeth. When she walked out into the bedroom again Natasha was looking down in her hand and Laura caught a glimpse of something she was playing within her hand. Natasha closed her hand fast when she noticed Laura standing up before she passed her walking into the bathroom.

Laura had no idea what was going through her head. It was no point in asking. The spy had made it very clear she wasn't willing to talk about it now anyway.

She crawled into bed and turned the nightlight off closing her eyes and waited for Natasha to return to the room. Laura didn't know how long she waited but she could feel the sleep slowly fall over her until she wasn't able to separate dream from real life before she fell into a heavy sleep with a Natasha sleeping restlessly beside her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, if you guys are still unsure about what is happening, which I get, it's kinda weird, I'll give you a brief explanation. 
> 
> In the last two chapters (and part of the next one) we have covered the Christmas 2012 and the following year. AKA before Winter soldier AKA the year Iron man takes place (that's not important but that still). In the time of the on-screen movie covers, we see Natasha having some serious identifying problems. They aren't that obvious the first time you watch the movie, but I have watched the damn movie so many times. Like holy fuzzy. And these chapters are a prologue to that. And I won't explain so much why this is a problem because lol that will be I the other fanfiction (ahaha ups) but I mean now you'll get an explanation on her behavior at least.
> 
> In Captain America winter soldier Steve and Natasha have this conversation in the car.
> 
> […]
> 
> Natasha Romanoff: Well, that's alright, you just make something up.
> 
> Steve Rogers: What, like you?
> 
> Natasha Romanoff: I don't know. The truth is a matter of circumstances, it's not all things to all people all the time. And neither am I.
> 
> Steve Rogers: That's a tough way to live.
> 
> Natasha Romanoff: it's a good way not to die, though.
> 
> Steve Rogers: You know, it's kind of hard to trust someone when you don't know who that someone really is.
> 
> Natasha Romanoff: Yeah. Who do you want me to be?
> 
> Steve Rogers: How about a friend?
> 
> Natasha Romanoff: Well, there's a chance you might be in the wrong business, Rogers.
> 
> […]
> 
> Now it's a lot of great things to analyze in this part, but it's the "The truth is a matter of circumstances, it's not all things to all people all the time. And neither am I." and "Yeah. Who do you want me to be?" parts that I am referring to the most. And a few other things in the movie. To mention a few.
> 
> \- "Natasha is comfortable with everything".
> 
> \- Natasha has no problem with admitting she disobeyed Steve on the ship
> 
> \- Natasha asked Steve if he trusts her to save his life
> 
> \- Natasha's instinct to protect Nick
> 
> \- "I only act like I know everything, Rogers
> 
> \- "When I first joined SHIELD, I thought I was going straight. But I guess I just traded in the KGB for HYDRA. I thought I knew whose lies I was telling, but...I guess I can't tell the difference anymore."
> 
> \- And like most obvious one when Natasha leaked everything about herself on the internet
> 
> Natasha was trained as a spy. A spy is supposed to blend with everyone and everything. Unlike Steve, her view at truth isn't as specific and black and white. Not engraved in stone if you get what I'm putting down here. It can be changed and manipulated to work in a certain situation. She even warns him saying that what she is now might not be how she is all the time. She dead says she might even betray him and is not trustworthy. She calls it reading the terrain.
> 
> She asks him who he wants her to be, aka she is open to change her alias for him if that makes it easier. We also see her flow between personas and personalities with ease. Like she turns into a flirting girlfriend in like 0,2 seconds in the apple store.
> 
> She does realize that might be confusing and hard to trust. That's why she asks him if he trusts her to save his life later on. He says yes because she admits it's something she struggled with and realizes this problem. This proves her loyalty to him. In that dialogue, she actually talks about lying. But it's also about her, I think at least. Her life is pretty much pretending and lying. And that's a problem. She doesn't know what lies she is telling. She doesn't know what kind of person she is. In other words, she has no idea what she is and what she is doing really. She just says yes. AKA being comfortable with everything
> 
> The reason I mention Nick Fury is because I think for her Nick is a very important part of her life. And no, I am not talking about as a friend, but as something that literally keeps her going, keeps her on her feet. Think about it this way. In the red room, she had Madam B who was her teacher. Her rock that ordered her, taught her, was the only human that really kept her going. She had no friends, no family. She had her headmistress and that was kinda it.
> 
> When she moved over to SHIELD, yes, she had Clint, but Nick was her new rock, her new leader. He gave her all the orders and missions. So, when he "died" she lost a big part of her in the process. Which was probably why she needed to see him before she did anything else. Also, in the movie, she was low key all over the place when he was "dead". But the second he was back she seemed actually a lot surer of herself. Like she dropped everything about herself and all the bad things she did on the internet.
> 
> She relies on somebody else to make something up, to make a persona she can be, so she isn't a nobody. So, she is somebody.
> 
> S-B


	10. Chapter 10

Laura woke up by a high scream and she already knew what was happening. She threw the cover off and turned around to her left just Natasha screamed again. She didn't have time to stop herself as she reached after the other woman. Immediately she knew she had made a mistake. She felt a hard grip around her wrist before she felt herself getting thrown out the bed tumbling headfirst landing on her back, losing her breath as her back impacted with the floor. Natasha was on her in seconds, using her body weight to keep Laura on the ground.

It all happened so fast, and before Laura had registered what happened Natasha was off her again. Her eyes were filled with pain as the woman realized what she just had done.

"Laura…I… I am so sorry. I" Natasha's voice was so low she almost didn't hear it. The woman backed up from her in horror in lighting speed. Her body language was clear as she fled out the door leaving a devastated Laura behind.

It was no use trying to talk her out of it. Natasha had locked the door to her room and Laura knew better than trying to break in. She knew the girl couldn't be forced at this point. She just had to give her time.

Laura hadn't actually gotten hurt when Natasha threw her; she was just surprised by it all. After an hour trying to see if Natasha was planning on moving any time soon, Laura had no choice but to try to get some sleep again. Not that it worked very well. She just kept staring at the roof in the room wondering about Natasha. Thinking about her and feeling her heartache for the woman.

Still, she couldn't let that control her life. Her morning had to go on as normal and the kids had to go to school. They, of course, asked a million questions about Natasha, and Laura had to play it cool saying she was sleeping in. It was times like this she was happy the kids were as young as they were not really being able to connect the fact that Natasha _never_ really slept in.

The kids felt even more stubborn today leaving Laura to go late. Like 20 minutes late. With Lila dropped off and just Cooper left they had a 4-minute drive to his school, and he was already 10 minutes late for his first class. And that was when he dropped the question. It felt like he just dropped a bomb, making Laura freeze and forced to pull over.

"Is Nat dying?" This wasn't the first time he asked this question, but it was something about the way he looked at her, and the fact that Laura knew even less about this situation than last time that made it all so hard. She turned around in her seat and looked at the boy in the back seat.

"Cooper, what are you talking about?" Laura tried her best to keep her voice as calm as possible looking at her boy as neutral as possible.

"I… I heard her talking on the phone about a pill or something and she sounded stressed. And then she sounded so sick yesterday. Do you think she is hiding she is dying from us?" Laura could already see some tears forming in the boy's eyes. This was the first time she had heard anything about "the pills" and she was not liking the sound of this.

"Coop, why didn't you tell me sooner?" Laura sank down looking at him as he sniffed low.

"I didn't want Lila to hear it if she was. Lila would be so sad." Laura's eyes soften. Even knowing that her child was thinking these thoughts were heartbreaking. The boy was looking down in his lap twinning his thumbs avoiding eye contact with her.

"She isn't dying. And I don't think she would hide that from us either. I promise you that." Cooper looked up at her with big eyes before nodding whispering okay.

The rest of the ride to drop Cooper was awful, and the ride home alone was even worse. Seeing Cooper so heartbroken and so scared. It was a real change from Christmas where he had thrown his small tantrum.

She knew Cooper was observant, but clearly, he had seen Natasha's slightly off behavior, and even caught a few things Laura hadn't caught herself. He wasn't supposed to think about all of this, he was only a child. Now knowing he was so worried about Natasha made Laura appreciate even more Clint's decision to retire, so none of the kids should ever have to carry that worry too.

Thinking more about it the frustration and anger towards Natasha were growing. She already knew very little was needed before she would let it all out on her. Maybe it was unfair of her to be angry at Natasha, but she was. She was clearly hiding something. Laura didn't know what, but it was something. Something that could be important.

Still, her being mad at Natasha was often very short lasted and the anger she felt stilled as she walked into a house filled with the smell of bacon and eggs. Natasha was sitting on the sofa with her eyes closed. Her hair was in a bun on top of her head, and in her hand, she had a mug with steaming hot coffee.

The spy didn't move as Laura walked past her and into the kitchen finding a sunny side egg paired with slices of bacon ready for her. She kept throwing glances towards Natasha as she prepared her coffee. They were both aware of each other but none of them said anything, only acknowledging each other's presence.

Laura could already tell Natasha was destroyed from the awful night. Her face was pale, and she had dark, dark, circles under her eyes, really emphasizing how stressful and hard the night had been on her. It all made Laura forget the anger she had built up. It wasn't Natasha's fault. The way she was reacting to all of this wasn't great, but it was the only way she knew. To flee from her feelings. She had grown up leaning feelings were wrong. And then in her early adulthood having to completely do a one-eighty and embrace them more, of course, that would clash and make problems. But still.

"Hey, Nat?" Laura tried to keep her voice as calm as possible as she moved over to the other woman. Natasha didn't open her eyes, and she didn't move. The woman continued to stay silent in the same position and Laura could already feel herself getting more worried.

She wanted to reach out after her. To drag her into a hug and tell her it was okay. But she knew she couldn't. She didn't even know if it all would be okay. She didn't know what the situation was. Laura decided not to ask again. Instead, she just sat down on the couch keeping an eye on Natasha as she ate. Natasha didn't seem to be planning to move or talk any time soon.

Even with her eyes closed, she could tell she wasn't relaxed. Her face was moving ever so slightly, sometimes with a small yank or a small eyebrow lift. Laura could tell she wasn't sleeping but she didn't seem very present either.

She didn't notice it before she had finished her breakfast. Natasha's right hand was shaking ever so slightly, and she watched her thumb glide over her hand pressuring the nail into her own skin. Sometimes she could see her dig her nail into her skin and Laura was sure she was doing to draw blood soon.

Laura carefully made her way over to Natasha taking a see beside the other woman.

"Hey, Nat?" Laura tried reaching out for her slowly. This time Natasha did open her eyes and she looked at her with two tired eyes.

"How are you?" Laura asked, taking Natasha's hand into her own, holding around it preventing the woman from continuing to pinch herself.

"Tired," Natasha answered simply looking at her again. Her voice was almost gone. The combination of an already tired throat plus screaming was clearly not a good one. Laura nodded slowly leaning at Natasha relaxing on her shoulder. Soon she could feel Natasha calm down resting her head on Laura's.

"You know, you told me we were going to talk about it tomorrow yesterday. That's today." Laura said with a soft voice letting her thumb glide over Natasha's hand which as still shaking ever so slightly.

"I know. I just don't want to." Natasha hummed back. She didn't sound mad or stressed about it. It was just her honest opinion about it, and Laura respected that, but she also knew she needed to know in case it was something more… _compilated._

"Well, let me give you some motivation." Laura can fell Natasha move her head away from hers and she looked up carefully. Natasha was looking at her with a slightly worried look and Laura straighten up.

"Cooper asked me if you are dying in the car today." Laura could see the shook and pain flash over Natasha for a second before the woman pushed it away forcing her to go back to neutral.

"Why? In what situation?" Natasha asked carefully looking at her.

"Well, apparently you were on the phone and talked about pills at one point. That and your destroyed voice. I guess he just put two and two together." Natasha let out a small cough just as Laura finished the sentence making Laura nod at her emphasizing her point.

"Right," Natasha said looking away from the other woman. Not a great sign.

"Natasha. Tell me. I said you weren't dying. I also told him you would never hide such a thing from us. From me. I am expecting you to confirm this." Laura looked at her strictly and she could tell Natasha was struggling to answer. The resistant from the girl was bigger than expected making Laura already prepare for the worse.

"I'm not." Natasha started. Laura let out a small sigh of relief, but it all changed soon when she saw Natasha's upset eyes.

"But he was right when he mentioned pills. I… umm." Natasha a bit her lip, and Laura tilted her head slightly.

"It started as a small idea that popped up in Maria's head. I was distracted when I was working. Distant and not giving it my all because I was so tired all the time. Nightmares kept following me, and I needed sleep so desperately. A SHIELD scientist and doctor experimented with this new idea, this pill. The idea was just that it was going to make me fall asleep faster. But it also gave a few side effects. Like dreamless nights. It made me sleep, more than before. Making me well-rested. So, it gave Furry room to give me more missions. Harder, more challenging once. The once that really made some impact." Natasha looked at her for a second and Laura nodded slightly.

"So, you became addicted? Right?" Natasha nodded.

"They put me in a calmer more relax state because they calm down everything in my head. But if I don't take them before is sleep. Well, you saw what happened when I first came here. My head goes on complete overload. Personas, reality, not reality, missions, non-mission. They all just collide. I had one left last night and I was so hesitant because… I didn't know how I was going to react. I've wanted to try to go from two to one a long time now, and eventually just eliminate them for good. But I didn't want to do it around you guys

The reason Maria sent be back was because we thought that if I was around the kids, and you and Clint, I would be able to empty and calm my head more or less naturally. Clint is more than capable to do the work I am doing back at SHIELD to help and relieve some of my work while I was off duty." Laura nodded carefully trying to process it all. It almost didn't sound real.

"So how are you feeling then?" Laura asked with a small smile. Natasha looked at her moving her nose slightly.

"Not great. But I am not dying, so it could have been worse." Laura laughed and Natasha smile back. A genuine smile and Laura knew that even if this was something that would take time, Natasha would figure this out.

"So, what now?" Laura asked carefully looking at her.

"I asked Maria to send some with Clint, he is coming home now later today. He knows he was only chipping in for me." Laura nodded slowly looking at the other woman and smiled softly.

The rest of the week was pain-free for the most part. Natasha still kept her little secret away from the kids, but Laura one saw her drag Cooper out of the room, so she had a feeling the woman had talked to the boy about his thoughts and worries.

Natasha keep her promise and made sure to give every second to the kids in the weekend joining Coopers baseball game the same the weekend, and taking Lila around, driving her to friends and picking her up giving Lila a chance to show off her aunt Laura was sure she had bragged about to most of her friends already.

She also made sure to spend her evenings with Laura and Clint, not mentioning work once, even if they all knew that the longer she stayed, the more work would pile up when she did finally go back to SHIELD.

Laura was currently sitting on the couch between Natasha´s legs letting the spy braid her hair. It was Tuesday and Natasha's final morning before she and Clint would go back to SHIELD when he came back after dropping off the kids. Laura could feel Natasha's finger slowly glide thought her hair carefully brushing her hair.

"I wish you could stay forever," Laura said with a sleepy voice leaning back into the spy's arms.

"Yeah, I know." Natasha hummed back into her ear.

"What is your week looking like now?" Laura asked softly still lost in the nice feeling of somebody playing with her hair.

"Work. Hopefully, between Clint and me, we can finish the work that I am now so dreadfully behind with." Natasha said with a disgusted voice, making Laura let out a small laugh.

"And I am going to the hairdresser. I need to colour my hair again." Laura turned around and looked at the spy. Her hair had grown out quite a bit after she cut it short last year. Laura didn't know what her natural hair colour was. But it was a colder red now than it was a few years back.

"Why? I like the colder red." Laura said, and Natasha hummed softly. "Going browner again?" Natasha had dyed her hair in a brown-red just before she met Stark while letting her hair grow out.

"I am thinking more orange, actually. Though I liked the more classic ginger colour I had last year before it started fading." Natasha answered with a smile.

"I mean I like this colour a lot. Like I really do" Laura said letting her hand brush Natasha's hair softly.

"Well, I very rarely let my natural colour show so you're lucky," Natasha said with a laugh.

"This is your natural hair colour? It's so nice!" Natasha laughed again smiling.

"Well, sad to let it go then."

Clint started spending more time at the office, and at home, working on mission reports and other paperwork while Natasha spent most of her days out in the field. Laura got some updates once in a while, but judging by the amount of work Clint had something told her that SHIELD was in a busy period.

"Hey, Clint? Did you see Nat while you were back?" Laura asked softly when her husband walked into the kitchen a late November day. He had just spent the weekend at the triskelion.

"Nope. Maria told me she was out with Rogers again." Clint walked over to her hand kissed her lightly on the lips. Laura hummed softly leaning into Clint letting him hug her tightly.

"Humming, hu? You seriously miss her don't you." Laura laughed smiling at him. Humming had always been something Natasha did whenever she was comfortable. She was like a cat. She would purr and hum when she was relaxed and curled up in a comfortable position but will hiss at you if you annoyed her too much.

"She has been a lot with Rogers lately." Laura pointed out and Clint nodded.

"Yeah. He has been her partner for quite some time now, but he seemed to start being more involved in SHIELD intel and not just an agent anymore." Clint answered as he walked around in the kitchen.

"Is this a good or a bad thing?"

"It's good that Nat has a partner if she trusts him. Though I'm not sure if she does." Laura nodded slightly, that might be true. Throughout the fall she had gotten a few updates, but they were very minimal and short. Natasha spent her time doing all kinds of things and they had no real way to get any updates from them. While Clint was working for SHIELD still, it was a complicated relationship and he had even mentioned a few times that he felt a bit left out from all the information and intel.

Throughout the fall and winter, Natasha became completely stealth for the Barton family. They didn't get any updates, though she did leave some gifts for Christmas and Cooper's birthday. It wasn't before late March they got any sort of updates, but not the good kind.

They were sitting on the sofa. The kids were at school and it was just the two of them left. Clint reading the newspaper and Laura knitting. They both got interrupted from their activities when Clint's work phone sent out a sharp sound. Laura hadn't heard that exact sound before, though she was aware that Clint's work phone was connected to SHIELD so updates and such would come automatically. She could tell Clint was surprised as well wrinkling his forehead as he picked the phone up scanning thought whatever it was.

"Oh my god." He whispered looking at her with a look that made her shiver.

"What?"

"Steve is wanted. All SHIELD agents are obliged to turn him in if seen." Clint said giving her the phone. It was a lot of words she didn't understand, and Laura ended up just handing him the phone.

"Why though?" She said looking at him.

"Because Furry was killed."

Clint was a mess, Laura was a mess, SHIELD was… SHIELD was… she didn't know really. They knew nothing about the situation. Clint got immediately thrown out of SHIELD information the second they learned Natasha was involved. It was no secret that Clint and Natasha had been a powerful duo before, and while they couldn't prove Clint was involved in whatever Natasha and Steve were doing SHIELD was clearly not taking any chances.

Clint and Laura were both glued to the TV as the news report from Washington were showing. Steve was nowhere to be found, the triskelion was blown into a million pieces and three helicarriers destroyed and gone up in flames. The world was a mess. Everyone was a mess. SHIELD's information was leaked all over the internet with every single dark secret spread across the whole globe.

They had no idea why this happened. Nobody knew the reason for the attack. Most of the world saw it as a good thing and Steve and Natasha did indeed save them. Some thought it was an attack and that was just what they wanted to believe. Nothing had a real explanation yet. And most the media said was just speculation and guesses not based on any real facts.

_[…] both for this country and against it, that you belong in a penitentiary, not mouthing off on Capitol Hill._

Laura and Clint were listening to the hearing on TV looking at each other with Cooper and Lila between them. Most of what had been said was just stupid questions aimed to drag Natasha and Steve down. At this point, Natasha looked like her eyes were going to roll out of her head looking at the man talking. The room was packed with camera and news reporters hanging on to every word the two of them said.

_**Natasha** _ _: You're not gonna put me in a prison. You're not gonna put any of us in a prison. You know why?_

Clint mumbled something under his breath and Laura was sure he was going to jump the TV if he wasn't careful now. Reporters everywhere were sticking out their small recorders and Laura could feel the whole country holding its breath hanging on her every word.

_**Scudder:** _ _Do enlighten us._

_**Natasha Romanoff:** _ _Because you need us. Yes, the world is a vulnerable place, and yes, we helped make it that way. But we're also the ones best qualified to defend it. So if you want to arrest me, arrest me. You'll know where to find me._

"THAT'S MY GIRL!" Clint said out loud just as Natasha stood up and walked away from the packed room. Laura watched the camera flashing everyone following the agent as she left the confused congress alone. Natasha was wearing her smug smile, and Laura couldn't help but smile as the congress looked like it just dropped its mouth.,

"Well, that was fun," Clint said finally turning off the TV. He looked ad Laura who only nodded. While it was a lot of things she wanted to talk about with Clint, the kids had been good sitting still watching with them, so it was time to give them some attention as well.

"Why was auntie Nat on TV? I liked her hair." Lila tugged Laura's shirt looking at her with big eyes.

"You know how we talked about how she is working with Captain America right?" Lila nodded with excitement. The girl loved Captain America that was for sure.

"Well, he and Nat did something big. So, she had to be interviewed about it. That's all." Laura could already see Cooper look at her knowing he knew she was simplifying the truth for the younger girl.

"But she will come to visit soon right. She hasn't been here for soooooo looooong" Lila lifted her arms stretching them to emphasize how long it's been. Laura smiled softly. She had a point. It was almost 5 months since they last saw her. A lot could have happened.

"I am sure she will, Lila."

The next week was without any updates. Both Laura and Clint had tried to contact Natasha multiple times, but none was successful. They came through to Maria, the only SHIELD employ that apparently hadn't boycotted Clint, but she hadn't seen her and had no way to contact her either. Pepper was on the same page as Maria with no information, though she sounded a lot more stressed about the situation than Maria had given the impression off.

"Where do you think she is?" Laura and Clint were sitting in the living room eating some late snacks after putting the kids to bed. Clint had just mentioned that Captain America was spotted for the first time, giving Laura some hope.

"Honestly I don't know. She could be everywhere. She is a master of just disappearing." Clint said with a small shrug.

"Is that what you think she has done. Just gone to hiding?"

"Laura. All her covers ever got blown. It's a very dangerous way to live for a spy. The safest thing to do is back up. Especially with a background like hers." Laura only nodded. She guessed he was right. Natasha was already wanted on the KGB/bad guy side for betraying them years back, but now she had made herself even more vulnerable. All her previous aliases were now public, as well as all the lies she had said. It was a scary way to live. Still, she hoped the woman would realize she would be safe here because god she wanted Natasha back.

Laura was just about to announce she was going to bed when they heard a sounded like a big vehicle. It was clearly driving towards them. It was no doubt about that. The engine stopped for a second before it started again. The same way it had appeared from nowhere the sound started to fade. Clint jogged over to the window to look for any lights, but only shook his head waving Laura over to the door throwing her a jacket while he picked up his bow, which was just by the door as always.

Laura slowly dressed herself and watched Clint check his bowstring and quiver.

"Here," he handed her a gun which she recognized as Natasha's weapon of choice, a Glock 26.

"Don't use if necessary. But I want you to have it okay." Laura nodded slowly. Natasha had taught her to shoot a long time ago. And while she wasn't very comfortable doing so she wasn't awful at it.

The two of the slowly opened the door a looked around. It was really only one way you could approach the house by car so if a person did get out of the vehicle and was walking towards them now, it was only one direction they could come from. Their house was connected with one other rode longer down, which was too another dead end. Which lead to two other houses further down on direction and the main road the other direction. Most of the houses were closer to the center of the town, so the car had to either have gone down the road by mistake or dropped somebody off. The first one very unlikely.

Clint was currently looked down the dark road while Laura was scanning the outskirts of the forest, holding tightly around the handgun. The only source of light was from their own house, which wasn't giving off much light so at this point Laura really felt like she was looking at nothing.

Laura was standing right beside Clint and she could feel his arm against hers when he froze. Laura had no idea what he was looking at, she literally couldn't see anything other than black. She could feel his arm flexing and before she knew it his arm was lifted, and his left hand let go of the arrow he apparently had already loaded.

The arrow shot forward at lightning speed, though it didn't seem to hit its target the same way as he expected. Laura had never seen an arrow like it. The tip lit up in a bright orange indicating it might be some sort of heat integrated into the thing. Laura watched the light travel fast down the road before it got stopped by a hand grabbing the neck of the arrow. The light was just bight enough to make out a left arm shielding a face and holding the arrow just a few inches right from the person's head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger? Or just me ending the chapter a bit earlier than planned originally because i didn't have time. Both, probably both.
> 
> S-B


	11. Chapter 11

Laura didn't get any more time to make out what is happening before Clint shoot another arrow the same time the person spun around and launched the arrow back into one nearby fence. The arrow got drilled into the wood, and the move was worrying Clint, she could tell. The person was closing distance a lot faster than the two were prepared for, and Clint's arrows become more frantic the closer the person moved.

It only took one wrong step from the other person and an arrow spitting into threes before they hear a small muffed yelp followed by a groan as the arrow hit a shoulder.

They both knew it was Natasha the same second they hear her small yelp.

"Fuck, Nat. You didn't have to seek up on us like that." Clint said out loud as the two of them ran up to the now kneeling agent. Natasha didn't answer, only holding over her shoulder. The arrow was on the ground now, so either she was really fast on getting it out or it never hit hard enough to stick in the first place. Either way, it was clearly enough to be painful.

"Natasha." Clint repeated, this time a lot more aggressive. He forced down his run to a fast walk, but when Natasha still didn't answer, Laura could feel hesitation fall over her and Clint. Clint clicked on something on his quiver and a wheel rotated giving him another of the flamelike arrows. He aimed it right by her head lighting it up. A hoodie is covering most of her face and not before Natasha moved her face into the light, they could see the scarf that was covering her face.

"Love," Clint said out of the blue and Laura looked at him confused. When Natasha doesn't answer immediately Clint moved the arrow closer to her neck, and Laura can tell. If he lets go now, she will get killed.

"Is for children" Natasha's voice almost drowned by the fabric, but they heard her. And that was enough. They watched Natasha move to a standing position, and Laura can feel Clint calm down beside her before he drags Natasha into a hug. Natasha buried her face into his neck, taking it all in for a moment, just staying still. Clint pulled back and the second he did Natasha walked straight into Laura's arms. Laura felt the girl leaning into her arms as Laura holds her, hugging her.

"How about we go inside yeah?" The two women pulled away and nodded following Clint back to the house. Laura could already tell Natasha was moving a bit slower than normal keeping her head down most of the short walk back to the house.

Clint was the one opening the front door letting the light from the hall hit Natasha's face. And it's first now they got a real look at her. She was dressed in all black with her hair hidden in the black hoodie. Her mouth and nose were both covered in the scarf only showing her eyes. She carried a thigh holster on both legs holding two handguns, which didn't surprise Laura the slightest.

The girl ripped the scarf away from her face revealing a tired face. Her eyes have heavy bags under it and Laura can see the exhaustion in her eyes. The girl groaned another time as she kicked off her shoes before walking straight into the living room falling down on a chair. She leaned back and closed her eyes before mumbling.

"Why can't everyday clothes be bulletproof." Laura looked at her with a worried look while Clint let out a small laugh.

"When did you get a triple arrow? And when the fuck did you get one that heats up?"

"Pretty cool right?"

"Yeah sure. Your frantic "I have no idea where to aim" shoots were great. Thanks" Laura couldn't help but smile at that. At least she was joking, right.

"Well you can always start explaining yourself," Clint said throwing a first aid kit down beside the former spy. Natasha mumbled something Laura didn't catch before nodding.

"How much do you already know?" Natasha asked while slowly opening her vest she was wearing.

"Nothing. Or close to nothing. We stopped getting any information after they found out you were involved." Natasha nodded at Clint as she let the vest fall to the floor.

"HYDRA had been growing inside SHIELD. I mean, I don't know for sure that Fury knew what was happening, but clearly, he knew something, because faking his death isn't really something you do just for fun." Natasha looks between them and Cint looks back at her in disbelief.

"Wait, he is alive? He faked it?!"

"Really. Believe me, it really stung to find out he was alive all this time with. Especially after all that had happened. Like, I thought I saw him die. But anyways. The helicarriers were programmed with an algorithm made by someone named Arnim Zola. The algorithm was designed to eliminate millions of people. Everyone who was a treat now or will be in the future." Natasha kept talking as she slowly worked her way to take of her top, which she was clearly struggling with at his point.

"What! How?" Clint's head was clearly not focusing on Natasha's injury he might have caused, instated it was on what she was talking about.

"We live in a digital age. They use the information from the past to evaluate their future." Natasha just finished her sentence when Laura examined, and Natasha yelped.

"Natasha!"

"Fuck!" Natasha had just gotten her sweater over her head groaning loudly when she reviled a big bandage covering most of her upper body. It was soaked with both new and dried blood and the woman let out a moan dropping her sweater before leaning forwards dropping her head in pain.

"You really hit a bad spot, Barton," Natasha said between her teeth leaning back and sinking into the chair.

"Natasha, sweetie, what happened?" It was the first time Laura opened her mouth, leaning over the woman slowly opening the bandage letting Natasha lean back and close her eyes for a moment.

"Shot. Straight through. It was healing just fine until _somebody_ shot my shoulder." Natasha said looking at them both.

"Who did?" Clint said helping Laura inspect the wound.

"Same guy," Natasha mumbled, making them both freeze.

"Please say you ripped his head off afterward right." Clint was the first one to break the silence as he started to look at the thorn stitches.

"No. I would have lost him an eye if he wasn't wearing goggles though… But no. He is Bucky Barns." She looked up at them and Laura looks at her confused.

"Cap's best friend. Brainwashed and experimented on." Laura looked at her husband to see if he was following what the spy was talking about. To her surprise, he looked just as surprised and confused.

"I can't kill him. We can't hurt him. If anything, we need to help him. I spent the first weeks Kiev calling in a few favors. He is, well, he is not something I was expecting to be on our side." Natasha said with a soft smile looking at the two of them.

"Is he? On our side. Because piercing through you two times in five years doesn't quite seem like somebody on "our team" would do." Clint said with a skeptical look. Laura couldn't help but agree. He had a point, this guy seemed dangerous.

"Neither does a master assassin, master marksman, and of the world's former most faired woman and murderer, but here we are." Natasha looked at him with a challenging look before pushing him off her shoulder with a soft push. Clint looked at her stunned and Laura was surprised she snapped like that.

"Listen. I know how he feels. He was brainwashed, but something brought him back. He saved Steve. So clearly, there still is some good in him left." Natasha looked between them. Her voice softened, but Laura could sense some anger in her still.

Clint took the hint and kept his mouth shut backing up from her. Laura and Clint both decide not to interfere when she starts fiddling with her wound. They can both tell she isn't doing the best job, but neither wanted to annoy her more. She had just finished bandaging her shoulder again and stood up.

"So, I would offer to make your bed, but I always get yelled at for doing it wrong so you and Laur can do it alone right?" Clint said with a playful voice. He was obviously trying to lighten the mood, but Natasha only looked at him shaking her head.

"Actually, I am good." She walked out to the hallway grabbing her vest on the way slipping it on carefully.

"Hello? What are you think you're doing?" Laura stopped her walking into her path her just as she reached for the door. She looked at her for a second before she walked past her opening the door.

"What does it look like? I'm going outside again." Her voice isn't rude, or mean, or angry. It's soft and calm. She even smiled at her.

"Natasha." Laura whispered. She can already tell she is lacking sleep, and she knows the last months have been very hard on her. "You need to sleep, recover, and prosses everything that has happened." Natasha only looked at her with a soft smile before she stepped outside.

"I just have to make sure." She said with a soft voice before turning towards Clint saying in a sharp voice.

"Stay." She looks at him with a serious look. "I mean it. Nobody can see you. And to make sure you stay I'll take your bow with me." She grabbed it and Laura could see Clint's eyes snap open as she moved the bow throwing the quiver over the shoulder.

"Thanks, old man." And then she disappears.

Laura didn't get much sleep that night, and she could tell Clint didn't either. Partly because Natasha had his beloved bow, but also because he was worried, even if he didn't want to admit it. When they both walked downstairs the next morning Natasha was still gone, though she had returned Clint's bow to is usual spot. Nothing gave it away that she had been there in the first place. The living room was cleaned from all the bandages and blood, and the first aid kit was moved as well. She had even put back the handgun Laura had carried yesterday. The only reason Laura didn't worry about her wandering off again was the fact that she had left her vest in Laura's closet. It wasn't very visible, but it was there. Tactically placed so Laura would see it, but not the kids.

Deciding it was no use just sitting there and wait for her both Clint and Laura decided to drop the kids off together and stock up on food on their way back home. They had one more mouth to feed now. And stocking up on a lot of food also multiplied the chance for Natasha to make them dinner, which always, somehow, turned out better than whatever they tried to make.

Laura wasn't sure if she was expecting Natasha to be back when they returned or not. She didn't have anything to go after at this point. None of them knew what she had gone through, though it was pretty clear it had made some impact. To Laura's relief, Natasha's shoes were in the hallway as they returned. But the woman herself was not in the living room as Laura was expecting.

"I'm going upstairs to look for her." Clint nodded at Laura as he turned the corner to look in the study room. Clearly, she was in the house. Where, was the question now. As Laura walked up the stairs and turned the corner to Natasha's room, she could see Natasha's bedroom door half hanging, half falling, off the doorframe. Right. She had forgotten that the kids had broken the door a few weeks prior, meaning if the spy was upstairs, she could only be in the…

Laura stopped in the door when her eyes fell on Natasha laying on her bed in only a bra and underwear. Her hair was damp from a shower and Laura could see Natasha's bear back bruised and cut from last mission, with a clean bandage wrapped around her upper body. Her right leg was levitated under a pillow, wrapped in an ice pack. It was a horrible sight. Still, the girl was breathing normally without any sign of pain.

"Nat?" Laura asked carefully. The woman turned around and looked at her with a soft smile.

"Hi." Natasha moved, letting Laura sit down beside the laying girl.

"Have you slept at all?" Laura said brushing through Natasha's hair carefully. Natasha only needed to look at her to let her know the answer. Laura sighed before saying.

"When was the last time you slept, Natasha?" Natasha wrinkled her nose looking at her with a slightly guilty look.

"Natasha, we have talked about this. If you have to think about it that long, it's been too long." She only nodded at her. The woman moved up to a sitting position and Laura supported her as she dragged herself up with a small groan.

"You didn't have to stay up all night you know." Natasha's head fell onto her shoulder and she hummed.

"It makes me relax, knowing you're safe. I needed… just to be sure." She whispered. Laura and Clint had never really had any concerns about enemies turning up at their door. Yes, they were careful about just opening the door to random people, but they had trusted Fury, they had trusted SHIELD.

"But Fury held his promise. It's not mentioned once. None of you are." Natasha said with a soft voice and Laura could feel her smile.

"Really?" She asked. While she knew Furry wouldn't tell anyone she was kinda expecting a small side note or something mentioning the house. But not anywhere in SHIELD's archive. How was that even possible?

"Yeah. I checked every page myself. You mean you haven't looked at any of the information at all?" Natasha turned her head and looked at her. It was something about the look she gave. Like she didn't believe her.

"I'm not sure why I would. It's nothing there I have any need to know is it?" Laura said looking at her carefully not sure what Natasha was aiming for right now.

"What about me? What I have done was practically the headline of every single newspaper in the whole world. You weren't slightly curious or concerne-"

"Natasha." Laura cut her off stopping her from talking. Her voice turned serious and she was looking at the woman with a strict look.

"What happened in the past isn't any of my business if you don't want to tell me. And frankly, I don't really care because that's not you. If you one day want to tell me, you can. But if you don't want to, I am fine with that. I won't be googling you just to look at some archived records. I don't care about that. I care about you staying with me. Taking care of yourself here, now." Natasha only nodded before leaning into Laura again hugging her softly. Laura hugged her back carefully before asking.

"So, what happened with your ankle?" Natasha laughed softly when Laura's voice turns serious.

"What are you, a nurse?" Natasha leans back against the headboard of the bed smiling.

"With the amount of fixing you two I am pretty sure I could qualify as one." Natasha laughed loudly again before closing her eyes smiling.

"Don't like to admit it, but even Natasha Romanoff twists her ankle from time to time. I tripped. I was tired and it was dark. But hey, No HAYDRA around the farm at least." Laura shook her head in disapproval.

"So, you are telling me you sprained your ankle in the middle of the night and still decided to keep going. Then you went back to the house to change and drop off the bow, still with a sprained ankle, and then when back outside again just to walk on it even more." Laura looked at her once more before moving down the leg unwrapping it from the scarf and ice pack reveling a blue and green ankle. She threw Natasha one ugly look and the spy laughed again.

"I can't believe you!" Laura said with an annoyed voice looking at the destroyed ankle.

"As I said, it calms me down knowing its safe."

"Yeah, because that makes you sleep better at night, Nat? You haven't slept in DAYS." Laura lifted her arms in defeat and Natasha smiles at her. Laura looked at the woman, studying her face for a second.

"Natasha. How are you really?" the other woman doesn't look surprised at the question at all. She just looked at her before saying.

"Well, I just lost my job. Blew up everything I've worked for and worked against. So yeah, it's been great." Natasha closed her eyes again and a serious face fell over her. Laura knew, of course, it had been hard on her but hearing it out loud wasn't great.

"Nat." She only whispered curling up beside her letting Natasha lean on her resting against her body. They sat there just in silence not saying anything, just sitting together processing life with the company of each other.

"Clint is downstairs and is making lunch," Laura whispered when she felt Natasha shift with a low sigh.

"What if I don't want to move?" Natasha hummed back leaning even more on Laura. Laura let out a soft laugh before moving making the spy let out a small whine.

"Come on Nat." She dragged the spy up to the edge of the bed. Natasha pouted at her when she threw a hoodie and some pajama bottoms at her motioning to dress herself. Natasha did so in silence before she started wrapping her ankle in a bandage. Laura looked at her approvingly before handing her two fluffy socks helping her put it over the fat ankle.

Natasha let out a sigh again before looking at the door. This should be… interesting. Laura hooked Natasha's arm around her neck. Between the two of them, they somehow got her up on a leg and Natasha jumped out of the room with the support of Laura. It took some work and a lot of giggling between the two of them before they finally made it down. Clint was sitting o in one of the big chairs in the living room with a big bowl of a very nice-looking salad on the coffee table.

"Look who finally made it downstairs. What happened with the leg?" Clint said. Natasha rolled her eyes at him before both Natasha and Laura fell onto the couch.

"Nothing fun." She only answered with a bitter tone making Clint laugh loudly.

"Thanks for the information red. Now, wanna explain why three of my arrows are missing?" Natasha looked at him before shaking her head.

"No, I don't." Laura thought Clint would push more to get out an answer. She would be lying if she said she wasn't curious herself, but Clint only nodded at her. It was some mutual agreement between them. Something the two of them both understood but Laura had no idea what meant.

Having Natasha back was wonderful. While it was a lot of tension lying around both Clint and Natasha pushed it away seamlessly. It was a good thing for sure, forcing Laura to think about something else as well.

"So, I love you Nat, but how long are you staying? I am wondering if I can get away with not fixing your door." Clint said making Natasha laugh softly.

"I mean I don't have work to go to or anything, so I am planning to stay for a while. So, no you're not getting away with that." Clint looked at her with a smile and Laura giggled at the two of them.

"So, what are you doing with your apartments in Washington and New York then?"

"You know SHIELD owned the one in Washington right. And I don't know about New York yet. I am still paying rent, so I'll guess I keep it for a while." Natasha said with a shrug.

"Speaking about New York, what about your girl in New York." Natasha looked at Laura almost chocking her water.

"Scuse me?"

"Come on Natasha. You haven't mentioned Pepper once, and I am curious okay." Laura looked at Natasha pushing her playfully.

"I… I don't know. We kinda ended it. I think. Or I mean we weren't anything in the first place. But yeah." Natasha's voice drifted and she looked at Laura calmly.

"What do you mean, ended it? Did you fight or something?"

"No… no. I just didn't want to put her at risk, so I just...backed up, I guess. It was a mutual agreement. I don't think. It was for the best at that time."

"Which was when?"

"Just before Chiasmas last year?" Natasha turned away from Laura and looked down into her glass of water.

"Wait, I fell out. What is happening?" Clint looked at the two of them and Laura started to explain.

"Nat broke up with Pepper."

"Natasha!"

"Hey, we weren't really together in the first place okay. It just. Sorta happened okay."

"But you were so cute. And I bet Lila would love her. She would have made an excellent extra, extra aunt for the kids.-"

"Clint please don't." Natasha cut him off. Clint stopped and looked at her with a soft smile.

"Fine. But I mean it."

The three adults spend most of the day in the living room just talking before the kids came home. Of course, both kids were bursting in excitement when they saw their aunt in their home. It took most of their energy just to calm the two do them down so the woman could get some rest on her leg.

Lila was pretty much on top of Natasha most of the day not giving her more than 30 seconds alone.

"Auntie Nat you are staying for my birthday, right?!" Lila was on top of Natasha giggling.

"Of course, flower. But it is next week. So, the weekend first right." The woman said softly.

"Yes, but after that!" Lila laughed as Natasha tickled her side.

"And then mommy," Natasha said with a smile and Lila nodded. Of course, even in the busy times Natasha still remembered Lila and Laura's birthday. Laura smiled softly at her and Natasha winked at her.

"So how old are you turning now?" Natasha said with a small laugh as Lila tried to tickle her back. Not that the spy was ticklish at all.

"Five!" Natasha stopped moving and only looked at Lila. Laura could see some worry start to form in her eyes before nodding slowly.

"Right." Natasha's voice was distance as she slowly pushed herself up to a sitting position.

"Right, it is getting late, flower. You need to get to bed" Lila looked at her with big eyes and started to protest wildly. But was it something Natasha was really good at, was it was being patient. She didn't care about her whining and soon Lila gave up.

Something about the conversation with Lila had done something with Natasha. The closer they got to Lila's birthday the colder and more distant she became. Laura had no idea why, but something was up. Still, the spy didn't seem open to talk about it and Laura decided not to push her. She was already giving them some information about HYDRA so pushing her didn't seem like the right move.

It was the night before Lila's birthday when Laura woke up with a bad feeling. She didn't know why, but she did. She slipped out the bed and walked down the hall to find both her kids sleeping. Natasha, on the other hand, was not in her room. Not to expect anything different. She didn't seem to be sleeping very much anyways.

Laura walked downstairs and just walked into the living room when she heard Natasha's voice from the kitchen.

"Tony. You are awful at selling yourself. Do you know what?" Laura stopped just so she could see the hologram but not be in the frame herself.

" _Well, Romanoff. I was about to tell about this awesome shooting range. But fine. Pepper can do it because I am so awful apparently."_ Laura could see Natasha shift in her seat when Tony mentioned Pepper.

" _Hi, Natasha."_ Laura could hear Pepper's was filled with affection and love as she talked to the spy. She watched the woman take place in the picture, and even with Tony right beside her Pepper was looking directly at Natasha.

"Hi" Natasha whispered back. The two of them only looked at each, other taking each other in. Tony was the one breaking the silence harking loudly making the two of them snap out of whatever daze they were in.

" _Tony wasn't doing a great job pitching this place. Even if he was the one building the thing. Steve and Bruce already said yes. And Thor. Well, he is a god, so we don't know yet. But we would love to see you as well._

_I know the fall of SHIELD was hard on you. But you don't need to stay in hiding all the time. You can stay in the Avengers tower. Everyone has their own floor, so you don't have to hang out with everyone all the time if you don't want too."_

Laura watched the hologram turn into a big 3D blueprint of what she assumed was the inside of the former Stark tower. She couldn't make out any details, so all she could do was listening to Pepper talk.

" _We have done a lot of redesign of the top floors. As I said, everyone is getting a floor. Yours impartially is very spacious. The_

 _Avenger's decks are divided with three work floors inbetween them. Rooms for the quinjets and Iron Legion, some laboratories and all that. That's on the floor twelve from the top. Tony is directly below it and Bruce is underneath that again. Below the two of them, we have some smaller suits for what Tony Calls honorable mentions."_ Laura can hear Tony laugh loudly in the background. Wow, this guy.

" _Maria has a suite there actually. But that's our bottom floor of the bunch. So that's what we call floor 1. It's also floor one 1 the restricted elevator. The fifteen top floors are private. It includes the four tops once which are the apartments. The top one is the one for Thor. It's smaller but has access to the roof. We aren't expecting him to spend a whole lot of time here. Then it's Steve's floor above yours. They are the two biggest if you don't count the workshops on Bruce and Tony's floors._

_Yours are longer down on the arch so in theory, it's bigger as well. Then we got Clint's apartment. Because Clint isn't much around his is the smaller of the bunch. He also shares the floor with the shooting range and the second floor of the gym"_

" _Which is amazing, by the way."_ Tony interrupted. Laura could hear Pepper sigh before she continued with a sharp voice.

" _Yes, it is… anyways. The floor below is the gym as I said, with a few studies, a library and the cinema room. All connected to the main living room, dining room, and kitchen the floor below, which are all common rooms for all of you. Then we got three floors with rooms for any meetings or more business talk on the outside rings. But it's also the floor with a dancefloor, bars, etc._

_Then, as I said, we got three floors dedicated to the factory of the Iron Legion, quinjet and laboratories. Tony, Bruce, and the suits. Floor 1-6 and 11-15 is only accessible with your keys or, and Jarvis, Tony's AI system, which is integrated into the building. The lab and business floors can only be accessed for the outside if invited._

_Your floor can, of course, be locked on your command not letting anyone in or out. Your floor has a living room, an office, two bathrooms, one for guests and one in the master bedroom. It has two bedrooms and one kitchen. So, it's more than enough space for a few guests."_ Pepper voice faded and Natasha nodded slowly.

"So, what about you. Do you have anywhere to stay in the tower then?" Natasha said as she was moving the blueprint around looking at something Laura couldn't see.

" _I have a space, so I might make a small apartment on the first floor. But I know it's enough room if I would ever want to stay there for a night or two"_ Natasha didn't answer that one, only nodding slightly.

"Well as great as this sounds, I don't think it's something I can look into now."

" _Natasha…"_ Pepper said with a strict voice, almost like it was Laura herself.

"I have a birthday to attend to the new few days. But I'll think about it. I promise Pepper… And Tony." The conversation ended after a few more exchanging of information and the room fell silent again. Laura was wondering if she should turn around now or what. But of course, Natasha made the decision easy saying.

"So, Laura, what do you think?" she turned around and looked at Laura who only looked at her guilty back.

"Sorry." Natasha smiled at her before she limped over to her still clearly favoring one leg over the other. She sat down on the couch offering some room for Laura.

"It looks lovely Natasha. And Pepper is right. Why spend your days hiding when you can move into the tower? You can be the superhero I always knew you were." Laura pushed her softly and Natasha laughed.

"I don't think I'll qualify as a superhero." Natasha said softly.

"My kids certainly think so. And so, do I. Natasha you can't possibly turn down the offer. I know Clint will say the same. You belong with them." Natasha looked at her thoughtfully not saying anything.

"I want you to. In fact. That's what I want for my birthday. For you to say yes to the offer." Natasha laughed again with a soft laugh before leaning on Laura's shoulder.

"Okay. Fine. I'll call Pepper tomorrow. She should've been in bed now, not calling me in the middle of the night. Bad idea. Probably Tony's idea which is why it's so bad." Laura giggled softly at Natasha moving closer to her. She didn't care about what Natasha said herself. Clearly, she still cared about Pepper. And Pepper did not like she was anywhere close to over Natasha.

"Have you slept?" Laura asked turning her head carefully to look at the other woman trying not to disturb her too much while she was resting her head on her shoulder.

"When?" Natasha answered looking up at her.

"Tonight, any of the nights really." Natasha shook her head before saying.

"Maybe 5 hours in total," Natasha admitted. Laura felt her heart sink.

"Natasha you need to sleep. Pain takes a lot of energy and you need rest." Laura pushed her off her shoulder looking at the door.

"I can't. It's restless and filled with too much… thoughts. I don't want to sleep if all I get from is its bad dreams and thoughts. And I know they will be bad tonight so I rather not." Natasha answered with a sad and almost scared look in her eyes.

"Does it have something to do with Lila's birthday?" Natasha looked at her surprised.

"Really Nat. Yes, I noticed. I'm not dumb." The woman nodded before biting her lips. Whatever she was going to say was going to hurt, and Laura could already tell she was going to feel a lot of emotions when Natasha eventually decides to tell her.

"The day I turned five was the day I officially started in the red academy. And I know it's not the case, but in so many ways it only just reminds me of the day I truly lost my freedom. When all the work, torture and training started. Already the first day at school I got reminded again and again what I had to do to be the perfect spy I one day would become.

It just reminds me that Lila is still so young. I almost got killed by the winter soldier. And all I can think about is, what if I can't protect her? What if they take her too? "Natasha looks at her with a genuine scared and distressed look. The fact that Natasha was Lila's age when she started training was unbelievable. Knowing Natasha was still so scarred from the experience so many years ago was heartbreaking. And it was even more heartbreaking to know even with her close friends, her close family she still wasn't able to look past the trauma.

"I know it won't happen. But I am just so scared about the future. For you, Lila, Cooper and for myself. Or at least whatever is left of me I suppose."


	12. Chapter 12

Lila's birthday was already a mess from the second they woke up. Not because she was excited and full of energy, no it was because the kid woke up sick.

On a good (sick) day the kid was already not a great patient, but on her birthday. God, it got old fast with the crying. And, of course, Laura loved her daughter, but she was a handful sometimes. Thank god for Natasha.

Natasha spent most of the day with the girl. And she was the only one of the three adults that had enough patience to sit through the whining and crying. Laura and Clint tried their best of course, but Lila was sad and disappointed, and they were her parents, of course, she rather wanted to spend her time with Natasha.

They tried to start the day as normal as possible. They had a birthday breakfast and gave her gifts before Cooper had to go to school. Laura couldn't blame Natasha for not bringing any gifts. They had no idea where she had been before she had come home. Still, it made Lila extremely disappointed making an already bad situation worse.

Natasha and Lila had always had a very close relationship. From day one it has always been something special about the two of them. Laura was very happy the kids had such a close bond with her. It was important for both Clint and Laura that Natasha felt welcome in their home, and now the kids didn't know any time before Natasha.

Natasha was lying on the couch with Lila snuggled close to her. The child was sleeping soundly beside her while Natasha was looking at something on her tablet. Laura chose not to disturb them. She knew Natasha could take care of Lila, even if she was sick. Of course, the woman could, she was great at everything, plus she had been present for a lot of both of the kids' early childhood. Both Clint and Laura trusted Natasha a hundred percent with the kids. And while she wasn't a parent, she would always keep them safe. And if something dangerous would ever happen, and the kids would need any form of protection they knew Natasha would never hesitate to put herself in front of them.

That had always been something that had scared Laura. While Natasha always had been very selfless, knowing she would, without any hesitation, kill herself if it meant saving any of them, that was a scary thought. Heck, she had already shown she was ready to sacrifice herself, and that was before she really knew any of them. It puts a kind of pressure on you knowing anyone would go so far. This woman would never ask for anything in return, but Laura knew she would put her life on the line to save her kids or husband if necessary. Of course, Laura wanted Natasha to live her best life when she was around them then. But again, the pressure on feeling she failed Natasha was there constantly.

Laura and Natasha had always had a very close friendship. It was a kind of relationship Laura knew she would never have with anyone else than Natasha ever. One day it could be that Natasha was hurt, or ill, or mentally challenged, and Laura was in a situation she felt like a mother figure more than anything. In situations where Natasha's walls fell, and she became this incredibly vulnerable woman. But other times she felt like the smaller one, and Natasha would prove exactly why she was so respected by so many. Taking the lead role and all Laura could do was watch in awe. Like now.

At the start of the day, Laura and Clint tried to keep their daughter happy, even when she was sick and mad. But at the end of the day, they just stepped back and watched their friend do all the work. They didn't ask her, and she didn't ask for permission either. None of it was needed. She did a better job than they could ever have, and Laura watched this woman, who wasn't a mother by any means, control her daughter like it was nothing.

Still, at the end of the day, Laura found herself on the opposite side of the spectrum again when she walked into the living room. She had just tucked Cooper into bed after Lila. Cooper had requested a book before bed, and considering how good he had been while his sister was sick Laura had agreed to read two rather long chapters than the usual one. Lila was getting better and Laura was guessing she would be well enough to go to school tomorrow.

Laura walked into the living room to find Clint looking at a hologram with Natasha lying face down on the couch. The light in the room was off and the only light source was the blue 3D model.

"Hey, you two," Laura said with a soft voice moving over to Natasha and sat down carefully beside her. Natasha didn't move at all but let out a small sigh indicating she was awake at least.

"What are you doing?" Laura said watching Clint move the hologram around.

"Well, Tony gave me the same offer he gave Nat. I'm just looking at the models. His tower is really impressive I got to say. And I am agreeing with Laura here. You can't say no to this offer Nat. This is perfect. You can live there and come here If you ever need some time off." Clint waved his hand and the hologram disappeared and the room fell completely dark.

"Are you okay Talia?" Laura asked softly letting her hand brush through Natasha's straight hair. It was weird feeling her soft straight hair run through her fingers instead of the normal soft waved har she was used to from her.

"Please don't say you caught Lila's fever." She added fast letting her hand move over to Natasha's forehead. She didn't feel particularly warm which was one good thing at least.

"No. But I got a headache." Natasha said with a low voice and moved her head to look at Laura. Their eyes met and Laura could tell Natasha was tired.

"Did you sleep last night?" Laura asked lifting Natasha's head, so the spy's head was resting in her lap.

"No" Natasha answered simply. Laura threw a fast look at Clint who looked just as concerned as Laura. It only took a few looks between them before Clint stood up and slipped his arms underneath the spy. Natasha let out a small yelp when Clint lifted her but didn't try to fight him.

"Holy shit, Natasha you are like a feather. You have not always been this light, have you!?" Clint said looking down at the woman in his arms. Laura could feel her stomach twist when she saw how effortless he had picked her up. Of course, Clint was very well trained, and Natasha had always been small, but it was worrying still.

"Mhm, that is what happens when most of the county wants you dead," Natasha mumbled with her eyes closed. Clint looked at Laura worried before he walked up to her room with Laura close behind. Clint placed her carefully down on the bed before he surprised Laura by moving Natasha's shirt up and exposed her stomach. Natasha had gone from a bandage around her upper body to just a small pad covering where the bullet pierced her on both sides topping it with one of Clint's shoulder braces.

Laura hadn't thought about it earlier when she had watched Natasha clean the wound but looking at the woman on the bed it was clear she had lost quite a bit of weight and muscle since her last visit at the farm. Not that she had any to lose in the first place.

"Well, Nat. Now that I have seen this, I think you should say a bit longer so my wife can overfeed you like she always does to me. Seems like you need it." Clint said with a soft laughter before moving her shirt again. Natasha hadn't moved since Clint had put her down on her bed, and she only hummed softly at him when he let his hand glide over her skin.

"Stay with her. Make sure she gets some sleep tonight. Her lock is on the desk if you need to keep Lila out of the room." Laura only nodded before following Clint to their room to change and brush her teeth before she would return to the other woman.

After a good 30 minutes, Natasha hadn't moved an inch when Laura walked into the room. It was a sign of total exhaustion from the other woman. Maybe she would fall asleep soon, but Laura seriously doubted that. She grabbed Natasha's travel lock and slipped it on the door before curling up beside Natasha. She tucked both of them under the cover and hugged Natasha before falling asleep beside the redhead.

Laura already knew it would be a restless night watching over Natasha. They somehow always were.

Natasha's headache soon evolved into a migraine she couldn't shake off. And Natasha ended up with her head wrapped in Laura's arms and Laura whispering to her while she curled up. Of course, it wasn't their first time they had done this. Laura had no idea who many times Natasha had fled to their home only to fall apart right in front of their eyes. Because that was essentially what she did every time. Sure, when Laura asked her to come to visit it was different. But whenever Natasha just showed up at their home in the middle of the night it was usually because she needed an escape. Because she couldn't deal with whatever was going on and she needed an escape, or some help when she inevitably broke down.

A lot of the times she was just overworked and needed to sleep in her own bed before she could relax and play with the kids just to have something else on her mind. But other times, like this, she was more than just tired. She was hurt and broken and needed them to help her heal more than anything. She needed them to help her calm down in a safe and familiar environment until her head and body and recovered. But Laura had noticed after Natasha met Pepper her surprise visits became less frequent. Which of course was a good thing. It meant that she trusted the other woman. And Natasha's trust was not something you just got for free. It was a process and was hard to earn.

By the time they both woke up Laura was unsure about how long or little they had slept. Even with the curtains and blinds, she could see some light shining through lighting the room with a low glow. She had no idea what time it was when Natasha curled up against her with a soft purr.

"How long have you been awake?" Laura whispered into her hair. Natasha hummed softly beside her.

"40 minutes maybe?" She answered with a soft voice. Laura pulled back and searched for her face. Natasha looked at her with a small smile.

"Why didn't you wake me up then?" Laura said looking at her with big eyes. She wasn't actually mad, maybe a bit annoyed. Natasha only smiled before closing her eyes.

"Mhm. Didn't feel like it. You deserved to sleep." Natasha smiled again before letting out a soft sigh.

"Can we just not move?" Natasha asked still with closed eyes. Laura let out a small laugh.

"Honestly, I'm not in the mood to move either." Her voice turned serious when she continued. "But I do have a few things to talk to you about. Natasha turned to her again and opened her eyes. Her green eyes were shining in the low light and Laura almost felt bad ruining the moment.

"How were you really doing yesterday? And I need you to be honest with me now." Natasha looked at her with a hesitant face.

"I've been better." Natasha only said leaning on Laura with a soft sigh. Laura only nodded. She hugged Natasha softly and she could feel the younger woman shift in her arm.

"Does it bother you?" Natasha turned in her arm and she looked up at her.

"Does what?"

"That she is so similar to you." Laura could see the hesitation in her eyes.

They had never talked about it, but Lila was scary like Natasha. If it hadn't been for the fact that Laura had given birth to the child, she could've been Natasha's child just as much as hers. Cooper vas very much like her with his wit and observant quiet side. Of course, he had traits resembling his father as well, but unlike Lila, it was very clear Laura was his mother in his personality.

Lila didn't have any standout traits she got from her. Genetically speaking both she and cooper had brown hair, but so did their dad. Lila's personally was a perfect mix between Natasha and Clint. She was just as stubborn as her dad. She had the same brave, fiery look in her eyes that both of them got when they were training. Of course, Natasha was very good at turning that off, and Laura very rarely saw her wear it anymore, unlike her husband who was wearing them quite often. Lila was only a small child but had precision kids who were much older than her could only dream off. The girl could shoot a bow and arrow for crying out loud. She was active and physical and was like her bother, very smart for her age. Which resembled all three of the adults.

The only thing that was the obvious giveaway was her brown eyes. If Natasha and Clint ever got a child together, they most likely wouldn't get brown eyes considering she got very green eyes and he light blue. But of course, the few stray mothers who have previously asked if Lila was Natasha's child didn't know that. And yes, that had happened multiple times, even Laura was there.

"She has a personality. I didn't. At that age." Natasha finally said looking at Laura with two awake eyes. Laura leaned into the other girl and the two of them sat in the dark room just curled out in each other. A soft knock on the door shook the two of them out in their thoughts.

"Natasha. Maria is calling." Clint's voice isn't rude. It's soft and calm. Like he knows how Natasha is in pain. Like he knows she is curled up in Laura's arms.

"Tell her I'll be there in a minute," Natasha answers forcing herself to raise her voice and shake off the pain.

The two women started moving, and when they walked down in the living room two minutes later Laura could see a hologram of the other woman's face floating in the kitchen. Clint was talking with the other woman with a calm voice when the two of them walked up to him.

" _Natasha. You don't look well. Are you okay?"_ Natasha was standing in behind Laura and only looked at Maria without saying anything.

" _Wait is Natasha there now?"_ A third voice was there now and both Laura and Natasha lifted their head when they recognized Pepper's voice. They heard heals on the floor walking in a fast phase. Clint looked at Laura sharply pushing her around the corner making she fall out of the frame.

" _Yes, she is Pepper."_ They could see Maria turn her head as she talked to the other woman before she turned her attention back to them and give Clint a small approving nod as Laura move. Yes, Pepper knew that Laura was a person, but they were still not trying to expose the whole family. At least not now.

" _Have you lost weight?"_ Maria breaks the silence. Natasha shifted where she stands looking away from her.

"RIGHT?! Okay, I am not only imagining this." Clint chips in.

" _Yeah no, I agree, Clint. But you seemed fine when we took the helicarriers?"_

" _What? Lost weight. Natasha, are you okay?"_ Pepper popped into the frame and Laura could see her look directly at Natasha who was still kind of hiding behind a barstool.

"Believe it or not, the time when Steve was just hanging around in the hospital with Sam, and you hanging out with Pepper, wasn't as easy for me," Natasha said between her teeth taking a step forward. Laura looked at her carefully. She was only dressed in a crop top and shorts and it was no denying the fact that Natasha did look slightly smaller.

" _Natasha,"_ Pepper whispered. Laura could tell she just wanted to hug her. Even if they had "ended it." It was very obvious it was still feelings at play here.

"Maybe 16 pounds. It's okay." Laura wanted to say something so badly. 16 pounds in just a few weeks were not good at all.

" _16 might not be much for other Natasha. But you kinda don't have anything to lose."_ Maria said tilting her head. After five minutes where the three discussed Natasha Pepper finally broke the discussion and jumped over to something else.

" _Where are you guys anyways. Because this is where I talked to you last with Tony right?"_ Pepper asked. Laura could see her look around in her kitchen.

"Safehouse. Not important. Why did you call?" Natasha said turning her down.

" _Well, actually I was calling not planning on having Pepper over my shoulder. But I guess that is what happens when your boss was dating one of your employees before."_ Maria said with a soft giggle and Clint let out a laugh.

" _But I was wondering if you were going to accept the offer or at least come back to New York soon. I have something for you and -"_ she cleared her voice before continuing. _"-your agents"._

"Right. Well like I said, I'll think about it. But right now, I have a few other things to take care of." Natasha said looking at the two of them.

" _And I understand. Though I would like to see you soon, Natasha."_ It was almost like Maria meant something more than just what she said. Like it was something she knew none of them did. Laura watched Natasha nod before the conversation ended.

"Well, that was… interesting. Having a real hard time to believe she called just to say that." Clint said turning to the two others. Laura nodded in agreement.

"Whatever it is wasn't that important. If it was, she wouldn't have let Pepper into the conversation." Natasha's voice was firm, indicating she wasn't having this conversation right now.

"So. What now? You guys slept through the morning, so I am guessing a late breakfast?" Clint switched the topic and the two women just nodded.

The three of them spent most of the day just talking. The three of them were very rarely just alone without anything else to do, so hanging out like that was very needed. They talked about everything not work related. The kids, the weather, the farm, really anything else. Clint and Natasha were both very obviously trying to avoid talking about SHIELD still, and Laura didn't blame them at all.

"So, Cooper is hanging out with a friend before practice, and Lila is at Lucie's. Anything we _need_ to do today?" Clint asked the two women while he was looking through his phone. It was already around 3 pm and they hadn't done anything around the house nor anything other things that would categorize as chores.

"We need some more groceries. I thought I could take Natasha with me." Laura said with a soft smile.

"What is wrong with grocery shopping with me?" Clint pouted looking at her.

"Well for starters you are just really inefficient," Laura said with a small laugher.

"But I was also hoping Natasha would maybe considering cooking for us at one point. And that's way easier if she picks out the ingredients." Laura turned to Natasha who rolled her eyes. Though she smiled softly.

"I guess. As long as Nat promise to do so." Natasha shrugged but wasn't protesting.

"Good. Now let's go." Laura walked to the door with Natasha laughing behind her. She gave Natasha her jacket at the same time Clint threw the car keys at Natasha's face.

Laura would offer to drive herself, but Natasha never gave her the chance as she slipped into the driver seat. Laura watched as the woman moved the seat ever so slightly back from Laura's preferred place. Natasha was the better driver between the three of them. All of them were pretty decent, but Natasha had always been the best one. Not that Clint would ever admit it. Though he had agreed to let Natasha be the one teaching Cooper when that time came.

"You guys need a new car," Natasha said as the turned on the engine. Laura shook her head as Natasha pulled out of the driveway.

"Seriously. Laura, you deserve a better car than this junk. This one is barely moving." Laura leaned back into her seat and chuckled.

"Thank you, Natasha, what a lovely comment to get on my car."

"Hey, I'm just saying I think Clint should treat his wife with a better car before I do."

"Natasha," Laura said with a warning tone. Natasha only shrugged again before turning and looking at her.

"I won't if he does it first." Natasha turned and smirked smugly.

"Buying me a car, she is crazy," Laura mumbled more to herself than Natasha. She watched Natasha still smirking, but she didn't say anything. This woman was going to be the death of her.

The rest of the car ride was mostly silent. Natasha was humming softly to some of the songs on the radio, but other than that they didn't say anything. It wasn't before they were close to the small town before Natasha opened her mouth again.

"What store do you want to go too?" Natasha asked softly looking around out the window.

"The one on the east. I thought maybe after we finished shopping, we could slip by Annie and see if Lila wanted to get picked up." Laura answered scanning through the shopping list to see if she had forgotten something important.

"Yeah like she would agree to that," Natasha mumbled as she turned left.

"You being the one picking her up might help." Laura giggled and watched Natasha roll her eyes.

Between the two of them, the shopping went by with a breeze. While Natasha was very picky with her ingredients, she still wasn't going to spend 15 minutes looking at carrots. The woman was maybe patient with the kids but was it one thing Laura had learned over the years was it that Natasha _hated_ crowded shops and malls.

The two of them used around 20 minutes and ended up with five bags of food. Most of which was Natasha's pickings for something Laura hadn't quite figured out yet. Whatever it was it had made Natasha having to google and look at her phone a lot.

"4 pm is a good time to pick her up, right?" Laura said slipping into the passenger's seat again.

"Not if you ask her," Natasha said with a cold tone. Laura couldn't help but smile at that.

"Guess not. But we can always try."

Laura guided Natasha out of town and to Annie's house. Natasha had never met Annie or Kent, but they knew quite a bit about her. After Annie had to take the kids because of a "guest" for the second time she had, of course, asked who this person was and why Laura had to take care of her. Laura had decided not to lie too much and told her Natasha was Clint's partner. While she hadn't told her in detail what was the problem, she knew Annie was smart enough to guess parts of it.

They pulled up to the wooden house ten minutes later and Laura dragged Natasha to the door. Natasha had asked to just stay in the car while Laura tried to get Lila, but Laura knew her friend, Annie was totally going to ask them to stay for a while. Laura pressed the doorbell and a few seconds later the blond woman popped her head out the door.

"Laura, hi! I am guessing you're here for Lila. Come in!" Laura got dragged into a hug before Annie pulled back and Laura could tell she was looking at the other woman behind her.

"Annie, this is Natasha." Annie tilted her head and looked at her for a second before reaching out to shake Natasha's hand. While she politely introduced herself, Laura could tell Annie had imagined Natasha to look very different than how she was.

"Guys please come in. Kent just came home, and we were just about to start dinner. I am sure you two also are hungry." Annie opened the door more and waved them in.

"Actually, we have groceries in the car." Laura tried, knowing it wouldn't work.

"Ah, we got more than enough room in the fidget downstairs. Just bring me the cooled groceries and I'll fix that in a flash." Laura only nodded and watched Natasha move to the car to get the bags.

"She does not look like anyone who should be in the military or whatever the two of them do," Annie whispered as Natasha moved away from them. Laura only nodded slowly.

"She looks so young, or I mean, younger than Clint that is. How old is she?" Laura watched her friend study Natasha as she picked up the three bags with ease from the trunk.

"Turned 30 this April. I met her when she was 21." Laura answered carefully keeping her voice down so Natasha wouldn't hear her.

"21! You have nothing to do in an industry like that at that age. You can barely categories as an adult at that age." Annie turned to Laura and she could only nod back.

"I know. It didn't help to know she had already been in the industry three years prior." The two of them didn't get more time before Natasha was in hearing rage again but the spooked look on Annie's face was telling her that Annie had already started to get a soft spot for the redhead, just like she had 9 years earlier.

"That's everything?" Annie asked looking at the three bags in Natasha's arms.

"Yeah, not everything needs to be cool." She answered softly.

"Kent! We got guests." Annie grabbed a bag from Natasha as she led them into the house. They turned immediately to the right and into the kitchen where Kent was sitting at the counter with a newspaper.

"This is Natasha, Clint's partner, and the kid's auntie." Natasha reached out to the man and squeezed his hand. He moved his eyebrows before saying.

"You got a tight grip. Wouldn't expect nothing less from somebody in Clint's work area." Laura watched Kent smile to the woman and Natasha smiled softly back.

"You have no idea."

"I invited them to dinner. If you want to just go and put their groceries downstairs?" She turned to Laura and Natasha looking at them with a bright smile.

"Were making pizza. The girls request. Lucie and Lila are upstairs playing in her room and I believe Caspar is in the study looking at some homework." Laura nodded as she watched Annie walk around in the kitchen. Natasha was standing behind her and she could feel the other woman looking around, taking in every detail in the room.

"If you, Natasha, start making the sauce Laura and I can work on the dough." Natasha nodded and smiled softly.

Annie and Laura had been friends before she got Cooper. With both of the kids being friends with her two, it was natural that the two of them stayed as close as they did. It was still weird thinking Laura had known both of them for close to a decade and still they haven't met each other before now.

Laura was kneading the dough when she felt Annie stop moving beside her. She looked at the taller blond and watched her stare at something. She followed her gaze and it only took her a second before she realized she was staring at Natasha. Natasha was currently cutting a tomato while reading on the recipe Annie had provided.

"Have she ever cut herself doing that?" Annie asked with a low voice watching Natasha swiftly work the tomato.

"She isn't even looking at her hands. And she is not working with a dole blade I can tell you that much." Laura let out a small laugh. She, of course, was very impressed by Natasha's cooking abilities, but she had also followed and watched the other woman get more and more comfortable in the kitchen. Annie, on the other hand, had only seen her at the top of her game, and Laura had to agree it was very impressive.

"No. Though she was a tad more insecure 8 years ago." Annie only nodded still watching in awe as the younger woman slowly started to stir up the sauce. It made Laura incredible happy knowing Annie and Kent both liked her.

After a good 15 minutes just working the dough, Annie walked up behind Natasha. The redhead turned her head as she was behind her and smiled. She moved out of the way and let the blond take a small spoon to taste her work.

"Wow. To say I've made that recipe a million times it never tastes this good." Laura walked up to the two and Annie handed her a spoon-feeding her the sauce. Laura couldn't help the small moan as the sauce hit her tongue.

"Wow, Nat. This is really good." Natasha only smiled softly letting Annie stir in the pot. While she didn't show it Laura could tell Natasha was feeding off the praise.

"Well, I guess we should throw the first one into the oven and call the kids down?" Annie said looking at the two of them. Kent who had taken a step back with the food walked out the room to the girls while the three of them swiftly topped a pizza and threw it into the oven.

Caspar was the first one to enter the room and Laura watched him stop in the door frame and stare at Natasha. The two mothers didn't get time to introduce her before the two girls sprinted into the room.

"Is pizza ready?!"

"AUNTIE NAT!" Both Laura and Annie watched Lila throw herself into Natasha's arms. Not to Laura's surprise, Natasha only laughed catching her with ease.

"We spent the whole of yesterday together, kiddo" Natasha laughed softly hugging the girl before letting her down again.

"Yessss. But I was sick then, so it doesn't count." Natasha smiled again looking at the small girl as she presented her.

"This is my auntie, Nat. She is dad's partner." Lila said with a happy voice looking at Lucie.

Of course, they all loved Natasha. Everyone loved Natasha. Or everyone who ever met the Barton Natasha. It was just something about her soft caring voice. But still, her confident self that was so easy to love. Laura was very aware this wasn't who she was anywhere other than with her and her family. But this was the Natasha Laura knew was the real Natasha. Or the purest one of you wanted to call it that.

The dinner was mostly the two girls taking in each other mouth while Natasha somehow ended up with a conversation with Caspar. She talked softly with the boy, and it really reminded Laura of how she talked with Cooper.

They spent way too long at Annie and Kent's and by the time they were preparing to go, Lila and Lucie, of course, both insisted on dragging Natasha upstairs to "look at something."

"I like her," Annie said giving Laura a box of leftovers. Laura smiled as she put on her jacket and picked up the last shopping bag.

"Don't even, she is mine," Laura said with a small laugh walking outside with Annie to drop off the groceries.

"But yes, I know. She is really worth her weight in gold. If not more" Annie laughed and looking at Laura with a serious face.

"You really care for her, don't you. She could have been your sister, or daughter, just judging by the way you look at her." Laura laughed shaking her head.

"God, she is way more mature than me. She is a better adult than I will ever be. So, daughter no. But yes, I do. Sometimes life is hard, and I just want to make sure hers is as good as it can be when she is with us. All four of us could never even imagen a life without her." Laura smiled at Annie who again just nodded.

"Well, I would love to get to know her more. Maybe in a setting where she is more comfortable than in my home." Annie let out a small laugh and Laura nodded.

"Clint and Cooper are going to that game on Friday, and I am guessing so is Kent and Caspar. If you want, you and Lucie are more than welcome to hang out with us in the evening. The plan is that Natasha is going to cook something and just spend the day together."

"Friday is your birthday isn't it." Annie raised an eyebrow.

"Well yes, but that's not important." Laura had just finished her sentence when Natasha and Lila walked out the door. The kid jumping up and down, dressed in Natasha's jacket. Annie turned to Laura and gave her a small hug before saying.

"Thank you for the offer, Laura. I am sure Lucie would love to. So yeah maybe we will."


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Betareading is not a thing guys.

The first thing Laura did when they got home was to put Lila in bed before going and kiss Cooper good night. When she walked downstairs, she only found Clint in the living room.

"Where is Nat?" Laura asked looking around in the big room. Clint was sitting on the couch working on his bow. She could tell he was concentrating by the way he was wrinkling his forehead.

"Taking a phone call outside. She said something about Pepper calling at dinner or something." He looked up at her and smiled warmly. Laura walked over to him and he moved the bow letting her take place between his legs. The two of them leaned back on the couch and she could feel his strong arms wrap around her.

"I am guessing you had a good time with Kent and Annie?" Clint said with his head resting on hers.

"Mhm. Super nice. They loved her." Laura mumbled back.

"Why am I not surprised?" Laura let out a small laugh at the same time Natasha walked into the room. She had a new earpiece in her ear. It was wrapped around her ear with small metal parts holding the earbud in place. She looked at the two of them and smiled.

"I'll talk to you soon." Natasha ended the conversation. Her voice was soft and kind. It was no point asking, they all knew she was talking to Pepper.

Natasha took a seat at the other end of their couch and Laura watched in awe when she lightly tapped the earpiece and it unwrapped itself before it fell out.

"Stark tech. A new kind of handsfree modification thing. He wanted me to test it out. I'm not complaining." Natasha explained with a soft laugh before Laura needed to ask. She only nodded smiling at Natasha.

"To not date her, you guys seem to talk a lot." Of course, Clint was the one making the comment. Laura giggled when Natasha rolled her eyes dramatically.

"We are allowed to talk." Natasha mumbled back.

"Yeah sure, but I mean you guys are talking like all the time. And I saw the way she looked at you. Honestly, you can tell us, Nat. When is the wedding?" Laura gasped, choking a laughter when Natasha shut up her eyes.

"We aren't. I…We weren't even girlfriends"

"Sure, you just went on dates. Hung out at each other's places. Had sex all the time I mean-"

"CLINT." Natasha cut him off before letting out a small sigh. "Look. What happened between us… it was great…but we took a break. But of course, I still care. We were really close so... Yeah." Natasha looked down at her hands and Laura could feel Clint move behind her. She didn't know exactly what was happening before Clint threw a powerful kick towards Natasha making her fall on the floor.

"Then woman up and ask her out again. Honestly Nat. You two were great and she would fit perfectly into this family anyways. Not that Cooper and I need any more girls in this house but still.

"I'll think about it."

The rest of the night was spent joking around. Natasha and Clint had always been the kind to pick at each other a lot. It was just kinda who they were. They would tease nonstop, like two siblings would do. Their close friendship was probably one of the main reasons why their partnership also worked so well. While Natasha had proved herself as a good partner before the two had classified as friends their partnership had only gotten better. There were times Laura felt left out and they would of them would simply communicate with looks right above her head. But she always reminded herself, this wasn't necessarily a bad thing. What they had was something special, something very important. And Laura knew better than to be jealous.

By the time the three of them when to bed they had been laughing so much Laura's stomach hurt, and she was _very_ ready to go to bed.

When Laura woke up the next day, she thought she woke up early but was surprised to find Clint's side already empty. None of them were particularly good at "sleeping in". But they had a tendency to wake up at more or less the same time every day. And it was very rear that Clint could get out of bed without her noticing.

She slipped out of bed and got dressed in something that would be presentable enough to drop the kids off in, but comfortable to just do nothing in too. Not that her standers were partially high or anything.

A quick peek out her bedroom door told her the kids were still asleep. But she was definitely not complaining. She preferred the days where she actually got down her coffee before the kids jumped her. Because even if they were up at 5 am they would still get late to school, so why make the day more miserable without coffee.

Laura jogged downstairs and could already smell the coffee and toast she was sure Clint was eating right now.

"She is out running." Clint said before Laura got the time to ask. He was sitting in one of the chairs in the living room with a cup in his hand and his tablet in the other. Bedside him on the table she could post the toasted bread who was currently spreading a delicious smell over the whole room. Laura nodded before walking over to the kitchen to grab her own mug.

"I am thinking about getting the tiers checked out, so I'll drop them off today. Okay?" Clint looked up from the screen when Laura passed him and sat down on the couch.

"Sure. But don't tell Nat that. She wants you to buy me a new car so hearing you already doubt the one we have now will only prove her point." Laura said sipping slowly on her coffee, moaning softly when the taste hit her taste buds for the first of _many_ times today.

"A new car? No. We don't need a new car. Why would we need a new car?" Clint shook his head violently making Laura giggle around her cup.

"Hey, not my words. I am fine, but she threatened with you buying one or she would." Clint closed his eyes shaking his head before saying.

"Yeah no. We don't need a new one. So, no I am not buying you a car." Laura was just about to say something before she got cut off.

"Well, then I guess I have to get on with my birthday shopping then." Laura jumped in her seat. Holy crap where did she come from? She threw a glance at Clint who looked just as surprised as her.

"You are not getting us a car Nat. it's way too much money. We can't accept that. You never spend any money on yourself anyways. So, until you do, I am not letting you buy my wife a car." Laura watched Natasha open her mouth like she was going to say something, but soon close it and just smile. Both Clint and Laura looked at her. Her smile was the kind of smile she had whenever she was planning on something. That wasn't a good sign.

The feeling of having Natasha back home was wonderful. While they all knew she would at one point go back to New York to live at the Avengers tower Laura tried to push the thought away. When she inevitably did go things would change. The Avengers would work as a private organization and not under the same kind of monitoring from the consul and state like SHIELD had, and that was a big change. It meant they would be their own bosses. Go wherever they wanted and do whatever they wanted. They would continue SHIELDS work, but it was still very different from what they had done previously.

Clint had pointed out that with the kind of reputation Tony, or Iron man, already had chances was their work would rise to a higher scale to match his super heroness. He was classed as a superhero, and so was the Avengers in the Avengers initiative. No more babysitting. This was a superhero in real life.

But right now, it didn't feel like any superhero life. As the day went on, they were just, normal. Like a normal family. With no duties other than giving the kids attention, or make dinner, or help Cooper with homework. Helping Lila get to bed didn't need some life-threatening action. And no powers were needed to do the dishes at 10 pm either. It was just life.

"Hey Natasha could you help me with tidying the living room before Annie and Lucie come tomo-" Laura walked up to Natasha's room in a fast phase, but took a fast halt in the door when her eyes fell on Natasha curled up in the middle of the bed. She could already feel her heart start racing in her chest. Was she in pain? Hurt, tired, overworked, sick? It was so many things that immediately popped up into her head, where none of them were particularly good.

It wasn't before Laura started talking to herself, forcing herself to calm down, she heard Natasha's calm steady breathing which immediately made her relax a bit. The girl hadn't even made it under her cover before she had fallen asleep. And while a summer night wasn't very cold Laura didn't take any chances. She moved over to the window where Natasha had her blanket neatly folded and placed on a chair. She grabbed it before throwing it over the former spy and immediately she watched Natasha snuggle up under it. Laura smiled at her before carefully walking out the room closing the door behind her. Maybe Natasha would finally get the night sleep she deserved.

To nobody's surprise, Laura was woken up by two kids jumping her bed Friday morning. To even less of a surprise Natasha was already awake with a whole breakfast on the table by the time the four of them made it downstairs. The woman was reading a book but lifted her head when they walked in. Her hair was damp from a shower and she was dressed in of all black, as most of her days.

"Good morning." Laura lifted an eyebrow and looked at Clint when they heard her slightly hoarse voice.

"Good morning to you too. I see you've been busy." Deciding not to point it out Laure moved over to the table with the kids running around her. Natasha nodded and smiled following after her.

The kids were on fire. And somehow, no idea how, they had ended up being even later than normal to school. Even if they were done with both breakfast and gifts before they usually finish their breakfast, they somehow managed to do so anyway. Their mornings were just cursed, she was convinced at this point.

Natasha had thankfully not shown up with a car, so her gift was simply just driving the kids to school, letting Laura and Clint spend some time together. Saying quote: _"I am living you two for some birthday time. But I am looking at you, Clint, when I say, another child is not on her wish list."_

When Natasha came back the three of them spent the morning just doing nothing. Laura could finish her coffee without to kids hanging on her, and Clint and Natasha both walked around in the house doing some light cleanup before Clint announced he would take a look in the farm just to make sure it wasn't any very obvious spy tech that Lucie and Annie could stumble upon.

Over the years Natasha and Clint had made and created small ways to integrate work and training into the farm family life. Most of the time when they spared, they didn't use any kind of protection other than maybe some tape. But if one of them felt especially feisty they would use full-on protection and gloves, all stored in the barn. They had a few targets out on the field for Clint to use with his bow. But it was the shooting rage they had made in the middle of the forest they used if they were handing a gun. All of which was to make sure none of them fell out of training completely.

"Please say you removed the handgun from the living room?" Natasha and Clint had decided they needed to hide a few guns around the house in case they needed one. All very carefully monitored and hidden away from the kids. Laura had been very skeptical at first, knowing that accident happens all the time. It wasn't before Natasha brought in a custom holster only releasing the gun if it matched with a fingerprint, Laura had agreed. It was impossible for anyone other than the three of them to open the holster. And if somebody did, both Clint and Natasha would get a notification on their phone. Still, it made Laura somewhat paranoid.

Annie had of course been in their house before, and so had Lucie. But as time went on the need for security had only risen in the household. Clint had been brainwashed, and Natasha shot. Both of them were constantly working with dangerous humans. But it wasn't before recent when Natasha had to flee from SHIELD, or correction, Hydra, and was almost assassinated, killed and forced to go into hiding when her files got dropped that Laura had fully understood how hated and wanted, she really was around the world.

"I have," Natasha confirmed with a small smile. Laura wrinkled her nose still a bit confused about her raspy voice. Maybe she was slightly paler than usual? It was honestly very hard to tell.

"Are you okay Natasha?" Natasha looked at her with a surprised face before nodding slowly.

"Yeah. I just didn't sleep great." She only answered. Laura was not buying it. She patted the seat beside her on the couch letting Natasha sit down.

"Natasha. Please don't lie."

"Come on Laura, it's your birthday. You don't have to care for me all the time." Natasha tried, but even she didn't sound very convincing.

"Natasha…"

"I just… Didn't sleep much. And my head is tired. But I'm fine." Laura looked at her tilting her head still waiting for a real explanation.

"and may or may have woken up by nightmare. Like I said it's fine. It's nothing to worry about." Natasha tried to push it off and Laura could honestly laugh off the very bad attempt.

"Natasha. Stop. It's not fine. Why is that "fine". Your voice is damaged. And I know it happened overnight. That's not fine. None of this is fine." Laura leaned on Natasha's shoulder and the other woman let out a small sigh.

"What a way to ruin the mood. Like happy birthday to you." Laura laughed softly at the younger woman.

"Shut up Romanoff."

Natasha and Laura were on the verge of falling asleep when Clint walked into the house again. He stopped and looked at them with a smile before saying.

"Guys it's 2 pm. I'll be leaving soon, but if the two of you aren't planning on moving before Annie, Lucie and Lila are coming in like two hours that's fine by me." Laura giggled when Natasha let out a small snort on his comment.

"Just walk away, you old man. I'm hanging out with my girlfriend over here having a really cute moment." Natasha mumbled dragging Laura closer making her yelp as they fell back. She landed softly on top of Natasha and she could practically feel the smug smile on the redhead's face.

"Thought she was my girlfriend. My bad." Clint said throwing a small pillow in their direction. Natasha blocked it easily with her arm making sure it didn't hit Laura.

"She's not." She laughed before flipping the two of them over. Laura almost screamed as she felt Natasha maneuver her way around, pinning Laura underneath her looking at her with a smug smile. Laura couldn't do anything other than laugh of their silliness.

"Hands off my girl," Clint said and before Laura knew what was happening Clint jumped Natasha throwing her at the other end of the sofa pinning her. Natasha laughed into Clint's neck before pushing him back before they both ended up on the floor. Natasha let out a loud breath, taking the impact of both of them.

"I told you to stop didn't I." Clint started. Laura couldn't see what was happening before Clint almost fell off her as he rapidly backed up and moved off her like he had gotten shocked or something. His movements were slow when he finally slipped completely away and off and moved his head and body down.

"Tasha?" Laura could feel her body freeze when her eyes caught Natasha's panic-filled green.

"Tasha. You with me?" Clint tried again touching her arm ever so slightly. Laura felt her heart slow and calm down when Natasha let out a soft groan and whispered.

"Fine." Clint offered a hand helping her up on her feet with a small smile.

"Think I lost you there for a second." He said with a jokingly voice and Natasha forced a small smile back.

"Yeah sorry." She only answered not letting any of them dig any deeper. Not that it looked like Clint was planning on. He only nodded before moving to the door again.

"Kent will be picking up me and the last dad before getting the kids. since they are the only one with a car space for 6." Laura nodded trying to ignore Natasha who walked out of the room.

Natasha disappeared for the next one and a half hour and it was worrying. It wasn't before Annie pulled up in front of the house that Natasha walked down the stairs. Laura got one glance at her before Lila ran through the door with Lucie and Annie close behind.

Laura gave Annie a small hug letting her into the house. The adults only got one second to look at the girls before they flew upstairs into Lila's room. Laughing the whole way.

Annie and Laura walked into the kitchen talking softly when they both looked at Natasha who somehow in the thirty seconds downstairs had gotten her hair up in a bun and were already prepping for whatever she was making. Her eyes were glued to the recipe on her tablet.

Laura looked at Annie who was looking at the redhead. Annie's normal soft expression was mixed with hesitation. It seemed odd considering how warm she had been the last time they had seen each other.

The two of them didn't get to say hi to each other before Natasha moved her hand and Laura watched her put an earpiece into her ear. She looked at Annie's surprised face when the piece started to wrap itself around her ear.

"Hi," Natasha said still glued to the recipe.

"Maria. We have guests this really isn't the time you know." Both Laura and Annie took a seat in the living room watching Natasha move around while talking.

"I will Maria. But can we please do this another time. Clint is not even here." Natasha wasn't rude in any way, but it was very clear she wasn't in the best mood. Annie was too looking at Natasha, but her face looked more stressed than anything. She looked tense and almost jumped in her seat when Natasha stabbed the cutting board with the knife making it stand straight up in the wood. It looked more violent than it was. Laura knew the knives she used were ridiculously sharp and she knew Natasha usually let the knives like that when she was working in the kitchen without the kids.

Natasha let out a small sigh when the conversation ended. It was very obvious that whatever Maria had said was asking more of her than just move into the tower. She picked up the knife again, but she didn't start cutting right away. She just stood in still in the middle of the kitchen with her eyes closed, hand hanging loosely in her hand with the knife resting against her thigh.

It bothered Laura a lot knowing something was wrong. She moved from her seat and walked up to Natasha. Every other human would have jumped in surprise or fear if somebody had touched their head as Laura did to Natasha, but Natasha didn't. She only leaned into the touch and mumbled.

"Maria wants me back on the field." Laura only nodded slowly stroking Natasha's hair holding her head in her hands.

"We have unfinished food to make," Laura whispered back making Natasha laugh softly.

"Annie looks horrified. I think she thinks I am going to kill you." Natasha said still with a low mumble. Laura threw a glance to her right. Natasha was of course right. Annie looked at them specially and it wasn't before then Laura realized that the knife was more or less against her leg.

"Well, most people don't rest their knife against another's leg."

"Mhm well. What's the fun in that?" Laura laughed softly letting Natasha pull back and look at her. Natasha's smiled back at her before mumbling low.

"While I like making Lila happy, I am not too fond of the idea of homemade pasta. Why couldn't she have asked for something else? Like soup or something." Laura chuckled before taking the knife out of Natasha's hand.

"Just tell me what to do and I'll help."

Laura watched Natasha move around in the kitchen while she was frying some bacon. Annie had eventually joined them. And while she had seemed very hesitant at first it soon disappeared. Natasha was scary good at getting the best out of people. She knew exactly what buttons to push. It was one of her many, many talents.

Laura could just see Annie melting in front of her, giving Natasha everything and more. It was a very dangerous thing how easily Natasha could get anything out of anyone. Probably why Natasha was such a talented spy. She had every needed quality and more. Her looks, wit, agility, atheism, charisma, beauty. She was just perfect for the business.

Natasha got more information out of Annie in 50 minutes than Laura had gotten out of her the three first years they've known each other. And somehow, she made it all fall natural, even without her slipping anything out about her own life.

"Lila." Natasha barely raised her voice when she called for the kids. Annie threw Laura a small look. She could tell Annie was not connived the girls would come on that. Laura only smiled while mouthing "watch". Like predicted Lila and Lucie came flying through the door in just a few seconds.

"No running though." Natasha corrected letting them both take a seat. Lila nodded with a smile.

"Did you make it?!" She was practically jumping in her seat and Laura couldn't help but laugh a bit.

"Yes. Carbonara as you asked. Now please Lila." Natasha said with a small smile. Her voice wasn't strict at all but it was enough.

"I gave you a spoon Laura. Not that I get how anyone can eat spaghetti with a spoon but okay." Natasha said as she put the pot on the table.

"Hey, I just do okay." Laura shrugged with a small smile. Natasha grimaced back.

"Nobody else cares Nat. It's not my fault your etiquette is flawlessly perfect like everything else you do." Laura teased and Natasha gasped pretending she was shocked.

"ouch." She said as she served the girls.

"Mommy has told me to eat with a fork in my right hand and knife in my left." Lucie said as Natasha walked behind her.

"Good girl, Lucie. Maybe you can teach Lila." Natasha's voice was soft as she winked to Lila who only laughed.

The dinner was very nice. As always Natasha's cooking blew her mind. Something so easy as pasta, and she somehow just blew Laura out of the waters. And Laura was half Italian, she had tasted some nice pasta in her life. Annie and Lucie also seemed happy with the food and the four of them spend a good hour just eating and talking.

"Can we go outside and play?" Lila looked up at her mother with big eyes. They had just finished the dinner and the kids had more than enough energy saved up now. Lucie ran up to Lila and nodded in agreement. She had the same begging eyes as her daughter.

"Outside?" Laura echoed looking at Annie with a questioning look.

"I mean I suppose as long as one of us is with you. It's getting dark soon." Annie said slowly. The two girls squealed before they started jumping in happiness and Laura laughed softly.

"Nat come with us!" Lila grabbed Natasha's arm and pulled. Not that Natasha bugged at all.

"Flower, some of us have to do the dishes. And I don't see you volunteering" Natasha said with a small laugh still not moving when Lila started pushing.

"Mommy can do them," Lila said before backing up from Natasha to get a running start on her push. Natasha laughed as Lila just headbutts her legs.

"It's your mother's birthday Lila. We don't treat her like that." Like pouted loudly, and while Laura probably should have been offended, she only laughed as her daughter still tried to move the other woman who was still glued to the floor.

It took Natasha some convincing and a promise to join them after the dishes to get the girl to stop asking. But Laura and Annie both followed them outside leaving Natasha alone to clean. Annie had offered to stay and help but Laura and just brushed her off before pushing her out the door. While she knew it was only meant as a nice offer Natasha was way more efficient alone.

"Does any of you call her Natasha like ever?" Annie asked after Lila asked for _Nat_ for the fifth time. Laura laughed before nodding.

"Well yeah, but the kids grew up with Auntie Nat. And both Clint and I have our own nicknames on top of that, so it really depends on our moods." The two of them watched Lila and Lucie run around. It was already turning dark, but the summer night kept them warm.

"How did you guys meet again? Clint just introduced her as his partner or?"

"Something like that." Laura was a bit surprised by the question. It was something about the way Annie had looked at Natasha that almost worried her.

"Annie are you okay?" Laura asked just as Natasha walked out the door.

"We can talk inside if you want to" Laura let Natasha pass them and walk up to the girls before she gave the offer to Annie.

"If something happens Natasha can handle it" Annie looked a bit hesitant but after one look at Natasha who already had Lila riding her back, she nodded and followed Laura inside.

"I need to confess something. And you might get mad." Laura walked into the living room with Annie trailing behind her. She turned around and looked at her with a serious look.

"Okay. That's not a great way to start the conversation. But go ahead." Laura answered before turning around moving to the kitchen to put on the kettle.

"It's about Natasha." Laura nodded and turned to her looking at her across the room.

"That much I figured." She answered softly. Even from across the room Laura could tell Annie was a bit uncomfortable. She was looking out the window, probably watching the kids.

"Or maybe I should say. It's about Natalia." Laura froze looking at Annie like she dropped a bomb. She kind of did. Natasha's real name was banned in the house a long time ago. The kids didn't even know she had another name. They never used it after she changed it years ago.

Laura was just about to say something when they heard a scream outside. Laura shook her head violently to get herself back on track walking up to Annie. The other woman was now standing up and was leaning against the window trying to see what was happening outside.

"I am sure Natasha can handle whatever is going on." Laura walked up behind her scanning the outside. The two girls were standing in the middle of the driveway just a few feet away from her car. Laura felt her heart stop her just as Lila pushed Lucie forcefully away from her. Natasha was out of sight which was almost just as worrying.

"On second thought." Laura said turning around grabbing her jacket on the way out with Annie just behind. They were on the other side of the lot, and while it was only 100 yards or so it felt like a mile. Laura relaxed a bit when she saw Natasha walk up from behind the car reaching the girls in just a few seconds.

The saying words can cut deeper than a knife had never felt more real in Laura's life. It felt like a slow-motion movie, but it also happened so fast. Natasha was moving up behind Lucie holding a protective arm around her saying something to Lila Laura didn't catch. She could tell Natasha was frustrated from her eyes and Lila was fuming. She watched her daughter scream and stumping her foot as she threw another push towards Lucie yelling. " _I am going to kill you_."

The air got filled with a loud thud and a crack and she didn't know who the scream belonged to. Maybe it was Annie, Lucie, Natasha, Lila, or even her own. She wasn't sure about anything anymore. Everything was a complete blur as she threw herself forward dropping her jacked to the ground and sprinting towards Natasha who was falling to the ground with blood streaming down her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact I hate the nickname Tasha, but I know they use it, so I guess I'll use it…
> 
> Also yes, another cliffhanger because I need to post something. I was planning on doing one long chapter but oh well.
> 
> S-B again.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am still so fascinated by the fact that people are reading my stuff. Like I am honored. I mean, a lot of people actually enjoy this and not just me who likes my babbles you know. So, thank you. Thank you, everyone, who has followed, favorited and reviewed so far.
> 
> If you guys don't know, I love Civil war, but it was kinda a point of no return when it came to the MCU timeline. Cap and Tony just split, the team split, then Thanos. Like so much happened. And again, I LOVE CW and phase 3, but I don't want to recreate that you know. Like it was great, but my small heart can't go through all the pain of writing Natasha's death you know.
> 
> Enough rambling, you get the point. Finish this one and move on to BlackPepper or something like that.
> 
> ANYWAYS: Until next chapter, make it a great week and I will talk to you very soon.
> 
> S-B

"Annie...Annie… get… get the kit. It... it's behind the door." Laura stuttered as she fumbled forwards to Natasha, sinking down in front of her. Behind her she could hear Annie drag the kids into the house with Lila protesting wildly.

"Nat. Nat please look at me." Natasha was looking blankly into nothing shaking in fear. Unlike a lot of times, she didn't seem panicky. But lost and spaced out. The blood streaming down the right side of her face didn't seem to bother her. Or maybe she hadn't noticed. The side mirror she had knocked off the car was lying on the ground beside her filled with blood with the mirror shattered into a million pieces.

"Shit. Come on Natasha." Laura mumbled more to herself than anyone else. Even in the dark, she could tell the blood more or less pouring out of her and it was a deep cut. It needed some attention right now. She only looked away from Natasha when she felt Annie move down to her height beside her. Ironically enough she handed her one of her very expensive white kitchen towels Natasha had given her years back while holding the first aid kit close to her chest.

"I didn't find another one." Annie said with a small smile and Laura recognized the desperate attempt to slightly lighten the mood. Not that it worked at all.

Laura could only nod. She wanted to reach out to Natasha, but she would be lying if she said she wasn't scared she would jump her. She didn't want to admit she was scared of Natasha because of course, she wasn't. But she was scared of what she could do when she wasn't _her_ Natasha. That one time Natasha had thrown her on the floor had made its marks. And she didn't blame Natasha for that either. She couldn't control herself. But neither could she now.

Laura slowly moved towards the other girl, surprised, and maybe a bit scared when Natasha didn't respond to her movements. She barely touched her arm before she retracted fast, almost jumping right into Annie, scared if Natasha was going to do a one-eighty on her and attack her, but Natasha didn't move at all. And just that on its own was worrying.

Laura didn't have time to wonder why she didn't move instead she moved up to Natasha and for the first time touched her injured head. She moved the hair away from her face, and already, blood was starting to glue her red hair together sticking to everything. Laura didn't say anything or asked for any permission as she slowly started applying pressure to the side of her head. The towel immediately got damp with blood from the other woman.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit." Laura swore under her breath trying to get a better look at the cut. It was way too dark to see anything, meaning they had to move her to get a better look at her. She knew she wasn't strong enough to lift her. And even if she was, she didn't know if she wanted to. She fished up her phone from her pocket trying to type in Clint's number while still applying some pressure on Natasha's wound. She could feel her hands, again and again, failing, shaking as she moved them.

It took her multiple attempts to get the number down and when she did, she could tell her voice was failing her.

"You… You need to…" Laura swallowed hard trying to force her voice to calm down and get out the words she was so desperately trying to say.

"Natasha she is… She is…" She could tell Clint was trying to talk to her. And she knew she was making no sense, but her head was on a complete meltdown. She looked up when Annie almost forcefully took the phone out of her hand. She could tell Annie was talking, and sometimes she picked up a few words, but for the most of it the words just turned into mush she didn't understand. She had no idea what she was saying, blindly trusting her to get Clint to them as fast as possible. All she really could to was hugging Natasha's head letting her own head lean onto her and hold around the younger woman as she listened to Annie's voice.

"They will be here in 7 minutes, Laura. Hang on." Annie said with a soft tone slowly letting her hand glide down her back to calm her down. Laura could only nod and it was first now she realized she was crying into Natasha's red hair.

She could feel Natasha shift in her hands, and it wasn't before she saw Annie started to move in the corner of her eyes, she realized Lila had walked outside again, crying. She had completely disconnected from the rest of the world and the two four-year-old hadn't even crossed her mind once.

Natasha was shaking in her arms and Laura tossed a look at Annie who was looking at them with just as a worried look as her own.

"Cover her ears and eyes and I'll get them." Annie said before hurrying towards the two girls who were now moving towards them. Laura could only nod and do as she was told, holding tightly around Natasha, covering her ears and letting her hide her face on her chest. Natasha was forcefully trying to push herself out of Laura's grip when Lila screamed behind her making Laura have to force her up against the car. She had no idea what Natasha's head was thinking, but she was not taking any chances letting her loose.

It felt like an eternity before Kent pulled up with Clint and the boys. Laura had forced Natasha to stop moving to the point where the woman was just leaning into her shaking uncontrollably. She had no idea what was happening behind her. She could hear them talk and Annie joining them, but she didn't bother to turn around only shielding her and Natasha away from the rest of the world.

"Hi" Laura slowly turned her head when she heard Clint's voice. Already feeling the relief filling her. Thank god he was finally here. She moved slowly away from the other girl and let Annie pull her up on her feet covering her in a blanket. The two of them watched as Clint swiftly examined her. Natasha was just staring into nothing with blank eyes still not being able to focus on anything in front of her. Still, she didn't protest when Clint picked her up only leaning her head against his chest soaking his shirt in red blood.

Annie guided Laura carefully into the house following Clint, and by the time they got inside Clint had whipped the whole kitchen table and placed Natasha on top. She had her head turned towards them, still looking into nothing with the wound pointing up and away from the table. Clint was moving around her going over the rest of her body while Laura moved over to her head. She lifted her head and moved her hair away from the cut making sure the woman was as comfortable as possible. Even if she was laying on their kitchen table.

The cut was just below the hairline on her temple, and thankfully it had looked a lot more dramatic than it seemed to be. Laura watched as Clint injected something into her arm before he finally moved over the cut. He carefully cleaned the cut reveling it fully.

"She needs stitches," Laura said with a small voice looking at the wound closer. She didn't know how to act. This was so different from every other time. Yes, she had had an injured Natasha in her home before, and yes, she had experienced her panic attacks multiplies, but they had never combined to this extent.

"Yes, but you are not putting a needle into nobody." Clint said pointing at her shaking hand. Laura only nodded before she slipped down on a chair beside Natisha's head and watched Clint work.

It was complete silence in the room as Clint slowly worked on the stitches and Annie and Laura watched. His movements were slow but precise. Usually, Natasha and Clit just patched themselves just enough to make it heal without Laura yelling at them. They never took the time to make it look good and a lot of time the stitches would scar for quite a long time. But this time Clint used his time and made sure the stitches were small and secure. The whole time Natasha was staring into nothing, but as time went on, she started to relax and by the time Clint was wrapping a bandage around her head she had fallen asleep.

"What did you put into her to make her do that?" Annie said with a soft voice as they listened to Natasha's steady, calm breathing.

"Some different painkillers plus some of that medication she took a few years back. Figured she needed rest. I know it's not an ideal match with her injury-" Clint started and Laura only nodded.

"I was the right call," Laura said carefully moving the hair away from her face.

"Do you think we should move her upstairs?" Laura asked as she played with her hair, carefully brushing out the now dried out blood in her hair.

"No. I don't want to move her head too much. Maybe just lay her down on the couch and move her to the guest room later when she wakes up and can tell us how she feels." Clint said. Laura could only nod in agreement. She didn't know too much about this kind of injury, but he had a good point. She had hit her head pretty hard and of course, your head is a very sensitive area.

Laura didn't really know what to do with herself. Natasha was sleeping and she knew she was safe, but a lot of things were bugging her about the whole situation. It felt off and slightly random. Of course, you never expect something like this to happen, but this was a way of everything.

"I am so sorry it turned out like this." She turned around and looked at Annie with a serious face.

"And I am so sorry Lucie had to see any of this. And Kent and Caspar having to come and it's just a mess. This is a mess. I am a mess." Laura hadn't thought about anything else that Natasha before she had heard somebody laugh upstairs, reminding her that they had five other people in the house.

"Laura, it's okay. She didn't see anything, and I think it's a good thing that they are together. They can keep themselves occupied. To be honest, I don't think they reacted to Natasha, but more to us and how we were acting. I am sure they didn't see the seriousness of the situation in the way we imagine." Annie looked at her with a soft smile and Clint nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, I agree. And you can hear them upstairs. They are having a great time with Kent now. And I am sure Lila will be fine." The room fell silent again, and while Annie and Clint had done their best Laura still felt guilty. Not that she had any real reason to feel so.

"Why don't we host a small sleepover. The kids can all sleep in Cooper's room. We'll just move the mattresses. And then Annie and Kent can take Nat's room. It will keep everyone with some kind of company. The kids will love it, and I think the two of us need just as much company as them. So, we don't have to be alone with our own thoughts." Clint was the one breaking the silence. He was the one with the plan. And of course, it was a genius idea.

Like Annie and Clint had said the girls didn't seem to be very affected by the situation. It was a good thing to say at least. Laura was just happy it was Lila who had witnessed the accident and not Cooper. She knew very well that Cooper had a memory where everything stuck. While Lila's brain was a lot more selective and could just blur out everything and everyone if needed. But even if it didn't seem like they needed to Laura and Annie both took the girl to the side and made sure they were okay. The two of them had only nodded and were a lot more interested in the movie Kent and Clint were going to put on soon.

It took some time to set up everything but soon they got all four kids watching a movie upstairs and the four adults could finally take a breather and move downstairs again. Kent joined them this time, and even if the living room looked more like a surgery room, he seemed to be very relaxed about the whole thing.

"So, are we going to talk about the elephant in the room or what?" Clint said with a small laugh point at Laura who had Natasha's sleeping beside her, softly letting her hand glide through her red hair.

"I don't know what to say. I don't even know what happened, really." Laura said with a soft voice as she looked down on Natasha.

"Actually. Can I say something?" Laura looked up at Annie who was looking down on her lap.

"It is about what happened. But also about Natasha." Clint looked up at her and Laura could see him tensing up on his chair, pushing himself towards the fireplace and away from Annie with a suspicious look on his face.

"And you guys need to promise not to get mad" Laura nodded slowly. If she recalled, she could have sworn Annie tried to say something like this earlier. She shot a strict look at Clint's direction when he didn't nod, but he soon agreed as well.

"Okay," Annie took a deep breath before she looked into Laura's eyes ignoring Clint completely when she finally said.

"I know about Natasha and her past, and I know about Hawkeye, Natalia. And KGB." Laura's eyes shot up wide open and her head spun around when the all too familiar sound of the safety clicking off a Glock echoed and filled the room.

"Say that again and your head is off!"

"CLINT!" Laura shot up from her seat and flew in front of him just when Kent sprung to his feet as well. Laura didn't even know that gun existed, but there it was, aimed directly at Annie's face. Clint had a furious look on his face and Laura could tell Annie was trying to force herself to calm down.

"Put that gun down right now and let her talk!" Laura hissed straightening up in front of him, tossing Annie a soft look.

"Please continue," Laura said between her teeth glaring at Clint with an angry face.

"I… I didn't mean to but… but I googled her after her visit and… and read up on her." Annie said, still with a shaking voice. Clint took a deal breath and slowly moved the gun down. Still, Laura didn't relax or move out the way before the safety was clicked on again. She could see Kent relax as well, falling down on his chair with a soft groan.

"That was why I acted so weird earlier today Laura. Because I didn't know what to think. I mean she was a killer. She was a murderer. But even with that past you were so calm and trusted her. And she is so different from what somebody who was an assassin should be. She is. She is so… almost unreal." Laura nodded slowly. It all made sense now. When SHIELD fell everything about Natasha had gotten leaked with it. But she never really thought about the fact that everyone. Like every single person on this planet could just google her.

She looked at Clint who seemed to have relaxed. He moved the gun and Laura could see Annie jump in her seat. But Clint only moved it away and placed his hand and the gun into fireplace clicking it into place somewhere in the pipe. They had used that fireplace. They used it a lot actually. How in the world did they hide one there? And why did she not know about this?

"Okay. I get it. But what do you know about what happened? Because honestly, I don't want to hear anything more about you describing her past" Clint said with a sarcastic voice.

"Natasha has gotten panic attacks before. But they usually get triggered by a word. Most of the time I don't even know what word it is. She never tells me." Laura said looking at Annie who only nods.

"Well, do you remember what Lila said before she fell?" Laura only shook her head. She really didn't. She didn't remember anything.

"She said she was going to" Annie stopped and looked at them before she moved her hand and pretended to slice off her throat.

"At one point she calmed down. But then the kids walked out again. And she reacted to the sound of them. To the kids. I don't know what kind of connection is, but yeah, I think that was it." Both Clint and Laura stopped. Even if that was true, Laura wasn't sure she knew why and what connection lied with the girls.

"So, it was related to the red room then," Clint said at last.

"The red room?" Kent asked looking between them. He did not seem to know much about any of this so Laura was guessing he hadn't looked at Annie's research.

"It was where Natasha was raised and brainwashed. Where they forced her to train and kill. It was where she got turned into the words most efficient assassin." Clint said with a deep voice making Laura get a shiver down her spine.

"How do you know this is connected to this." Laura looked up at him carefully. Obviously, it wasn't that much other it could have been connected to, but it was a few events that had popped up in her head as possibilities, still, he sounded very confident.

"You even said she seems to be stressed about the similarities between herself and Lila. And I am just speaking my thoughts here, but I mean how many other things can it possibly be. If she already was kinda jumpy about the red room and Lila it makes sense, right?"

"I guess you are right," Laura said with a low voice. He had a point. But it hurt knowing her home was causing Natasha so much pain. So maybe she didn't want to know. Maybe she didn't want to hear it out loud.

"Maybe. Maybe we should talk to Maria." Clint said looking at her ignoring the fact that Annie and Kent were still in the room.

"Maybe it would be best if she wasn't here for a little while." He continued.

"You sound like you want to throw her out of her home!" Laura felt the anger rise. She didn't mean to. But it was the vibe she got from him and she was not happy about it.

"Laura I am not saying that. I am just saying maybe it will sever her better not constantly getting reminded about everything. And being around Lila will probably just make her feel guilty. You know how she is with these things. Besides. Technically, this isn't her home anymore is it?" Laura really felt the last one shot directly into her heart. It was true. The tower was going to be her home, not the farm.

"Okay. Call Maria then." Laura said between her teeth. She looked down on Natasha who was sleeping peacefully. Got she hoped Natasha never would see or hear about how much heartache she caused her right now because if she did, she would never forgive herself.

"Wait you mean now?" Clint said surprised looking at Annie and Kent.

"Why not. It's not like we can possibly surprise them any more." Laura snapped, immediately regretting it. Clint raised his arms in defeat before he pulled out his phone. While they waited for her to pick up Kent excused himself. By now the movie would have finished and he said he was going to try to get the kids to bed. And Laura didn't blame him or not wanting to be a part of this mess.

" _Hello?"_ Maria's face popped up and Annie jumped in her seat when she saw the hologram floating. Right, that was not a normal thing. Oops.

"Hi," Laura said with a low voice. She could see Maria look at them before she leaned forwards squinting at Laura.

" _Why is she lying like that? Why does she have a bandage around her head? And why does Laura look like she has been crying?"_ Straight to the point. Of course.

" _Also, who is she?"_ Maria only pointed at Annie not even bothering to look at her.

"We had an accident," Clint said softly.

" _I can tell,"_ Maria said coldly, still not looking away from Natasha.

"And that's Annie, Laura's friend. We trust her."

" _Fine."_

"She panicked and hit her head in the side mirror of our car."

" _How bad is it?"_

"Not sure. I put some painkillers into her with that medication you guys made. She fell asleep after that."

" _So why are you calling then? It seems like you have it under control_. _Not that I would advise you to force her to sleep with a head injury but still._ " Maria straightened up and for the first time actually looked at Clint.

"I know, but I don't think she could handle being awake very well. We think Lila caused it. Or not Lila in particular but-"

" _Red room flashback then."_

"Yes."

" _So, you want to send her away."_

"Yes"

" _Okay, but not now."_

"I agree."

" _When she is better. When she wakes up."_

"Yes."

" _Okay, I will pick her up myself. Just call. I will get Pepper to get some furniture into her apartment."_

"Thank you." The conversation between Clint and Maria was so fast Laura barely could keep up. She was wondering if this was how all the conversations at SHIELD were. It was like the two of them were reading each other's thoughts. No explanation was needed at all.

When they hung up the room fell silent before surprisingly Annie started talking. Laura was very thankful for Annie. Even when Kent went to bed, she spent the whole night with Clint and her downstairs. They talked about everything and it was just a relief having her around. She proved over and over again how trustworthy she was. And knowing she always had Annie when Clint and Natasha weren't around was very important for her.

Natasha woke up around 5 in the morning and when she did Laura could have sworn her heart stopped for a moment. At first, Natasha's head seemed to have been whipped with everything. But after a few seconds of recovery Natasha's eyes melted into two soft loving eyes. Carefully stroking down Laura's face just to calm her down. If it wasn't for the fact that she had no colour in her face and she had a bloody bandage around her head, it almost seemed like Laura was the injured one. Natasha's eyes were just fixed on her, looking at her and calming her down. However, it did seem like she had lost the ability to speak. Maybe she didn't want to. Or maybe she couldn't force her head to do so. But not once she opened her mouth, not even to try, and it was one of the bigger worries Laura felt building up.

Still, she seemed better than what they all expected. For starters, she actually moved up to a sitting position without looking to dizzy and disorientated. It didn't seem like she had any problems with understanding them either, giving them a few nods now and again. She didn't move from her seat though, and it ended up with Clint having to carry her to the guest room.

It took Natasha three days before she felt well enough to walk on her own. By then she had been moved upstairs and spent most of her days in her room sleeping. It took her four days to open her mouth to answer yes or no questions and it took her six days before she finally decided she wanted to keep a conversation.

Natasha hadn't mentioned the accident once, even after they passed the seven days mark, and by then they had concluded she well enough to travel back to New York.

They were almost a hundred percent sure she had a severe concussion, grounding her form more or less every activity she would have normally done when she was sick. She hadn't taken one step out of the room to talk to the kids either making her completely locked inside her room and they could tell she was getting tired of doing nothing.

Maria came on day eight. That evening both Clint and Laura were downstairs. The kids had gone to sleep after Natasha had kissed them goodbye and goodnight and the two of them had decided to wait in the living room. It was a very tense and bittersweet atmosphere when Maria walked into the house.

"So, how is she?" Maria had landed the quinjet on the outskirts of the lot like they used to. Like Natasha, she was dressed in all black with her hair tied tightly up in a bun.

"Hard to tell. She doesn't really talk." Clint answered offering Maria a glass of water.

"Is that so?" Maria said taking the glass with a small smile.

"She didn't talk the first few days, like at all. We don't know if she chose not to, or because she actually couldn't form words. Impossible to tell really." Clint said with a slight tone of annoyance.

"I'm not surprised," Maria said, earning an eyebrow lift from both of them.

"We have had our moments together. Believe me, I have seen the side of her nobody needs to see." Laura only nodded to that. She didn't want to know. She had never seen the black widow and she kinda didn't feel the need to either.

"She is a private person, and she is allowed to be. Hopefully, Pepper can drag her out of her misery though." Maria finally said. Laura knew Natasha and Maria worked well together. It made sense why. Maria was empathetic unlike a lot of the others in SHIELD employees, and she never seems to correct Natasha's attitude or actions, letting her be who she was. But she could also be very professional. And push away personal thoughts in a moment's notice. Another trait Laura knew Natasha appreciates.

"She is upstairs. But I don't know if.-" Laura started but was cut off by another voice.

"I'm here." Natasha was leaning on the doorframe with her arms crossed over her chest. Even with the bandage, she looked cold and almost mean, making Laura shrink under her eyes. A big contrast from the soft eyes she had when Laura had checked up on her earlier today.

"You don't need to put on that cold face Nat. You're in a bad mood I get it." Maria's voice was soft, and she was almost laughing. Natasha only shook her head, but her eyes softened ever so slightly. The four of them just looked at each other for a while before Laura broke the silence.

"So, I guess it's goodbye then," Laura said with a sad voice. It sucked because this was not how she wanted it to end. She wanted Natasha here in her home, for all eternity. Natasha's eyes melted completely before she walked up to her and pulled into her strong arms.

"No. It's just for now." Natasha said and hugged her softly. Laura leaned into her and whispered.

"What's the difference?" Natasha chuckled.

"That I will be back?" Laura pulled back and nodded.

"So, you won't die or kill yourself?"

"I will try not to." Natasha smiled and Laura only nodded. Clint and Natasha's hug weren't as emotional, but Laura could see he too was almost regretting the decision.

"Why does it feel like I kicked her out and we won't see her again?" Laura mumbled as they watched Natasha and Maria walk over the field and to the aircraft. Clint dragged her into his arms and mumbled back.

"I don't know, but I feel it too.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY, we are now in Age of Ultron territory. I love, love, love age of Ultron. That's an unpopular opinion but I don't caaareeee.
> 
> The opening battle in Sokovia is at the end of March. I googled and snow in Slovakia and the Czech Republic that time of year is a hundred percent possible. Also, Sokovia seems to be surrounded by mountains and is in general high above sea-level. I have been thinking a lot about when and how to make sense of this timeline. I don't know if it will make sense but let's hope.
> 
> I was also looking at the Barton house again. If you guys don't know I have done my fair share of research on this house, I even made a blueprint. And what I realized is that they had to have moved in between like Civil war and Endgame and like, in theory, I guess that makes sense, but I'm shook. Good thing I am not covering CW because I don't want them to move ahha.
> 
> Until next chapter, make it a great week and I will talk to you very soon.
> 
> S-B

It was no point in trying to hide it. Laura knew Natasha loved living in the tower, even if she never said so. It was so obvious. Natasha barely came home that summer, which was a big disappointment to the kids. They had vacation for two months and their aunt didn't show up more than for two days. Which was only a small pit stop in a mission meaning she really didn't do much more than sleep and got forced to eat by Laura.

Another challenge with Natasha moving was Clint. Clint was the only one of the Avengers who hadn't moved into the tower. And with Maria there to it was hard for him to resist. Yes, he said he didn't want to go back but Laura wasn't dumb. It wasn't directly jealousy, but he did feel left out.

"Do you ever want to go back?"

Laura was leaning into her husband cuddling in bed when she finally asked. It had been three months since Natasha moved and they had close to no updates from the woman. It meant both Clint and Laura got especially curious about this tower. She was clearly enjoying herself. So much she didn't even remember to update them once in a while.

It had been hard on Laura when she left. Maybe even harder on her than Clint. The kids weren't big enough to really understand it all. They knew their aunt was not visiting as much, but nothing more, and while it was disappointing, they only got reminded about her absent if one of the adults brought it up.

For Laura, it was a completely different story. She had seen how much pain it had all caused the agent. How much pain _her home_ had caused. It had been a rough way to end it all.

"Not really. I do want to see Natasha again though."

Clint had tried to get his partner to talk to them, but even him she had rejected. Or not rejected, chose to tactically ignore or not answer. But for Clint, it was different than Laura. First of all, he had a suite in the tower, so in theory, he could go visit whenever he wanted. But mainly, his vision of Natasha was very different from Laura's. Laura was used to a soft kindhearted woman who was the aunt to her children and her best friend. It was the only version of the woman she knew, and really the only one that mattered. Clint, on the other hand, was used to the colder version just as much as the family loving one. He was with the agent persona all the time and was used to get a few cold shoulders and seeing her leave for missions.

"What about going to the tower? And see the Avengers? "

Only a few days after Natasha moved into the tower the media caught up. She was the last one to move in, not counting Clint of course. The team got followed wherever they went and soon turned out to be America's new superheroes. Everyone adored them. Paparazzies flashing them and news reporters hanging on their every word. Some of them, * _Tony*_ , seemed more comfortable than others. But it was nice to see the world loving them as much as they did. Especially when you count the fact that Steve and Natasha had almost destroyed Washington only a couple of months prior.

Laura knew they had lots of work the media didn't know about, but they also had a few "superheroes saves everyday crimes" stuns every few days which the world seemed to love. Everyone could put a ladder up against a tree to help a cat down, but it was so much more interesting to see Iron Man fly up and then kiss the kitten. Obviously.

"I have you guys, I don't need to do that." Laura turned and looked at him with a serious look.

"Clint. We can be on our own a few days if you want to visit them. That's totally fine." Clint smiled at her and nodded slowly.

"You sure? Because I won't go if you aren't a hundred percent okay with it."

"Yeah. Of course. I want you to still talk to them. And maybe you can at least _try_ to get Nat to call once in a while. We will be fine. And it's not like you're risking your life or anything."

So, he went. And he was gone for almost two full weeks. When Laura said he should go, she wasn't expecting him to be gone that long. Still, she was very happy for him. He deserved to be with his team, even if it meant he would be gone once and a while. The kids, of course, missed their father, but since they knew he wouldn't be on a mission, but only on "a vacation" they to were a lot more relaxed.

Laura also noticed a nice change in the household. The older the kids got, the easier it became to stay alone with them. Laura would hang out with them all evening and play with them. Help with homework and stuff, but she didn't have to be on top of them the same way she did when they were younger. Of course, they were still young, but not "needing to change diapers every 5 minutes" young. They just needed to be entertained, which didn't bother her much because she adored hanging out with them, even on a bad day. And when they went to bed she could relax on her own, knowing Clint would be safe, with no worry of any missions or enemies. It was a nice change.

Still, Laura was very happy when Clint came home, and when he did, he was ecstatic.

"It is lovely Laura." Laura laughed as Clint dragged her into his arms from behind, feeling her fall onto the couch and on top of him.

"Natasha left the day after I arrived, so I didn't get to see her apartment. But Cap showed me his and I imagen it is similar. It is so spacious. With a lot of windows and natural light which I know she loves. And even my apartment which is so much smaller is still not small at all. They have a huge gym and of course a lot of common rooms where they all can hang out in. Almost every night at least two of them eat dinner in the shared kitchen, but they have a "family dinner" with everyone every Friday. Oh, and of course, Maria and Pepper are with them all the time, so she is never alone with the boys. It was fantastic." Clint said with a laugh.

"So, she never said anything about calling?" Laura said with a soft giggle.

"No. But you can always call her first. Maybe not now since she is on a mission, but it doesn't hurt to try right?" Clint said kissing her on the neck. Laura let out a small moan before nodding. Maybe he was right. Maybe she should be the one calling.

It took a lot of her to finally call. She waited close to two weeks before she finally decided to call the other woman. It was almost four months since Natasha moved and it was two and a half months since she last visited. It was only late September, but Laura was wondering if she should invite the woman for Christmas already now.

But maybe she didn't want to talk to her? She hadn't called once so maybe she just didn't want to have anything to do with them anymore. Of course, that sounded crazy but at the same time she had chosen not to. Laura could tell this was just her head messing with her, making her overthink.

It wasn't before a new report about Natasha got published that pushed her over the edge and made her call the other woman. Clint and Laura were both trying actively to stay away from all the gossip and trash reports. When SHIELD fell Laura had chosen to not look at any of the leaked information, and Clint had only gone through it to see if they were mention in it. Both of them agreed that sometimes the paparazzies and journalists crossed the lines with their pictures and articles, and they didn't want to support that kind of work. Of course, not everything about the Avengers was like that, but they didn't want to get into the habit of reading them in the first place.

Still, when a picture of Natasha and Pepper made its way to the Barton house neither one of them could contain themselves.

"Look at the way she looks at her. Seriously if she doesn't confirm it now, she never will." Clint pushed the tablet away from himself and to Laura again who only laughed softly back.

"It is so cute I want to puke." Clint continued making Laura laugh even more. It was true. They looked ridiculously cute sitting in a café. Natasha was looking at Pepper with a soft look in her eyes tiling her head while listening to Pepper talk. Pepper's eyes were shining, and you didn't need to be a master on reading people to tell it was a lot of feelings between them.

After another day of digressing and a lot of worrying about nothing Laura finally sat down and called. Already she could feel the worry fill her. Probably without any reason, but she couldn't help it. Laura's worries disappeared with an instant when Natasha picked up and her soft voice filled her ears.

"Hello _?"_

Laura was alone with the kids for the evening since Clint was at a dad's night again, so it was just her alone in her room. It was way past the kid's bedtime, and she was positive both of them were asleep.

"Hi," Laura said carefully back.

" _Laura! Hi, hang on okay. Jarvis can you put up a hologram, please. Maybe throw in a few 3D models I can show later on to?"_ Natasha's voice was happy, and she sounded wide awake even if it was pretty late in the evening already.

" _Of course:"_ a unifiliar voice answered.

Laura watched as a hologram started to flicker before it turned on. When Natasha had given her a phone with the ability to show 360 degrees holograms, she was more than a little bit surprised.

Laura placed the phone on the end of the bed and leaned back on the headboard as she watched the other woman move around on the other end. She could see the other woman put down her phone and move around and still, somehow the pictured followed her. Like she was watching a movie or something.

" _Stark tech. Don't ask."_ Natasha said with a soft voice as she slipped down on her couch.

" _Jarvis is the AI in the building, does pretty much whatever you ask. It's pretty cool."_ Laura only nodded as Natasha flicked her finger at something.

" _So, what took you so long? You know, you have the ability to call just as much as me."_ Natasha said looking into Laura's eyes like she really was there in front of her.

"I just didn't want to disturb you. You seem very busy." Laura said carefully.

" _I guess I am yes."_ Natasha hummed back with a soft smile.

"Like doing stuff as dates with a certain Pepper Potts." Laura winked at her and Natasha shot up her eyes. "Nat, I saw the article. You guys were very cute."

" _I hate the paparazzies,"_ Natasha mumbled back making Laura giggle.

"So other than having sex with a very hot woman, how is life?" Laura watched Natasha's yaw almost fall out of her face before she collected herself.

" _It's been pretty good. We are trying to map out HYDRA and raid a few of their bases. Most of them are small and only require like one or two of us at a time. But I worked on a project with Jane, Thor's girlfriend, recently, which was very exciting. That was why I was gone with Clint was in visiting."_ Natasha said with a smile.

"No life-threatening injuries?" Laura asked only half joking.

" _No injuries at all actually. Barely a bruise."_ Natasha said with a small laugher. Laura could only nod happily.

"So how is the apartment then?" Laura decided not to ask about her recovery from her accident back at the farm, she was as sure Natasha was going to mention it later on, whenever she was comfortable doing so.

" _Beautiful. Jarvis, show her."_ A model popped up and Natasha talked her through the rooms. She had a beautiful big room with both the kitchen and living room on the side with the big panorama window, which Laura knew Natasha was loving. Then she had a bar and a few barstools on the opposing side from the kitchen where she also had a beautiful grand piano. And only that one piano got to have a value of hundreds of dollars. She had huge a guest bathroom and guestroom were both were the size of Laura's own master suite. Natasha's master bedroom could have been their living room size vise. And the bathroom had both a shower and a bath where the bathtub looked more like a small pool.

"You can drown in that tub." Laura mumbled as Natasha finished the tour.

" _Well yeah. But I feel like the Olympic size pool is better for that."_ Natasha said with a slightly sarcastic tone.

"Of course, you have a pool in the tower." Natasha only winked at her. Natasha moved her hair from her face and Laura watched a small scar on the right side of her head appear. Natasha, on the other hand, didn't seem to notice her as Laura moved closer to the hologram to look at her.

"You coloured your hair again," Laura said slowly watching Natasha brush through her locks with her fingers. Even with the blue hue on the hologram, she could tell it was a lot browner.

" _I did. I am surprised you noticed."_

"So am I" Laura mumbled making Natasha laugh softly. Laura was just about to ask her another question when Natasha lifted her head and looked away.

" _Hang on Laur, I think somebody is at the door. Or elevator."_ Natasha said, voice already turning colder and suspicious. Laura watched as she stood up and walked out of the frame. She could hear the woman walk over the floor, but all Laura could see was the now empty couch.

Laura was wondering if she should just hang up when she heard Natasha's soft voice. She had no idea what she was saying but she could hear the spy had a relaxed voice.

She had no idea if it would work, but could she maybe ask this Jarvis to do something? She harked softly before saying as calmly as possible.

"Jarvis? Where did she go?"

" _Pepper Potts just entered her apartment, Laura."_ The AI answered calmly.

"Could you maybe show me?" Laura felt the butterfly in her stomach the second the words slipped off her tongue. Only a second later the video went from the living room to the hall of the apartment. Laura almost, _almost_ , squealed when she watched Pepper lean in kissing Natasha softly. Natasha had so stand on her toes to reach and Laura swore her heart melted right then and there.

Sadly, the moment was short lasted before Natasha seemed to notice. She turned her head like she was looking at Laura, though Pepper followed her gaze and didn't seem to notice anything opening her mouth to say something. Natasha only cut her off.

" _Nothing."_ Natasha mumbled as Pepper leaned into her again waving her hand at the camera and the call ended.

 _DAMNIT_.

There she went. But hey at least now Laura had some exciting news to tell Clint when he came back.

* * *

Fall came sooner than expected that year and soon the cold fell over their small town. It was the first year they had started with any kind of crops, and they needed to be tended, as well as their forest needed some care. Winter seemed to be coming sooner than usual, meaning they had more than enough work to do.

When they got the property years ago the never realized how much land that followed. Acers of untouched land waiting for somebody to use it. Fields and forest in every direction. Last winter had brought down many trees so this year Laura and Clint both agreed they needed to work on taking down some of the bigger trees in case of another hard winter. Of course, taking down trees meant a lot of excess wood that also needed to be chopped. And even with the number of bonfires and crazy usage of the fireplace in the Barton household the amount of extra wood would be more than enough to last them years to come.

"Okay, you guys behave now." Laura kissed Cooper on his forehead before pushing him out the door after his father and sister. Earlier this year Clint promised the kids to take them camping for a weekend, and now with fall already coming, they decided to move it forward. And while Laura adored her kids, and loved the outdoors, she was not going to sleep in a tent outside.

It was nice having the house alone for a change. The last weeks had mainly been working around on the farm. The tractor stopped working for the 500th time. And their car was only half working at this point. Even before Natasha knocked the mirror off, she was showing she was ready for retirement.

And then it was the barn itself. It needed new walls. All of them. It was a lot of work, but sooner or later they had to do it. Lila had started to ask about animals because now she was old enough to connect farm with animals. On top of her list was of course a horse, which was probably on the bottom of Laura's. Cooper has started to ask about a dog which was better but still quite something Laura was too keen on.

The house was keeping up fine. The only part of their property that didn't seem to be in dire need of attention at the moment. Sure, the living room was cluttered, and they needed to get somebody to tune the piano soon. But other than that, it seemed fine.

Laura jogged upstairs to grab one of her blanket from the bed. Because it was Friday the kids and Clint didn't leave for camping before 5pm meaning it already was getting colder and darker. She knew they were going to have a blast, but god she was happy she didn't have to be a part of it. Camping. No thanks.

Laura had just walked into the living room when she jumped backwards. Her head couldn't process what was in front of her before her body was well into the wall almost knocking down the pictures.

"Oh my god, Natasha dear god, please don't sneak up on me like that." Laura stumbled forward as Natasha stood up from the seat and dragged her into a hug. Laura could feel her heart race in her chest, but she sank into Natasha's strong arms with a sigh.

"I don't know if I would call it sneak up on but okay," Natasha teased leaning into her. Her skin was cold to the touch meaning she just got inside from the fresh fall wind.

"God, I feel like my heart is jumping out of my chest holy crap," Laura said with a heavy breath. "What are you doing here?" Laura said pulling back and looking at the other woman with a soft look. Natasha was looking at her smugly and Laura couldn't help but push her playfully.

"Well, first of all, I missed you guys," Natasha said with a smile winking at her.

"Not the best weekend to come then. Clint is out with the kids camping." Laura said, slowly picking up the blanket she dropped on the floor.

"Why would anyone go camping? Ew" Natasha said with a small grimace. Natasha was maybe a badass woman who could survive pretty much everything, but she was not the kind to go camping just for _"the fun of it"._

"Exactly why I didn't go," Laura said making Natasha laugh. Laura could feel her soft spot for the woman already expanding. It was something special about her. It really was.

The woman looked a lot healthier than last time she saw her. She looked awake and present, and the weight and muscles she had lost seemed to be back. She had a red top on and black jeans. Her hair was pulled back into a tight French braid. And around her neck she had the necklace Clint gave her a few years back.

"I am happy you came. Last time we talked you hung up on me." Laura said while leading Natasha into the kitchen.

"Last time we talked you decided to spy on me." Natasha countered as she passed her.

"Well, not my fault you guys were cute." Natasha rolled her eyes before laughing again.

"I didn't come just to let me tease me. I came to bring you something." Laura looked at her as Natasha mover over and opened the back door. Laura tilted her head and looked at her confused. The other woman didn't give her time to ask as she grabbed her arm and Laura could feel Natasha drag her out the back door. Her head fell and she rolled her eyes as she felt her body got dragged after the younger woman.

"Nat what are you…-" Laura said pulling the other way when Natasha pulled a little more forceful making Laura throw her head up.

"Oh my god Natasha!" Laura gasped as her eyes fell on a blue pickup truck. It had a red ribbon on the hood and looked very, _very_ new.

"Natasha no. I refuse. I am not accepting this." Laura said turning away walking towards the house again. Natasha only laughed before grabbing her again holding her in place.

"Yes, you are." Natasha smiled at her softly pushing Laura towards the car.

"And I didn't break my promise. Earlier this year I bought a car for myself. Like a late Christmas gift to myself. It's a Chevrolet Corvette Stingray." Laura turned around and lifted an eyebrow.

"It's… It's an expensive car… Anyways, Clint told me I wasn't allowed to buy you a car before I treated myself. And I did. So, I did nothing wrong." Natasha said with a laugh.

"Natasha... I... I don't know what to say. Thank you." Laura said dragging her into another hug.

"Well I kinda broke the other one," Natasha said carefully. Laura pulled back, surprised she even mentioned it. Natasha only looked at for one second before turning around and walked back to the house again. "Keys are in the engine if you wanna test it out." She yelled as she walked away leaving Laura confused. Laura looked after her stunned, before she shook her head and ripped the door open jumping into the seat to get the keys. The car was a lot bigger than the small pickup truck they had now. But she had no time to study this now. She jumped out the car again closing the door. She threw one last look at it before she ran towards the house again.

"Hey… Hey Nat." Laura yelled after her jogging towards the house. Laura walked into the house closing and locking the back door after her.

"Okay... okay." Laura coughed softly before continuing. "okay so you gave me a car. What now." She laughed as Natasha rolled her eyes at her.

"Well I am not going to leave now. Be a good host and you tell me." Natasha said leaning back against the counter with a teasing smile.

"We can order a pizza? Eat on the bed and share a bottle of wine?" Laura suggested opening one of the cabinets. Natasha lifted an eyebrow when her eyes fell on the wine bottle.

"Good idea."

Natasha was laughing leaning over Laura. They were sitting in the bed in the master bedroom with the empty pizza box thrown on the floor and one empty wineglass on each of the two nightstands. Laura watched Natasha's green eyes light up as she continued to laugh.

"God, I missed you, Natasha," Laura whispered looking at the younger woman.

"I missed you to Laura," Natasha said with a soft smile leaning back into Laura's arms.

"I wish you could see the tower. I wished all of you could. You would love it Laura. Its beautiful watching over the city at night." Natasha said with a soft voice. She leaned back and looked up at her.

"Yeah. I would have loved too." Laura said back smiling at Natasha. It was true. Natasha and Clint lived a life out there, a place where she could never go. Or at least not now. Everything that happened outside of the house Laura could not interfere with. She had to stay on the sideline until it maybe got brought to her.

Before it had only been SHIELD intel and missions, things Laura didn't want to be a part of. But after Natasha became an Avenger, she could feel herself wanting to be a part of this life. At least see what it was about, not being in the shadow all the time.

"We should probably go to bed," Laura whispered as Natasha yawned.

"Meh. The kids are not here so you don't have to wake up early anyways." Laura took note of how Natasha said you and not we indicating she wasn't expecting a full night sleep even now.

"Very true, but sleep is nice," Laura said before pushing Natasha off her carefully. She walked over to the door and flicked the light switch. Even in the dark she could tell Natasha was staring at her.

"Come on Nat." Laura pushed Natasha softly dragging her down on the bed with her. She could feel Natasha looking at her. She was imagining to big eyes, slightly worried, looking at her.

"I'm here Talia. It's maybe not guarded with Stark tech but it's safe Nat. It's home, remember?" She felt Natasha nod softly before turning around curling under the duvet.

It was always nice to wake up by herself and not because one of the kids woke her up or an alarm was ringing in her ear. Laura woke up the same time Natasha walked out of the bathroom with a towel on her head.

"Good morning," Natasha said with a small smile. She was dressed in one of Laura's many oversized jumpers and the jeans she had arrived in.

"Good morning," Laura answered yawning as she pushed herself up against the headboard.

"Slept well?" Natasha asked as she unwrapped her damp hair carefully.

"Yeah. Apparently so well I slept through your shower?" Laura said with a small laugh as she watched the other woman.

"Well, I was trained to make close to zero sound so," Natasha said as she walked into the bathroom again to hang up the towel.

"Where are your hairbrush?" Natasha half yelled from the bathroom as Laura finally decided to get out of bed.

"Here," Laura called back throwing it softly at Natasha as she walked out the room. Natasha caught it with ease.

"Thanks." Natasha hummed as she sat down on the bed.

While Laura walked around in the room finding some clothes she watched as Natasha pulled her hair back into a ponytail, braiding part of her hair into it. The woman seemed relaxed and calm which really made Laura happy.

"Hey, Nat?" Natasha turned around slowly as she finished her hair.

"Yeah?" The woman looked at her carefully and Laura couldn't help but smile at her.

"Nothing important, I was just wondering what you wanted to do today? We have one and a half days before the kids will be back." Laura said as casual as possible.

"Oh. I don't know. What do you want to do? As long as I get a run squeezed in, I am happy with whatever." Natasha said with a smile. Laura only nodded at her smiling to herself. It was nice to have her home.

Natasha and Laura just spent the day around the house doing nothing. They talked about nothing and everything. Natasha showed her some pictures from the tower and let her read some of the mission reports. Natasha and Clint had always been very good at including Laura in their work to the extent it was safe. Letting her read about the missions and talk about them as they came back. It was a good way helping Laura keep her feet on the ground and not be too scared and worried about everything. Of course, she was always worried, but it helped to know what was going on and what they were fighting.

Right now, it seemed mostly like the Avengers were working on collecting information. Natasha pointed at a picture on her tablet.

"See him?" Laura nodded slowly at a picture of a man. She recognized pats of him, but she couldn't tell why and from where. The man was in a hospital bed and he looked like he had been in a bad fire.

"Rumlow" Laura let the name sink in. She recognized it but she didn't know exactly why.

"SHIELD agent?" Laura asked looking at Natasha. She nodded in confirmation.

"Yes. He even was in my strike team at one point. He was one of the agents that were undercover for HYDRA." Natasha explained.

"What happened to him?" Laura asked carefully looking at the man on the picture.

"One of the helicarriers crashed into the building he and Sam Wilson, the guy with wings, were in. It is a miracle that he survived really. Except that miracles are good things. And this is not a good thing." Laura lifted an eyebrow looking at her confused.

"They keep saying his chances for recovery are close to zero and he will never be a threat. In other words, their guard is down. But I know that's not the case. He will try to escape, and he will return." Natasha said with an annoyed voice before locking the tablet.

"Well even if he does, I am sure you figure out a way to take him down. One way or another." Laura said with a small grimace.

"Piff I guess," Natasha replied. Very obviously still mad.

"Let's talk about something else," Laura said pushing her lightly. Natasha turned to her and nodded

"Okay." She mumbled.

"Like your girlfriend." Laura laughed when Natasha immediately turned away from her. Laura could swear her cheeks turned a light shade of pink.

"No idea what you are talking about," Natasha mumbled.

"Oh yeah?" Laura nudged her again before pulling up her phone pushing it in her face with the article on her screen.

"Come on." Laura tried. She let out a laughed laugh when Natasha tickled her side to get her to let go of her.

"We were just hanging out. We both had a day off, so we took a coffee. It doesn't mean anything." Natasha tried to keep her face straight but just a look from Laura made her smile.

"And the kiss?" Laura giggled looking at Natasha who was clearly very uncomfortable right now.

"Well, I mean… I… You know, I am getting hungry are you hungry?" Laura laughed loudly as Natasha stood up rapidly walking away from her. Laura followed her and dragged her into a hug from behind.

"You are adorable." Laura smiled into her hair and Natasha let out a sigh.

"She is amazing Laura." Natasha turned around in her arms and looked at her with dreamy eyes. "I just hope it works this time." Laura nodded with a small smile.

"It will."


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually love this chapter so much. Like this is such a nice chapter. It's not my fave but I really REALLY like this one. 
> 
> S-B

Laura did not plan to get pregnant for the third time and when she found out she was very surprised to say at least, or maybe terrified was the correct term. Of course, that soon evolved to happiness and thankfulness. She had never had a problem getting pregnant in the first two pregnancies, which she so grateful for.

Still getting pregnant again was never something that crossed her mind. In fact, she didn't realize she was until she realized her period was late and was more or less forced to go out and by a pregnancy test.

When she saw the two lines, she was shocked. Clint, on the other hand, was ecstatic. Laura knew he always wanted a lot of kids and a big family, but it was overwhelming thinking soon they would get another kid. They already had two, and Laura had to admit it had been hard balancing the kids and Clint's agent life.

Cooper had just turned 10 and Lila would turn 6 the upcoming summer. Both of them were in school now. Growing up to be two beautiful strong independent humans, and Laura couldn't be prouder, but they were a lot of work.

"I can't believe we are having another one," Laura whispered to Clint with a low voice. She had found out four days ago and had told the kids yesterday. Lila had been over the moon about the idea of a little brother or sister. Cooper, on the other hand, had been a bit more reserved, as expected. Still, he seemed happy. He took his big brother role very seriously, and Laura knew he would be very protective of the baby, maybe even more than he was over Lila.

"Yeah, I know." Clint and Laura were laying in their bedroom. The kids were in bed, and the two of them were currently talking about the new family member.

"How are we going to do this? I mean I am excited and all, but another one. A baby. It's a lot of work. And you have work." Laura turned and looked at Clint with a serious look.

"Won't be a problem, Laura, I'll retire. Maria was very understanding with Lila, and I barely get called now anyways. I am sure nobody will miss me too much." Laura looked at him with big eyes. Was he serious? He loved working. Was he really telling her he would be leaving for good?

"I am serious Laura. I'll retire and will stay with you. Forever." Laura closed her eyes and nodded slowly.

"I promise." Okay, maybe it will all turn out okay then. The two of them stayed silent for a while just leaning on each other. Thinking.

"We need to tell Nat." Laura opened her eyes and looked up at Clint.

"How do you think she'll react?" Laura whispered back with a worried look. It was very early in pregnancy. And Laura and Clint had decided to hold off talking about the new addition to their friends till they were around week 13 because of the risk of losing it. But Natasha was different. When she found out about Lila last time, she had gotten annoyed when they hadn't told her right away. But then again, the situation was different this time.

"We can always invite her over and tell her then?" Clint suggested, snuggling closer to her, letting his hand glide over her stomach. She agreed telling her in person was way better than over the phone. And she did miss her.

"Okay." Laura only whispered back. Everything would change now. It was scary. Very scary. But she was ready to meet this baby. And it would all turn out fine. It had to be.

Laura and Clint never got the time to invite Natasha before she was knocking on their door two days later. The two of them were in the middle of the kid's bedtime routine when they heard a soft knock followed by the door opening revealing the redhead.

It was no use trying to get the kids in bed now. Lila was more or less bouncing around in the room wide awake. Natasha, on the other hand, did not look as awake. She had her hair away from her face in a tight braid on her back showing her very dark and tired green eyes.

"Lila calm down please." Laura tried as her daughter dragged Natasha after her into the living room. She had barely gotten inside the house when the girl had grabbed her arm. Natasha only followed her before she got pushed down on the couch and a sketchbook came flying towards her face and Lila bouncing after

"Look, look, look!" Lila started to flip through the book with Natasha looking at the pages. Laura only sighed with a small smile as she took place on the opposing side of the coffee table. Cooped curled up in his mother's arms watching the two of them. Lila was showing off her drawings and Laura already knew this would take ages considering the girl was drawing around five hundred of them each day. Clint was the last one to join them. He, like her, looked at Natasha with a suspicious look.

"This is the horse I want, and this is a drawing of how the farm will look with her in it. And this is a drawing of Cooper riding her." Lila was wiggling on her lap and Laura could tell Natasha wasn't paying attention at all. The other woman was very clearly tired, which was odd because she had seemed fine lately. Another very obvious change was the fact that she had on her suit which was usually only the case when she came directly from a mission. It all seemed a bit… off.

"… And this is my horse with my baby sister." Both Clint and Laura froze when Natasha whipped her head up. Her eyes widened as she slowly looked down on the drawing again asking slowly.

"What did you say, flower?" Natasha looked at her strictly to see if Lila had just said what she thought she said.

"Baby sister. Or brother. We don't know, but I am hoping sister. Mommy said it might be a girl. I hope so." Natasha looked at the small child again before she nodded slowly before she pushed her off her carefully handing Lila back her book.

"Okay. I need a break." Natasha stood up slowly before walking towards the hallway leaving the four of them confused.

"I'll be back…. Soon…" She mumbled before stumbling out the door.

Laura was phasing back and forth in the living room with Clint sitting in a chair. It had been four hours since Natasha had walked out the door. Clint and Laura had spent a good 50 minutes to get the kids in bed with a lot of wild protesting from both of them.

"That literally could not have gone any worse." Laura huffed as she threw yet another look out the window. It was pitch black outside which was to be expected when it was 11pm, so it's not like she saw anything anyways.

"Well. At least she didn't yell at us." Clint mumbled as he fiddled with one of his arrows.

"Any guessed on where she can be?" Laura let out another sigh before sitting down on a chair beside Clint. She knew Natasha would've some different thoughts about another child as she did with Lila. But she did not expect her to walk out on them.

"No. Four hours and 12 minutes. She could be miles from her. I don't think you have seen her on her morning jog, but her stamina is crazy." Clint answered with an annoyed mumble. All Laura could do was nod. Guess he was right. If Natasha wanted to, she could be out of the country on the other side of the planet. Nothing stopped her.

Laura spun around when she heard the door open. Natasha walked through the door with a fast phase closing the door a bit more careless and forcefully than she normally would. She didn't look at them at all, only passing the door ignoring them completely.

"Tasha!" Clint was already on his feet jogging after her upstairs. Laura could only watch as she followed behind the two of them.

"Where the hell have you been?"

"Running."

"Natasha it's been 4 hours."

"It was a long run."

"Nat." Clint slipped into her bedroom just she closed the door, leaving Laura outside. Damn it. She hoped Clint would get through to her.

Laura could only walk into her bedroom and slowly start on her nighttime routine. Five minutes later Clint joined her. She didn't need to ask. The annoyed face already told her Natasha had said nothing.

"She is showering. You can always try to talk to her afterward. I got nothing. She was just plain angry. I don't know why." Clint said with a small huff throwing his clothes off before tucking himself to bed. Laura decided to join him but chose to lay and listen to see if Natasha was planning on moving again. If so, she was definitely going to try to stop her. She could tell Clint was fuming beside her.

She had almost fallen asleep when she heard a door open followed by some very light steps. She knew it wasn't the kids. They couldn't be quiet or discreet even if their life depended on it. Laura slipped out of bed and just caught a glimpse of some red hair when she got out the door. She could tell Natasha wasn't planning to leave the house. If so, she would have jumped out the window, which she had occasionally done by the way. Laura spent her time closing the door to her own bedroom as well as the kids trying to prevent any of them waking up before following her downstairs.

When Laura finally got down and walked into the living room Natasha had seated herself on the sofa under the window looking out into the dark. She had wet hair and was dressed in what seemed like one of Laura's sweater and sweatpants she had borrowed to her months ago.

"Hi." Laura tried carefully. Even just by the light from the moon, she could tell Natasha was white as snow.

"Do you want to tell what is going on?" She tried again moving over to Natasha who continued to look out the window.

"No" Natasha answered simply refusing to meet her eyes. Laura leaned closer to her trying to look closer at her face. Other than looking like a ghost the woman looked even more tired now. And her eyes were upset. Not mad, but sad.

"Can you at least tell me if you are planning on sleeping. Or if you have slept recently. Are you hurt or sick? You don't have to mention… that. Just tell me how you are feeling. Please." Laura moved her hand under Natasha's chin. Even if she had just showered her skin was cold to the touch. She slowly guided Natasha's head to face her and Natasha finally looked into the eyes.

"I… I am fine." Laura looked at her again, making sure to swiftly check her temperature on her forehead and study her head and face from any bruises or cuts. Natasha didn't give her more, and she forced her eyes to look away from Laura. It stung seeing her so upset. It really did.

"Okay. I guess we'll talk about it tomorrow?" Laura said finally let go of Natasha who immediately turned her head away from her again. She didn't get an answer. She didn't know if she was expecting to. All Laura could do was leave her alone and hope she would go to bed soon.

Laura woke up with the feeling of really having to pee. She had only been pregnant for a few weeks and somehow her bladder had already stopped working. Not an ideal situation at all. It was only 5:30, meaning she had gotten like 5 hours of sleep. In other words, a lot less than she had hoped for, but it was no point in going back to bed. She would not fall asleep, and even if she somehow did, she would get like one hour before she needed to wake up anyway.

Deciding to let Clint sleep she threw on a random hoodie before she slipped out of the room and closed the door carefully behind her. The first thing she noticed was Natasha's wide-open door. Laura couldn't help but let out a small sigh before she sneaked down the stairs, careful not to make any sounds in case the kids were awake. They had an alarm who changed to the colour green when it was okay to move out of the room in the morning, but if they heard any of the parents move around before that light turned on, they had a tendency to ignore it.

Laura walked into the living room to find Natasha sleeping in a chair. Laura felt her heart sink as her eyes landed on the sleeping woman. She was pale, and there was no hiding the fact that she had been crying herself to sleep. Trails of dried tears down her face framed a concerned face. Laura couldn't remember the last time she saw Natasha crying. It had to be years ago.

Beside her on the small table, it was an empty mug with residue of honey of milk, meaning Natasha had been desperate enough to try to get herself to sleep the same way she often had tried with the kid. A desperate attempt but at least it had worked. Sort of.

Laura was debating with herself to either leave her alone or tuck her in with a blanket when Natasha started to move around. Restlessly she watched her starting to kick around and Laura felt herself get pulled towards the other woman.

"Hi Talia," Laura said sinking beside the chair. Natasha opened her eyes slowly. Laura waved at her to move. Ignoring the fact that the two of them would barely fit in the chair Laura slipped in and let Natasha lean her head on her chest. She curled up into a small ball, and Laura was seriously amazed that the two of them didn't fall out of the chair.

"Sleep was that bad?" Laura said with a small laugh as Natasha curled up on her arms.

"I have a headache." Natasha only mumbled into the fabric of her hoodie.

"Maybe get some water then," Laura suggested with a soft voice. She could feel Natasha nod, but none of them moved. Both of them only taking in the moment. Laura could smell Natasha's vanilla scented conditioner from her freshly washed hair. Soft waves in her hair with that natural shine she always had. Her new colour was a beautifully saturated ginger colour. Somewhat redder than orange.

"You know the kids will be down in like 30 minutes, right," Laura said in a low voice as Natasha let out a heavy sigh.

"If you want anything for your head and need some rest, I would suggest a bedroom. You don't have to go upstairs you can always use the guestroom ." Laura nudged the redhead carefully before untangling herself. Natasha grunted and looked at her with two annoyed eyes.

"I'll meet you there with some water and a box of Tylenol, okay?" She didn't give her room to reply. Laura walked out of the living room to give her some space while she went to hunt down those painkillers. By the time she got to the guestroom, Natasha had curled up on top of the bed and cover. Laura handed her the box and water and watched Natasha move over to swallow two while letting Laura into the bed.

The next 26 minutes of peace was spent slowly massaging Natasha's temple while listening to her heavy breathing. She could feel Natasha fight both sleep and pain. She knew when the kids came down, she had to go back to focusing on being a mother for them and not care for Natasha. She also knew that was what Natasha wanted from her. Because even though the kids would survive without her ordering them to do everything and throwing them out the door, Natasha would never want her to ignore them to say with her.

Natasha had almost fallen asleep when Laura heard the kids run downstairs. She immediately felt bad when she moved Natasha from her lap. Natasha let out a loud cough followed by a moan before curling up into a ball. Laura could only shake her head before moving out of the room, hoping the kids wouldn't see where she was coming from to give Natasha some space.

Laura and Clint both tried to play it cool that morning, not that they were successful at all. Both of the kids asked where their aunt was five hundred times before they gave up. Laura was working on way too little sleep already, so she could feel her patient running low real fast. Thankfully Clint stepped into the leading role and steered everyone in kinda the right direction.

After a very long breakfast, and way too many questions Clint pushed the kids out the door. The chilly February wind required some more clothes than planned, but after digging around, and becoming even more late than normal, all three got out the door at some point. Laura wasn't very fan of winter or the cold, so she was more than thankful when Clint had offered to take them to school.

She was tired and in a slightly annoyed mood when Clint left the kids, and while she loved Natasha and wanted nothing more than cuddle with her or Clint right now, her annoyed mood would not be fair on Natasha. So instead of going into her room, Laura decided the couch was an okay second option. Laura woke up from her nap when Clint carefully shook her a few hours later. Since it was already so 12, she was guessing he had either run a few errands or let her sleep in, both equally possible. He had a small smile on his face as he helped Laura up from the couch.

"Sleep well?" Clint asked with a low voice kissing her softly. Laura could only nod as she deepened the kiss leaning into him. She could feel his hands trail down her body and on her stomach, slowly stroking over where the bum soon would grow.

"We need to talk to Natasha," Laura said slowly as she pulled away from the kiss. Clint nodded at her with a serious look.

"How is she? I noticed she wasn't in her room." Clint looked at her. He seemed concerned. Not very surprising.

"Not great. She cried herself to sleep. And she woke up with a headache." Laura started carefully.

"A lot can cause a headache, though not every much makes the Black Widow cry. How do you know she cried? " Clint added. Laura nodded in agreement.

"Clint, I could literally see trails of tears down her face... It's worrying." Clint looked at her before grabbing her arm. He pulled her up on her feet before dragging her to the guestroom. Clearly, he wanted to get it over with now. Laura wasn't sure if this was the best approach though she didn't protest when he knocked on the door and pushed it open.

Laura was not surprised to see Natasha turned away from the door and curled up. But she was surprised to see Natasha had turned around completely and was leaning on the foot end of the bed, head resting up against the metal bars.

"Tasha?" Clint asked with a surprised voice, clearly also confused about the way she was laying.

"Please go away." Natasha's voice was forced and tired. She didn't turn around or move.

"No, Natasha. I know you don't feel great, but you did a pretty drastic thing yesterday. You ran out the door and away from us when you found out Laura is pregnant, and we need to know why." Right to the point. Wow, Clint.

"What he means, Talia is that I am worried. He is… Clint, so I guess kinda worried. And I need to know where you stand. I need to know what's wrong, if something is wrong." Laura cut Clint off moving away from the door and up to Natasha. She sank down beside the bed and looked at her, waiting for her to look back at her. She watched Clint walk around the bed as well and up behind her.

"Natasha," Clint warned.

They watched her shift before opening her eyes and slowly moving to a sitting position. Her eyes were red. It looked like she had been crying again. Even more worrying.

She looked at the two of them before she closed her eyes.

"I…" Laura watched as she stuttered over her words. Trying to take a deep breath.

"We… we need you back in the field."

Laura almost fainted as Natasha finished her sentence. She didn't know why it cut so deep, but it did. It really hit hard, and it was awful. Shock, anger, confusion. All of the emotions she could possibly come up with just crashed into her.

"Natasha...!" Laura could hear Clint growl behind her.

"I found the scepter. They are pulling everyone into this." Natasha turned her head away, and Laura could tell she was doing everything to keep herself together. "I came from a mission. In Sokovia. I found a HYDRA base. The scepter is in it." Natasha's voice cracked.

"I am not going. I promised Laura I wouldn't." Clint was angry. Laura could tell. Maybe he was being unreasonable, or maybe Natasha was the one overreacting. Either way, Natasha seemed to be filled with emotion she couldn't or wouldn't control. Her voice was weak as she tried to counter him. Trying to get him to listen to her.

"Clint, please - "

"No, Natasha. I am serious this time. I can't do it. - "

"Clint, I nee - "

"I said, No."

"We need you Cl - "

"I PROMISED HER NATASHA."

"Clint STOP PLEASE." Laura looked at them as they yelled back and forth. But like Clint, she got surprised by Natasha's cry. She looked at him with pain-filled eyes.

"Clint, I need you, please." For the first time, Clint shut his mouth and slowly moved over to his partner.

"I can't do it, Clint. I need you." Natasha's head fell on his shoulder as she let out a small sob. Surprising Laura when she stopped holding back the tears, letting them fall.

"We need you. I need you. We can't do this without you." Natasha looked up at the two of them trying to force herself to stop crying.

"Tony wants spies to try to keep the element of surprise. Maria's contract doesn't allow her to join us, and I can't do it alone. I almost failed my last mission, Clint. I could barely stand. Do you understand how fucking hard the last months have been on me? OF COURSE, I don't want you in the field if it wasn't absolutely necessary. But Clint…" Natasha bit her lip as she looked at him. When he didn't reply Natasha turned away again.

"Natasha I… I am so sorry." Clint tried. But his failed attempt only made her move away from him, turning around completely before curling up again with her head in the pillow. The conversation had ended, and the redhead had no plans on starting the topic once more.

Laura saw no other option than to push Clint out the room.

"Are you trying to make it worse?!" Laura hissed the second she closed the door behind them.

"How was I supposed to know she felt that way?" Clint mumbled back with a low voice, guiding Laura away.

"Well for starter she ran until she more or less collapsed last night so…" Laura answered annoyed.

"She didn't actually faint… right?" Clint turned around as they walked into the living room.

"Not that I know of but judging by the colour of her face last night she could've. Listen, Clint. I don't know what is going on with her. But whatever it is, she is hurt, and she needs us both to work with her here. Maybe we should talk to Maria?" Laura looked at him with a serious look.

"Yeah. I guess you're right. I'm sorry, Laur." Clint said falling down on a chair with a sigh.

"Not really me who you should apologize to." Laura handed him his phone with a small smile.

"Call Maria. See what's happening. Maybe she knows what happened to Nat. I take anything at this point." Clint only nodded before slowly dialing in the number. They both could Natasha's and Maria's number by heart at this point, taking no chances.

It took only one ring before the woman picked up.

 _"_ _Please say Natasha is with the two of you."_ Laura stopped in her tracks when she saw Maria's concerned face pop up.

"She is," Clint answered shortly.

 _"_ _How is she? She hasn't given me any details after she left Sokovia four days ago."_ Laura let out a small sigh. She wasn't surprised. She really wasn't.

"She could've been better," Laura answered softly.

"I think she is sleeping. Or she might be crying. Or twisting somebody's head off. Honestly, I don't know anymore." Clint added with a sarcastic voice.

"How is this helping? How are you helping?!" Laura hissed at him with an angry voice.

 _"_ _Okay, what is going on?"_ Laura watched as Maria leaned forward on her desk as if she was moving closer to them. She looked at them like a Laura looked at the kids when she was about to correct them on something

"Laura is pregnant," Clint mumbled looking at the former SHIELD leader. Laura watched as the woman opened her mouth to say something but closed it fast.

"We wanted to invite her to tell her our self, but yesterday she just came walking through the door. And I mean you have met Lila." Clint continued. Maria only nodded slowly. Laura could tell she was thinking. Plotting what to say now. How to handle this situation.

 _"_ _Natasha told you we need you?"_ Maria finally said, looking at Clint. He could only nod. _"I am so sorry, Clint, and Laura. You know how much I would love to say we don't need you and you can just stay home, but we really do need you. The whole team does."_

"Not to be disrespectful, but why?" Laura said after letting Maria finish her sentence.

 _"_ _Well we don't want Clint or Natasha close to the scepter, but Clint has been… ermm… has some knowledge and might have some important impute. But we also need everyone on this case to even out the big field. This is a big base according to Natasha. Not far from the town itself. We are pulling everyone into this one. Including the Hulk."_ Laura turned to Clint who looked just as surprised. Bruce or _the Hulk_ was the only one of the Avengers who hadn't been seen out on the field. They knew he was working a lot behind the scenes and they probably had sent him out without the media seeing it. But the Hulk had a big risk factor.

"I am not saying I won't go - "Clint started

 _"_ _Don't have a choice."_ Maria cut him off with a strict voice.

"BUT when are we needed?" Clint cut in again. Maria only rolled her eyes before saying.

 _"_ _A few days? A week? I don't know. Not right now. Stark and Rogers are working on a plan now. I was going to put Natasha in a small house arrest anyways, but since she already is at yours, I guess that will do."_ Maria answered looking between the two of them.

"Do you know what happened to her, in Sokovia I mean?" Laura tries carefully. Maria turned her head and her eyes softened. She looked at her and shook her head slowly.

 _"_ _Not much. I only got a mission report. But…"_ Maria trailed off when Clint started moving around. _"Is this somehow not interesting to you?"_ Laura turned around just as Clint was about to walk out the door for the living room.

"I need some air." He only mumbled before throwing his bow over his shoulder and walked out the front door.

"I am sorry for… him?" Laura said with a frown.

 _"_ _Did I just witness your husband walking out of you while your wife is in another room crying?"_ Laura laughed softly at the comment before nodding. She knew Maria was joking but that was a very accurate description of how Laura felt.

"Yup. This day is awesome." Maria laughed back with a smile.

_"_ _As I was saying, Natasha didn't say much. She might just have been tired as far as I know. I don't think she is in the best mood. Pepper has been working a lot. And so is she so they rarely see each other -"_

"They haven't broken up?!" Laura interrupted, earning a glare from the woman.

 _"_ _No. But it has made a tear on their relationship I'm sure."_ Laura nodded slowly. It made sense why she was so emotional then. " _How is she on your end?"_ Maria asked.

"Tired. Emotional. Angry. I think she is starting to get sick. She didn't seem to be in the best shape yesterday, even before Lila let it slip."

 _"_ _And she just didn't react, well did she?"_ Laura shook her head no.

"Awful. She just walked out the door and disappeared for four hours. When she came back, she didn't want to talk to any of us. I found her sleeping in a chair the next morning. She had cried herself to sleep." Laura looked at Maria who only looked at her back not saying anything.

"I don't know why she reacted so badly. Like I knew she was scared when we announced Lila, but she is an amazing aunt." Laura said with a sigh. She watched Maria tilted her head like the answer was right in front of her. Like it was obvious.

 _"Laura, it is_ _because of Barton. She didn't really have a saying in whether he was needed or not. Steve just announced it when she was on her way back home. Three? Days ago? If she isn't feeling great, she might be scared she won't be able to protect him the same way as before. And not to scare you or anything but this is a serious mission and the pressure is on if she knows you're pregnant. And it's not like she has anyone except me and you two to talk to as an outlet. Her priority has always been to protect him out in the field. She does everything in her power to protect her team, but if she doesn't feel well, and the added pressure of you alone expecting. That's a recipe for disaster."_ It was Laura's turn to only look at the other woman. She hadn't thought about it like that before. But she had a point. Natasha had always been there for Clint when they were out working. She had always made sure she took the blow. But Laura knew that came with a price, and even when Natasha was on the top of her game she always came home with cuts and bruises. But if Natasha couldn't protect them the same way anymore, it would have some consequences. What they were Laura didn't know, but whatever it was it wouldn't be out pretty.

 _"_ _Just make sure she rests up. I don't want her sick. Help her if she needs it. We cannot have a broken Natasha. Honestly, I think Steve might kill me if we do._ " Maria said with a jokingly tone. Laura nodded. While Maria never said so if the order were clear. get her back on her feet. Or I send Captain America after your ass.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the support, it means a lot. I love writing and I love this fanfic. Ah, I don't want it to end! (but it will it's so close to the ending as well! :((( oh well...)
> 
> Also, guys. I don't speak Italian so like don't kill me ay.
> 
> Short note this time. As always, I hope you have an awesome day, make it a great week, and we'll talk in the next chapter.
> 
> S-B

The first thing Laura did when the call ended was to walk to the guest room, and the first thing she did when she entered was to turn around and walk back out again. The room was freezing cold. Not that surprising considering nobody used it, so they never tuned in the heater on. But why in the name of God was the window open as well.

Natasha was laying on top of the duvet as she had a tendency to do but her small body was still shivering even in her sleep. Laura half jogged to her bedroom to get her hot water bottle grabbing one of the wool blankets from her chair as well.

After closing the window and a fair bit of messing around with the blanket and bottle Laura finally found a position that would keep Natasha warm but also not annoy her. Laura laid down beside her curling herself around the sleeping woman. She was surprised the former spy didn't wake up. She was a really light sleeper and a hot water bottle against her skin would probably have earned Laura a hard punch to the gut a few years prior.

Deciding not to wonder anymore Laura curled up beside the woman soon falling into a deep sleep.

Laura woke up freezing cold. She had no idea how long she had slept but she was shaking uncontrollably. Turning around to find Natasha's side of the bed wasn't surprising, a bit disappointing, but this was Natasha. Of course.

Guessing by the slight dusk outside it was around 5pm. But it was quiet in the house. No sound or footsteps to be heard. The kids couldn't be home because if they were, she would have heard them by now.

Laura slowly made her way out of the room and headed towards the living room looking for any sign of life on the way. Laura stopped in the hallway when her eyes fell on a note taped to the front door.

_Taking the kids to see a movie after school. Eating out after. – Clint_

Okay, so that explained the missing kids and husband then. She really wasn't that surprised. Sure, it was kinda weird getting left behind, but Clint had made it very clear he was struggling to process everything that had happened. Laura had of course not taken the events today lightly either, but she wasn't the one that had been forced back to a killer warzone. And maybe she should be more nervous than she was. Her husband would be leaving soon, but at the same time, she knew worrying wouldn't help any of them.

Laura took the note off the door with a small chuckle. Clint's handwriting was awful. It always had been. It was messy and almost unreadable for anyone that wasn't Phil, Natasha or herself. God, it was just so bad. She really hoped both Lila and Cooper wouldn't take after his father on this one.

Laura continued walking into the dark living room and kitchen area. Another note caught her eye. Unlike Clint, Natasha had placed hers a lot more tactical. Laura could have easily walked past the note on the door without really thinking about it. But Natacha's note was just beside her phone which of course was guaranteed to get spotted. And unlike Clint, Natasha's handwriting was very readable. It was perfect if anything. Cursive, but not so cursive it was hard to read.

_4:15/Out running. – Nat_

Of course, Natasha would write down the time. Was it something this woman didn't think about? Laura pressed the home button on her phone. That was one hour ago.

Not feeling like making any dinner from scratch Laura decided to get some leftover lasagna, purposely taking a piece out of the freezer she knew she wouldn't finish alone so she could give some to Natasha if she were hungry when she came back. This was one of Laura's best batches ever, so eating this alone on a Friday night was just depressing.

Since it was Friday Laura knew Clint wouldn't be rushing to get home. The kid's bedtime was around 8 and 9 if they succeeded in getting them to bed, meaning Clint would probably not be home before 7.

What Laura really wanted was a glass of red wine and curl up watching TV, but that was out of the question for very obvious reason. Instead, she was being good eating a pretty good portion of food before reading up on some light research. She had thought about going back to work, but now that they were getting a third that was not a possibility anymore. Or at least not now.

Laura was in a deep train of thought when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She almost, _almost_ screamed.

"Holy shit, Natasha. What the hell was that?!" Laura struggled to get her breath under control as she looked into Natasha's green eyes.

"What happened to your nice censored language?" Natasha said with a small laugh.

"The kids aren't here." Laura only mumbled back looking angrily her with her hand over her chest. Her heart was racing like crazy. She hated it when they snuck up on her like that. Clint wasn't as successful anymore and most of the time Laura caught him, but Natasha was like a cat. She made almost no sound normally, and if she wanted to sneak up on you every element was completely erased. Still, Laura had gotten better at controlling herself when she did occasionally get snuck upon.

"You're cold," Laura stated taking Natasha's hand into her own.

"I'm fine." Natasha only answered back, already pushing her away. Laura gave her a disapproving look making Natasha look away for a brief second.

"Where did you get the running clothes?" Laura looked at the woman not recognizing them. Natasha had never really moved any of her clothes over, and when she moved to the tower, she took the few items she had left at theirs with her.

"They are yours." Natasha simply answered. Laura frowned.

"They are?" Natasha let out a soft laugh before nodding. After looking at each other for a long minute Natasha opened her mouth again saying. "I need to take a shower."

"Okay," Laura answered slowly watching the other woman.

"After we can watch a movie on Netflix or something?" It wasn't really a question as much as it was a statement. Laura only nodded as she looked after the other woman when she walked out of the room. Okay then, guess that was the plan now.

After some more reading on her tablet, Laura decided it was time to move to Natasha's bedroom. Even if Natasha wasn't done with her shower, she knew she wouldn't mind Laura being the neighboring room. She grabbed the leftover dinner and a glass of water before making her way upstairs.

Just as Laura walked into the room Natasha opened the door to the bathroom. She was wrapped in a towel with her hair on top of her head in a messy bun. She smiled softly at Laura while she walked past her and out of the bedroom. Laura ignored the fact that she knew Natasha was currently looking through her closet for some clothes to steal. Instead, she only walked over to the bed and waited for the redhead to join her. She didn't mind waiting, she was in the middle of a really interesting article about how the hormones worked and changed while being pregnant.

"HOW DO YOU KEEP DOING THAT?!" Laura jumped in her seat when she felt Natasha lean over her. How had the woman not only snuck up on her twice today but into the bed without her noticing?

"I wasn't even trying." Natasha laughed making Laura blush.

"Here," Laura pushed the plate onto Natasha who laughed loudly at her annoyed face.

"Thanks, Laur," Natasha said with a soft voice. Her eyes were shining happily, and Laura couldn't help but smile. The tense and awkward feelings were long gone, and it slowly felt more like normal. Natasha was calm and relaxed beside her. The annoyed, angry and emotional woman was gone and was replaced with a happy girl. It was nice to have her home.

Laura woke up in Natasha's room the next morning. The redhead was sleeping soundly beside her. Laura spent a moment just to look at her best friend. Her face was relaxed and calm. Nothing like the tense worried face she had worn yesterday. They had spent most of the evening and night talking and joking around. Clint had shown no sign of wanting to join in, but Laura knew he preferred to work out his feeling alone, so she didn't bother him too much.

Knowing the second she moved out of the bed Natasha would wake up; Laura chose to lay in the bed on her phone for a little while to see if Natasha woke up by herself soon. She did. Five minutes later two green eyes were staring at her. They seemed slightly more blank than normal, already making Laura worried.

"Hi," Natasha said with a soft voice and a small smile. The woman flinched when Laura closed the distance placing a hand on her chin and forehead. Maybe she was being overdramatic, but she took no chances. She didn't want to get Maria after her.

"I just woke up, calm down, Laura," Natasha said with a small laughter and Laura continued to feel after a temperature.

"Hang on." Laura only said. She could hear Natasha protest as she left the room, hunting for the thermometer. It took her five minutes to find what she was looking for, but Natasha had been good and stayed in bed. Laura watched Natasha rolled her eyes as she pushed the thermometer into her mouth, but the redhead knew better than to refuse, opening her mouth obediently.

Still, with her mouth closed, Natasha grabbed her phone and started scrolling through something. Laura watched her carefully waiting for results. Around five minutes later she took the thermometer out of the spy's mouth looking at it with a frown. She squinted looking at to see if she was seeing right poking it lightly as if that would do anything.

"99.4" she turned to the redhead who shrugged not even looking at her or the thermostat.

"I have an above-average temperature" Natasha answered uninterested still looking at her phone.

"Natasha this is a fever." Laura countered trying to get the woman to take her seriously, which she certainly did not do right now.

"I do. It is in my journal and everything." Natasha continued.

"Point three is a high average, Nat." Laura looked at her seriously.

"I'm fine." Natasha tried. Laura didn't believe her for a second.

"Prove it," Laura said crossing her arms over her chest.

"Laur are you actually..." One look from Laura and Natasha stopped mid-sentence. "Okay how." Natasha rolled her eyes dramatically.

"By eating breakfast with me. The kids are having a playdate with Annie's kids at 9:30 today. And I will buy you breakfast. Eat it and I'll let it slide." Laura knew she was really pushing her now. Both of them were light eaters in general. On a good day, Natasha still ate very minimally in the morning.

"Okay," Natasha said slowly. Laura could tell she was debating with herself. But if instead of showing it too much she just pushed herself off the bed.

Two hours later and both Laura, the kids and Natasha dressed they were ready to go. The kids had eaten some food and were now ready to get out some energy with Lucie and Caspar. Clint was still showing signs of needing to be alone which both women respected. The only time when one of them said anything to him not related to the kids where when Natasha hooked her chin over this shoulder and corrected him on some math he had done wrong while he was constructing a new arrow.

"See." Laura could see Natasha draw something in the paper scribbling over Clint's notes. She wasn't rude but simply showing him how to do and changing the wrong answer. Clint had only mumbled a thank you back, but she saw him smile after Natasha when she turned her back to him.

After that they had somehow pushed Lila and Cooper into the car, both bursting with energy. Natasha had insisted on driving. Or more accurately taken the keys out of Laura's hand and glared at her which really only had made her giggle. The kids were buckled in the back seat, ready to go.

Natasha had only been at Annie's once but seemed to remember her way. It took them 15 minutes before they pulled up to the house, already finding Annie and the kids outside enjoying the nice February morning. Natasha parked the blue pickup truck left for the house, and the second the car had stopped the two kids flew out of the car.

Knowing better than to expect to just continue driving Natasha looked at Laura with a small sigh before opening the door and followed the kids. Laura smiled softly at that before jumping out after her. The kids were already in the middle of some important play giving the adults no attention at all.

Annie was fast on moving over to the two of them dragging Natasha into a hug. Laura could tell Natasha was uncomfortable even if she didn't show it. Last time they had seen each other Natasha had been lying on their kitchen table unconscious so she could understand where she was coming from.

"Hello, Natasha. Laura." Annie said looking at the two of them hugging Laura softly. Laura hugged her back smiling. Natasha tactically moved two steps back, now standing a few inches behind Laura.

"What are you two doing today? We can make a small brunch if you are hungry." Annie's voice was warm and welcoming. Laura was not surprised Annie offered to make them some food and invite them inside, but she was surprised when Natasha stepped up and was the one to answer.

"Actually, we are heading to town. Laura is taking me on a date." She smiled back reflecting Annie's soft tone. Laura nodded in confirmation, tossing Natasha a small smile.

"That sounds lovely." Annie smiled at her before turning to Laura. "I have that book you wanted to borrow if you want it now." Laura nodded and started to follow Annie towards the hose when they got interrupted by a phone staring to go off. Laura turned around to see Natasha fish her phone off from her pocket. Laura watched as the woman's face lit up in a bright smile before saying.

"I need to take this, go ahead." Natasha was fast to move away from them moving over to a stump a few feet away. Laura had a small idea of what that phone call was but chose not to comment on it. Instead, she and Annie watched her walk away in silence before they turned their attention back to the house.

"Why is she back? I thought you said she was working?" Annie said as she guided Laura into the house. Her tone was surprised and curious, which was understandable. Natasha was an interesting person for sure, and Laura could never shut her mouth when it came to talking up the other woman.

"She was. She showed up at our house yesterday. I planned on inviting her over anyways but didn't think this was the right time." Laura admitted. Annie nodded before moving around looking at the many bookshelf's they had looking carefully at the big selection.

"Well, it was nice seeing her again. Last time wasn't exactly ideal." Annie turned around to her ending up only a few inches away from the shorter woman. "And as I said, I like her, but it is kinda hard to get a grip on her." Annie continued before handing her the book. Laura could only nod looking down at the floor. She could tell the taller woman was looking at her now.

"Laura, why do you look like a guilty puppy who just did something bad?" Annie's voice was strict. Was this how she sounded when she scolded Natasha?

"Nothing." Laura only mumbled heading back towards the door trying to ignore the topic, knowing it wouldn't work.

"Not telling me something. What is it? Something about Natasha?" Annie pushed. Laura only shook her head still walking. She could hear Annie follow her.

"The kids? Clint? Are you sick? Are one of them sick? Is she moving again? Is it something about Lila? Cooper? Somebody else? A family member? Another family member? Dog? Cat? Horse?" Laura abruptly stopped in her tracks by the mentioning of another family member. Annie caught up moving in front of Laura blocking her path.

"What? Dog? Cat?" Laura only shook her head. She didn't know why this happened, and why she felt so extremely guilty. She hadn't done anything wrong? She was fine yesterday but now she felt ridiculously guilty and it was killing her. "Lila? Cooper? Natasha?" Laura continued to shake her head. "But something about your family." Laura nodded weakly.

"Oh my god, Laura are you pregnant?!" How Annie guessed it she had no idea, so Laura could only nod before Annie dragged her into a big hug.

"How far?" Annie said pulling back looking at her with a big smile.

"Three or four weeks. I don't know yet." Laura almost whimpered feeling the guilt eat her up.

"Okay, what's wrong?" Annie said dragging Laura into the dining room pushing her down on a chair before gabbing a chair of her own.

"Natasha found out by mistake. She didn't take it very well." Laura mumbled still with her head down.

"By mistake?" Annie echoed.

"Lila told her," Laura whispered.

"Honey you need to be a bit more specific because right now I'm not following. Why this is so bad? How did she react?" Laura looked up at her again before taking a deep breath.

"She walked out on us." Laura started. Annie opened her mouth but soon closed it again.

"She was gone for 4 hours. When she came back, she rejected us twice. I found her on the couch the next morning. Sick after crying herself to sleep." Annie's face had softened, and she looked Laura with a small nod.

"Okay. Not great. But why did she react so badly? I mean clearly, she is very loved by your kids. I mean she is counted as their aunt." Laura let out a sigh. Now the hard part.

"Clint is asked back on the field." She paused and watched as Annie's eyes widened. "And Natasha is scared she will fail to protect him and lose him in the next mission." Laura blurted out. _Fuck_. She really hoped none of the kids or Natasha heard her.

"What?!" Annie looked at her shocked.

"I mean that's what we think at least. Last time I was pregnant Natasha took close to all of his missions. Alone. Even the once they would normally take together, she had to do alone. I mean it was partly her choice, and of course, their boss agreed. She even chipped in a few times. And we are talking missions that take weeks to get through, not like small easy things. She got shot straight through her body in one of them. And Clint was the one that was originally asked to do that one. HE WOULD HAVE DIED!" Laura didn't mean to raise her voice, and it came out a lot louder and angrier than she was planning to. Still, Annie took it like a champion not even reacting when Laura yelled out the last part.

Laura took a deep breath before slowly continuing.

"Now everyone is getting called in. But Natasha isn't well. She is sick and needs time to heal which she doesn't give herself. Her boss thinks it might be the guilt that's talking." Annie only nodded back, and Laura could see she was struggling to take it all in. Which was fair because Laura herself was struggling to understand and she was there in the middle of this whole mess.

"How sick?" Annie finally asked. Laura was surprised that was her first question, but it was no reason not to answer.

"Fever today. She doesn't want to admit it. I am testing her now seeing how her appetite is." Annie nodded again.

"Do you… I mean… Is it possible…" Laura looked at her confused, not sure where she was going with this one. Annie let out a sigh before saying. "Do you think it can happen? That you'll lose one of them?"

"I don't know." Laura lowered her voice. "Natasha is excellent in the field and Clint has always kept his distance. And to be honest I haven't seen him bruised once after Natasha started working with him. But like Maria, there I guess former boss, said"

"Holographic head?" Annie chipped in. Laura nodded.

"She mentioned that Natasha's priority is to make sure he is fine. I am just scared that will cost her." Laura finally finished.

"You're scared she'll take the bullet?" Laura nodded.

"She has already done it once. Literally jumping in front of him and pushing herself and the guy trying to kill her into a room more or less ready to die. Nothing keeps her from doing it again. Except most of their missions after that were more _Natasha does something crazy like to get them out of whatever is happening._ She always plots out a plan. Jumping in front of him is more instinct base. But as we all know, nobody's head is very functional when they are sick. I don't know what do believe anymore." Laura let out another sigh and looked at Annie who smiled softly at her.

"Feel better?" She asked and Laura nodded back.

"I do. Thank you." Lura whispered letting Annie hug her.

"It's going to be fine Laura. I just know it." Laura looked at her with a defeated smile. She guessed she was right. She hoped so at least.

Laura and Annie finally got outside again. Laura hoped Natisha wasn't waiting for her. Turns out she wasn't. She was still on her phone listening to the other person. She had a soft smile on her face looking out at nothing with two dreamy eyes, clearly not very present. Which was very unlike her.

Laura could tell Annie had noticed Natasha's dreamy face as well.

"I think she is talking to her girlfriend," Laura whispered not turning to Annie as that would make it too obvious, they were talking about Natasha.

"I saw a picture of her and Pepper Potts recently," Annie whispered back.

"Mhm. They have been on and off for a few years. But I mean look at her, she could have been married to the woman based on the look on her face. Do not tell her I said that." Laura hissed with a soft laughter. Annie only giggled back.

After five minutes of watching the kids and Natasha, but mostly Natasha, Laura locked eyes with the redhead. She watched as Natasha opened her moth saying something into the phone before hanging up and making her way over to the mom.

"Ready to go?" Natasha asked with a soft voice as she looked around after Lila and Cooper.

"Yes. I wanted to say goodbye to the kids but it doesn't seem like they care too much about their mother anyways." Natasha laughed at that before nodding. She looked at her with a slightly mischievous look before putting two of her fingers in her mouth blowing a sharp and ridiculously loud whistle. Laura watched as all four planted their feet on the ground coming to an almost immediate halt looking at the former spy.

"We're leaving. Wanna give us a hug or something?" Natasha kneeled down as Lila threw herself in her aunt's arms. Cooper walked more controlled over to the two of them giving Laura a hug while saying.

"Have a good day mommy." Laura leaned into the hug and mumbled back.

"You too kid."

Unlike her brother, Lila didn't care that much about Laura and more or less walked away from her before Laura dragged her into her arms.

"You two have a great day. And if you aren't the one picking up the kids, it was nice seeing you again." Annie said with a sweet voice hugging Natasha fast before looking at Laura with a small smile.

"Thank you, Annie. And nice to see you too." Natasha smiled at her before turning to the car with Laura right behind her.

Natasha and Laura spent a good 20 minutes just walking around in the small town looking at places to eat. When Laura asked what she wanted Natasha had only shrugged. Of course, Natasha was a very polite human, and she was never the one to push her own wishes onto Laura. But Laura definitely did not think Natasha not saying anything was a good sign.

"Is that one new?" Natasha pointed at a small building on the other side of the street. It wasn't a question really. Laura was very aware that the woman knew the small town back and forth and could probably maneuver around through the streets better than Laura could.

"Oh yeah. It is like a restaurant place, but you can also pick out and taste wine." Laura answered turning around facing the redhead.

"Have you been there before?" Natasha asked tilting her head slightly looking at the restaurant.

"No, but it has pretty good reviews I believe. Do you want to try it out?" Natasha nodded with a soft smile leading the way towards the restaurant. It was a small place, with maybe 20 tables in various sizes. It was around the 5 other pairs currently seated around in the room. What really caught both if their eyes were the big bar in the back of the room. On the wall behind it were countless wines and Champaign bottles.

"Hi and welcome to almanaccare" Both Laura and Natasha moved their head by the awful Italian accent. The young woman in front of them looked at the two before smiling softly.

"If you want a table for two just follow me." Natasha was the first one to move following the young waitress. The blond handed them two menus before disappearing out of Laura's sight.

"At least they could learn to pronounce almanaccare correctly," Natasha said with a low voice. Laura laughed at the spy. She was very aware that Natasha was fluent in Italian like she was. And she had to agree that it was quite awful.

The second they sat down Natasha threw Laura the car keys with a mischievous look in her eyes. Laura almost didn't catch them making Natasha laugh even more. She could only roll her eyes before she dropped them into the bag, giving Natasha a very disapproving look.

They spent a good 15 minutes looking through the menu. It was a lot of the normal traditional dishes from mid-Europe. She was guessing it was because of the wine culture there. She was mostly interested in the sandwiches herself, feeling like more of some light lunch like food. She looked up to ask Natasha what she wanted just to find Natasha stare into nothing. Her eyes were blank, and she was clearly lost in her head.

"Erm. Nat?" Laura tried. Natasha shook her head before turning her attention to Laura.

"I was just thinking about buying Pepper a wine," Natasha said with a slightly distanced voice.

"Mhm." Laura was not convinced.

"Are you two ready to order?" Laura got interrupted in her thoughts when the waitress walked up to the table.

"Yes, could I get a Cesar salad, please," Natasha answered turning to the woman. Her voice was soft and warm.

"Yes, of course, anything to drink?" Laura watched the woman scribble down on her notepad.

"Just water please," Natasha answered with a smile. Her voice seemed slightly off, but Laura had no idea why.

"And for you?" The blond turned to her.

"Could I get the chicken sandwich and water please," Laura answered handing her the menu. The woman nodded before finishing writing on her paper.

"While you wait for the food you are more than welcome to look at our wines." The woman was looking directly at Laura and she couldn't help but feel a bit uncomfortable under her eyes. Natasha did not seem very impressed by her, but either way, she smiled and looked at Laura with a small nod.

Laura knew nothing about wine. So, when Natasha walked up to the bar to look at the never-ending list of the wine Laura was fast to fall out of what was happening around her. She heard the young waitress say something about a crémant and a year but other than that she had no idea what was happening at all.

Wine for Laura was literally, red, white or had bobbles. And either it was good, or it was not. Occasionally Natasha would gift her a nice wine, and she had somehow figured out what kind of wine she liked because she always seemed to gift the tastiest bottles, even if Laura herself didn't know what she liked.

"Yeah, I'll take it." Laura lifted her head when she heard Natasha's voice. She looked at the woman who stared at Natasha for a second.

"Of course." The woman mumbled before leaving the two of them confused. Laura would see Natasha was ready to roll her eyes, but she didn't. 30 seconds later their waitress and another shorter and older waitress woman came up to them. This new personally smiled at them with a warm smile. Unlike the younger one, Laura felt a natural pull to this one. She was guessing this maybe was the shift leader or manager. The new woman looked at them before saying.

"Can we see your ID please." Both Laura and Natasha looked at them stunned. Laura was about to say something before Natasha answered sweetly.

"Of course." Laura watched as Natasha pulled out her wallet and scanned through it before pulling out a card. She smiled sweetly to the two women. They both looked at it before the smaller one nodded and handed it back.

"Thank you. Do you want to pay the wine with the bill or separate?" She said with a kind smile.

"Together. Thank you." Natasha answered before turning and started walking towards their table again. Laura threw one look at the two again. Their original waiter did not look very happy, while the older one seemed calm. Her smile had definitely been genuine.

"That was. Something." Laura said as she caught up to Natasha who had seated herself by the table. Natasha only laughed softly.

"Only missed you with like ten years." Laura gave her a small grimace. To her surprise, Natasha answered her.

"In realtà no" Laura lifted an eyebrow when Natasha's soft voice started to talk Italian.

"What do you mean with _actually no._ " Laura could feel her head go on autopilot as she answered in Italian. It was years since she had spoken Italian, but it really felt so natural. And it probably helped that Natasha's voice and accent were easy to understand. Instead of answering Natasha only handed her the ID card with a small smile.

"What is this." Laura continued to speak Italian in case she said something dumb now because she wasn't quite sure what she was looking at.

_California driver's license._

_Natalie Romanova_

_Born, 29.05.1990._

"I mean to be fair you look almost identical to when you were 25 so," Laura said with a small laugh. Natasha shrugged.

"Lo prendo come un complimento" Laura laughed at her. Natasha smiled softly before taking back the face ID. She did mean it though. Natasha didn't look like she had aged a day since she met her almost exactly 10 years ago. She had cut her hair short after a few years of knowing her, giving her a more grown-up look, but she had always looked very young. Even if she was in her thirties now.

"Isn't 29th of May Tony Stark's birthday. Swore I've read that somewhere." Laura switched to English again, knowing this really wasn't something to keep away from the waitress. Keeping up the foreign language was probably more suspicious.

"It is" Natasha confirmed seamlessly switching over as well.

The two of them kept a nice conversation while they waited for their food. As they waited a couple more joined them in the restaurant, making a nice atmosphere in the room.

By the time the food arrived Laura was starving. She hadn't eaten anything yet, and it was almost 11 now so the thought of some nice food was delightful. Natasha, on the other hand, did not seem very interested in her food, even if the salad looked really good. She only poked it with the fork eating the absolute minimum. It really didn't take much poking around before Laura was convinced the girl really indeed sick

After finishing eating, or more accurately, Laura finishing eating and Natasha poking the salad some more they were back on their feet on their way home. Natasha had tipped the young waitress very, _very_ , generously before they left. She had even left a few dollars at the bar for the other woman as well. Laura wasn't very surprised. Both Laura, Clint and Natasha were good tippers already, and truth be told, Natasha had more than enough money to cover most of her life already. Laura was well aware the small fortune she had to her name would all go to her kids one day, so she was happy Natasha wasn't holding back on the generously to the public service. Because while she was grateful Natasha was even considered giving her children even a penny of her heritage, giving the kids the amount of money she had was ridiculous.

Laura guided Natasha back to the car, surprised when Natasha gave no effort trying to talk Laura into her driving, instead she only slipped into the passage seat quietly.

Most of the ride back was quiet. Natasha seemed to be falling in and out of sleeping, and Laura was okay with that. If she was sick, she needed to rest if anything. And at least Natasha wasn't fighting it anymore.

When they got home Natasha immediately walked up to her room while Laura spent the rest of her day with Clint. Clint was done with moping around annoyed. Instead, the two of them just hung out together enjoying each other's company.

"How is Nat?" Clint asked with a soft voice as he prepared some light snacks for the two.

"Not sure to be honest," Laura answered truthfully. Clint nodded slowly.

"I've been thinking a lot about this mission." Clint turned to her and looked at her seriously. Laura felt the lump in her throat grow.

"Okay?" Laura said slowly as she took a seat at the kitchen table.

"And, I mean I don't really have a choice at this point, but I am going. And I need to talk you through this to make me be able to go through this." Laura only nodded as Clint slowly stroked her chin. "I talked to Maria; we aren't only looking at a one-time mission. This is… this is big. I… I know Natasha didn't go in-depth. And maybe she doesn't even know the whole story. But we are talking the biggest HYDRA base we have found yet." Laura turned away from him before mumbling.

"What does that mean Clint. What are you really saying here?" Clint turned her head towards him again looking at her seriously.

"I am saying, the odds of me just being gone for a day's aren't realistic Laura. They are pulling me in for weeks now. Even if none of them wants to say it out loud, this is a big one." Laura looked at him with a small nod before smiling softly.

"It's okay Clint. You know I support you." Clint nodded leaning into her kissing her softly.

"I support you in every aspect. They need you, and I am proud of you for stepping up, even if you are scared and worried about this." Clint dragged her into his arms kissing her deeply again.

"I love you," Clint mumbled into her neck.

"I love you too. And as long as you promise to come back with you and Natasha both whole AND update me once in a while, you can stay as long as you need." Laura purred softly.

"I promise."


	18. Chapter 18

"Natasha?! Where are you?" Clint yelled loudly as he turned the corner to the living room. Laura looked up from her book with a confused look.

"Where the fuck is that woman?" Clint mumbled walking into the kitchen with an annoyed look on his face.

"Well if she was in the kitchen, I would have told you. What's up?" Laura said with a soft laugher looking at her husband. Natasha had spent two days in bed, and none of the adults had bothered her too much. She had slept in and recovered from her illness. Laura didn't even know she was awake really. It didn't surprise her considering it was already 9:30, but she couldn't blame the woman if she wanted to stay in bed.

"I need her to look at the coat she gave me." Clint handed her a neatly-folded coat and Laura smiled softly. It had been a while since she had seen this one.

Laura slowly unfolded it before unzipping it and helping it on Clint. It was a very tight fit and she was not mad about it. She really, REALLY wasn't.

"Mhm. You look hot." Laura said before reaching after a kiss. She purred softly when Clint leaned into her. No kids in the house, no reason not to. Laura let out a small yelp as Clint slowly pushed her down on the floor. He looked at her with a small smug smile before he attacked her neck making her moan loudly.

"AHEM," A loud voice made Clint practically throw himself off her and Laura shooting up from the floor. "You scream after me and this is what I arrive to?" Natasha was leaning on the doorframe with her arms crossed over her chest. Conveniently she had her hair up in a tight bun, making her look a lot more serious and madder than what Laura guessed she really was. Laura was breathing heavily as she slowly collected herself.

"At least you had your pants on." Natasha scolded before passing them walking into the kitchen. While she sounded mad the smile in the corner of her mouth said otherwise. Laura looked at her with two guilty eyes, blushing uncontrollably. Of course, this was not the first time Natasha had walked in on them, but it didn't mean it was awkward, especially since they were lying on the floor, in the living room. Not that up against Natasha's bedroom door was any better, but that wasn't the point.

"Laura is hot, what can I say?" Clint said with a smug smile and a way to confident voice. Laura could only blush some more and turn around away from them when Natasha answered.

"That I can agree with." Laura hid her face in her hands feeling her cheeks burn. She could tell Clint and Natasha were laughing now. She slowly picked herself up from the floor before joining Clint and Natasha around the kitchen table. Natasha had a relaxed face and was sipping on a glass of water. Laura found herself looking at Natasha with a small smile and turned out Clint was doing the exact same. Natasha looked between then moving her eyebrows slightly.

"What?"

Laura smiled softly at her. Yes, they were both looking at her, but she personally didn't have much to say, she just like looking at the redhead because god it was really something mesmerizing with those kind eyes.

"I just wanted to talk about the jacket, but Laura made her statement so guess it doesn't need any changes, so nothing I guess," Clint said with a playful tone. He too was looking a bit dreamy, but Laura didn't know why. Natasha only rolled her eyes dramatically before turning to Laura with a small smile. "I just wanted it to be ready for when we leave, you know." Clint continued; this time not as happy.

"Soon," Natasha said with a low voice.

"Too soon," Laura replied slowly.

Natasha and Clint were scheduled to leave tomorrow evening after the kids' bedtime. Laura wasn't ready. She thought she was, but she wasn't. Yes, she was happy they were on the right track, maybe taking down HYDRA, but she was also selfish and wanting them to stay with her. The last few days Maria had sent them text and updates regarding the mission. And every time Laura got more and more scared. It was a challenging mission and Clint had said multiple times this was harder than normal. He had been really invested in all the updates and work Maria had sent them. He had even looked at his arrows and quiver a few extra times too.

Natasha, on the other hand, was very underprepared. Or so it seemed. The woman had been sick and had shown no interest in working with Clint on the weapon department. She had spent her days in bed sleeping and reading books, and Laura wasn't sure if that was a very good thing or a very bad thing. It could honestly be both.

"I love this." Natasha hummed closing her eyes. "No kids, no avengers, no Tony Stark. Honestly, that last one is a win for sure. Just peace and quiet." Laura laughed softly. She knew Natasha still thought Tony was a bit of a handful, and it was always fun listening to the mighty Natasha complaining about a guy.

"Yeah, good thing the kids will be home in a few hours and tomorrow we are back in the tower," Clint said with a grimace. Natasha let out a loud sigh.

"At least you can see Pepper?" Laura tried.

"Yeah. Maybe." Natasha only answered. She had a small sad smile on her face, still with her eyes closed. And Laura could feel her own hear sink as Natasha let out another small sigh.

"Well doesn't matter how much the tower will or will not suck, because you always have a place here Nat," Clint said with a small smile. When Natasha didn't reply Clint turned to Laura. Laura tilted her head slightly signalizing _"what are you doing ?!"_ before Clint sent her a mischievous look. "Especially when you have mini Nat to come home too."

Both Laura and Natasha looked at Clint with big eyes. Yes, they had talked about making Natasha the namesake of the new addition, but this was a surprise even to her. She didn't disagree though. She was more than happy to name the child after Natasha. Laura turned her head to look at Natasha, she didn't know what to expect as a reaction, the woman had clearly shown a few unexpected responses lately.

"Why?" Natasha only replied. Her voice was flat, and she showed absolutely no form of emotion. Making Laura wonder if this was a mistake.

"Well because why not. You are the kid's aunt as well as a close friend of ours. Plus, we have one on C and L, so we are missing an N anyways." Clint's said. Laura could hear the slight hesitation in his voice even if he tried to play it off.

"I'm not like you two though. I'm not their parent" Natasha's voice had softened a bit now but still Laura could see the other woman was uncomfortable.

"Nat. Calm down. We don't have to if you don't want to. But what he is saying is true. We love you and so does the kids. And maybe you don't see it, but what you have done for us this family, we owe you so much." Laura tried. Natasha only nodded slowly looking down on her own hands.

"Okay Natasha, what is wrong?" Clint's voice turned into his dad's voice as he looked at her with a questionable look.

"I… I don't know. I mean thank you, it is an honor. I guess I just don't really get why." Natasha tried with a small smile. Laura could only shake her head before she moved over to take a seat on the chair beside Natasha

"Because we love you, and because we think you are an amazing role model, and you deserve it. Honestly, the list goes on and on." Laura looked at her with a smile. She placed her hand under Natasha's chin and made her look at her. Natasha smiled at her before she leaned into her hand purring softly.

"Little Natasha hu?" Natasha said before looking at where the baby bump soon would be tilting her head.

"Does have a nice ring to it doesn't it?" Clint said before punching Natasha's arm softly.

"Yeah. Yeah, it kinda does."

Clearly, the mission did not go as planned. Laura didn't really know what the mission was, or what the plan entailed, but she was positive it didn't include Clint getting shot. After a few weeks of prior Clint had texted her saying they were finally flying over to Sokovia. The next thing she got was a phone call from Natasha.

" _Laura, I promise he is going to be fine, please calm down."_ If it had been anyone other than Natasha on the other end of the line, Laura would have screamed at them. Like it could have been Nick Fury and she still would have spit in their face in anger and annoyance. Even with Laura more or less scolding Natasha over the phone Natasha was still very calm and Laura was very thankful even if she didn't come across as so.

"Literally the one thing I wished from you two as to get both of you back, whole and well, and somehow he still lost part of his body to a gun and bunker. So no, I will not calm down. You can come home, right now, and then maybe I will, Natasha." Laura knew she was being really unreasonable, but she didn't care. She was angry and sad. She was alone in the house with two kids and pregnant with their third, with the two remaining family members out in an actual warzone.

" _Laura, I promise, I won't let anything happen to him -."_ Natasha tried for the second time before she got cut off again.

"Yeah, because that worked great didn't it." Laura regretted it the second it slipped out. She could hear Natasha sigh on the other end. Great now she hurt her right after screaming at her. Wonderful Laura.

" _You know what, forget it, Laura, I am sorry."_ Laura could tell she was just about to give up and hang up on her.

"Wait. No hang on. I'm sorry Nat. I didn't mean to yell at you" Laura hurried to say trying to stop her.

" _Okay"_ she could hear the hesitation in Natasha's voice. She was probably scared Laura would yell at her again. Which was a fair point, really. She knew how much Natasha hated conflict with her. Already at their first meeting, Natasha had shown she rater wanted to give up than argue with her.

Laura hadn't planned a reply. She wasn't even sure if she expected Natasha to continue to talk.

"Just… I'm sorry Natasha. I'm scared and worried. You to being out in the field again. I just don't want anything to happen." Laura tried. She sounded like such a child.

" _I know, Laura, but I don't think yelling at me will help with that. Just please try to calm down. After the party this weekend I'm sure we get a few days off, maybe even Clint can go home for good. It is going to be fine."_ This was exactly why Natasha was so much mature than her. While Laura very rarely let stuff get to her, sometimes she did, and she snapped. Natasha on the other hand never let her anger out on anyone else like this, and if she ever raised her voice to make a point, she would soon lower it.

"Okay." Laura only whispered back.

Natasha spent the next hour just trying to calm her down. Clint was still on the operating table or whatever it was. And while Natasha had spent a good hour with him already, creating new tissue wasn't something that happened over a few minutes.

" _So, how is the pregnancy? Feeling okay?"_ Natasha's voice was soft on the other end as she changed the subject.

"Fine. Some morning sickness but it seems to be alright, nothing I can't handle." Laura said with a small laugh.

" _Morning sickness?"_ Natasha echoed. Laura could sense the worry in her voice, and she was surprised Natasha didn't know about this.

"Yeah, it is completely normal, don't worry," Laura said reassuringly. "Right now, I don't feel like I can eat anything without it coming back up again. But like I said, that is normal. Every pregnancy is different, I just need to take one step at the time."

" _Okay… When is your next appointment?"_ Natasha said with a thoughtful voice still with a bit of hesitation.

"In three weeks or so? Had one just before you left, remember?"

" _Three weeks? That seems long."_ Natasha whispered back.

"Well, the first 28 weeks is only every month. It's fine Nat." Laura said. She wished she could see Natasha instead of talking over the phone, but she knew they couldn't use the video chat with the same freedom when she was in the tower. Especially when everyone was around like now. Still, she wanted to see her, to try to calm the surprisingly unknowable woman. She would have thought Natasha had somewhat more knowledge considering she knew close to everything of everything.

" _ **YEAH? Okay, I'll be there, hang on.**_ _I need to go now Laura; I'll get Clint to text you. Talk to you soon."_ Natasha said fast. Laura could only nod and whisper back.

"Okay, please do. See you soon? Promise?"

" _I'll do my absolute best."_

What really happened, Laura didn't know. In fact, she had no idea what was happening because Clint, Natasha, and Maria were awful at giving her any sorts of updates. At the start, the news was the only place she got any sorts of information, but come on, everyone knew most of what was on the news was just bullshit.

As she understood it, the Avengers were now in hiding. Ultron had attacked late March in their little party gathering. One of the problems with fighting a robot was catching him. Well, it was a lot of other problems others than that too, but Ultron's main way of doing anything was moving through the web, meaning he could be anywhere at any time. He was originally an AI, so him being a robot was just a bonus.

They didn't know where Ultron was. He appeared everywhere, but at the same time nowhere. He didn't physically walk into a room; he was just in the internet. In every system there was. Not a great start to say at least. Because how were they supposed to catch something they couldn't actually physically catch right.

Laura just had to face it, this pregnancy she would be alone. She couldn't expect Natasha or Clint to be able to come home any time soon. Maybe Natasha could let Clint off for a few days, but what would their excuse be this time? In the eyes of the Avengers Laura, Cooper and Lila didn't exist so she couldn't just say he was with his family.

Laura was just about to go to bed when she heard a vibration coming from her phone on her nightstand. She was too tired to even look at the display. And she was sure Natasha and Clint both would have yelled at her if they saw how carelessly she picked up the phone while dumping down on her bed.

"Hello?" Laura said followed by a small yawn, guard down.

" _Laura?"_ Laura's face immediately lit up in a smile when she heard the very familiar voice.

"Natasha, oh my gosh." Laura let out a small laugh and she could practically feel the smile widen even more if that was even possible.

" _You texted me, wanting me to call you?"_ Natasha's voice was soft, and she could hear the slight hesitation in the other's woman's voice. It was cute. _"If it is too late, we can talk tomorrow_?" Natasha hurried to add, just making Laura laugh even more.

"Nat, calm down, this is perfect, please calm down." Laura giggled again when she heard Natasha let out a sigh of relief. "I can start by saying HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Laura didn't let her answer with one of her, _but I don't want to disturb_ answers. Instead, she kept going, giving no room for Natasha's insecurity to increase.

" _Thank you_ " Natasha answered with a soft voice and Laura seriously wished she could see her face.

"Are you with anyone? Or are anyone around?"

" _Eh, no? Why?"_ Natasha's was clearly confused, but Laura didn't even bother to reply before she pushed a few buttons before Natasha's face was floating in her room. Natasha could only smile at her. A soft kind smile before she waved at her. The woman was in her living room sitting on her sofa, and Laura could see the beautiful view of New York behind her.

"How was your day, tell me everything," Laura said with a happy voice. She watched Natasha think for a second before saying

" _It was nice. I didn't really tell anyone, but somehow they all found out."_ She replied with a small laugh.

"Wait, none of them knew?" Laura said with a surprised tone.

" _You know I don't really care, Laur."_ Laura could only roll her eyes at that very dumb comment.

"Well everyone else cares." Natasha only huffed, making Laura laugh again.

" _ANYWAYS, Steve took me out for breakfast, and then Clint came running into the common room with everyone there, yelling about my birthday and his gift. So that is how they found out, I guess."_ Natasha smiled at her but rolled her eyes dramatically when she mentioned Clint, making Laura laugh loudly. She really hoped she didn't wake up the kids.

"Steve knew? Since he took you out for breakfast I mean?" Laura asked after processing what she had just said.

" _Yeah, I told him after one of our missions. He wanted us to get to know each other better. It was really nice actually. He is such a nice guy, honestly."_ Natasha said with a small smile.

"Okay, what happened when Clint ran into everybody then," Laura said with a small smile.

" _Well he started talking about this present he got me, not the one from all of you, by the way, the record player, really beautiful Laura. Its already in my room. But he also bought me his own separate one."_ Natasha continues with a warm smile.

"What was it?" Judging by Natasha's tone she was not impressed. It couldn't be another knife set right?

" _A decanter, he was very proud_." Laura laughed by Natasha's unimpressed face.

"Okay, what else?" Laura said after shaking off her laugher.

" _Well, Stark decided he now had to make a gift. So, he dragged Banner down to the lab and spent most of the day there."_ Natasha said rolling her eyes for maybe the tenth time this call.

"And he made…?" Laura pushed, not letting Natasha stop now.

" _Some electrified batons. They are actually pretty fun, but Stark doesn't need to know that."_ Natasha said with a smirk before winking at Laura. Laura could only laugh at Natasha's silly behavior.

"That… really doesn't surprise me." Laura said while trying to kill the laughter. "What about your girlfriend then?" Laura said with a wink. Maybe she was pushing her luck, but she wanted to know. Pepper didn't seem like the woman who let Natasha's birthday pass without doing something.

" _Well, mostly she was just mad at me for not telling me."_ Natasha started before she got interrupted by Laura exclaiming.

"You didn't tell Pepper?!" Laura said in disbelief. What was wrong with this woman.

" _Well no, but I mean I brought her a gift a few years back for her birthday she got annoyed at me because she didn't think it is necessary. And we have really only been in the same country or together when it is her birthday, so I don't know. Guess it never really slipped my mind."_ Natasha said lowering her head like she understood she was guilty.

"You Natasha Romanoff are hopeless sometimes," Laura said with a small laugh, making sure Natasha didn't actually think she meant it.

"But the way you are blushing and looking right now, I am guessing the two of you also did, a little something?" Natasha turned away from her before she laughed and nodded.

" _Yeah, she took me out for a walk on the high lane before we ate at Chelsea Market, it was wonderful Laura,"_ Natasha said with a dreamy voice.

"I can only imagen. Sounds like your type of date, not to fancy and not making a big fuss of something I personally think is kind of a big deal but whatever." Natasha laughed at her silly comment but nodded.

" _Exactly. It is really no need to make a big fuss over a date."_

"It is your birthday Nat," Laura said with a soft voice. "It is okay to just enjoy your day for once, let people celebrate you for just one day." Natasha looked at her, and Laura could tell she disagreed but chose to smile at her with a soft smile.

" _I guess so."_ Natasha only answered. _"So, when was last time Clint called you?"_

"Eh, last time he bragged about me not being able to feel the difference between him and… him?" Laura said with an unsure voice. Natasha laughed before smiling mischievously.

" _My god let me fill you in Laura because a lot of stuff has happened"_

The next month and a bit were challenging. While Natasha and Clint tried to update her, it was hard. They were working nonstop, and Laura could tell it was starting to get to Natasha. Ultron wasn't directly hiding from them it seemed. It was more that the Avengers didn't want to start anything if they weren't sure they could control it.

But even if it was hard for Laura to be on the sideline watching all this happen, her life still had to go on. She had two kids and was pregnant. She couldn't just drop everything because her husband was out on the field. She was on week 20 now. Doctors' appointments were lined up, and shopping for the baby was now a must. It was no stopping now. This baby was very much happening and demanding lots of attention.

While she loved her hospital, the nurses and her doctor, she hated all the looks she got from everyone. All the questions about where the father was and so on. Thankfully she had the same nurse and doctor she had with Lila, so they did have some knowledge. Of course, then it had been Natasha who had been absent but still, they knew her life situation was… different from normal. She liked them, and they were way passed asking about the rest of the family. If anything, it was Laura who mentioned it first and they were very understanding. Which she really needed.

Even when she was shopping, she felt everyone stare at her. She tried to do most of the shopping when the kids were in school, but Lila had asked to go and look at baby clothes with Laura after school and she didn't really have a reason to say no. She liked to involve the bigger kids, especially now their dad had been gone for so long it was a nice way to spend time together.

But of course, a pregnant mother and two kids shopping without a father gave them some unwanted attention, and she could tell the kids were noticing it too. They had of course done nothing wrong and didn't understand either. She felt bad for them, she really did.

The bump was really showing now, and she had just found out the gender of the baby. The appointment had gone very smoothly, and everything seemed to be fine with the baby. The only downside was the result of the gender.

" _How was the appointment?"_ Clint's voice was soft as he talked to her. It had been a while since they talked, and Clint was very clearly more eager to talk about the baby than the mission, which she got.

"Fine. Dr. Manning is great…" Laura trailed.

" _But?"_ Clint pushed.

"It's a boy." Laura could hear Clint swear under his breath. Course they knew it had been a bit early to tell Natasha she was going to be the namesake before they knew the gender, but come on, it was a fifty, fifty chance, why couldn't just the world give it to them.

" _So clearly no baby Natasha,"_ Clint said with a sarcastic voice, almost making Laura laugh.

"No. We need something else, but I still want it to be obvious this is Natasha's namesake." Laura said with a soft voice.

" _Well, can we something that doesn't nick to Nat."_

"I guess we can, it is a lot more practical. What are you thinking?" Laura agreed slowly.

" _Idk Nate?"_

"So like Nathan?"

" _Ew, no."_

"CLINT. Don't say _ew_ "

" _Just my opinion."_

"That is so not helping."

" _Okay what about…"_ Clint's voice faded for a second and Laura could practically hear him thinking. _"Nathaniel."_

Laura stopped and let the name sink in. _Nathaniel_. It was nice. Of course, Natasha was a name they had a stronger connection to, but it wasn't bad. A good suggestion to say at least.

"This is nice. Does resemble Natasha. And I think it will work." Laura said slowly. "Speaking of the Natasha, how is it everything going?" Laura tried, not sure if she expected an answer.

" _Not great, we are still trying to figure out what his next move is. He is already in the internet and moving all over, we don't wanna leave the tower if we don't have to. It puts everyone at risk."_ Clint answered with a serious voice.

"But you have been in hiding for months now, surely he has been doing something."

" _He has, we have even seen him making a new "body" for himself."_

"So, can't you just like go there and shoot him and get it over with."

" _Not exactly, we don't want to put fire on innocent people in the crossfire, which will most possibly happen. And he is everywhere before we get away to cut him out of the internet. Which is right now impossible. So unless he actually does something that is really threatening we won't get back in the field in a while. We spend most of the days working on researching everyone and everything. We need to find out about Ultron and his allies. He is Stark's creation, so we just have to look into what fuckery he put into him."_ Clint explained. Most of the time when he tried to explain his missions Laura didn't understand, this was one of those times.

"I am not sure if I understand. But I believe in you." She could practically see Clint's upset face. She knew he was in a horrible mood. Nothing seemed to work so she did not blame him.

"Just promise me to update me once in a while. And bring Talia home so we can tell her soon?" Laura finally said. Clint let out a sigh before saying.

" _Yes, ma'am."_

Laura didn't get many updates after that, only one message saying they were flying to South Africa. That was their first move in a long time. Laura didn't know why they did so, but she did leave the TV on for most of that day to see if she could get some updates.

However, the updates she did get were not great. The Hulk was destroying everything. And by the time the news reached the state it had already been a while. Iron man was shown battling with him, and Laura was struggling to believe that green huge… thing…?... was a normal man. None of the other Avengers were seen at all, which was slightly worrying. But then again what could a normal person like Clint have done anyways. Sure, Thor could have knocked him out maybe, but that also had its risks. Whatever had happened was not good, that was for sure.

This, this situation, was bad for their name. Most of the world only sees what's right in front of them, and what had happened was Stark, and the Avengers destroying a down. And Hulk, who is supposed to be an ally, was the reason it happened. The world didn't question why it happened, like Laura. And they probably didn't connect it with Ultron. But Laura knew. She had seen this one time before with Natasha. When her name got blown up and she got forced to disappear from the world. Was this what would happen now.

She was confused and scared when she went to bed that Friday night. They could be anywhere; it was impossible to say. But it didn't matter, because she had the kids and a life she still had to push through with, like any other day. Waking up with two kids, making breakfast, doing dishes, clean up their toys and art supplies. Vacuum, do the laundry, look at the broken balustrade. She had things to do.

She had heard it but didn't think too much of it. An engine, it could have been anything, right. Ultron would not come and knock on her door for sure so whoever it was probably not harmful. Maybe she was naïve, but she had five million drawings floating in her kitchen to clean up. That was before she heard it, that was. His voice was clear and it was no question who it was when she saw him walking into the living room.

"Honey, I'm home."


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second to last guys! 
> 
> S-B

At first, she wasn't sure if she saw correctly. Was that Natasha? Clint was walking into the living room with his hand on his partner's shoulder. Laura's eyes immediately softened as she felt herself getting pulled towards her husband.

"Hi. Company. Sorry I didn't call ahead." Laura didn't bother giving him a real answer only letting out a "hi" kissing him softly before he wrapped his arms around her. While it was nice feeling him hugging her again, she couldn't help but hook her chin on his shoulder and look the team behind him. There they were, all five of them. Thor in his full-on god clothes, and Captain America in his uniform. He even had his shield on his back.

"This is an agent of some kind," Tony said with a low voice, both he and Bruce turned to Thor, while Natasha and Steve looked at Laura as she pulled away from Clint.

"Gentleman, this is Laura." Clint turned to his team and Laura let her eyes wander over the men in front of her.

"I know all your names," Laura said with a small laugh trying to lighten the very awkward mood. All of them looked at her. Bruce was for sure the most uncomfortable of the bunch. Laura wasn't surprised. Natasha had mentioned he could get quiet and awkward in front of new people. Tony and Thor looked more confused than anything as Tony waved at her with a twisted smile. Steve was on the more comfortable side smiling at her with a very charming smile. It surprised her that he seemed so calm, but she was happy not everything had to be awkward and weird all the time.

Even with all of them looking at her with all sorts of emotions it was Natasha who made her smile fade and brought her back to the harsh reality. The woman had a stressed an uncomfortable look in her eyes. And instead of her normal, proud, straight posture, her back was lowered, and it almost looked like she was in pain. It was nothing that was even remotely resembling her normal self.

Laura looked at a small, scared and vulnerable woman, and Laura could tell it was more than what met the eye. She didn't have the time to walk up to her before they heard footsteps running down the stairs and Clint pulled away from her. In some way, maybe it was a good thing, even if having the kids around the avengers would be a challenge.

"Ooh, incoming."

"Dad" Clint scoped Lila up in his arms before dragging Cooper into his arms.

"Hi, sweetheart. Hey, buddy! How you guys doing?" Laura smiled at Steve's confused look he looked like he wanted to comment on them, but not finding the right words. Tony watched them with a twisted look before finishing Steve's thought prosses and saying.

"These are...smaller agents." Clint ignored the comment instead of keeping on kissing the two kids, which just made Laura's heart so warm. It was something about watching them immediately go to their father and not gush over the avengers that really made her heart expand. Sure, it was very short lasted before the two of them actually noticed the rest of the team, but it was nice either way.

"Look at your face! Oh, my goodness!" Laura watched Clint carefully put Lila down, who immediately asked.

"Did you bring Auntie Nat?" Surprised she asked for her aunt and not her ciliary crush Laura turned to the redhead and watched Natasha lift her head up with a half-smile.

"Why don't you hug her and find out?" It was extremely forced, Laura could tell, still, Natasha picked the girl up. Even it only was an act for Lila, it worked. Even Steve bought it, and Laura watched him smile at the cute interaction before he turned to her.

"Sorry for barging in on you." Laura could only smile at him and his cute little worried face before she walked over to Clint who wrapped an arm around her.

"Yeah, we would have called ahead, but we were busy having no idea that you existed." Laura smiled at Tony's sarcastic comment them turning to Clint.

"Yeah, well, Fury helped me set this up when I joined. He kept it off SHIELD's files, I'd like to keep it that way. I figure it's a good place to lay low." He explained. Laura's eyes met Natasha's for a second before the redhead threw Bruce a very guilty look. Interesting. It really wasn't something she should feel guilty of hiding right. Unless it was something between them?

Deciding she needed to talk to the other woman, Laura let go of Clint and let him move away before Natasha walked over to her.

"Honey." She whispered as she hugged her. She could tell Natasha was holding back, but not pulling away right away. Maybe it was because the team was around?"

"Ah, I missed you." She pulled back Laura looked at Natasha with a soft smile. She looked extremely tired, but she still gave Laura a smile before she reached over to the very much bigger baby bump. It had been weeks since the last time she saw her. Around 23 to be exact. So, the bump had definitely increased in size.

"How's little Natasha, huh?" She gently held around her stomach and looked down at her soon to be nephew. Laura was slightly surprised she was so hands-on since she hadn't been a fan before. That was also why she felt even more guilty now having to tell her about the gender.

"She's…Nathaniel." Laura gave her a small grimace. This was not the way she wanted to tell Natasha at all. She knew she had to tell at her at one point, but she didn't imagen doing so in front of the avengers where Natasha was forced to keep quiet and not able to respond. Instead of answering her Natasha leaned down to the bump before saying.

"Traitor"

Laura didn't really know what she expected from the team, though this wasn't it. The team seemed tense and none of the nice family-like vibe she had imagined. Whatever had happened was not good that was for sure.

Natasha had kept close to her side most of the day. Thor disappeared early on, and after Laura and Clint had shown them where they could drop off their things the guys spread out to clean up.

Laura followed Clint to do the same, as they walked into their bedroom Laura noticed Natasha slip into her room with her head down. The woman had helped her clean up in the kitchen before, but she had been distant and watching her every move. Clint was the only one of the team that didn't seem to have lost their head completely. He actually seemed to be fine. The rest of the team, not quite.

"See, you worried for nothing. Can't even feel the difference, can you?" Laura inspected Clint's side carefully letting her hand drag over his skin. While it didn't seem too bad it did seem slightly off. Still, she didn't want to have this conversation right now, so she ignored it only saying.

"If they're sleeping here, some of them are gonna have to double up," Laura says straitening his shirt.

"Yeah, that's not gonna sell." Clint laugh. Why he did so she didn't know, they only have two other guestrooms and the second living room which had the big couch. They didn't have on room for each of them, that was a fact.

"What about Nat and Dr. Banner? That seems, odd?" Laura walked after Clint as he entered their wardrobe.

"Wait what? What seems odd" Laura could only roll her eyes and laugh.

"You are so oblivious."

"Nat and...and Banner? What are you talking about?" Laura let out a small sigh the same time he let out a huff.

"I'll explain when you're older, Hawkeye." If Clint didn't know she didn't want to bring it up. Natasha had looked guilty, and she had seen Bruce look at her. But why she didn't know. She refused to believe it was something between them, she refused to believe Natasha would ever cheat. But it was something. And whatever it was, it made Natasha stressed and maybe more unreasonable than what she would have been. Even if something had happened to the team.

"Oh. Okay." Clint said, letting it go of the subject.

"It's bad, right? Nat seems really shaken." Laura looked at him with a serious look. He let out a sigh before answering.

"Ultron has these allies, these uh, kids, they're punks really. They carry a big damn stick and Nat took a serious hit. Someone's gonna have to teach 'em some manners." Laura looked at him as he talked. He seemed very upset, but she didn't quite understand what these "kids" did. She didn't know what these "kids" were either. He was obviously talking in metaphors, but that was impossible to understand from her perspective. She followed him to the window as she slowly responded to him.

"And that someone being you. You know I totally support your avenging; I couldn't be prouder. But I see those guys, those Gods"

"You don't think they need me." He cuts her off. She looked at Steve and Tony who were outside, chopping would as if the tree had tried to kill them. Driven by anger and frustration, she could tell. She paused for a second before slowly saying.

"I think they do. Which is a lot scarier. They're a mess." He let out a light breath before saying.

"Yeah. I guess they're my mess." He doesn't look at her, but out the window instead. She slowly lets her hand glide through his hair as she follows his gaze.

"You need to be sure that this team is really a team and that they have your back. Things are changing for us. In a few month's time, you and I are gonna be outnumbered. I need...just be sure." She almost whispers the last part.

"Yes, ma'am" Clint leaned into her and kissed her deeply, and Laura felt him relax around her kissing her softly on her forehead. Laura looked at him with a small smile before she slipped a hand under his shirt and let her hand glide over his wounded side.

"I can feel the difference." Clint laughed at her. It was so nice to have him home, even if it wasn't the best situation.

"I am going to check up on Nat, okay? You go to your kids; I am sure they would love some attention from you." Laura said with a smile. Clint only nodded before he disappeared out of the room. Laura followed him soon out of the room to see if Natasha was in her own room.

She wanted to excuse herself for throwing literally all the toys into her room while she was gone. She knew Natasha didn't really mind, but it was her safe space in the house, and she could at least give her the offer to move them if she wanted to.

"You're not a threat to me." Laura stopped just outside the door when she heard Natasha's broken voice. It cracked as if she was crying, and she could tell she wasn't very far from doing so.

"You sure? Even if I didn't just...there's no future with me. I can't ever...I can't have this, kids, do the math, I physically can't." It was Bruce, but what were they talking about. Kids? Why? Was there actually something between the two of them? Laura slowly moved towards the door while still making sure they couldn't see her. She knew it was wrong to eardrop, but this, this she wouldn't let pass if it was the case. She loved Natasha, and she never would think the woman would ever betray Pepper, but god it really sounded like it right now.

"Neither can I." Natasha's voice was filled with pain and emotion.

"In the Red Room, where I was trained, where I was raised, um, they have a graduation ceremony. They sterilize you. It's efficient. One less thing to worry about. The one thing that might matter more than a mission. It makes everything easier. Even killing. You still think you're the only monster on the team?" Laura almost let out as sound before slapping her hand over her mouth. Natasha was sterilized?!

"Natasha…" Laura's head was spinning as he heard Bruce's voice for the second time. Her head was struggling to focus on the voice, still trying to prosses what the redhead just said. It was Natasha's voice again that made her head finally land back down.

"Bruce. What happens, happens, but this shouldn't stop you… I am going to take a shower." Natasha's voice turned from sad to harsh and Bruce struggled to find his words.

"The water… the water is cold."

"No shit"

Laura was speechless as she slowly made her way downstairs, hoping to dear god she wouldn't run into anyone. Natasha was sterilized. Not sterile but she was _sterilized_. Forced on her without her consent. And Laura had literally pushed her pregnancy in her face. God this was horrible. No wonder why she was so new to all off this, her only experience she had had in the field was Laura. Because clearly, she had not had any sex ed in the red room.

She felt awful. She really did. She had asked if she wanted kids for crying out loud. But she would never have that choice. She couldn't physically get any biological children even if she wanted to. Of course, she could adopt, but she couldn't ever get pregnant if she wanted. The red room was evil. They took away something that NOBODY should ever decide for you. Of course, you are allowed not wanting children. Pregnancy is a choice. But it is you who decides, not a fucking mad person.

Did Clint know? Surely, he did? They had known each other for forever, and he knew a lot more about the red room than Laura did. She had to talk to Natasha about it. But what if she got mad? She hates when the kid's eardrop, but still. Fuck.

Laura almost jumped into the table when she saw Nick Fury leaning on her fireplace looking at her like her kids looked at the dinner when Laura had made something they didn't want.

"Holy shit," Laura mumbled. She had been so lost in her own head she hadn't taken any notes of her surroundings. And how does one miss a Nick Fury? How was that even possible?

"I thought the best friend of the world's former best spy and assassin was less jumpy." Nick moved over to her and Laura couldn't help her small smile as the taller man made his way over the floor.

"Well, I was kinda in my own world. I didn't expect some of the world's most powerful humans in my house today. It is nice seeing you again." Laura said looking at the man. He had on a small hat and blazer, but a lot less "SHIELD powerhouse" look. It made sense considering SHIELD doesn't exist and such. Still, she expected somewhat more of a "powerful man" vibe, and not the "I try to be a cool dad" vibe. It was really… odd.

"I need to check up on the kindergarten once and a while. Do you have a place I can talk to Stark alone?" Carefully making his way towards her kitchen careful not to step on any toys. Laura nodded slowly. Of course, he came because of the team. What else.

"Yeah. The old farm is pretty secluded. I'll send him there." Laura knew better than to stutter over her words. Instead, she tried to keep her voice as calm and normal as possible as Natasha had taught her. Nick only nodded at her before he disappeared out the back door. Laura let out a small sigh. Guess she was doing this now. Yay spies and all that right?

The guys were outside. Clint was working with the kids, while Steve and Tony who desperately needed to get off some steam were currently chopping some of the extreme amounts they had left. Steve had changed out of his uniform and into some more training like clothes and Tony had cleaned the cut on his face. But even after this small make up both were wearing the same mask of pain and distress. It was no hiding the fact that whatever had happened had still a powerful effect.

Laura walked slowly over to them trying not to be rude but also not seem to be listening to their conversation. She needed to break into the conversation, she just didn't know how. She could hear Steve say something with an annoyed voice.

"… someone tries to win a war before it starts, innocent people die. Every time." Tony only looked at Steve and deciding the mood couldn't possibly get much worse now Laura slipped into the conversation.

"I'm sorry. Mr. Stark, uh, Clint said you wouldn't mind, but, our tractor, it doesn't seem to want to start at all. I thought maybe you might..." She looked at Tony with a small helpless look. It felt like a really good performance, and maybe she shouldn't be proud of that, but at least she had learned something from the master liar herself, Natasha.

Tony cut her off before she finished her sentence.

"I'll give her a kick." He looked between the two before he let out a sigh and turns around. "Don't take from my pile."

She had no idea what had happened in the farm, and she honestly didn't care that much. Nick and Tony had walked out of it about 20 minutes later, but by then Laura was already in the making of dinner.

She thought dinner with the Avengers and the kids would be awful, but it turned out to be really nice. All of them laid off talking about work, and they were so nice to the kids. Of course, Lila had the biggest crush on Captain America and asked at least 200 questions, but could she blame her? Cooper was very fascinated by Iron man, but Laura had a small suspicion he thought Tony's dry and sarcastic humor was a small turn off, so he spent much of his time talking with Bruce. Bruce was a smart man, but also seemed like somebody who didn't get to bothered with kids, and really took his time to answer all of Cooper's questions. It was really nice actually.

Natasha was surprisingly the bigger outsider of the bunch. She seemed to be lost in her head most of the time. The woman was distant and hard to talk to, not even keeping a real conversation with Laura even if Laura really tried to involve her. Her voice was a bit raspy and sick sounding. She even paired her dinner with tea. Which earned a very confused look from all of them. From Laura because Natasha always just stuck with water, and the team because they probably didn't think of her as a tea person in general.

Laura didn't know what to do or think. Natasha didn't wasn't to talk to her, but Laura knew they had to. She knew it would drive her crazy if she at least didn't tell her she knew. They didn't have to talk about everything, but she wanted to be honest with the agent. But Natasha never let her, and the dinner kept going without even coming close to talking to the woman.

The guys were real troopers though. She really didn't expect them all to be so nice and welcoming with the kids. Even after dinner the adults still played with the kids, and Laura ended up talking to Steve while Tony and Bruce were on the floor with a Lego set with Cooper, both adults _very_ fascinated by all the pieces.

"So, you've known her for a while?" Steve nodded at Natasha who had Lila on her lap and was helping her paint a picture.

"Ten years. When Clint decided to spare her life." Laura said with a small smile. Steve nodded at her, and to her surprise, his eyes too softened while he watched Natasha. Laura knew Steve and Natasha had had quite a few missions together, and they were probably pretty close. He had been the only one who knew her birthday after all.

What the two of them had was something real. Laura knew Natasha trusted the whole team, but she could tell the two of them, Steve and Natasha, was way past trust at this point. Steve looked at her with a serious look.

"I did have a hard time trusting her at the start. But nothing, and I mean nothing, will ever make me turn around on her now. Doesn't matter if we have different opinions on anything, she will always do what is right at the moment. You are very lucky to have such a great role model for your kids." Laura looked at the man and he smiled softly. She could only nod under his eyes. He was right, she was very lucky. And she was happy Natasha finally had another family, who also saw how amazing she really was.

"I am, but I also want to say, you guys are lucky she knows me because I am the one who taught her to cook," Laura said with a joking voice.

"Wait, she can cook?" Steve turned and looked at her with almost disbelief. Laura only laughed before saying.

"You have no idea."

Laura still hadn't had time to pull Natasha out to talk to her. She wanted to, but she didn't want to put more pressure on her. The team was here, and she had clearly a lot on her mind. She had one opportunity where Natasha helped Lila in her pajamas. But she seemed so happy at the moment and she didn't want to ruin it, not now.

Natasha adored the kids, and she didn't want to take what she assumed a really short amount of time with the kids from either Clint or Natasha. They would be leaving soon. Tomorrow, or even tonight.

Laura spent the time watching the kids while talking to the other Avengers. Other than being superheroes they were all very nice. Tony had had the dries humor in the world, but he was actually a really nice man. Bruce was very careful on where he stepped. Very polite and down to earth, and Steve was just a real gentleman.

The whole team spent the evening in the living room, talking and entertain the kids. It wasn't before the kid's bedtime they finally started talking about work and the second they did, the whole atmosphere in the house changed.

"Ultron took you folks out of play to buy himself time. My contacts all say he's building something. The amount of Vibranium he made off with, I don't think it's just one thing." Laura watched Lila run over to her aunt to drop off her last painting. The kids were going to bed and the team was having their first meeting. Nick Fury had been good and kept all work-related conversations off the table until now even when one of the Avengers hinted at it. She was very thankful.

"What about Ultron himself?" She heard Steve as she pushed the kids out the door. The mood was cold and serious, and all of them had

"Ah. He's easy to track, he's everywhere." Laura walked the kids slowly upstairs. He is everywhere. It sounded so weird. No wonder why they had struggled so much. This wasn't one enemy, he so many in one. He created bigger robots, but they were all him. Even if they were smaller in size it was still as much of him in every single one. None of them could escape.

Laura walked slowly out of Cooper's room closing the door being her. The boy was allowed to lay in bed and read for a bit, she trusted him more than Lila at that one. Lila had to be read for, and Laura had to ask her to please lay down at least 20 times before she decided to lay still.

A soft knock on the door was heard just as she put down the book on Lila's nightstand. It was Natasha who pushed the door open. She had a soft look in her eyes as she slowly snuck in and smiled at them. Lila immediately tried to get out of bed, but Natasha didn't let her as she stopped her in her tracks.

"Flower, you need to go to bed," Natasha whispered softly into the girl's hair as she pushed her down on the pillow.

"Are you leaving?" Lila whispered back. Asking the one question Laura too wanted to ask. Natasha had been expecting the question clearly. She didn't seem faced or surprised, only nodding slightly before saying.

"Malyshka, I'll be back soon. And you have to take care of you, mommy, okay?" Natasha said with a smile hugging Lila tightly. Lila only nodded but held a tight grip on her jacket not letting the woman go. The redhead only laughed softly letting her hand glide over the child's face.

"Be good and go to bed now, please?" Lila nodded again with teary eyes before she let go and let her head hit the pillow. She didn't protest when Natasha moved from the bed, only turning her head to watch her aunt go. Natasha stood up and waved at Laura to follow. Laura did as she was told and followed the woman out of the room before she closed the door behind them.

"So, you guys are leaving now," Laura said with her head down. Natasha was leaning on Lila's door and nodded.

"We are. And I wanted to say a real goodbye, and not have everyone hanging on my shoulders whiles I did so." Natasha said opening her arms letting Laura walk into them. Laura sank into her arms and she could feel Natasha wrap them around her with a protective grip.

"So, what's the plan then?" Laura said as she pulled back. Natasha looked at her with a sad smile.

"You know the doctor who did that thing on Clint?" Laura nodded slowly.

"We think Ultron is using her. We need to find out if he does. And after that, we aren't sure." Natasha said with a quiet voice. Her head was down, and she was upset.

"Okay. I know it's no point in asking when you will be back, so just promise me you both will come home?" Laura said looking at the other woman with a sad smile. Natasha looked up at her one final time before saying.

"I will do my best to make sure he will," Natasha said with an almost guilty face.

"Nat," Laura warned stepping up to the woman and looked into her eyes.

"That's the best I can do."


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter guys!
> 
> But don't worry everyone I will start a new fanfiction in the same series which will cover things after age of Ultron. So much more like AU vibe. I was planning on starting that one ish now, but idk anymore. like we all know stuff is happening and it's kinda a lot to take in.
> 
> I am writing another fanfiction as well called Flying sky high. It is a crossover with agents of shield. I think it is fun and very similar to this one in a lot of ways. I do recommend looking at that one if you like this fanfic. Lots of Nat there as well!
> 
> Also, epilogue or like a tease to the sequel or whatever at the end. Very excited about that one, I think…?
> 
> Anyways, until the next fanfic, make it a great week and you will see me back. Very soon!
> 
> S-B

She wanted to cry. Tears of joy, relief, happiness. He was right there, whole, alive. With a small smile and his kind eyes. His strong arms wrapping around her like a protective blanket as he hugged her.

They spent the rest of the day, everyone together. The four of them just taking it all in. Laura couldn't describe the feeling of seeing him back again. Sure, they had done it so many times before, him being on a mission for a longer period of time. But this was his home their home. And without him, it just didn't feel right. Besides, it was different now than before. With two kids and soon a new addition, plus the promise of not going back.

She knew she didn't want to ever see him go out that door again, and maybe she was selfish, but she was allowed to be, just this once. And knowing that might come true now. It was all that mattered.

After the kids went to bed, they spent hours talking. He talked about Ultron and his plan. How two of their enemies had switched sides. How this young woman, Wanda had become an ally. How she had stepped up when it really mattered, how many similarities he saw in her and Natasha. And how they all had stepped up and taken him Ultron down.

But he also talked about the bad sides. How the city was destroyed and civilian casualties. How Natasha had been captured after he had lost her. And how a young man, Wanda's twin had lost his life to save Clint.

It was a lot to take in. And Laura only understood maybe 10% of what he was saying. So instead she only curled up under his arms and let him talk. She listened and nodded. Because maybe she wasn't a spy from SHIELD and didn't know how to take down a robot monster, but she could be a supportive wife and listen to her husband.

They spent the night together cuddling and talking before they fell asleep. When she woke up the next morning, she couldn't do anything but smile. Having Clint home was exactly what she needed. Soon they would have their new son, and she just wanted his daddy to be there.

The only thing missing was Natasha. They hadn't heard from her at all which of course was worrying Laura quite a lot. She knew she survived the whole Ultron episode, but she also knew how much the situation had affected her.

Clint had talked about the two kids that had helped them. Pietro had been fast, and that was why he was able to save him. He could move faster than most, plus he was extradentary strong due to the experiments. Also known as being able to move cars apparently...

She had telekinesis, could read minds, move things with her mind, manipulate minds. She… she could to things with her mind.

What she had done to them, all of them. She had created a vision that wasn't real. Interpreted the past to make up a new feared vision. None of them had told each other what it was about and what they saw. From her understanding, everything they had seen had had major conserveness afterward, deeply affecting all of them.

Laura had seen them at the farm when they had visited. They were so lost at that point. Meaning she had succeeded. She had scared them and put them off their game. Now Wanda was with them back in the tower with Natasha and the team. And while she probably didn't want to mean any harm there, surely it had to have some side effects.

Clint had been invited to join them as they were rebuilding the tower and moving things over to the new facilities. Without announcing it to the whole world the team had decided to move their HQ to outside the city. To get a new fresh start.

A new team was going to be created. Inviting both Sam and Wanda to join as well as trying to integrate Vision, the creation from Ultron, Banner, Stark, and Thor, they were starting over on a new canvas.

Things were changing for the better or worse. That was just to be expected. Laura knew it would happen, but this change seemed good for them all.

She was sitting in the kitchen reading the newspaper with Clint sitting on the opposing side of the table scanning his tablet. The kids were on the floor reading, and a comfortable silence fell over the house. It was two weeks since Clint came home. He had been restless and anxious the first few days and Laura just tried to spend her day with him as much as possible. The summer was coming to its end and in just under 35 days they were expected to bring a new child to the world.

Laura was deep in her thoughts when she noticed Clint staring at her. His eyes were soft and kind as he looked at her.

"What?" Laura said with a voice that reflected his kind look.

"Nothing, I was just thinking. About everything that has happened, and how lucky I am to have you." Laura smiled softly at him before reaching out for him.

"I am lucky to have…-" her sentence got cut off when they heard the front door open. Laura turned around the same time the kids lifted their heads from their books. They weren't excepting anyone and by habit, Laura could feel herself and her husband tens up by the sound.

"AUNTIE NAT!" Laura stood up the same time Lila flew up from the floor and sprinted out to the hall. She threw a surprised look at Clint before following her daughter.

Laura turned the corner to find Natasha kneeling down hugging Lila tightly before she smiled at Laura with a small smile. Laura let out a small sigh when she met eyes with her friend, thankful it was her and not somebody less welcome.

Natasha was dressed in a casual look with just a leather jacket a black top and a pair of jeans. Around her neck, she had her arrow necklace which she chose to bear quite often. She was tired Laura could tell from the lack of life in her eyes. And when she stood up and walked over to her Laura noticed a small limp.

"Hi, stranger," Laura said with a small laughter when Natasha pulled her into a hug with maybe a bit more force than necessary. Natasha laughed back softly.

"Hello to you too," Natasha said pulling back smiling at all of them. While she seemed tired, she was surprisingly chipper. She didn't ask for permission as she led them into the room and plopped down on a chair. Lila immediately crawled onto her lap and Cooper to a seat beside her before the redhead wrapped her arms around the boy.

"So, you were able to escape the mess back home?" Clint asked as he lifted a bottle of red wine. It was the middle of the day, but Natasha nodded at the bottle, and to be honest Laura could use a glass herself if she hadn't been pregnant.

"Yes. I told Steve I needed to clear my head. A lot is happening back there. With… Maxi… with the new recruits…" Natasha trailed as she accepted the glass trying to balance it in her hands without Lila knocking it over.

"You mean the girl with the power and the twin to the boy who saved dad?" Cooper asked looking at the woman. Laura could see both Natasha and Clint freeze for a second before Natasha nodded softly.

"Yes. Her name is Wanda." Natasha said with a soft voice. Natasha looked at Laura for a second and it felt like to was more to the look than just a look. "She is very nice. I think you would like her." Natasha added slowly. And Laura wasn't sure if it was aimed at the kids or her.

"Well, you are more than welcome to stay as long as you want. But you already knew that." Laura said with a small smile. Natasha nodded at her before they fell into a new conversation far away from any work like topics.

Laura watched Natasha play with the kids all day before Clint and Natasha disappeared into the kitchen for a very needed one on one conversation between them. Laura knew Clint had gone home the second they got the green light while Natasha had held back. While she was happy he did, she also knew he needed time to process everything. Usually, he did that by talking to Natasha or before Coulson. So, having her now was very important to him, and Laura knew that. She wanted to give them all the time in the world, but at one point she needed to talk to Natasha herself.

Laura thought back to the conversation she overheard between Natasha and Banner. She knew what had happened back in the red room. Not by detail, but she knew she had been sterilized. And now she needed to confess, and then she needed to apologize.

Laura waited patiently in her room for Clint to either join her to at least see some kind of movement to know they had finished their conversation. But by 1 am neither had moved upstairs and Laura was starting to worry.

She didn't know why she did, and she should probably be sleeping. She was very pregnant, and it took most of her energy at this point, but she couldn't sleep knowing they were up.

Deciding to check up on them Laura moved downstairs. She was just about to walk into the living room when she laid eyes on Natasha in the kitchen. Natasha was hugging around Clint's head and she watched Clint sob into her chest with her comforting him, carefully letting her hand glide over his head.

She didn't look up, but Laura was positive Natasha was aware she was standing there, watching them as Clint for the first time cried since he came home. While he had explained everything to her, she knew he was holding back his emotions as they talked. Even when she had proposed the idea of making Pietro Nathaniel's middle name, he had seemed surprisingly neutral. Now he was crying into his partner's arms, completely falling apart in front of her, and all she could do was back up from the door.

She dragged herself back to the room not knowing what to do know. She felt awful. Did he not feel comfortable enough to talk to her? She knew she would never understand what he had gone through. Unlike Natasha, she hadn't been there, but it felt awful knowing he hadn't felt safe enough to tell her the full story.

The night was restless, and she was kicking around most of the time, and only partly because she felt like her stomach was about to blow. At one point she could feel Clint slip into the bed beside her, but she didn't know how late it was when he did.

When she woke up that side of the bed was empty again. She wasn't surprised, and she didn't have time to dwell on that now anyway. Their day needed to go as normal, even if their night had been more untraditional.

She slipped out of bed and went to look for the kids and the two adults. To her surprise, the house seemed very empty. It was only 9 am so she didn't get why before she noticed Lila and Cooper sitting out on the field with Natasha lying on a picnic blanket between them.

"Good morning." Laura didn't even turn around when she felt two arms dragging her into a hug from behind before she felt him kissing her neck softly. 7 years prior Laura would have screamed or jumped by surprise, but at his point, Natasha and Clint had snuck up on her so many times she had almost stopped showing any reactions.

Clint was surprisingly happy considering he had been crying last night. Not that he knew she knew. He smiled at her with a soft smile before leaning into her again kissing her again, dragging out a moan from her.

"Natasha had the idea of a picnic for breakfast," Clint said into her hair. Laura only nodded confused as he dragged her along with a basket in his other hand. She had clearly no saying in this, only following him obediently. Not that she minded at all.

She had no idea when they had woken up, but apparently, they had had time to make sandwiches for everyone as well as a very delicious looking fruit salad.

Natasha was still laying with her eyes closed when Laura and Cint walked up to them. It almost seemed like she was sleeping while Lila was playing with her hair, putting flowers in it. She had a relaxed expression on her face and Laura couldn't help but smile at her.

"Tash, get up, you are hogging the whole space." Clint kicked her leg softly making her open her eyes and groan loudly. Unlike Clint, she didn't seem to have been sleeping at all last night with big bags and a dark look in her eyes. But she didn't say anything she only sat up and smiled at Laura with a small smile.

Laura wasn't sure this picnic was just a cute idea or if it was because the two agents needed a distraction. Both were possible, and again she couldn't blame them. It was a beautiful summer day and one of the last ones before the kids would get back to school. She was happy they all could spend them together.

Natasha stayed away from all physical plays, confirming the limp Laura had caught on yesterday. But she did sketch butterflies with Lila and helped Cooper with some of his math and coding activities he had gotten hooked on the last few months. It was perfect, and even if it something more beneath the surface she wasn't sure if she wanted to ruin the moment just to uncover that.

Natasha was laying on the blanket with her head on Laura's legs as they were talking softly. They had moved to sit under a tree instead of out in the open sun, and Laura was now planted against the trunk of the tree leaning against it while playing with Natasha's hair which was covering part of her belly. Clint and the kids had gone into town to get pick out some ice-cream for dessert leaving only the two of them.

"Anything fun happening here while we were gone?" Natasha asked as she fiddled with one of the flowers Lila had picked for her.

"Not really. But nothing fun ever happens without you two. The kids make sure I hear that every day." Laura said with a small chuckle, making Natasha laugh softly with her.

"Well believe me when I say Sokovia wasn't very fun either. We did talk about some more house renovation ideas though." Natasha said with a wink, making Laura roll her eyes dramatically. Clint and his amazing ideas. Did she really wanna know?

"Anything fun happened when you were, you know back home." Laura winked down at her making Natasha turn her head away from her.

"Well according to the media Pepper is going to propose so." Natasha caught softly mumbling the line, making Laura laugh loudly.

"Is that so?" Laura said still laughing at the other woman who seemed very uncomfortable at this point.

"Yes, not what we have announced we are even exclusive, but apparently she was seen in a jewelry store and that equals getting down on a knee." Natasha turned her head back and tried to look at up Laura past her baby bump. Her eyes had a serious look and she seemed annoyed, but she still gave her a small grimace before saying.

"I love her, I really do, but I don't like having to be in the spotlight all the time." The I love her phase rolled off the redhead's tongue surprisingly easy which was a pleasant surprise. For the ten years, she had known Natasha, Pepper was the only love interest Natasha had had, and it had taken ages to even drag out she had a crush on her.

"I understand that. I think moving out of the middle of Manhattan is a good thing then." Laura said with a small smile.

This was the perfect opportunity to talk about that she had heard back when the avengers had visited, but she still felt bad for ears dropping and it was a sensitive subject for both of them.

"What's wrong, Laur? You are thinking very loudly" Natasha asked as she sat up and moved to sit across the other woman, her eyes locked with hers, clearly aware Laura was thinking about something important.

"I have a confession, and I need to tell you. And just so you know this doesn't change anything. I really wanted to tell you earlier, but I didn't know how because I know this is hard and sensitive. Plus, I know you are private and don't like us to push and…"

"Laura you are ranting, please stop," Natasha said softly letting a hand rest on her leg.

"Remember when you guys visited." Natasha nodded slowly.

"I overheard your conversation with Banner." Laura blurted out, and the second it slipped off her tongue she saw Natasha's eyes go wide.

"I am sorry I didn't tell you sooner. And I want to apologize for everything." Laura said slowly after a small amount of time. Natasha only looked at her before she took a deep breath. She didn't say anything, and Laura could feel the worry build up inside her.

"I know now why you reacted the way you did when we announced Nate, and it had to be even worse when we wanted to make you his namesake. I am so sorry if we hurt you." Again, Natasha was just staring at her. The empty look in her eyes told Laura she was hurting, and it sucked because of course, she didn't want to hurt her, but she did, but Natasha was so hard to read sometimes and impossible to predict.

"You could never hurt me." Natasha simply said before turning away from her. Laura watched her stand up and she didn't know if she should follow her or not as she walked away from her and towards the house.

"Wait, Nat, please." Laura let out a heavy groan as she stood up, not taking into the count that she could barely move with this belly.

The second she let out her uncomfortable sound Natasha turned around, eyes softened and turned concerned, almost running back to her to help her back into a sitting position.

"Natasha, I'm fine." Laura tried even if she felt the world slightly spinning. Natasha didn't respond as she pushed her down leaning her up against the tree again. She completely ignored her protests as she handed her some water.

"Why are you allowed to run off but the second I show any sign of being uncomfortable you are fuzzing over me?" Laura said accepting the water sipping it slowly.

"It's not the same, you are a mother and are very heavily pregnant," Natasha answered coldly taking back the glass putting it away almost aggressively.

"And? You don't think we care about you or something? Do you have any idea how worried I was about you, and it wasn't like I was trying to…" Laura trailed as she looked at her. Natasha's eyes were locked with hers and she could tell Natasha was waiting, like she knew where this was going, even though Laura didn't.

"Sometimes… "Laura let out a sight before continuing. "Natasha… you know I love you right?" Natasha looked at her, but she didn't nod or shake her head. She only looked at her holding completely still.

"You keep taking care of us and spend your every living, breathing moment to try to make up for something. And not just us, but for everyone, the whole world. Saving the earth, being an Avengers." Laura could feel the tears pushing now, but she couldn't stop now, she wouldn't. She needed to say it and Natasha needed to hear it.

"You keep putting your life on the line as if you aren't loved, as if it won't tear me apart if you die, as if you won't shatter my heart and everyone around you. Do you understand how much that hurts? To see your best friend keep putting herself in danger as if she doesn't matter. As if you don't value yourself or how much we value you!

Sometimes it seems like you are back, present and understanding. After hours of untangling ever stupid brainwashing techniques they used on you, you seem so… human. And other times, it's like all you don't see anything in yourself." Laura was sobbing at this point, crying her eyes out while Natasha still showed absolutely no sign of any emotions, proving again how much Laura truly lost, and how she never would find the true Natasha.

"Natasha, you saved the world. Twice. You are a superhero. You deserve everything. But you don't think so. You don't even think you deserve us. Which is why you keep telling me you are willing to risk everything as if you owe us. But you owe me NOTHING. I just need... you to see that." Laura whispered, closing her eyes and letting the tears fall. God this didn't even make sense. It didn't even connect to the Banner conversation, but these hormones were not making her any more reasonable.

"It's our graduation ceremony." Laura opened her eyes slowly as she for the first time after her rant heard Natasha's voice. It was shaking, and for the first time in a long time, Laura finally got to hear the spy talk about the red room.

"They say it is because a child is the one thing that might take our head away from a mission, the one thing that matters more. But that day, they took the only thing I thought I had left. The one choice I thought I had left. I was never meant for a life like this. I was designed, shaped into something that was supposed to be beyond that." Natasha looked at her, dead in the eyes, but Laura could see the emotions slowly appear in front of her. How her eyes softened and how her hands were fiddling as if she was nervous and saying something she wasn't allowed to.

"What Wanda showed me. Back in the red room. She showed every action that shaped me. From the yelling to the fighting, to training, to in discipline, to taking orders. How I learned how to fight, and how I learned to shoot. She showed me that even when I tried to fight it, I always lost. And at the end of the day, I never did have a place in a world, I was just another tool in their toolbox." Laura just cried. More than she could remember she had cried in years. She couldn't even see her face anymore, just water in her eyes as Natasha spoke.

"You don't think you belong with us? Your family?" Laura's voice cracked before she brought her legs up and buried her head in them.

She didn't know how long she was crying until she felt a hand on her back. She was almost dried out of tears at this point. She sniffed loudly before looking up meeting Natasha's green eyes.

"Back in Sokovia. I thought it was the end. I accepted my death. I even told Steve it was worse ways to go because even he couldn't see a way out. But at least I knew you back home would be okay. You have each other. This house. And between Clint and me you have more money I think you would ever need." Natasha moved over to her and opened her arms, letting Laura lean into them and continue to cry in silence.

Natasha had accepted her death. And Laura knew, she knew she could never change the redhead's perspective. She knew she could never get her to take it back and say; _no, I want to live, I deserve to live_. Because Natasha didn't. She had given up years ago. It was like the woman didn't have anything left to fight for as long as they were safe. Everything after that didn't matter, it never did.

"They took everything from me. My parents, my childhood, my virginity, my spirit, my personality. I am just scared I will lose my family too. To them, to all the evil in the world. And as long as you are safe, I don't need anything else." Natasha whispered and for the first time, Laura could see tears in her eyes.

"What if I am scared to lose you too?" Laura whispered pulling back. Natasha looked at her with tears in her eyes. Laura was sure she was going to protest, telling her she wasn't worthy because she always did. Instead, her eyes softened before she grabbed her hands.

"Guess I'll have to work on that then," Natasha said back with a soft voice making Laura almost breaking into a smile.

"You mean not dying?" She laughed between her tears.

"Yeah. And if you miss me that much when I am gone you can always call or skype me." Natasha said dragging her into a hug.

"Besides. It's not like I am on another planet or something crazy. I am never far from home."

* * *

**Epilogue**

* * *

Laura's heart was racing in her chest. She didn't know why but she felt like something was really wrong. Her guts were telling her something was off, and she didn't know what it was.

Laura almost screamed when the phone went off in the room. Even the kids reacted when their mom jumped reacting to the sound. Maybe it was her post-pregnant brain that was going crazy. She did have a lot of hormones in her system. That was just a fact.

Nate had been born October the 6th and like every other parent, they thought he was perfect. The big kids were great, helping if they needed it. Cooper was almost 11 now. And he could do most things around the house. He was also a great extra pair of eyes if they needed some on Lila.

The family didn't feel that much different after the new addition, which was very nice. So why was she feeling like her heart was bleeding?

Laura watched Clint look down on his phone with a small frown before disappearing out of the room. She was now stranded in a room with three kids where one was only a baby who was trying to nap. Of course, he started to cry the second the phone rang. And obviously getting him to calm down now was close to impossible.

Bouncing him wasn't helping and he didn't need a new diaper, so feeding him was the one thing left to try. Like the two others, he was a good eater and latched on more or less immediately. But even while he was feeding all Laura could think about was Clint who seemed to be away for a ridiculously long time.

When he did come back, he was upset. She could tell. The way he was holding around his phone, and his eyebrows who formed a frown.

"Kids go upstairs and pack. Kent invited you two to sleepover at theirs, I said yes. Now go." Clint said, waving at them. His voice seemed sharp and annoyed, and Laura stopped looking at him confused as she tried to transfer Nate into his crib.

"Excuse me?"

"Decided it just now. I said I thought it was a good idea. Perfect timing. Now go, hurry they will be here any minute." Clint said as he pushed them out of the room. The second they left Clint almost forcefully shut the sliding door to the living room. They never ever used that door ever. What was going on?

"Steve and Maria called," Clint said, turning to Laura with a serious and stressed look, dropping his phone on a chair.

"As in Steve Rogers?" Laura asked, already having a very bad feeling about where this was going.

"It was an accident at HQ. Natasha. They are bringing her here now." Laura could feel her whole body freeze. She wasn't ready. Not again. She couldn't bear it.

She was already in tears even before the quinjet landed, and she almost fell to the ground when Steve carried an unconscious body into the house. Natasha was lying in his arms with her eyes closed. She had a big abrasion covering the left side of the forehead and temple and her arm in a sling as if it was doing anything in that position. She was only dressed in a small crop top and loose pants showing the huge pat covering most of her abdomen right side.

Maria was trailing behind Steve with a small bag of Laura that was just assuming it was first aid equipment. The woman gave her a small look before she followed Steve into the living room forcing Laura to drag herself after them.

By the time she made it inside Natasha had been placed on the couch, still with her eyes closed.

"What happened?" Laura's voice cracked as she looked at the small woman.

"An accident. Should never have happened. She told me multiple times to not go through with it, but I did. It was my fault." Steve's voice was low, and he was clearly very down himself. Maria smiled at him carefully before turning to him fully, saying with a low voice.

"Maybe we should just show them." She was looking at him with a soft smile as if she wasn't blaming him but trying to help him heal instead. Steve straightened up before looking Laura in the eyes nodding.

Maria messed around in her bag before she picked out a tablet. She spent a few minutes going through something and in the meantime, Laura looked at Natasha who was still out cold.

"We gave her something to help her sleep," Maria said before she asked. Laura only nodded knowing what she was implying without her having to say.

"This. Is what happened." Maria handed Clint the tablet and Laura jumped closer to him and Steve to see what was on it. It was a paused video. Natasha was mid-jump between what she was guessing was supposed to be building models in a training arena. Right in front of her was Wanda keeping her eyes locked at something just outside camera angle.

Clint touched the screen after an affirmative nod from Maria and the security footage started playing. They watched Natasha jump a few more of the jumps as if they were dodging some kind of blast. Wanda was always two seconds in front of Natasha as the redhead kept yelling instructions and Wanda following them.

After the fourth jump, the video switched angle to a wide corner shot, and it was first now they could see them jumping away from War machine's blasts. They seemed dangerously real, denting a few of the corners of the buildings they were jumping between.

Natasha kept going between looking at the girl in front of her and Rhodey, but as the shots got more frequent, she could tell the girl got more and more unsure of herself. It was no time to second guess the jumps here. And while Laura was sure alone Natasha wouldn't have any problems with the exercise, she had another one to watch out for now forcing her to slow down a few times, making the jumps harder on her as well.

She had just directed the young member to what seemed like an easy jump before she screamed out in panic.

"WAIT NO!" Laura could hear Natasha scream through the screen just as Steve turned around to hide from what was on screen. Only a millisecond later Laura watched the blast make contact and she got hit in the side taking the blow from what should have hit Wanda in the head.

In shock, Laura grabs Clint's arm in horror of watching Natasha's limp body fall to the floor hitting with a force that made her slide multiple feet across the stone floor. Only just out of reach she can see Wanda reach out after her as she encased herself in a red mist only just softening the blow, making sure the doesn't hit the air supply out of herself, landing with a loud thud and groan.

She can see the girl struggle as she tries to force herself up from the floor. Just on the bottom of the screen Laura can see Steve and Sam run up to them and Rhodey landing but her attention is still on Wanda. The girl is more or less crawling to Natasha and not before she reaches after her again a red flash blinds them and they hear a loud scream.

She doesn't need to ask who to belongs to. She is so familiar with the voice, but god she wished the cry belonged to somebody else.

* * *

A/N: Yes, I am evil. You are all welcome.

Thank you all for the love on this fanfic. I am so honored. Thank you for sticking with me and follow me on this crazy journey of trying to figure out to do this. I love you all so so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also want to thank everyone who has been reading this fanfic. Thank you all for being so kind to me. This was the first fanfic I posted on here. Ffn is still my main but I love everyone who has taken the time to read this little piece. Commented and left kudos. Forever grateful.


	21. SEQUEL IS HERE

The very long-awaited sequel is finally here! Go check it out, it's called "Home is where the heart is" and the first chapter is out now! 

I also changed my name from Sendrick Bechloe to Redbatons, still me just a new name! 


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